Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of SSBM. I do own (regrettably) the two OC's in this fic.
Warnings: This will contain mild violence and course language…..as well as horrible romance. Horrible.
Today, Dormant-Psycho presents: (and is very sorry for)
The Sues have landed!
It all happened one horribly raining day. In the perfect Qualyxpotani household, though, the rain was deflected off of the well-painted house. It shone like a second sun in the torrential downpour. All of the animals quickly scurried to hide on its' porch, which was also perfect.
This said nothing of the denizens within.
The father was a loud and cruel drunkard, who had murdered his wife in a horrible slashing incident. However, he was never charged with murder and still somehow loved his children enough to buy them a gamecube and a copy of SSBM (who were the cause of the incident).
Speaking of his children…..
Rayne Qualyxpotani walked down the sidewalk, her slightly older brother Zaylai Tylergafi next to her holding a black umbrella. He was adopted, which, ironically enough, was an excellent thing for him. Being brought into a perfect family transforms you into a perfect being yourself (apparently).
"Man, I can't wait to get home and play our game!" Rayne smiled sweetly at Zaylai, who nodded.
"Aye, 'tis a wondrous thing, playing with my sister." She giggled and punched his arm playfully.
Let me explain what makes them Sues.
Rayne, for starters, has long, naturally blue hair that she keeps in a ponytail. Not a single strand of her perfectly groomed hair is out of place. Her eyes are a deep emerald that could lull even the wildest man. She wore a way too short black skirt and a white halter top. Her high heels did not slow her or waver her steps, and the sidewalk itself seemed to fix up wherever she stepped.
Zaylai had short black hair that was spiked. The tips had been dyed blonde, and were curled outward slightly. He was wearing a tight black muscle shirt and tight blue jeans. His sneakers were a navy color with black streaks. His eyes were a fierce amber, and were naturally narrow.
But….this says nothing of the fact that they are in perfect harmony with each other, both granted a mysterious power that they feared to tell the world, as they did not want to be outcasts.
Imagine that.
He gave her the umbrella and rushed to the front door, opening it for his sister. She smiled and walked into their so-called "humble" abode. As soon as they entered the sun came out and flooded the perfect home with warm light. They both grinned and ran upstairs, shouting their greetings to their father, who was asleep on the couch in front of their deluxe 100" flat screen plasma TV. They ran to the room they shared and jumped in front of the TV, turning on the gamecube instantly. Zaylai picked Marth while Rayne chose Roy. They soon started duking it out. However, due to their perfection, it was a match neither could win. As the endless hours of playing the exact same match ticked away, both players started to feel exhausted. The sheer button mashing was tiring them out. Finally, the duo fell asleep on each other. After a little while, the gamecube started to buzz, the screen turning into a swirling vortex as it dragged the two in, somehow choosing these two over all others in the world to enter the SSBM world.
Meanwhile…..
In the Smasher house…..
Marth and Roy were conversing in Japanese while Link and Zelda were arguing with Ganondorf in the corner about some new world domination plan of his. The smashers who could speak English (or something close to it) were all discussing what to do about the lack of communication between foreign smashers. They currently refused to learn English….what could be done?
Suddenly, landing directly outside of the building….
It was the Sues!
Rayne and Zaylai dusted themselves off and used their 'perfection power' to fix any rumple on their clothes and somehow miraculously keep themselves from breaking a single bone in their body from the fall. They walked to the building and knocked, obviously not wavered by the fact that they had somehow ended up somewhere else in an instant.
Mario opened the door, a banana wedged in his ear and his hat situated on his nose. Yet another fine day of lunch with the psychos….poor plumber. However, his eyes lit up at the sight of the two beings of perfection in front of him.
"Hi, it'sa me, Mario!" The two squealed in delight at the sight of the portly man, instantly realizing where they were. The duo quickly rushed past him…and spotted the swordsmen.
That's when all hell broke loose.
Rayne lunged at them, instantly latching onto Roy like a persistent, but perfect, leech. Naturally, Roy had to comment.
"What the……WHAT THE?!" Indeed, the Japanese swordsman quickly realized that he had not only been attacked by a strange girl, but he could somehow magically speak perfect English without a touch of an accent. 'What the' indeed.
Marth blinked in surprise and started to back away, some sixth sense telling him the girl was Satan's child.He glanced about and grabbed a hold of Zelda, tugging her to the side in fear.
"Marth….what's wrong?" She quickly gasped, realizing she could now speak perfect English.
"That's what's wrong! Zelda….that…..that girl is doing something strange to people…." Now Kirby was suddenly speaking as well, rambling on about food, but still speaking nonetheless. Link and Ganondorf's argument continued, this time in English.
Roy grinned rather stupidly, nuzzling against the semi-insane girl that was still attached to his side.
'This may be love at first sight...' She giggled again and waved to her brother, Zaylai, who in turn walked around. He was looking for the sexy girls of the game; Zelda and Samus. (1)
It ended rather quickly, though, when Peach jumped into the center of the room, prying Rayne away from Roy. She reached out and grabbed Zaylai as well and put on a large graduation cap.
"Folks, listen up. I want you all to understand the danger we are in….
In a not so far away place, known as the real world, people play little TV graphics called Video Games. We are an important part of said video games, starring in many pristine titles. The one that has currently thrown us all together is, of course, SSBM. We all know it to be the Melee Tournament, but that's not its' true name.
It is said to be impossible for people to move from their world to ours, but somehow these two have made it through. This is often caused by a fanfic gone awry, or even a movie or cartoon. However, that is not the case here.
These two, are known as Sues. Mary and Gary Sue, to be precise. The Mary Sue has the ability to woo any and all males she so desires while the male gets the girls he wants. The author often portrays this character as themselves, just so they can feel like someone loves them, or, if it's an R-rated fic, for the sheer purpose of thinking they're having sex with the hot character. This kind of behavior is quite normal among aspiring fanatics who want nothing more than self gratification. They often have many fans that have the same dreams and writing style, though it is far from a skill. Anyone and everyone can write like….that....if they really want to.
These people also have a mysterious and horrible past that can either link them to the desired character, or make the desired characters feel sympathetic and cause a serious make-out session.
Therefore, letting these people stay will cause pure terror for all of us. Those hot folk who already have a girlfriend or boyfriend will be ripped away from their true love and forced into a pairing that they do not truly want, deep down past the façade the author has forced them to have. I understand this is extremely frightening, but since I do not appeal to them enough, I am out of harms way. If you do not heed my warning, then I will not aid you further."
Everyone stared at Peach with mouths agape, amazed by what she had said, and how intelligent she sounded, too. Said princess was getting edgy by the odd stares she was receiving, and she started to fidget. Finally, she took off the cap and twirled around, winking at them.
"Oh yeah…..Sa-WEET!" She quickly ran outside and got hit by a bus….oh dear. Whether it was on purpose to get away from the Sues for good, or if it was merely because the author of this fanfiction deeply despises her, no one will know…
"….What just happened?" Marth scratched his head, having jumped into Zelda's arms at the sight of Peach being smart and dying in the exact same chapter. It had to be a record.
"I don't know….but you are heavy!" Zelda dropped the prince and rubbed her already sore arms, wincing slightly.
Mario, however, was absolutely mortified.
"NOOOOO! PEACH-a! Who will-a love-a me now? What will I do now-a?" He started to cry, running around in circles while his brother, Luigi (in case you forgot) comforted him.
This is the ending of the first chapter……..be happy. If I get enough positive feedback I'll continue. It all depends on how much you folks loves the Sue-hatin'. Ja.