When he finally reemerged from the bathroom, Daniel was clad in loose-fitting sweats that proclaimed him to be 'Property of the US Air Force'. Jack nearly had to swallow his tongue not to comment. Daniel gave him a tremulous smile as he sat down at the table opposite him. He had a comb in his hand and began to pull at the tangle that was his hair.
"Okay, just give it to me straight," he said. "How bad is it?"
"Bad?" Jack shook his head, not certain what Daniel was referring to, it just could be so many things at the moment.
"You know…. what do you call it? The sit rep. Has Janet and Sam found anything out?"
"Oh. Yeah, the sit rep." Jack had honestly hoped Daniel wouldn't ask, because it wasn't good. It was reassuring that he wanted to know, though. Daniel always wanted to know.
Closing the magazine, Jack pushed it aside, meeting his friend's eyes, they hadn't changed at least. As long as he concentrated on the eyes he could pretend this was Daniel, the way he knew him. Not Daniel, the new and improved version. "It's not good, Daniel, I've got to be honest with you, Janet doesn't have any ideas for how to fix this."
"But surely she and Sam are working on it. I mean when you were infected with those nanocytes that made you older, we figured out how to fix that."
"But this isn't a virus, Daniel, it's… I don't know what its is. Yes, they're working on it, but you two might be like this for a while."
Daniel sagged in the chair, chewing on a fingernail. Was that a new habit? Did the male Daniel chew his fingernails? Jack honestly couldn't remember.
"A while? You know. What is that exactly? A day? Two? A week? A month? Forever?" Female Daniel's emotions were a lot closer to the surface and he didn't seem to have a handle on how to suppress them yet as tears sprang to his eyes during his impassioned plea.
Jack swallowed the lump that was in his own throat, he hated this, "I don't know, Daniel."
"What about a sarcophagus?"
How did Jack tell him that they'd already discussed all the possibilities up one side and down the other and kept coming up with nothing, "Teal'c doesn't think it'll work because there's nothing physically wrong with you for the sarcophagus to fix."
Daniel exploded out of the chair, "How can you say that, Jack? I wasn't born a woman. Sam wasn't born a man. We can't stay like this." He prowled around the room, "I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin here, Jack. Everything feels. I don't know how to deal with it."
"Do you want me to call Janet?"
Daniel took a couple of deep breaths and shook his head, "No, I'd rather deal with this without Janet and her needles." He shuddered and sat, then just as quickly he stood and began to pace around the room like a caged lion. Then he sat again.
It made Jack dizzy just to watch him. "Daniel, would you just sit, for crying out loud. You're giving me a headache here."
Daniel jumped up and started to say something, then threw himself on the bed, sobbing wildly.
Jack sat helplessly, not knowing what he'd said, not knowing what to do. Wasn't this just peachy? God, he hoped Fraiser came up with something soon.
Not really knowing what else to do, Jack called the doctor.
Daniel had burrowed under the covers by the time the Doctor arrived. Jack opened the door at her knock and pointed to the bed.
She sat and asked gently, "Daniel, are you okay?"
"What do you think?" Daniel didn't emerge from his nest of covers, in fact he pulled the pillows over his head, too, "Just go away."
Exchanging a worried glance with the colonel, Janet tried to pull the covers away, but Daniel was having none of it. She sighed and gave up, taking a different tact, "Daniel I know this is hard…"
The pillow lifted long enough for him to say, "Hard doesn't even begin to cover it, Janet. Do you know how different this is? I can't even begin to tell you."
Janet tried again, "Daniel, this isn't just a different body you're in, it's a woman's body."
They barely heard his muffled voice from beneath the pillows, "I think I comprehend that."
Patiently she continued, "Well, it's not going to react the way you're used to. Both you and Sam are going to have a whole new set of signals to deal with. Sam has to deal with the testosterone and the impulses that come with being male. You're going to have to deal with a flood of hormones and all that comes with being a woman."
"I don't think I can deal with this, Janet. I… I…. think I'm going crazy. I'm crying for no reason, just look at me." Emerging at last from under the pillows, tears streaked his cheeks. His eyes were red and puffy and his nose was running.
Jack snagged some Kleenex from the table and crossed to hand them to his friend. She looked at him gratefully, taking them from him. Sharply, Jack realized he'd just thought of Daniel in the feminine sense. He, he corrected himself sharply, he.
"It's the hormones," Janet told them. "You'll learn how to deal with them. But for now, I don't want you going off the base without my express consent. You've grown up as a man, knowing how to deal with things as a man. Your brain and your body aren't going to get along for awhile. Until you start learning that, I don't want you out of my sight."
"Don't worry," Daniel assured her, "I won't be leaving this room without a very good reason. I can barely walk."
"New center of gravity," she smiled at him. "Seriously, Daniel, you should let the colonel take you down to the gym and start working out. You need to get used to how this body works. Your strength is going to be in different areas, places where you remember that you should be strong, won't be, you need to deal with this."
Daniel's eyes narrowed as what she was saying finally percolated its way to his brain, "You don't think you're going to be able to fix this, do you?" he asked suspiciously. Jack might have said it to him, but now it was beginning to become real.
Janet glanced away, and then back, "At the moment, I have no idea of how to fix this, Daniel. We're working on it, but…" she trailed off, not liking at all admitting that she was helpless in the face of this newest affliction.
"Oh, God," Daniel whispered, "I could be a woman for the rest of my life?" he asked in horror.
Janet turned a disconcerting glance his way, "Don't say it like that, Daniel, I've been a woman all my life and I've managed so far."
Jack thought Daniel was going to burrow under the covers again, then unexpectedly, his lips quirked in a smile, "I was a little over the top wasn't I?"
Jack felt the knot in his gut loosen a little and for the first time he thought that things might be alright after all.
Sam stared in the mirror clutching the razor in her hand. It was one the freakiest parts of the whole experience that she just didn't recognize her own self in the mirror. For all her life she'd known who she was. It might frustrate her that she had to work so hard to be accepted into what was basically a man's world in the air force, but she liked being a woman. She liked being a successful woman in the air force, it was all a part of what made Sam Carter who she was. Now she no longer had that. She was just another cog in the wheel, there was nothing to make her special or stand out from the crowd. And when she stared at herself in the mirror she didn't know who she was.
She could see Teal'c out of the corner of her eye, shaving easily, almost without appearing to think about it. Her hand shook where she gripped the razor. She eyed the new plains on her face trying to decide just where to apply the razor, how much force she should use, what downward angle to take. She had re-engineered alien technology to work with her own. She had built naquadah generators and knew how to use them; she could do this, she knew she could. Determined, she took her first stroke.
"Ouch!" She pulled the razor away and could see a welling of red in the white of the shaving cream.
Calmly Teal'c handed her a bit of tissue to dab at the blood. "Do not hold the razor so tightly, Major Carter, it must become an extension of your hand," he told her. "Let it glide across your face; do not try to pull it, or you will cut yourself again and again."
Oh, great, she thought, the zen of shaving, just what she needed.
Then she realized, she did need it. This was the way guys did things, and she was going to have to start thinking that way, too. Determined, she loosened her grip a little and tried again, this time succeeding in drawing the razor down her face. She cleared away most of the shaving cream applied there, but very little of the actual stubble under it. She shook her head as she rinsed the cream from the razor. Shaving was definitely harder than it looked.
To be continued...