Accepting

Chapter One

Hephaestion gasped in a deep breath, shivering uncontrollably on the lavish bed that reeked of sickness. He hadn't moved from the fine, silken sheets for the past three days. And the immobility was surely killing him faster than the disease. But worst still was the ill smell that clung to his every fiber. Not only was he to die bedridden, but also he was to be constantly reminded of it from the smell that assaulted his senses and the uncontrollable muscle spasms.

He was fevered and nothing could quench his parched throat anymore. Nothing could comfort his aching, withering body, put his restless mind to ease. He would have laughed bitterly at the cowardly way he was to die if it were not for the increased burning fire that coursed throughout his belly.

The only thing, the only person that kept him alive anymore, that made him still hope was Alexander. His Alexander. Sweet Alexander, who was always kind and forthcoming if ever Hephaestion called for him. But even then Hephaestion could not stand Alexander's kindness that almost reeked of charity in his fevered state. But though Hephaestion hated accepting his coward's death, he knew Alexander could not accept the mere fact that he was dying. Alexander did not care how, he only mourned that it was so. He mourned that they would not have the chance to grow old together, to watch their children play with one another, that they would not be able to make love like they were meant to.

And so Hephaestion stayed himself for what he must do. He had to help Alexander, no matter the pain or fever. Even when Hephaestion could not accept it himself, he had to try for Alexander's sake.

Hephaestion hitched in breath for a moment before a shaking coughing rattled his weakening body. As his body shook with small spasms Hephaestion could finally hear Alexander's strong, loud stride approaching his chambers. He closed his eyes and titled his aching, sweat drenched head back into the soft pillows, waiting.

The footsteps slowed and then finally stopped at what Hephaestion could only suspect as the end of his extravagantly large bed. Alexander's engulfing presence made Hephaestion quiver from more than just fever and muscle spasms for the first time in days. "I look a fright, I know," he gasped out quietly, smiling as far as his chapped lips would allow.

A rustling sounded and then Alexander's cool hands were on him, holding him tightly and then brushing his sweat dampened hair back from his face. He opened his puffy red eyes and gazed at Alexander's beautiful, healthy face. He envied Alexander's vivaciousness now, envied him for his life, but Hephaestion wouldn't have traded places with Alexander for a moment. He loved Alexander too much to wish any ill will on him, even as he was soon to die.

Alexander smiled softly, his eyes tearing as he looked upon the face of his beloved. "No, you are terribly wrong young soldier! You are the most beautiful body in all of my empire, and will surely be so amongst…the gods as well." Alexander looked down at Hephaestion's chest, clutching the sick man's hands tightly within his grasp.

Hephaestion gently pulled his left hand away and placed it lightly on Alexander's fair hair, curling his fingers between the wavy, golden locks. "Ah, but you flatter me, my fierce lion. You should not tell a dying fool such lies… It makes his head grow when it aught not." Alexander's head rose quickly and he stared at Hephaestion with such force that the brunette caught his breath just before breaking into another fit of hackling.

Alexander raised Hephaestion up on the bed a little and rubbed his back soothingly as the coughing fit passed. When Hephaestion had calmed down and settled back against Alexander's chest Alexander caught his shaking hand and stroked his thumb over the clammy skin. "I would not lie to you, Hephaestion. I will not and have not. Ever." Hephaestion smiled as his blue eyes that had begun to sting closed once again.

"No… You would never do that would you?" Hephaestion said softly, his breathes coming quicker with each passing moment. Alexander's hold on his hand tightened as he went into another convulsion.

"Zeus, be damned, Hephaestion! I cannot lose you! Ah, you… Not you…" Alexander whispered harshly into his ear holding him tightly against his body. Hephaestion tilted his head back and leaned into Alexander, kissing his cheek as he gasped in harsh breathes.

"No…but…you must live…Xander. Live. And…when the gods…see fit to…to have you…I…I will be…waiting…for…for you." Alexander clenched his eyes shut and tears escaped out from beneath his eyelids, falling down his pale cheeks.

"Yes, my love… I will live for you. And when I become a god I will see you in Olympus! And I will have my soul back when we are united again, Phai… You are my soul… For a man can live without his soul for a time…but then he must be one again… You complete me…you complete me. My Patroclus…"

Hephaestion gasped softly as a small tear trekked down his roughly bristled cheek, and on his last breath, believing, trusting, and loving Alexander still to the very end whispered thus, "Of course, of course, my…Alexander…my…Achilles…"