Eternal Winter

Story for Angelkitsune

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. This is my first yaoi fic (Touya/Kurama) Please review!

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I was ice before I met him. My heart was encased in a sheet of pure, thick ice. All I had was my honor, and even that was beginning to slip away from me as our team leader forced us to cheat our way through the Tournament.

That's where I met him: the Dark Tournament. His five-member team was low on strength; they had just fought an entire round. Of the five, two were sealed away by a false nurse. One could hardly stand.

But he was among the remaining two who were capable of fighting.

I remember the first fight well. He killed my teammate, even when all hope for him was surely lost.

When I fought him, I was cautious, but not cautious enough. With an insane yet genius tactic, he brought me down.

There was fire in his eyes when the plant pierced my skin, but he seemed almost saddened when I begged for death. He refused to kill.

Before falling unconscious, he said to me, "I was just wondering if you could make your life better...nobler...than mine has been."

I still pondered that statement long after the fights were over. We had lost. Our light, our freedom, was gone. Still, that last sentence rung in my head. No matter how much I thought about it, I could never find the meaning.

Our leader was another concern. He cared nothing for honor. He cared nothing for the freedom three of us had fought so hard to gain. Of the three, one was dead, one unconscious, and one...I...bore the brunt of his anger.

He blamed me for everything. I suppose it was because I had grown suspicious of his motives and was beginning to become harder to control.

But whatever the reason was, he blamed me for our loss. He blamed me for the death of two of our sect. He blamed me for being weak. And because I was weak, he hit me until I bruised and bled. I could do nothing to defend myself; I was still wounded from my own fight.

He didn't care. He just hit me as he pleased until he felt pretty good about himself and left me to care for not only my wounds, but the wounds of my unconscious comrade.

And it wasn't long before I, too, fell unconscious.

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Eternal winter. That's what I was; that's what I am. It will never be summer in my soul. The warmth of spring will never touch my skin. The crisp coolness of autumn will never sting my eyes.

Even so, I found peace in the eternal winter. I am ice; I will always be ice. But even the hardest ice can melt. This is what I realized when I fell in love.

As a Shinobi, I am forbidden to love. But the Shinobi was gone; my sect was gone. There were two of us left. We were leaderless; we needed no leader. We had no rules; we needed no rules. Therefore, the limitations of love were broken, and finally I was capable to find peace.

It was found in the oddest place. A rival. An enemy. Someone who I longed to kill with my own two hands.

His name was Kurama.

He had emerald green eyes that could be many different things all at once. Anger, hate, sadness, guilt, kindness, mercy, joy, love, passion...all at once. A flood of emotions hitting you as soon as you looked in those eyes. You could drown in those eyes.

Those eyes greeted me when I awoke. I jumped, a natural reaction. It wasn't every day you open your eyes to see those glistening emerald orbs staring down at you.

But as soon as I moved, two things happened. The first was a wave of pain hitting me from various points on my body. The second was Kurama lightly grasping my shoulders.

"It's all right," he said calmly. "I won't hurt you."

I was still wary; he was, after all, my enemy.

Still, a part of me trusted him completely, and I settled down.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He smiled at me. I couldn't help noticing how perfect his smile was.

"I decided to come see how you were doing. I knocked on the door. There was no answer, and the door was unlocked, so I came in." His face grew serious. "You were lying on the floor, bleeding. What happened?"

Then I remembered Risho. "It's none of your concern, fox," I replied rather coldly. I instantly regretted it, for I knew he was simply worried about me.

He didn't seem offended, though. I suppose he knew I was uncomfortable with his presence at such an embarrassing time.

"You don't have to tell me. I just wanted to let you know I'm here if you need help," he said with another soft smile.

He rose from his place on the edge of my bed and began to leave. It was then that I first saw that I was in my bed, and my wounds were bandaged.

He had done this for me, I realized. He cared about me.

It confused me. Why would someone who I so desperately wanted to kill have any concern whatsoever about me?

"Wait, fox," I said before I could stop myself. He looked back at me. "Kurama," I corrected, annoyed with myself. Why did I call him back?

Now he expected me to say something. Again, there was this powerful urge to trust him.

I sighed. Might as well tell him the truth.

"Last night...after we lost the round...Risho blamed me for the loss. He...he beat me harshly...and left."

I guess I sounded how I felt, for Kurama came back to me and hesitantly put an arm around my shoulder.

For the first time, I felt like crying. Our freedom was lost. Risho's betrayal hurt me, and I was ashamed, for I knew it shouldn't.

I didn't care about how I looked to Kurama. A tear ran down my face, the first of many. I buried my face in his tunic and cried.

Kurama was surprised; anyone would have been. But he simply held me tighter and let me weep.

