Title: I Think It's Going to Rain Today
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Rating: PG
Feedback: Love it, adore it, respond to it if at all possible.
Classification: Gilmore Girls; L/L; angst; spoiler spec
Spoilers: Speculative spoilers up through 5.13 "Wedding Bell Blues".
Written: January 29, 2005
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters within are the property of Amy Sherman-Palladino, Hofflund Polone, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, and the WB. No infringement is intended. "I Think It's Going to Rain Today" is, I assume, the property of Katie Melua.
Summary: Lorelai knew she would miss him if he ever left, but she never knew how much.
A/N: I was going through some Katie Melua lyrics (and I've never even heard her sing), and this song invoked the image of a lonely, brokenhearted Lorelai. Hooray for inspiration! This is one of the few things I've ever finished in one sitting. I hope it came out the way I see it in my head for everyone else.

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend
- "I Think It's Going to Rain Today" - Katie Melua
It had only been two days since Luke had told her that he just couldn't do it anymore. Not while he was hanging over their heads like some ominous thundercloud, like lightning ready to strike just when everything was perfect.

She had let him believe everything was perfect. She had made herself believe everything was perfect.

But, just as he always had, Christopher seemed to show up at the most inconvenient time possible. Maybe it wasn't his fault, or maybe it was, but the Fates always seemed to shove him her way just when she thought she could be happy. And deep in her heart she already knew it was never their plan to let her keep him. It never had been. She had come to accept it over the years, especially after the last turn their relationship had taken, resulting not in Christopher and Lorelai, but Sherry and the baby instead.

Lorelai knew he wasn't for her. She was more sure of that now than she had ever been.

Her mother, on the other hand, was less than convinced, as always. She knew now that it was all Emily's doing, and she could hardly fathom what even possessed her to try to get Christopher to get her back in the first place. Emily knew she was happy with Luke, and she had tried to destroy it anyway.

Maybe she had, because Lorelai hadn't been able to get in contact with Luke to find out one way or another.

She hadn't been in contact with her mother either, but that was her choice. She had thought of a million and one things she wanted to say to her in the last forty-eight hours, but not one had passed her lips since she'd run out of the mansion after Luke that night. She'd barely had time to leave her with a withering glare she hoped was giving her mother violent nightmares. If she slept at night, and sometimes Lorelai wondered how she could.

As she walked the streets of Stars Hollow, the sky reflected her mood - absolutely dismal. She passed the shops quickly, the proprietors and patrons either fixing her with looks of pity, or, more often, disgust. It was all around town by now that she'd broken Luke's heart, and when it came right down to it, they'd all known she would.

Maybe they were right. She'd done it before, what made Luke any different?

But he was different. She'd known it all along. For years she'd avoided the gazes, the gestures in an effort not to stomp on the heart of the one man she absolutely couldn't bear to hurt. And yet, it had happened anyway. It didn't matter how it had happened, the hesitation in her voice that night had spoken volumes, at least to him. For her it was a mere matter of Lorelai Gilmore being struck speechless for the first time in her life.

She couldn't make him stay, and she couldn't make him believe her, and no pain had ever matched that which she felt as she watched him drive away. It was all she could do to remain upright in the driveway, but she would not let her mother see her defeated. She had wanted to scream, she had wanted to cry and rail against everything in that awful mansion, but she had calmly collected Rory, and pushed Christopher out of the way as they left.

Once beside the Jeep, she vaguely remembered asking Rory to drive, and not much after that. Rory had looked worried, but didn't say anything, only making sure she got her inside when they arrived home. She kissed her daughter goodnight in a haze, walked up the stairs to her room, and closed the door.

That's when Lorelai fell apart.

She crumbled on the bed, the initial shock of the night's events finally wearing off. Eventually she overcame the sobs that wracked her body, and held onto the hope that maybe her breakdown was premature. She had grabbed the bedside phone, and tried Luke's cell, then the diner. Either he wasn't near either, or he just wasn't answering. Her bet was on the latter.

It had been the most miserable night of her life.

The following day, she had put on a brave face for as long as it took to get Rory out the door and on the way back to Yale. But after repeated bouts of crying, and failed attempts to just I find /I Luke and talk to him, she placed a frantic call to her daughter, and confessed that there was just no way she should be alone at that moment.

It had taken Rory the next thirty-six hours to convince her to get out of bed.

And that's when she knew. This was it. Luke was it. She had never in her life fallen apart so completely over potentially losing someone, and that's all the proof she needed.

She'd barely shed a tear over turning down Christopher's proposal at sixteen, and even running away from marriage with Max she'd been eerily calm.

This was something entirely different. This was every kind of anguish she could imagine, magnified a million times over. At this point she was nowhere near too proud to beg - for his forgiveness, his understanding, his love. She couldn't play this waiting game anymore, because she knew she loved him and she had to let him know before it was too late.

Lorelai found herself in front of his diner, peering in the windows, trying to ignore the odd looks of those inside. But he still wasn't there. No one had seen him since the day of her parents' renewal of vows. She was scared and worried about him, and there was nothing she could do.

She stopped inside, just to double check with Lane, who was one of the few people in town still speaking to her.

The second she hit the counter, Lane looked at her sadly. "He still hasn't come back, Lorelai."

Lorelai nodded. "He's gotta come back sometime," she said. "Doesn't he?" she added, less confident.

"Caesar and I can't run this place forever," Lane shrugged sympathetically.

"Right," she said, and tried a smile for the first time in days. It didn't quite reach her eyes, but she'd work on that. But probably not till she saw him again and explained herself. She ordered coffee, hoping that it would warm the numbness she'd been left with since he'd gone.

She wandered back out into the town square, and paused by the gazebo to take another look at the sky. Nope, definitely no smell of snow in the air today. Rain, she thought. Definitely rain. Under the circumstances, it was just as well.

Finis