Heya! I've had this idea for a long time, but have yet to post it. Becca the Giggler read it and luaghed herself off the chair, but Becca laughs at everything. Potato. Betcha she's laughing. Anyway, I'd like to thank the Python's and their escapaid with the Holy Grail. NI! I'd alsom like to thank Random for giving me so many ideas, sorry if i sorta plagerized the squirrels and the whole self-refrence-in-third-person-thing. Enjoy, review, and be Merry! Oh, I own squat.

Marie's baking Project

We all know that Marie can't touch anybody, right? And all things considered, it's probably for the best of the growing population. Sorry, sick comment. Anyway, like I was saying, Marie can't touch anybody. Well, she can, but they get all wrinkly and icky and start gasping for air and next thing ya know everyone is at your bedroom door and Jean is shouting, "Quick, Scott get a pillow!" And then Marie, in all her stupidity, turns to Ororo and says in an attempt to be heart-wrenching, "It was an accident." Well, DUH! Of course you didn't mean to kill Logan, but what were you doing in a grown man's bedroom when we all know that in order to appeal to the female audience, Bryan Singer had Hugh Jackman sleep with his shirt off?! But I digress; this particular chapter is about Marie, and all her stupidity. You see, I have just finished watching Monty Python, and it has inspired me to attempt at funny. Have at it!

We come to Marie, thick oven mitts on her hands in place of those gloves, as she pulls out a pan from the oven. Thick, ghastly, noxious steam wafts forward, almost killing the Audience, which at this particular moment consists of Becca the Giggler, PiPPinluvr, sych77 (I hope) as well as RandomBattlecry (once again, I'm merely hopeful). Marie, having learned from previous attempts with the oven is wearing a gas mask.

Bobby walks into the kitchen and immediately begins to claw at his throat. Marie attempts to comfort him and perform mouth to mouth, but the prat forgot that her skin is deadly and only kills him quicker. All remorse, however, is quickly stolen away by the discovery that the Author (sorry, Random, but I love how you refer to yourself in third person) changed Shawn Ashmore as Bobby Drake for Daniel Radcliff as Harry Potter.

Returning to her baking, Marie takes out a butter knife and begins to hack at the concoction. It doesn't work, so she turns to a steak knife. That doesn't work either, so she proceeds to go through a cleaver, a welding torch, a hammer and chisel, as well as attempting to suck the life out of the brick she has created. The cleaver broke, the welding torch only further burnt the Thing, the hammer and chisel broke the glass baking pan, and her try at sucking the life out of the brick made it even harder.

Then, because the Author was reading "His Life an Open Book", Van Helsing ran through the kitchen screaming, "SQURRILES!" Soon after Kurt wandered through, playing jump-rope with his tail.

"Kurt! Please help me! I can't cut my baking and now I'm going to die!" True, over dramatic, but Marie has always had very little perception of her situation.

"By doing what?"

And now we find both Marie and Kurt standing on the school's lawn, mostly because the Author sucks at dialogue. There was a sudden bamf and Kurt teleported above Xavier mansion, dropping the Thing at the altitude that commercial jets often fly. At that exact moment Logan decided to take a nice stroll, and walked right under the Unidentified Falling Baking Attempt.

"Logan!" Marie screamed, once again playing up the drama. His only response was to look up just as the UFBA hit Logan strait in the face.

Had it hit anyone other than Logan, they would have been killed, as well as horribly mangled. As it is, however, the UFBA just bounced off Logan's upturned face and hit the pavement. There was a large dent in the driveway now but Logan merely kept on walking.

Baffled by not only the Author's math homework, but also the indestructible nature of her UFBA, now UBA because it was no longer falling, Marie sought help all over the mansion. Ororo hit it with lightning, Jean tried to read its thoughts, Bobby tried to freeze it, Pyro (who was visiting for Groundhog's day) tried to burn it, Kitty tried phasing through it, Tas (a character of my own invention) and Angela (another of my own characters) tried whacking at it with their quarterstaffs, Tiger (yet another of my creations) tried eating it, Mystique tried imitating it, and Dracula tried to suck its blood. Still, the creation would not break, although it was now one of the living dead and had its psyche analyzed.

Scott and Logan were the only ones who had not helped in an attempt to destroy the Thing, but Logan had just come back in with an armful of daisies and Scott was currently PMSing. No, Scott is not a girl; he was undergoing Pissy Male Syndrome.

"Heya, darlin'." It drives me – I mean the Author crazy when people have Logan call Marie "darlin'."

"Logan, I'm going to die if my UBA doesn't get cut." Marie gave him her best simper, making her look like she had indigestion.

"You're gunna die, huh? Well, I don't see why I should cut that brick."

"LOGAN!"

"Fine, fine, give it here." Logan poked the Thing and, frustrated that it wouldn't die, began to poke harder. Soon, Logan was attacking the evil brick with gusto, only to find no change in its outward appearance. In fact, it almost seemed that the UBA was laughing at them. Actually, it was Scott who was laughing.

"Oh shut up, Scout!"

"It's Scott."

"I like Scout better."

"My name is Scott."

"Scout."

"Scott."

"Scout."

"Scott."

"Scout."

"Scott."

"Scott."

"Scout."

"HA!"

Scott became so frustrated that he tried to zap Logan, but Logan whipped up the UBA and Scott's laser beam bounced off the Thing and hit the back of Professor X's wheel chair, sending him flying through the window. The assembled crowd looked at the shattered window, and instantly scattered. Ororo and Marie both retreated upstairs, and once they were sure that they were out of the Professor's blame-range, Storm asked:

"What on earth were you trying to bake?"

"Brownies."

REVIEW OR SO HELP ME!