The flashbacks hurt. I keep thinking about my choices, my decisions, my moves, mine mine mine. The memories are coming back, faster and faster. What once were regarded as nightmares are now memories. I remember so much of my previous life.

I wake in a cold sweat most nights, a scream on my lips. I remember what I did and who I did it to. Force help me, I raped the Outer Rim in my quest to save it. I slaughtered millions. The road to the Darkside is paved with good intentions. From what I'm remembering, I started the journey with good intentions. At first, I wanted to defeat the Mandalorians. No, that's wrong, more than defeat; I wanted to wipe them from the face of the galaxy. Then, I wanted to protect the galaxy from any outside threat. I could control the lure of the darkside. I could stay clear to my path. The darkside was stronger than I thought. The path was harder and somewhere, the road veered off and I wanted to conquer the Republic so that I could rule it.

My road veered again, and here I stood, fighting for my life on a factory powered by near-dead Jedi. My opponent was much bigger than me. I had my wits and the Force to help me. I was strong for a woman, but I was still a petite woman and my opponent was a mountain of a man, solid with muscle. I was dodging left and right, using the force to add bursts of speed to my flight. I had no hope if he got close enough to exchange blows with me. I ran to the upper deck, panting and sweating. My arms felt like they weighed a million pounds each and it was hard to even lift my lightsabers.

"Are you afraid to fight me, Revan? The lightside is weak, as you are. You always were weaker than me. Do you remember the day we sparred and you showed me the first rule of combat, win at any cost?"

My mind raced as I tried to catch my breath. I knew he was toying with me, but I was willing to go along with it if it gave me a chance to just breathe for a minute. Then, the memory hit me with the speed of a racing kath hound. With the memory came others. I remembered Malak. I remembered why he was so important to me. I remembered why he went down the dark path with me so willingly. My breath was snatched from me as quickly as I tried to catch it. The pain blindsided me and I shook.

Brother. The word and its important meaning raced through my head. Malak was, is, my brother. He was my baby brother and I led him to the Darkside.

Today was a big day. I couldn't sit still. The masters told me that favorite person in the whole galaxy was coming. We wouldn't be separated again, not unless we chose to be. I was an energetic six year old and I couldn't contain the excitement that bubbled to life within me. I sat at the entrance of the Enclave, waiting for the doors to open and get a glimpse of my parents and the little boy that I barely remembered, but knew in my heart. My brother was going to be a Jedi, just like me. I had so much to show him, if he was going to be half as good a Jedi as I was fast becoming.

Then, it happened. The doors swung open and I ran to them screaming "Malak! Malak!" my parents reached to hug me, but all I could see was the little brother, a small boy two years my junior. He hugged me and I wouldn't let go. He wouldn't let go either. We communicated in the way we always had, exchanging promises in our heads.

The memory fast forwarded a few years and I was sparring with Malak, who had quickly overshot me in height and stature. I stayed small and he was getting big. He beat me at sparring too often. I had to resort to trickery to gain the upper hand with him. We were each other's biggest competition and yet, we were friends too. His practice sword was sweeping to my neck when I Force-pushed him back and flew through the air, laying my sword at his neck instead.

"I got you." I crowed in glee, happy to best my little brother. "Your life is forfeit and now you have to clean my room for a week!"

"You cheated! You weren't supposed to use Force Powers!" He pouted as he lay on the floor. "You know that they haven't shown us any Force Powers like that!"

"I can't help that you're the baby brother and years behind me! I used what I had to to win. Face it, baby brother, you lost and now you're my maid." I stuck out my tongue to mock him and my hand to help him up. Instead of bringing himself up, he pulled me to the ground, laying his sword at my neck.

"All's fair, sister dear. I win. You let your guard down. Now, you're MY maid."

"Cheater! I won fair and square!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, I did!"

"Children, you both lost. Revan, you shouldn't have violated the agreement. Malak, your opponent showed you mercy. You should appreciate it and not abuse it." Master Vrook came into the sparring chamber, chastising both of us. "Why they allow siblings to spar and train together, I'll never understand. You two fight more than any other combination of people here."

"Master Vrook, we fight each other because, well, because it's fun." I rolled my eyes at Malak and he snickered back at me.

"Well, it's meal time. Go and wash up."

The memory fast forwarded again. I was a Knight and Malak was about to become a Knight. I was so proud of my little brother, who now stood almost a foot and a half taller than me. He outweighed me by a good fifty pounds. We hadn't sparred since I received my Knighthood a couple years back. I was looking forward to roaming the galaxy, saving people from their own stupidity with my brother at my side. The ceremony ended and Malak came loping over to me.

"Well, Revan, you can't be teasing me about being your baby brother anymore. I'm a Knight now."

"Malak, you'll always be my baby brother, even if you did become a mountain when I wasn't looking."

"Mountain? I can't help that you stopped growing at 5."

"I'll have you know, I'm taller than mother was by an inch. That makes me the tallest female in our family in thirty years, you, you, Gammorean!"

"Well, Jawa, we can't all be normal sized."

"I'll be showing you the error of your ways, brother mine. I would sleep with one eye open and check your sheets before you sleep if I were you."

"Children, still fighting? How is it that I always walk in on one of your spats?" Master Vrook approached, shaking his head. "You haven't seen each other in a year, and the first thing you do is fight. I will never understand the ways of siblings. No wonder siblings are normally separated."

I barely raised my lightsabers in time to parry his blows. With a burst of speed, I raced to the lower decks. I needed time to deal with the memories and the pain and the lack of breath. I needed time that I didn't have.

Almost as if he sensed it, Malak tormented me again. "Yes, sister, do you remember teaching me that first lesson? I can see that you do. Win at all costs, no matter the agreement. Promises are for the weak willed. The strong crush those before them."

"No, Malak, that wasn't what I wanted to teach you. We were ten. I just wanted to beat you for once. You were so much bigger and stronger than me. I just wanted…" My voice trailed off as I realized I was reinforcing what he said.

"You make my point, victory at any cost." He leaped over the railings and landed right in front of me. Again his lightsaber came bearing down on me. Again, I barely raised my lightsabers in time to parry his blows. We exchanged blows, but I knew I wouldn't last. I pulled the Force to me, Force-pushing him back again.

"Falling back on your old tricks, are you?" He taunted me.

"Malak, it's not too late. Turn your back on the darkside. This place is evil. The power here is tainted. Please, come back to the light." I almost begged him. The pain, not in body so much as the mind, was almost making me sob.

"Your lightside is weak. The darkside fills me with a power you can never touch. I am stronger than you in all ways, now." Blows came from every where. His speed was startling. My attention was divided and that would mean my death. I had to start concentrating on the battle at hand, not the memories of previous sparring matches between us. If I wanted to survive, I couldn't remember giggling as children with him over catching our first couple exchanging kisses, the first time we Force-tripped someone or the memory of him threatening the first boy to break my heart.

"Malak, the darkside only leads to death. Come back to the light. I will help you."

"Just as you helped when I lost my jaw? Just as you helped when I was tortured? Just as you helped me countless times? You left me hanging when I needed you most. Do you even remember?"

Of course, I remembered. I remembered the rage I felt when I found out that Malak had been captured by a remnant of the Sith beyond the Outer Rim.

They held him for almost a week before I could mount a rescue. I remember bursting into the torture room, killing all in my path. I used my darkside powers, Force-lightning and choking all in my path.

My first sight of my brother terrified me. I thought he was dead until he turned his face towards me. His jaw was gone. His eyes begged me to end his agony. He mewled at me, knowing that I would understand what he wanted. His pain was like a tsunami. It roared over me, threatening to overpower me. I took off my mask and kissed his forehead. I remember crying as I used the Force to heal what I could. I promised him that we would find a way to replace that which was lost. I vowed revenge.

