I Heard It And I Cried

Summary: When Johnny Cade died gallant and too young, did he remember his first love? She remembers him. All of the secrets of the life of Johnny Cade...told through the eyes of the girl who loved him with all her heart.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders...I do own Angela, because of the obvious reason that I made her up! :) If you want to use her, which I doubt anyone would want one of my characters, ask me first, alrighty?

A/N: I am a HUGE Johnny fan, and even though I am probably writing a dreadful Mary Sue, which I abhor, thank you ever so, I had to tell his story my way and I hope I do not get flamed more than I deserve...:)

Chapter One: My Beginning, His End.

It hit me like a bullet to the brain.

I was numb, unmoving, and I couldn't do anything but stutter and put my hands to my cheeks and feel my tears slide onto them...

I couldn't believe it.

Johnny, my Johnny, was dead.

This can't be real, I thought to myself, It can't...he's not dead! He was only sixteen, why God?

He was only sixteen. Too young to die...

Johnny is my age....he would have been 17 in autumn...like me...just like me. He was just a kid.

It would have been okay if he had just died in a car accident, or got too sick and just couldn't take it anymore, at least then I could have stayed by his bedside.

But he had been killed.

Not killed by a person but by his own desire to jump into those flames and save the kids....that was what got me. He had died a hero.

Just like I knew he always would...

I knew he would die saving somebody.

And damn it all, I was right, and how I hated it!

I knew he had killed someone...I think his name was Bob...

But God had no right to take Johnny away. And to heaven too!

When he was dying, Johnny, because of his stupid parents, thought he was going to go to hell.

It's not fair, I all but screamed in my mind, it's not fair!

I looked at the picture of him that I kept hidden under my pillow...he was too handsome to die too.

Johnny, who looked like a little puppy who had been kicked far too many times.

Johnny, with his shaggy, soft bangs and his deep, sensitive, frightened eyes.

And Johnny, who would always be there for me.

Until now.

And it was all Bob's fault.

Everything was Bob's fault!

It was Bob's fault that Johnny had to kill him!

It was Bob's fault he was dead!

It was Bob's fault that I was still living!

I looked out the window of my room, the blinds were broken and tattered from trying to do that morse code stuff with Johnny across the street.

I sighed. That had been so long ago, or maybe, yesterday.

I can't tell time now.

Sometimes I wished I could kill myself, and be with Johnny, but he would have wanted me to be happy instead.

The screen of the window was jagged and rusty, I eyed the drops of blood on the floor, and remembered whose they were.

They were Johnny's from climbing into my window so many nights.

In some sort of weird stupor or something, I threw my hand against the screen and raked it across, dropping my blood on the floor next to his and feeling sort of lightheaded.

Everything was hazy and so I laid on my bed to help clear my vision up.

I laid there without moving or even breathing real loudly, just wondering why.

He wasn't a typical greaser...he was special. Johnny could get a lot out of things...and he was sensitive and caring...so gentle and soft spoken.

Most of the guys have a slouching, feline look...Johnny looked like a little scared dog who got caught up in a quarrel...and he was.

It wasn't being a greaser that had made him die.

It was not knowing who he was going to be when he got out of highschool.

I knew that Johnny could have been someone if he lived.

He would have gotten out of this town and would have become someone really great, important.

But he has always been important to me.

Why does everyone have to die?

Why do we get all the tough breaks?

Why do we get in fights with people who are underneath it all, just human beings like us?

But that's how things are...too fast to live...too young to die.

For a dumb greaser girl, I dig okay.

On every side of town, we see the same sky, from different windows, of course...but it's still the same.

And here we are fighting each-other and killing each-other, and breaking people's hearts and dying, while we're all humans too.

It's horrible, and I know how much Johnny wanted to fix it.

But maybe things are sewn into this town like a blanket and won't unravel unless someone who's still here tries to un-sew it. Maybe that person will be me.

But first, I have to remember him...and keep him alive, as much as I can...then he'll be able to finally realize that there's some good here. Some unity....some memories that will never ever fade away. This if for you, Johnny Cade...