Few things before you start reading, this is a different kind of story, I've done it once before for Lord of the Rings. Um, it makes lots of references to other stories, its a parody and for that reason, take everything in here in a joking manner. I'm not quite sure how this one will go over, but I hope you guys like it. So please read, relax, and review.

Oh, and as usual I don't own any of the characters, MGM and Sci-fi do, I think.

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It's Them Again

Doctor Daniel Jackson sat down with a heavy sigh, ignoring his teammates running past him. He was sick and tired of it all, it just wasn't fair.

'Why me,' he muttered for the twenty-first time today as he felt something penetrate his ankle. Dropping his head into his hands, he let out another sigh; he did not find it one bit humorous.

'Daniel,' a concerned voice caught his attention, startling him out his self pitying thoughts. He glanced up, it was Jack, the leader of the team, the head honcho, the king of the hill and he had not a single scratch on him, save for the one he received from Sam that morning in a situation that was never to be recounted under pain of death.

'Why me,' he muttered once again as he put his head in his hands once more.

'Daniel,' Jack tried again, his concern for his friend overtaking the fact that they had some very angry Jaffa on their tail. 'You okay buddy?' he allowed Daniel time to respond, but the battered archaeologist refused to even meet his glance.

'Daniel,' he tried again, placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder. Daniel started at the touch, but that was all. 'What's wrong?' As Jack waited on an answer, he took inventory of Daniel's injuries, taking note of an arrow stuck in his ankle. How the heck did you get that Dannyboy,he asked himself. Overall, the woundsdidn't seem too bad; there was blood, but no more than normal. Jack turned his attention back to Daniel; swearing under his breath forthe archaeologist still hadn't answered.

'Teal'c,' Jack noticed the Jaffa closing in on their position as he called to his nearby teammate; he knew the former First Prime would be able to carry Daniel to the 'gate and still keep pace with them.

'O'Neill,' Teal'c answered from the defensive position he had taken as he waited for the Colonel to get Daniel moving again.

'I need you to carry Daniel, Carter go get the 'gate open,' he calmly gave out his orders.

'Yes, sir,' Carter nodded as she began to leave to get to the DHD when Daniel finally spoke.

'Leave me here,' he didn't even bother lifting his head.

'What,' Jack cranked out.

'I said leave me here,' Daniel finally met Jack's glance. 'I'll just get you guys captured. I don't want you to this time. Go back to the SGC, get reinforcements and come back for me then.'

'Daniel,' Sam started, moving closer to her teammate.

'No way Daniel,' Jack told him. 'You're coming with us,' he tried to push past his friend's words.

'Jack, you don't understand. It doesn't matter, they'll get me anyway,' Daniel pleaded with the older man. 'Just go, come back for me later,' he paused. 'Oh and be sure to bring Janet along, I'll probably be near death from the numerous beatings I'll have to endure.'

'Daniel,' Jack started, trying to end the man's tirade, but to no avail.

'Might want to bring a Tok'Ra with you; I have a feeling that they might stick a Goa'uld in me this time. Who knows, they've come close once or twice.'

'Come on Daniel,' he forced himself to ignore Daniel's flippant attitude about his own life, 'we've got to get going. Teal'c,' he called for the Jaffa; this could all be sorted out once they got home. Teal'c, already nearby, reached down to pick up Daniel when blasts from staff weapons began firing over their heads. They'd gotten a pretty good head start on the Jaffa, but Daniel's episode had forced them to stop, causing them to lose precious time that would have guaranteed their safe arrival at the SGC. Now it would be close. Teal'c paused, moving to get his own staff weapon, but Jack stopped him.

'Grab him T,' Jack grabbed his own gun, motioning to Carter to get going. 'Let's get to the 'gate. If we're lucky we'll get back in one piece,' he glared at Daniel, who was protesting being carried by Teal'c.

'I told you leave me,' he spoke through clenched teeth, trying to control his anger.

'Not doing that Daniel,' Jack looked over to Teal'c who held Daniel as if he were a child. 'You're coming with us, so shut up and enjoy the free ride.' Daniel glared back at Jack, shutting his mouth as he realized that there was no room for counter argument. 'Get going T,' he motionedthe Jaffawith his gun.

'O'Neill,' Teal'c questioned.

'I'll be right behind you,' Jack assured the Jaffa, firing a stream of bullets at the Jaffa closing in on them. 'Get him to the 'gate,' Jack shouted above the noise of the P-90 releasing its rounds. 'Where we can get his head looked at,'he muttered once Teal'c and Daniel were gone. When the round was finished, he turned to run, allowing the still warm weapon to fall against his chest as he ran to catch up with his team.

As he grew closer to the Stargate though, he noticed Jaffa guarding the circular gateway. Can this day get any better, he thought as he crouched behind a bush, trying to find any sign of his team.

'Sir,' he heard a whisper off to his side. Instinctively, he grabbed his gun as he turned in the direction of the noise, seeing Carter, Teal'c and Daniel hiding behind a row of bushes not more than ten feet from him. Quickly scanning the area, he realized that the Jaffa behind them had disappeared, but didn't give it anymore thought. They could find out what had happened later, what mattered now was getting home. But there were at least twenty Jaffa who stood in their way of accomplishing that. He lowered himself onto his hands and knees, groaning silently as his knee protested the added weight of his body, yet he moved quickly across the ground, rejoining the rest of his team in a matter of seconds.

'They must have been sent out when we were spotted, sir,' Carter reported. 'I didn't see them until I was almost there; I don't think they saw me though.'

'Good,' Jack was glad that their presence seemed to have gone undetected, 'but we can't stay here for long. They know we're somewhere here.'

'Leave me Jack,' Daniel pleaded again from where he sat.

'Cut it out Daniel,' Jack didn't bother looking at the younger man. 'We're not leaving you here and that's final.'

'We can't take them all out, sir,' Carter noted. 'There's too many of them.'

'Right,' Jack nodded grimly. 'Teal'c you got any ideas,' Jack turned to the large man next to him.

'No,' he stated bluntly.

'Leave me here,' Daniel added his own two cents.

'Daniel,' Jack started, waving his finger annoyingly at the archaeologist.

'Come on Jack, you know it's the only way,' Daniel met Jack's frustrated glance.

'For cryin' out loud, Daniel,' Jack tried desperately to keep his voice down. 'You're not even really hurt. It's not like you've got blood gushing from anywhere. You're not a liability.'

'You're better off without me,' Daniel stated.

'How's that,' Jack decided to play along with Daniel.

'I'll be captured by Goa'uld, I know it. And if you guys stay with me, you will too.'

'That's just ludicrous Daniel,' Jack spit out the three-syllable word with disgust. 'You are not going to be captured by a Goa'uld.'

'Yes, I will,' Daniel insisted.

'Look Daniel,' Jack's voice was growing loud though he tried to keep it at a whisper, 'I don't know what you're talking about. But we need to come up with a plan on getting out of here or we'll be continuing this conversation in a cell with chains around our feet, waiting for some slimy Goa'uld to stick a snake in our heads.'

'I'll end up there anyway,' Daniel said, glancing down at the ground.

'For Pete's sake, Daniel, look of the bright side of life; if we get of here, you won't end up there.'

'Sir,' Carter called for her commander's attention. Jack turned quickly, ready for his second-in-command to give him an update on their situation.

'What is it, Carter,' he acknowledged her request.

'It looks like the Jaffa are getting ready to make a move.'

'You think they know we're here?' he questioned.

'No,' Carter stated. 'But there's no way of being sure. I mean anything could have ….'

'All right,' Jack cut her off. 'So we're going to need a plan,' he commented, 'really fast. Any ideas,' he tossed out the offered to his team. 'That's not an option, Daniel,' he cut off the archaeologist's request before he could even open his mouth.

'Sir,' Carter began, 'if we could create a distraction to get rid of some of the Jaffa, one of us could make it to the DHD to get the wormhole established while the rest took out the remaining Jaffa.'

'It could work,' Jack tread the statement carefully.

'It will not,' Teal'c stated.

'Why not,' Carter asked.

'When the Jaffa hear the shots, they will return to the Stargate to lend their aid.'

'Yes,' she'd already considered this, 'but if we take those remaining out quickly, then we might just have enough time to establish the wormhole and make it home,' she looked to Jack as she finished, hoping to gain approval for her plan. He looked around, weighing his options.

'Got anything better?' he asked. Hearing no response, he fell silent again before letting out a sigh and issuing his orders. 'Looks like this is our only option, then. I'll create a distraction by firing a couple rounds in the forest, trying to get as many Jaffa to follow. Carter, Teal'c you take out those that stay. Then Carter, you go dial up home while Teal'c watches your back from here. When the 'gate's open send the signal and go. Teal'c make sure Daniel gets there. I'll be right behind you.'

'Jack, this is pointless,' Daniel protested.

'Daniel,' he wagged his fingered at the younger man, 'I'm warning you, one more statement like that and I'm going to let ol' Doc Frasier run every single test she can think of on you until she figures out what the heck is wrong with you,' he paused, taking a breath before putting the plan into action. 'Okay, kids, let's go.' With that Jack moved out as Carter and Teal'c turned to face the Stargate, aiming their weapons to take out the remaining Jaffa. They got no further than that though when Jaffa emerged from the forest, pointing their staff weapons at the team.

---

-Some time later-

'Ah, ah,' Jack stopped Daniel from saying anything. 'Don't say it; I don't want to hear it.' Daniel sighed in frustration.

'I tried to tell you,' he said.

'What'd I say about saying it,' Jack's voice rose from where he sat on the ground of their square cell. Suffice to say, their plan didn't work and they were captured; zatted and then captured. When they awoke they were in the cell.

'I just,' Daniel began.

'Stop right there Dannyboy,' Jack stopped the archaeologist, 'I don't even want to hear it right now. We've got to figure out a way to get out…' Jack was cut off as their 'host' paid them a visit.

'Him first,' the Goa'uld pointed to Daniel. His Jaffa moved to unlock the door and entered the cell, heading straight for Daniel. His teammates moved to protect their friend.

'You're not gettin' him,' Jack warned as he positioned himself in front of Daniel. The Jaffa didn't bother with a retort, however, simply knocking Jack and the other teammates out of the way. Stunned, the team did not realize that Daniel had been taken until they heard the door shut with a clang. Jack rose to a sitting position, rubbing his sore cheek as he waited on the rest of his team to regain their senses.

'You two okay?' Jack asked.

'Yeah, I think so, sir,' Carter moaned as she rose to a sitting position.

'I am fine O'Neill,' Teal'c spoke evenly, already sitting.

'Good,' Jack's voice was void of emotion. 'That's good…'

'Sir?' Carter questioned, cutting off her superior officer.

'I'm fine Carter,' Jack assured her. 'Just fine.'

'What do you suppose he wanted Daniel for?' Carter tossed out the obvious question.

'Do we even know who he is?' Jack countered, still rubbing his cheek.

'O'Neill,' Teal'c grabbed Jack's attention.

'Yeah T,' Jack turned dazedly around to meet Teal'c's questioning look.

'Is there something wrong?'

'Huh,' Jack sounded even more dazed than he had just a few seconds ago.

'You are rubbing the side of your face,' Teal'c informed Jack.

'Oh,' Jack stopped rubbing; he tried to force his mind to think before he removed his hand from his face to study it. 'So I am,' he said absently.

'Sir,' Carter put a hand on the colonel's shoulder, 'are you all right?'

'Yeah, Carter. Just umm,' Jack struggled for the words, 'just umm a little fuzzy.'

'Fuzzy, sir?' Carter questioned.

'Yeah,' Jack assured her, 'My head, umm, feels a little fuzzy.'

'Maybe you should lie down. You must have been hit harder than you thought.'

'No, Carter,' Jack tried to keep his head from toppling off. 'I'm fine. Really. I'm just gonna pass out now,' he informed them just seconds before his eyes rolled back and he slowly inched towards the ground. Fortunately, Carter caught him before he met it for the second time in under five minutes. Gotta be a record, she mused as she settled her commander on the ground. After checking his vitals, she announced her findings to Teal'c, who had moved to the other side of the colonel during the examination.

'I don't think it's too serious, just a mild concussion,' she told Teal'c. 'He'll probably wake up before the hour's done.'

'I am relieved to hear that Major Carter,' Teal'c acknowledged Carter's prognosis.

'You know the Colonel's right,' Carter said after a while. 'We don't even know who this Goa'uld is,' she looked to Teal'c. They were both sitting against the wall of the cell, Jack's head separating them as he lay unconscious on the floor.

'I am unaware of his name,' Teal'c stated.

'So then he's probably a minor Goa'uld.'

'Yes,' he confirmed her guess.

'But that still doesn't explain what he wants with Daniel. It's like he knew who he wanted.'

'Perhaps he is in league with another Goa'uld and is trying to gain information that will enable him to gain more power.'

'Yeah,' Carter agreed, but didn't add anymore. There was not much they could do now, not with the colonel unconscious and Daniel gone. So they sat in silence, waiting for the return of their teammate.

It was Daniel who returned first, landing on his stomach as he was tossed like a rag doll onto the floor of the cell. Sam waited for the Jaffa to close the door before rushing to Daniel's side. He was badly beaten, blood oozing from numerous wounds. She was afraid to touch him, unsure his level of awareness, instead she settled on taking inventory of his wounds. His back was a mess of crisscrossed lacerations, like made from a whip of sorts as the cuts went right though the black t-shirt he wore. Apparently the Goa'uld had removed Daniel's jacket to allow the whip to have more of an impact. Looking on further, she took note of the crookedness of his wrist immediately determining that it was broken. And finally, there was the cut on the back of his head, from what she couldn't determine, but from the looks of it, it had hurt. She wanted to turn him over, check for injuries she was positive were present there, but feared jarring his other injuries.

'Sam,' he called meekly.

'Daniel,' she moved his head.

'Hey Sam,' his voice was stronger as he caught sight of her.

'How are you feeling?' she dared herself to ask the question.

'Oh, pretty good,' he said casually as he tried to get to his feet.

'Daniel, don't move,' she put a hand on his shoulder, the one that wasn't covered in blood to keep him on the ground. 'You're hurt pretty bad.

'Nonsense,' he ignored her hand, rising to his feet instead, not even wincing along the way. Sam looked up at him, surprised, but her shock didn't last for long as Jack started to moan; he was coming to.

'Jack,' Daniel moved to the older man's side as he slowly regained consciousness.

'Daniel?' Jack questioned as he opened his eyes, not believing what he saw.

'How are you feeling, sir,' Sam asked from the side opposite Daniel.

'Daniel,' Jack ignored her, 'do you know you look like crap.'

'Yeah,' Daniel stated nonchalantly. 'It's them again.'

'Them,' Jack asked incredulously.

'Yeah them,' Daniel didn't bother trying to convince Jack. 'So how are you feeling? I'm assuming that punch you took from that Jaffa was a little harder than you thought?'

'Yeah,' Jack spoke, unnerved by Daniel's casualness. 'I'm fine. By the way, how are you?' he asked.

'I'm fine, nothing to worry about,' Daniel assured Jack.

'Nothing Daniel?' Sam was shocked again by Daniel's flippant behavior. 'Are you aware of how much blood you've lost?'

'No, don't worry though. I'll be fine,' he assured them.

'Can you feel any of your injuries,' Sam turned her full attention to Daniel, suddenly interested in his apparent lack of feeling.

'No,' he stated bluntly. 'Now how about getting out of here.'

'You feel nothing at all,' Sam inquired to be sure of what she heard, but Daniel ignored her.

'Carter,' Jack asked, rising to a sitting position though he still leaned heavily on the wall.

'Sir,' she turned to Jack, 'it's not possible. I mean look at his injuries. He should feel something,' she paused for a second, thinking. 'Teal'c is it possible that they injected him with a painkiller or something.'

'Yes,' Teal'c confirmed.

'Why, Carter?' Jack croaked. 'What good would that do?'

'He'd cause himself more harm not being aware of his injuries; it's a very deadly drug. Did they give you anything thing,' Sam turned her attention back to Daniel.

'No, just a cup of something,' Daniel responded. 'Didn't taste too great going down, but I don't think it was anything that you were describing.'

'Why,' Sam was puzzled.

'Because it's them,' he spoke calmly.

'Aw, for cryin' out loud, Daniel,' Jack shouted, his anger rising rapidly. 'Who the heck is them!'

'Them, don't you know. They're the cause and solution to all of our problems.'

'The Simpsons, Daniel?' Jack tried to put everything together as his head slowly de-fuzzed itself. 'That doesn't make any sense.'

'Not them, Jack, them,' Daniel spoke more ominously now, all too aware that they were watching him.

'Are you sure you're okay? Did they knock you on the head; mess around with your brain cells a little bit, Danny?' Jack tried to play off his friend's apparent plunge into insanity.

'No, actually they were very nice,' Daniel sat back on his haunches.

'Nice?' Jack's eyes widened in surprise. 'You call this nice,' he pointed to Daniel's torn clothing.

'Well, considering this is normal, yeah. At least they didn't go over and above their normal,' Daniel rambled on.

'Hold on a sec,' Jack forced Daniel to pause. 'Are we talking about the same people?'

'I don't know, are we,' Daniel looked up in surprise.

'Well, why don't you tell me who your people are,' Jack tried to coax an answer out of Daniel. 'Who are them?'

'Come on Jack, you should know just as well as I do,' Daniel seemed to skirt around the truth. 'I mean they do the same to you too?'

'Daniel,' Jack shouted, despite the pounding it caused in his head, 'who the heck are them!'

'You know,' Daniel leaned in, speaking in almost a whisper. 'Aw, come on Jack,' Daniel jumped up when Jack gave him a blank stare. 'They do this to us, they delight in it. They call themselves torture-queens and Danny-pounders,' Daniel moved around, suddenly animated as he tried to explain who they were, but Jack didn't understand. Sam watch with concern as the whip marks on Daniel's torso moved up and down with the movement of his arms, trying to keep from laughing as his movement made it seem that he had a set of broken blinds on his chest and his arms were the draw chords. If only his head had a string, she mused, then the blinds wouldn't be broken.

'Sam,' Daniel forced her to come out of her thoughts. 'You understand don't you, they do it to you to. Not as much, but they do,' Daniel was looking straight in her face, his quickly bruising face making it seem like he was wearing eye-shadow.

'Who's them,' she asked the all too familiar question. Daniel threw his hands up again, making the ends of the blinds rise. Somehow, she thought, she could make the middle go up to; there was a way. Daniel came in close, kneeling before them and dropping his voice to a whisper as he looked around nervously.

'Fanfic writers,' he said, his mouth closing instantly after as he glanced around again.

'Fanfic writers!' Jack shouted. 'Aw, for cryin' out loud, Daniel. You must have taken a pretty good hit to the head.'

'No Jack I'm serious, they do this for fun.'

'Do what,' Jack monotoned.

'Hurt us,' Daniel didn't waver in his words.

'DanielJackson,' Teal'c called for the archaeologist's attention. 'What is a fanfic writer?'

'Someone who writes stories about a TV show, movie, anime, any sort of thing,' Daniel answered.

'And it is they that endeavor to bring harm to us?'

