This little nugget is the result of a rabid "what if" bunny while rewatching The Evil Dead 1. Because, in the US at least, every med student has to get their bachelors first…

1982. Empire College, Tennessee.

Herbert readjusted the stack of books as he hiked up jagged 85 board that some idiot had the audacity to call a "staircase". Thankfully, he had been lucky enough to have a second-floor room instead of being crammed up into the crawlspace that passed for the uppermost floor. But life had a nasty way of balancing out such good fortune, in this case by forcing upon Herbert one of the worse roommates in the entire history of dormitory life: Ashley J. Williams.

He wasn't against the idea of sharing a room with a complete stranger, even one whose only motivation for enrolling in college was to slacking off with his pot-head friends. He had gotten use to the obnoxious music, the drunken returns at well past 4 o'clock in the morning, and the increasingly frequent times Ashley had 'sexiled' him to the couch in the downstairs lounge because of that annoying little trollop Linda. He even grudgingly enjoyed being coerced into going along with Ashley to the latest screening of low-budget horror movies. But it was his roommate's instance upon being friends that Herbert couldn't stand.

From the very first day they met, Herbert thought he had made it pointedly clear that he was only attending this rat-hole institution to earn a bachelor's degree in biology and still be able to afford to attend medical school in Switzerland. And in the beginning, that was how things were between him and Ashley. But Ashley, ever the optimist, was dead set upon dragging Herbert into the wondrously overrated world of frat parties, lowbrow humor, and woman chasing.

Further aggravating the matter was Ashley's little sister, a typically maudlin Art Major who had lately taken to following him around campus like a lost puppy. Things were getting to point where Herbert couldn't even step out of the dorm without finding her laying in wait for him nearby. And, after today's little debacle in the library, he had finally reached the breaking point.

Verbal vitriol bubbling just on the tip of his tongue, Herbert started to reach for the door when he heard the barely muffled voice of Ashley's best friend Scotty booming inside.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you do this!"

"Scotty, I don't see why you're making such a big deal out it," came Ashley's wheedling sigh. "He needs to get out more often."

"What he needs is to get his fucking head examined! I mean look at this stuff, Ash!" Herbert's mouth twitched as Scotty began rifling through his things. "Treatises on brain-death, notes on the scientific applications of Voodoo, books on the living dead, even a god damn essay on the Necronomicon! How can you tell me this guy isn't a total nut-job?!"

"Would you just chill?" Ashley hissed. "So Herb's a little weird…"

"A little?"

Another sigh. "Okay, make that seriously weird. But let's not overlook his good points…"

"Like being a sneaky little shit?"

"Cut it out, Scot. Herb is not—"

"That's Herbert, Ashley." Herbert sneered, relishing the effect his sudden appearance had on Scot.

"Speak of the devil…" muttered Scotty as he sat on Herbert's bed.

Turning away from the stack of papers he'd been trying to hide in a drawer, Ashley smiled broadly. "Hey, we were just talking about you, buddy."

The scowl deepened. "Let me repeat myself: My name is Herbert. Not 'Herb', not 'Bert', and definitely not 'buddy' or 'pal'."

"Okay, okay! No need to get pissed off." Ashley leaned against the windowsill, still bearing that infernal smile. "Me and Scotty were just talking about the trip we're taking with the girls up to the wood for the weekend. We've got a cabin rented and everything."

"Good for you."

Despite Scotty silently mouthing 'no' over and over again, Ashley continued on. "It's going to be just Scot, Shelly, Linda, Cheryl, and me going up and, seeing that Cheryl has this thing for you and all…"

"You want me to come along so she's got someone too, hmmm?"

"I told you he wouldn't…"

Before Scotty could finish, Herbert cut him off. "I'll consider it."

"Really?! Great!" With characteristic good humor, Ashley gave him a bear-hug, not noticing the smaller man rankling at the touch. Letting Herbert go, he turned to Scotty. "See man? I told you he was a good guy."

"Yah, whatever." Standing, Scotty moved toward the door. "I'm starving. Let's go grab a bite to eat, Ash."

"Alright. Hey Herbert, you want something?"

"No. Thank you," came the grumble as he dropped the books on top of his desk and settled down to study. As soon as the door had closed and he was sure Ashley wasn't in earshot, Herbert grabbed the phone.

"Hello, Dr. Visner? This is Herbert West from your morning Biology class. I was wondering if I could stop by and get some help studying for the upcoming exam. I've been having a bit a trouble understanding the lecture notes on parthenogenesis. Can we set a meeting for this weekend? Would 9 a.m. this Saturday be alright? Thank you so very much, madam. You don't know how much of a help you are to me."