Yet again, his distractions worked. I barely parried the blow that threatened to halve me. Jumping back from him, I spoke. "I remember mounting a rescue. I remember healing you. I remember killing everyone at that base to avenge your pain. I remember when the doctors installed your vocalizer. Do you remember me taking your pain, so you wouldn't suffer? Do you remember me crying as I healed you? I may be the one that went through the mindwipe, but you are the one suffering from a selective memory."

This time, the distraction was on my side. I swept in with both lightsabers glowing. I was at a major disadvantage, not just in terms of strength. I fought, not to kill, but to save. I wanted to save my brother. I had to make every chance count. If I could just fight him to a standstill, he would see the love I had for him through my mercy. I didn't understand how I could go from hating him to loving him with just a few memories restored. However, I did. I loved my brother and I could still see that little boy inside of the shell that he had become.

"Malak, it's not too late. You can still turn to the light. Please, turn to the light." To my horror, I miscalculated as I swung my right lightsaber. I hit the joint of his armor, slicing into his side. I tried to slow my momentum, before I did too much damage but I couldn't. Malak slid to the ground, impaled on my lightsaber. I stared in horror. The pain filled me, time slowed as I dropped beside him. "Don't leave me, please don't leave me. Please, Malak, don't leave me. Stay with me. I'll fix this, I have to fix this. Please don't leave me." It became a mantra to me. I disengaged my lightsaber and cradled Malak's head in my lap. I channeled all the Force I had left into healing him. Even though I knew rationally it was hopeless, I had to try to save him.

"Revan, I…" He started choking. A trickle of blood came out of his mouth, garish on his pale features. "What would have happened if fate had decreed that I was the one who was saved? Could I have been redeemed?"

"I led you down the path, but you chose to keep following it." I couldn't concentrate. My panic was overwhelming me. The grief and guilt clawed for dominance in my heart. I was failing my baby brother and I knew it. I kept trying to heal him. "Please, don't talk, concentrate on healing, please don't leave me."

"For the first time since we started our journey, I can feel peace. I love you, Revan. I can see the light. You are right, the lightside was always more powerful. How could I have forgotten that?" His eyes started to close. He gripped my hand tightly. "Honor me, Revan. Honor me in the old ways. Remember our vow. Remember me, not like this. Remember as I was. I…" His grip was weakening and I could feel that special spark of life venturing further and further from me. I tightened my grip on his hand.

"Don't leave me. Malak, I just got you back, don't leave me. I will honor you, but don't leave me. I love you. Don't leave me." The tidal wave of grief and guilt ripped me from my moorings. It rampaged through me, almost happy to find a home with me again. I could feel the rage coming, dancing a jig in anticipation of the terror it would bring.

"I can feel the darkside coming cough with…in you. You…brought me back…to the…light…don't stray yourself."

"Still looking out for me, love? Going to break the nose of the next boy to break my heart?" I teased to take my mind off his pain. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. Here I sit, the former Dark Lord of the Sith, comforting the current Dark Lord of the Sith as he lay dying. Like a candle, I could feel his flame sputtering.

"Tell me, that pilot…the one from the…Levia...than… will he…break it?"

I half sobbed, half laughed as he asked the question. The irony was getting to me. "Carth is a wonderful man."

"I wouldn't…want…to have to…come back… and break his…nose. Remember me, promise." The flame sputtered one more time and then it extinguished.

My voice cracked. "I promise." The sobs came and I doubled over, laying my head on his chest as his head lay in my lap. "Don't leave me. Please, I just found you again. Don't leave me." I knew it was too late but the mantra kept pouring out of my mouth. "Don't leave me. I love you, don't leave me." I lost all track of my surroundings as I cried and railed. I rocked us back and forth. Broken lullabies that I sang to him as a child came out of mouth. "Hush little baby, don't you cry, Revan's going to…Don't leave me, don't leave me, please don't leave me. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, don't leave me, please don't leave me." I didn't remember I was on a space station with countless missile salvos heading my way. I didn't remember that I had friends waiting for me in a landing bay. "I will honor you. Don't leave me. I will always remember you. Don't leave me." Tears soaked both of our robes, his crimson and stained with his blood, mine dark brown and stained with his blood and mine.