'Yeah,' Daniel nodded, finally someone was understanding.

'I do not believe you,' Daniel's shoulders dropped in response to Teal'c's statement.

'Why,' he asked.

'There is no one that brings harm to us, DanielJackson. It is only us who can injure ourselves.'

'T's right Danny,' Jack agreed, 'I mean you seriously think someone's controlling every move you make?'

'If that's the case, sir,' Sam began, 'then they must be Goa'ulds.'

'Carter, don't tell me you believe him,' Jack looking doubtingly at Sam, while Daniel looked at here hopefully. She saw both looks.

'I'm just tossing out ideas,' she explained. 'I don't think it's possible, sir. Sorry Daniel,' she apologized.

'Argh!' Daniel cried out in frustration, rising from where he had been kneeling on the floor. 'Come on Jack, it all makes sense,' Daniel tried again.

'How so?' he asked.

'How do you think I got all those injuries?'

'Clumsy?' Jack ventured.

'They've done it,' Jack continued to look at Daniel with questioning eyes. 'It all makes sense, like I said before.'

'Okay, so what do you want us to do about it,' Jack asked.

'I don't know, but I'm tired of it. I've been attacked by killer plants, sold as a slave to some Goa'uld who stuck a bomb in me, bought as a slave by my own team, captured and beaten by our own people, beaten until I was nearly dead and, in some cases, until I was dead and the brought back by some miracle, given drugs to make me appear dead so that I might live, impregnated by some alien egg that would eat it's way out of my stomach, been turned into a child,stranded on a planet with Jack where I went nuts because I was communicating telepathicallywith some alien creatures that lived in the water,punished with corpral punishiment by Jack when I didn't obey orderslike I was supposed to, tortured with some Goa'uld device thatresembled a zat gun, but who's effects were ten times worse,fallen deathly from any number of alien viruses that only seem to affect me, forced to spend a week in Sam's body, an experience I'd rather not repeat.'

'You think that was easy for me?' Sam questioned.

'No,' Daniel fumbled for words, instantly regretting bringing up that mission. 'I just… um…,' he trailed off.

'OK, so you've been in some tricky situations,' Jack ventured, hoping to pull Daniel out of whatever he was going through. 'You've always survived, you've got nine lives, haven't we always said that.'

'Jack,' Daniel gave him a look, 'I've got more than just nine lives. Do you know how many times I died before I died?'

'Huh,' Jack grunted, giving Daniel a quizzical look.

'Before I ascended,' Daniel explained, 'do you know how many times I died?'

'No,' Jack stated. 'What does it matter? We always got you back.'

'Do you know how much it hurts to be shocked by electricity?'

'Uh, yeah,' Jack nodded. 'Zats, Daniel.'

'Ok, bad example,' he dismissed his previous statement. 'Do you have any idea how it feels to have more knives than I can count plunged into your body, hit by staff blasts which some how seem to find their mark if I'm the target, and become a pincushion from all the needles Janet's been forced to inject into me because I always return from missions with one foot on death's door step,' Daniel finished his rant in the middle of their cell, his arms out stretched as he tried to convey his frustration at his situation.

'As I said before, you've come out fine,' Jack reiterated. 'I think,' he muttered to himself, wondering if Daniel had finally gone off the deep end and he would have to finally be locked up.

'No I haven't,' Daniel threw his hands up again, not noticing that the constant movement had aggravated his injuries, causing blood to seep out of the gashes that marred his chest. 'I tried dying, well ascending, dying wasn't really my idea.'

'Ascending?' Sam questioned, trying to bring herself back into the conversation. 'You mean you did that on purpose?'

'Well, I didn't intend to, it's complicated,' he told them.

'Try explaining,' Jack prodded him.

'Okay, see there's this other group of people,' Daniel stopped pacing, standing in front of Jack.

'Another group of fanfic writers?' Jack guessed.

'No, they're a little nicer and there's not as many of them.'

'Oh,' Jack tried to understand.

'Yeah,' Daniel grew excited. 'And see it was their idea to kill me for good, only I found a way out of it. Ascension.'

'Ah, it all makes sense now,' Jack's voice dripped with sarcasm.

'Shut up Jack,' Daniel threw back.

'So what happened next?' Sam asked.

'I thought I'd gotten away from them, and I did, for a while; see up there they couldn't touch me. But they found a way, somehow I don't know. They were nice at first, having me return to play cupid with you and Jack.

'What?' Sam and Jack questioned in unison.

'Yeah, Jonas and I had some fun,' Daniel allowed himself a smile.

'That was you,' Sam was shocked.

'Yeah, but it didn't last for long. Soon they began hurting you guys and I couldn't let them do that, so I came back to save your butts.

'And,' Jack motioned for Daniel to continue with his hands.

'And they never left me alone, once they realized that I could return I was coming back here and there.'

'But you were fine, like last time,' Sam asked.

'Most of the time, yeah, but once I had to go through it all again. Seems that time Oma couldn't save me from my own death.

'Ok, so they annoyed you a little, kept bringing you back,' Jack was growing annoyed himself. 'You're back now, what does it matter. They don't seem to be killing you off for good.'

'Jack you don't understand, I descended 'cause it apparently didn't matter where I was, they could still reach me and since I've been back it's been worse. The headaches from trying to remember, the nightmares from remembering, running from the NID when I knew too much and then dropped in a pubic forest naked, again. Do you know how cold it gets in Colorado?'

'Daniel,' Jack tried to stop the younger man.

'Jack, I'm tired of it. I just want it to stop. It's not funny anymore. I don't want to be the whipping boy of the universe!' Daniel ended in a crescendo as he threw his arms up once more; the action opened even more cuts adding the already steady stream of blood emanating from the wounds on his chest.

'Daniel, would ya shut up for a sec,' Jack forced himself to stand. 'I don't care if you don't think it's funny anymore, you're not dying, you're not giving up,' as he spoke he inched his was towards Daniel, who in his last tirade had angrily paced around the cell before settling in the middle.

'Jack, I don't think you understand. I can't escape it. Even when they hurt me, they don't think it's enough. They're like vultures, waiting on them to leave me so that they can pounce and finish the agony and pain that they have started. It's a never ending cycle,' Daniel pleaded, his blue eyes looking directly into Jack's eyes. Jack shook his head, too many theys and thems for him, it wasn't making any sense. There was no mystical force behind Daniel's knack for winding up in the infirmary. Though he did end up there a lot, Jack allowed himself to ponder. It was hard to remember a mission that didn't end in him being whisked away by Janet and her minions or being found unconscious somewhere from some alien technology that only he found. Was it possible, he asked himself. Nah, no chance, he dismissed the idea. There simply was no way; he was just a victim of circumstance.

'Daniel, you're imagining things. There's no one out to get you, no great cosmic force that's set on making your life miserable. You just touch things,' he ended.

'I do not touch things,' Daniel protested indignantly. 'Jack I'm tired of this and I want you to do me a favor,' Jack gave Daniel a wary look; he was pretty sure what was coming next and didn't want to hear it.

'Daniel,' he started, becoming concerned by the growing rivulets of blood coming from the gashes on Daniel's chest.

'Jack,' Daniel stopped him. 'You don't understand how hard it is. Do you know that there are so many whip marks on my chest it looks like a maze. Heck late at night, when I can't go te sleep from too much coffee or nightmares, I entertain myself with it. I've even considered having start and finish tatooed on there in Abydonian, but then I'd just get whipped again and that'd mess up everything,' the team tore their eyes from the growing streams of blood at Daniel's statement. 'My point is, Jack, next time I'm close to death, just let me go. Don't let me do anything, just let me die. It's all I want,' Daniel finished.

'What!' Jack forced himself to look at Daniel.

