I Heard It And I Cried

Summary: When Johnny Cade died gallant and too young, did he remember his first love? She remembers him. All of the secrets of the life of Johnny Cade...told through the eyes of the girl who loved him with all her heart.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders...I do own Angela, because of the obvious reason that I made her up! :) If you want to use her, which I doubt anyone would want one of my characters, ask me first, alrighty?

A/N: I am a HUGE Johnny fan, and even though I am probably writing a dreadful Mary Sue, which I abhor, thank you ever so, I had to tell his story my way and I hope I do not get flamed more than I deserve...:)

A/N: (once more!) Guess what? Now my three friends at school, we call each-other by Outsiders names! I am Johnny! Chibi-Sama is Ponyboy! And Sasuke/Naruto-San is Two-Bit!

Chapter Three: Inside and Outside

I didn't know that I didn't love Dally...but I didn't.

Maybe it was the way he handled things, maybe it was his coolness...maybe it was the fact that I never had a real dad to love me, and he was like a dad to me.

Even when he died...

But it wasn't the role he had wanted to play. Johnny...he told me that.

Dally had loved me, and I didn't love him...

Oh god, I still feel so bad...

And I'll be damned if I let them slip away...one week had taken the both of them.

One week.

I didn't care that Bob died, I still don't. He deserved what he got, no one messes with my Johnny Cade and Pony...Johnny was scared to death of socs, and he knew that.

I don't care if Randy said that all he wanted was for someone to tell him "no."

He can tell it to himself all he wants in hell!

And...Johnny...and Dally...can look down at him, and laugh.

I'm almost shocked at how much I've changed...I wasn't like this. I was never like this...once again, blame Bob.

I hope he rots in his grave.

And yet...I don't know why I don't want Randy to.

He's different from Bob, but I still hate him...

I just don't want him to die.

Seven years after I met Dally I was...I don't know...Twelve? And he should've been at least fourteen...

Seems like so long ago, I'm nineteen now...

Like the sleeping memories that never go away.

During that time, Johnny's parents had been beating on him more and more...and he took to sleeping in my garage, scared of his dad, and scared of his mom.

I don't know what they're doing now...but every time I look at them, it's like I'm penetrated to the bone, and I get so scared I can't move.

I don't mean "scared."

I mean, "honest-to-god terrified."

His head was always slamming against the wall, that came from his dad, he went freezing in winter, that came from his mom.

We were sitting placidly in the church, minding our own business.

When Johnny gets hit in the head with a spitwad.

Oh, and how lovely, there's one for me!

Thanks Dally!

....Dally?

Johnny and I both smiled as we saw his wild, cold grin spread across his face.

You know, I don't think we realized real well that we were in a church.

We threw hymn books at each-other, Johnny being even wilder than Soda, and Two-Bit, who had taken the gum from their mouths and hurled it at the preacher.

Johnny was shouting real loud, and did a cartwheel in the middle of the church.

Ouch...

He had accidentally kicked our school counselor...

Dally, brushing his wispy hair out of his face, yelled, "Run for it, Johnnycake!"

The rest of us cheered and ran too...

Of course, the people in the church scowled at us...

O greasers, victim of environment, no-count hoods! Juvenile delinquent, you're no good!

Oh yeah? Ask the SOCS!!!!!!

Nice little song though...we don't mind, as Pony said a couple of years ago, being called greasers by another greaser, it's playful then. But when we hear "greaser" being called, echoing in the vacant lot, that's when it sends a chill down our spines.

We ran to the vacant lot, it was our first time there...we had finally found some territory of our own! Now we didn't have to live in fear of socs coming and killing us for lighting up a cigarette in a park or in Tim Shepard's alleys.

Oh, about the smoking thing...Johnny started at nine...I started at the very same time...it was the only time we felt safe about something before that, you know? That's very sad...isn't it? To be happy and feel safe about lighting a cigarette and knowing that it won't beat you? That's low.

Darry sat in the vacant lot, passing down a cigarette. He wouldn't risk it, being an athlete...like anybody doesn't know about "Darry the Superman."

We all talked real happy for a time that seemed like an eternity...and then we watched the sun set...

We all stayed out after midnight, except Darry, Pony, and Soda, because their parents would get worried, and none of us would like that.

As for Johnny's parents, they didn't care if he were living or dying.

Neither did mine.

And Dally...well, I don't even know if Dally had parents....

So finally, Dally asked me the question I was dreading...

"So, Perkins...again, I ask...where's the perk?"

Johnny slapped his hand to his forehead, and yelped, because the cigarette he'd been holding had just, obviously, smashed against his head.

I smiled at Johnny, and then looked at Dally with a stupid determination.

Yeah, I know it's real stupid to be asked where your perk is and to actually answer, but as I said way in the beginning, I'm just a dumb greaser girl, and I did what I did.

I had been wearing a big jacket that day, so nobody could see...you know...that I was, well...growing...so I took a deep breath..

And I flung off my jacket.

I'm not ashamed or anything but...still, I don't like talking about this kind of thing...and I do have a lot of...you know, curve, I guess.

Dally looked on in awe while Johnny blushed and stared, and I fumed.

I held it in, I was a big girl and I wasn't going to let him get the better of me...

Of course, if I hadn't let him get the better of me that day, it wouldn't have happened...

Oh well!

Anyway, he looked at me, and started talking dirty. Dally's been able to talk dirty ever since I can remember.

Johnny, much to his reluctance, listened, but payed more attention to me...or should I say my shirt.

"Angie's carrying two melons up front!!" he said gleefully where Johnny's ears got red.

"Yeah? Well, Dally Winston, you got what you wanted, and I do have perk, so there!" I said, furious.

Then I walked away.

"Angie shakes like jell-o, from the back, from the front, and even sideways!"

Johnny, who I noticed was feeling kind of vicious that day...if you could ever call that boy vicious, that is...which he never was....slapped Dally across the face and walked me home.

Dally smiled at Johnny as we walked away.

"You've got a good girl, keep her."

I left my jacket on the pavement.

Dally used it as a blanket that night.

A/N: Heheh!! Kind of unusual for me, I guess! Sankyuu to all of my reviewers, and now onto the 4th fanfic update of the day! Oh lord...this fanfic thing is killing me! As soon as I finish all of these, I'm taking a BIG vacation!! A BIG ONE!! Huge!!! Large, I say, I say!!!

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII