Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters. Kishimoto does.

So They Said – Redux

What a cute couple, they said. They were perfect for each other, they said. It was a match made in Heaven, they said. It may have been made in Heaven, but it's Hell on earth for me.

Kakashi sprinted for his favourite back alley hiding spot, his pursuers following closely after him. He had been running for nearly two hours now.

Suddenly, two figures loomed out of the darkness in front of him.

"What's the matter, Kakashi?" Ibiki drawled. "Running away from the consequences?" Rei stifled a giggle next to him. Ibiki raised a hand towards the pursuing figures in the distance. "He's over here!" he shouted.

Kakashi bit back a curse and rapidly retreated, heading out into the open. Behind him, Ibiki joined in the pursuit, carrying his wife on his back. What makes it worse is that it really IS my fault, the copy ninja told himself. That's why that sadist is getting so much fun out of this!

Of course, they just had to drag him to the wedding. They even sent Gai, of all people, to persuade him. Kakashi couldn't hold out long against that green mountain of energy. But what made it worse were the results from that marriage. Kakashi sent a glance back at the two – now four – figures pursuing him. They were catching up.

He burst out into an open clearing and found a horde of green-clad ninja practising. Fuzzy-eyebrows turned to face him.

"My eternal rival! You cannot escape your destiny!" Gai proclaimed. "You will have to face them sooner or later!" Kakashi ran for dear life, with the whole Maito clan after him. Of course, once Ibiki had entered the family, he had weaselled the information out of Gai's far-too-open mouth and found out who came up with the idea of matchmaking him in the first place.

This was his revenge.

Of course, it had been fun while it lasted. Kakashi still kept copies of the posters they had initially put up, and Ibiki was still twitchy whenever one of his nin-dogs appeared close. And Jiraiya-sama's face when he heard the news had been priceless. But that was about all the fun he had managed to extract out of the situation. Now another face was about to be shown.

Kakashi was getting tired. He decided to stop and just face the pursuers. Better get it over with, and then hopefully get out alive. That's what his former students used to tell him.

He sighed.

"Tsunade!" Jiraiya's bellow could be heard. "Stop right now! Kakashi, I'm going to kill you!"

"Hai, hai!" Tsunade yelled back as she came to a halt in front of Kakashi. The rest of the group tumbled one-by-one into the clearing. "Well now, Kakashi," she smirked. "What do you think of my idea?"

Jiraiya was the last to arrive. "Stop! I forbid it!" he cried. Tsunade turned on him in a fury.

"You're too old for me, baka! Besides, Tsunade-hime needs a younger man, and Kakashi is way less perverted than you are."

"Are you kidding? He runs the Konoha branch of the League! He's at least as perverted as I am!"

"What League are you talking about?" Tsunade asked suspiciously. Jiraiya faltered, and started to step back.

"Uh… nothing. Forget about that."

"Jiraiya…" The Hokage started to stalk the hermit, eyebrows narrowed dangerously. Kakashi sighed. All he had ever wanted was some peace and quiet. Now he had two Sannins after him - one to offer him death and the other a fate worse than death.

Gai, Ibiki and the rest of their family were busy trying to stifle their laughter in the sidelines. Kakashi shot them an irritated glance. Ibiki did look a lot happier and well-balanced nowadays, with Rei by his side, but still...

"Anyway, Kakashi," Tsunade interrupted his thoughts. Kakashi turned back to find the bruised and battered body of the Frog Hermit buried in a tree nearby. The Hokage was smiling sweetly – some would say threateningly – at him. "Thanks to the fuss stirred up over your efforts to find Ibiki a wife, I was beginning to feel lonely again. And you seem like such a nice young boy. Your father was pretty handsome, too, under that mask. What do you say?"

Kakashi sighed again. Well, he couldn't be in a worse situation than he was in now. And he didn't want to leave the village. Besides, the whole marriage idea was supposed to make your life better and bring you lots of happiness, anyway.

Or so they said.

Author's Notes: Well, it's finally over. :-) I'd like to thank all of my reviewers - especially those that wrote long reviews, and those that reviewed consistently. It has been your words that have driven me to write some more. In fact, it was my very first reviewer, hujin, that prompted me to even push this idea. Originally, "So They Said" was supposed to be a collection of unrelated comedic one-shots. The gags I had in mind were the Gai/Anko pairing, the Hyuuga Hands of Happiness, and Konohamaru's induction into the League. I never meant for Morino Ibiki to come into the picture at all.

But because of all the Ibiki/Anko pairings that I've seen floating around, I decided to insert that final line explaining who set up the blind date, at the very last minute before submitting my story. Who knew that that idea would become the central theme for So They Said? It was hujin's curiosity to find out how Kakashi would have his revenge that prompted me to write about the banners, and then Tsunade came out of nowhere, and the gags just started flowing in, one by one. Once Gai and family got involved, I already knew what the ending was going to be like - but it was getting there that was the trouble.

Finally, at the end of it all, I can breathe a sigh of relief. My first multi-chaptered fic, created by accident, is finished.

(If anyone wants to write a "So They Said 2" about Kakashi, let me know. ;-P)