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The fox continued to come and care for me. Soon, Jin was up and about, but I only allowed Kurama to care for me. Like it or not, I began to develop feelings for him. They confused me at first, but I understood as they grew stronger.

I was in love with the emerald-eyed kitsune.

Even after I had fully healed, he came to visit me. If he was too tired from a fight, I would go to him instead.

Eventually, his team advanced to the finals. I was worried sick about him. I knew what Team Toguro was capable of.

I wish I could have been there when he faced the maniac Bomb Master of the Toguro team. Unfortunately, our tickets had been entrusted to Chu, a friend Jin had made. It proved to be a most unfortunate situation. He sold our tickets, and we missed the first few fights.

I was relieved to know that the final match was beginning, but I could see the kitsune from the stands. He was not exactly in perfect condition.

My heart wrenched when I saw the damage Karasu had done. But alas, Karasu was dead; I could seek no revenge.

Kurama's team won the Tournament; we assisted in their escape from the collapsing stadium. In all the confusion, I never got a chance to see him, and I was forced to wait.

The next day, I visited him and apologized for my absence during his fight. He just smiled and told me there was nothing to be sorry for.

Now it was my turn to care for him. I dressed and redressed his wounds; my heart skipped a few beats every time I saw them. It was horrible to see him like that. He didn't deserve that pain.

My love for him grew. Now it was more than a simple affection. I loved him. I wanted him. I needed him.

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He slowly recovered, and all too soon it was time for him to board the ship back home.

I had to tell him how I felt before he was gone forever. I wasn't sure how he would react; I was downright afraid of his reaction...his rejection. But I had to tell him.

The night before he left, I went to his room. He was by his bed, packing his belongings, and didn't look up right away. I couldn't help noticing how everything about him, every feature, was perfect.

He looked up and smiled. "Hello, Touya," he said. "Come to say goodbye, I suppose."

I nodded. My mouth suddenly was dry. I couldn't think of anything to say to him.

He went back to packing. Silence was never awkward between us, but suddenly it was. I forced myself to speak.

"Kurama," I said.

He looked up. "Yes?"

Every thought vanished from my mind. I didn't know what to say...but I had to say something.

I took a deep breath. I had to tell him the truth.

"I...I just wanted to tell you...that I care for you...more than anyone," I stuttered.

He gently raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "I...I love you, fox."

He took in a sharp breath. "Touya, I...I had no idea..." He trailed off.

I tried to regain my composure; it was no use. The unnatural heat had risen to my face; my palms were unusually sweaty; my breathing was off.

After a brief pause, I said, "I'll go now. I...I just thought you should know."

I walked to the door, eager to get out of that room, eager to end the humiliation.

"Touya, wait," I heard him say. I ignored him. "Touya..."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me around into him. Our lips touched.

To my surprise, he didn't pull away from it, but pulled me closer and deepened the kiss.

Even more to my surprise, I responded. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with the passion that had been torturing me since we met.

We finally broke apart, but stayed in each others arms.

He stared into my eyes. "You really do love me, don't you?" he whispered.

"I love you forever, my kitsune," I replied with no hesitation. I didn't care if he rejected me now. I had told him; I had kissed him; I still loved him...that was all I needed. But what I wanted...that was something I knew was impossible.

He put his head on my shoulder. I could feel his soft red locks brush my face and his warm breath on my neck as he said, "I love you too, Touya."

I was surprised at first. He loved me. He loved me.

Suddenly I was overcome with joy. I had been proven wrong. He didn't reject me. He loved me!

I pressed closer to him and nuzzled my nose into his hair, intoxicated by the sweet smell of roses. He placed one of his perfect hands on my cheek, and chills ran up my spine and he stroked my skin with his slender fingers.

"You called me your kitsune," he said after a moment. "Foxes are wild and cannot be possessed by someone who is not worthy enough to tame them."

"Are you saying I'm not worthy of you?" I questioned accusingly, jerking back in shock that he would say such a thing.

"No," he said calmly, refusing to let me go no matter how hard I pulled back. Finally he kissed me again, and the contact calmed me.

"I'm only saying that you have tamed my wild heart, and I truly do belong to you now," he whispered. He stared hard into my eyes and trailed his fingers across my face. "Just as you belong to me."

A smile crept across my face. "The icy sting of winter is also wild, you know."

He smiled. "I know...but we wouldn't be here if I hadn't claimed your heart in the first place."

Instead of replying, I kissed him again. He kissed me right back.

In my heart I knew we would always be together.

He was my loving fox.

I was his eternal winter.

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Eternal winter. That's what I was; that's what I am. It will never be summer in my soul. The warmth of spring will never touch my skin. The crisp coolness of autumn will never sting my eyes.

Even so, I found peace in the eternal winter. I am ice; I will always be ice. But even the hardest ice can melt.

This is what I realized when I fell in love with my emerald-eyed kitsune.