'I'm serious Jack,' Daniel stopped moving, putting his hands down as Jack looked into his eyes. The man was serious, he was worn out. Jack stole a quick glance at the floor; there was a pool of blood starting to form between Daniel's legs.

'I can't do that Daniel,' he met his friend's tired stare. 'You can't die on us, we just got you back.'

'But it's not fair,' Daniel whined, his maturity fading instantaneously.

'Life's not fair,' Jack offered the idiom. Daniel gave him a look, he was unconvinced. 'Look Daniel,' Jack tried a different approach. 'We've all had our share of trouble. Everyone does, but doesn't mean that we give up. We've all had to go through some tough times; we've suffered through more than any one group of people should ever have to, but we are doing something no other group of people do and we can't give up now, not when we're so close. We've got to stick together; we're a team Daniel and we're always there for each other. We're there for you just like you're there for us,' Jack looked around at his team; they'd fallen silent as he began his impromptu speech.

'Jack,' Daniel tried again.

'No Daniel,' the older man stopped, 'we need you.'

'No, you don't. I just pull you guys into trouble. You did fine without me.'

'Daniel,' Sam rose from her spot on the floor. She'd finally had enough, 'I don't think you understand what it was like not being able to help you, just watch you slowly die. I don't think I could go through all that again and I don't want to.'

'Sam,' he started.

'No, Daniel, the colonel's right. You're very important, you can't just die. You're the life of the team, you keep us honest and we need that. We need to be reminded that we're human and that the aliens we meet are just as human as we are. You do that for us Daniel, you're more than just a person, you made the SGC and without you, I'd hate to think what we'd do.'

'But,' Daniel once again tried to protest.

'Listen to her Daniel,' Jack warned. 'She knows what she's talking about.'

'But I'm tired of it; the pain and the torture, it's not fair,' Daniel tried to reiterate his last point.

'We're not lettin' you go Danny,' Jack put a hand on his friend's unmarred shoulder.

'But I'll just get you guys captured. Like now,' Daniel questioned.

'Doesn't matter Dannyboy; like I said, we're a team, no one gets left behind.'

'Not even an annoying archaeologist that sneezes a lot,'

'Not even.'

'But,' Daniel was trying it again.

'Face it Daniel, you're stuck with us.'

'You won't leave me?' Daniel questioned.

'Not a chance,' Jack assured the younger man.

'You do know that before this I only had two foster families and they were both very nice people,' Daniel added

'Daniel,' the warning tone in Jack's voice returned.

'And I used to get lots of sleep,' Daniel tried again.

'No you didn't,' Jack told him.

'How would you know,' Daniel questioned.

'You lived next to me remember?' Jack reminded him.

'Ok,' Daniel looked at Jack apprehensively. 'But I wasn't addicted to coffee.'

'Daniel,' there was an edge in Jack's voice that made Daniel cringe. 'Would ya just drop it? You're staying and that's final,' he ordered his civilian friend, feeling the tension slowly leave his injured body. 'Okay, now that that's settled,' Jack clapped his hands, 'let's see to those cuts.'

'I told you guy, they're fine,' he poke himself in the chest to prove his point, but instead of feeling nothing, his chest exploded in pain as he was suddenly dripping in it. Startled, he looked up at Jack, who was looking at him worried. Daniel felt himself swaying; his head feeling like it was a radio going under a bridge as it filled with 'fuzz'. His knees were next as they became like Jell-o; he could feel himself falling towards that ground. He tried to brace himself for impact, but soft hand caught him and gently lowered him to the ground. The coldness of the ground was the last thing he felt before the blackness finally claimed him, drawing him into the peaceful oblivion.

'Carter,' Jack called for his SIC, but she was already at Daniel's side, inspecting his injuries. Jack took a quick glance at Daniel's battered body, swearing under his breath at the damage done.

'Those DARN fanfic writers,' he muttered as he started to help Sam treat Daniel's injuries.

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Well, what'd you think? Yes, this is a shameless beg for reviews, I have to know what you think.