Sheentastic Voyage

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 1:

"Okay, Sheen," Jimmy said, moving to another row of lights on one of the many instrument panels arranged about the control room in his lab. "These are the indicators for the reactor's load balance distribution grid. They show how well the reactor output is matched to the lab's power demands and how efficiently the power is being routed to the various lab subsystems."

"Uh-huh." Sheen's response was more a grunt than a reply and prompted Jimmy to turn around. Rather than taking notes, as Jimmy had instructed him, Sheen was instead concentrating on putting his Ultra Lord action figure through a series of swoops, dives, and loop-the-loops. Jimmy's jaw clenched in aggravation and he went on in an ominously calm voice.

"And these switches," he said tonelessly, "are the planetary implosion controls."

"Uh-huh," Sheen repeated, not even looking to see what Jimmy was referring to.

"When you want the Earth and everything on it to collapse into a marble-sized singularity, you flip this one here."

"Got it."

"It's set to go off at 4:00 PM this afternoon, so be sure you're wearing clean underwear this afternoon just in case you get run over by a car in the ensuing universal panic and pandemonium."

"Will do."

"And be sure to change the lab entry codes just in case Ultra Lord should happen by before then." As Sheen nodded, still not looking up from what he was doing, Jimmy added, "Oh, look. Here he is now."

At this pronouncement Sheen snapped out of his reverie and looked eagerly about him. "Where?" he demanded in excitement. When he was unable to find Ultra Lord he turned to Jimmy ad immediately saw the anger on Jimmy's face. "What?" he asked.

"You haven't heard a dog-gone word I've said!" he exploded.

"Sure I have," Sheen protested. "You said Ultra Lord was coming by this afternoon."

"No, I didn't! I mentioned him because you weren't listening to anything else I've been telling you." He shook his head in frustration. "What's the big idea, anyway, Sheen? You're the one who said you'd check on the lab while I was away with Mom and Dad this afternoon. Why did you even offer if you're not going to pay attention to what I'm telling you?"

Sheen looked guilty and hung his head. "Well, actually," he confessed, digging a toe into the lab floor, "I really just wanted to use your lab while you were gone."

"Use my lab?" If Sheen had said he had wanted to expand upon Einstein's Unified Field Theory it couldn't have surprised Jimmy more. "What for?"

"Well…Libby and I have sort of a date this afternoon and –"

"Uh-uh, no way!" Jimmy objected. "There are some very delicate instruments and dangerous materials in here. I'm not letting you turn my lab into some kind of a maison de passe for a clandestine rendezvous."

"It's nothing like that," said Sheen, anxious to reassure Jimmy. "It's just that I want to spend some time alone together with her without anyone knowing."

Jimmy had learned nothing if not patience from his long association with Sheen and his voice was calm. "That's what I just said."

"Oh." Sheen looked crestfallen, but refused to give up. "Well, it's not going to be anything that will mess up your lab." Sheen crossed his heart and held up his right hand. "I promise."

"Well, what are you going to be doing in here?" asked Jimmy, torn between suspicion and curiosity.

Sheen look around cautiously even though he and Jimmy were quite alone. "Promise you won't tell?" he whispered.

"Yes, sure, whatever." Jimmy made rolling motions with one hand. "Just get on with it."

Sheen carefully put down his Ultra Lord figure and pulled a shiny disk from inside his shirt. "Playing this."

Jimmy regarded the disk dubiously. "And what exactly is that?"

"Only the greatest X Station program ever made!" Sheen crowed. "It's a beta release of the latest Ultra Lord video game! The development team found me through my Ultra Lord Web page and let me download a copy to check it out before they release it."

"What's it about?" Jimmy enjoyed video games as much as the next 11-year-old boy and was intrigued in spite of himself.

"The development team didn't really say. But the programmer who e-mailed me said that this is one game that will definitely never be out of date."

"O-ka-a-ay," said Jimmy slowly. "So why can't you test it out at home?"

Sheen seemed offended by this question. "What? Play this lovingly rendered state-of-the-art 3-D surround-sound actionfest on that 128-bit 1.8 GHz dinosaur system? Why don't you just ask me to play it on phonograph?" As Jimmy stared at him, unimpressed, Sheen's indignant attitude wilted. "Plus, I don't have an X Station. I was hoping that maybe I could run it under the X Station emulator on your Game Pyramid."

"I don't know, Sheen." Jimmy looked doubtful. "I'm not sure how the Game Pyramid would react if there were any bugs in the beta version of the program. It could be dangerous."

"Oh, man." Sheen's voice dripped with disappointment. "I manage to get my hands on the greatest video game ever and I can't even play it."

Despite his misgivings Jimmy couldn't stand to see Sheen so downhearted. After heaving a great inward sigh he said, "Okay. I guess I could set up an X Station emulator in Vox. You won't be able experience the game in virtual reality but you can at least play it on the viewscreen like any other game."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Sheen said. "What about that virtual doohickey for Vox that you built? Can't I use that to play the game in Vox?"

Jimmy's answer was emphatic. "Absolutely not. I built that virtual digitization interface for maintenance purposes on Vox only. You will not use it under any circumstances." He gave Sheen a no-nonsense look. "Get it?"

Sheen's shoulders slumped. "Got it."

"Good." Jimmy glanced at his watch. "I should have the emulator set up for you and Libby about 2:00 this afternoon. You can come back then and try it out." He gave Sheen a curious look. "You know, I'm still a little surprised that Libby agree to help you play test that game. I didn't know that Libby was so into Ultra Lord."

"Actually, she isn't," Sheen admitted. "I told her that we were going to make some new mix CDs for her collection. But," he went on, his voice becoming more and more excited, "once she hears that patent pending subwoofer-enhanced sound-around and sees Ultra Lord in his 256-bit true-color texelated glory, she will be!"

As Sheen basked in his visions of the game Jimmy shook his head. And Cindy thinks that I haven't got a clue about women, he thought.

End of Chapter 1

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