Revan's Diary of Fighting Ancient Evil in the Outer Rim

A/N: May contain (ok, does contain) spoilers of the ending to KoTR2, The Sith Lords. Read at own risk. I really hope Helena L tackles this project, because she could do it far more justice than I, but for now, this will have to suffice. Obviously as a disclaimer in addition to not owning these characters created by Lucas Arts, Obsidian and Bioware, I did not come up with the original idea for a diary parody. I have no idea who did, but it might have been Cassie Claire. So props to her as well...

Stardate one-year-after-Star-Forge, en route to Malachor V

Got drunk with Canderous last night and we talked about the mutual attraction thing. Also made him swear vow not to invade the Republic with his new army. He looked sulky but he promised. Left early in the morning when he was still passed out.

Where I go, I go alone. I will not take the ones I love. This ancient evil, like all ancient evils that are probably somehow my fault, is something I must face alone. Most importantly, no one else must find out about it. After all, I am the savior of the galaxy. It's my job.

Stardate whatever, Malachor V

Today I prepare to leave the ruins of Malachor V in search of the ancient evil. I've decided to leave my faithful droid companions and the Ebon Hawk behind, in the company of someone who's a very old friend. Although her enigmatic remarks and cackling laughter seem a bit disturbing, I know that in her heart of hearts, she means well. Maybe. Actually I don't bloody care. Must go fight ancient evil.

Stardate whatever, Malachor V

Since I've decided not to take the Hawk, must find ship that works. All of the ones here seem to be crashed. Asked Darth Nihilus if I could borrow the Ravager. I think he said no, it was kind of hard to tell.

Stardate whatever, Malachor V

Sion has a cute accent, shame he's so banged up. I miss Carth.

Stardate whatever, Malachor VI

Finally got offworld! Never mind how, it's not important. With a quick stop on one of the Mandalorian worlds not ravaged by the tides of war and gravity wells, I got some supplies and check the news. Things look grim for the Republic...all the more reason to leave it and go fight ancient evil!

Stardate whatever, Leaving the Outer Rim

What ancient evils lurk beyond the darkness of known space? Are they different than the ones that lurk in known space? Can they be more terrible than the wonders of the Star Forge and the threats of the Rakatan Infinite Empire? They must be, I am sure of it!

Stardate --? First stop on world in ancient evil empire.

Thank the Force that I studied ancient Sith tongues, since that's really paying off now! Am staying in nice hotel near ominous dark tomb of some forgotten Dark Lord. Tomorrow must break in and face the ancient evil.

Three days later.

Trapped in ancient tomb with evil Sith ghosts, my mind wanders back to the decisions I made, the battles I fought and the man that I loved. I hope Carth forgives me for leaving him and the Republic, and everyone that cared about me to go face ancient evil.

Also, food supplies running low. May have to find out if commlink works well enough to get hotel to deliver to ancient tomb.

Two months later.

Well, I've visited several tombs now. I found a tour group that's doing the rounds of "Ancient Sith Monuments." Normally I would travel alone, but they are so fussy about visas in these totalitarian regime type places. I sense a great darkness on this unnamed world. Then again perhaps it is just that the sun is very old and dim.

Four months later.

I seem to have attracted the interest of the evil ancient Overlord. He asked me to join him, but I said no. Carth is much cuter. I miss him.

Evil Overlord gave me some nice artifacts. How dumb does he think I am? Sealed them in stasis field so as not to be corrupted with the dark side. Again.

Four years later.

Well what a huge surprise!

An old friend has shown up to help me in this quest that I must face alone. Except for her, I mean. She was my greatest General ever, I remember that well...now. I am sorry about sticking the whole guilt-trip about Malachor V on her shoulders too. We talked about it. Then I took her to this great pub that's near the site of an ancient evil ruined temple and we played some pazaak. For some reason, that kept making her cry.

She says Carth misses me alot. I miss him too, but duty calls!

Tomorrow we're going to investigate this ancient artifact of dark side power that sounds really promising. She says things are going to hell in a handgrenade back home--but at least Onderon and Telos and Dantooine are ok. Phew, I was really worried.

She keeps nagging me to write Carth a letter, but I'm not sure what to say. Perhaps a postcard?