Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing.
"No Offense" Warning: This particular fic involves quite a bit of religious subject matter. To be exact, it is "old school" Christian dogma as interpreted by the author. If that offends, confuses, or otherwise scares you off, then I'd advise you to stop reading right here.
Author's Note: Few people, almost no people, get through this life without some sort of tragedy befalling themselves or someone they care for. When this happens, the temptation is to abandon hope and demand an answer "from on high". The question of why a just God would allow so much (seemingly unjust) suffering is a question that has plagued mankind since time began. Better minds than mine have wrestled with it, and were far more articulate in doing so. Nonetheless, I've decided to give this eternal riddle my best shot, giving my answer in the form of what happened "behind the scenes" directly before and after the attempt on Sir Integra Hellsing's life...
This story takes place in the anime, beginning before Order 9 ("Red Rose Vertigo") and ending in the same place as Order 10 ("Master of Monster").
---------------------------------------------
Hellsing's opening theme, "The World Without Logos", is probably the best-known music from that series, with the possible exception of "Shine". However, few people are aware of the title's actual meaning.
The word "logos" is Greek, and roughly translates to "word". In the ancient Greek context, it stood for reason and the natural order of the universe. However, in Christian theology it is one of the names for Jesus Christ.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."
Gospel of John, 1:1-5
---------------------------------------------
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
"Whoah... Nice shot, Master!" Seras gulped.
The head and chest of the target facing the vampire Alucard were now sporting gaping holes.
"Yes, not bad, if I do say so myself," he replied with a smirk. "Walter truly outdid himself when he designed the Jackal. It took some getting used to at first, but now it feels almost like an extension of myself. Do you feel the same way about that howitzer he has you hauling around, police girl?"
Seras Victoria didn't hear him. She was lost in her own little world; the recent death of her friend Harry Anders had shocked her, and matters she hadn't given much thought to before now were weighing heavily on her mind.
"Police girl? Helloooo...?" Alucard thumped her with his pointer finger in annoyance.
"Wh-what?" she jumped, startled out of her daze.
"What's with you, police girl?" he asked, frustrated. "You've been moping around like a depressed little adolescent for the past two days! I was hoping that blasting holes into targets might snap you out of it, but apparently destruction doesn't give you quite the thrill it does me. So are you going to tell me what's the matter with you, or am I going to have to read your mind?"
She knew it was no empty threat, so she resigned to tell him, even she doubted that he would understand.
"A friend of mine was killed in a car bomb attack recently, right after he dropped me off," Seras solemly informed him. "I know I should be getting used to people I care about dying by now, but--it just wasn't right. He didn't even have a chance to fight death; it just took him. He was young, had family and friends..." She was getting upset, but was careful to keep her voice steady and her eyes dry; her master did NOT appreciate signs of weakness.
"I don't know..." she continued. "It just got me to thinking about things. You know: Is there a God? Why does he let things like that happen? (Ha!) Can vampires go to heaven? Before I joined Hellsing, I was a pretty religious person, but now..."
Alucard smiled in amusement. "Mankind has been asking those questions since the beginning of time, police girl. I'm obviously no expert, but 500 years has given me a little insight on such things."
Pulling out his older gun, the .454 Cassul, Alucard began firing at the targets again, but kept up the conversation. "There is a God; if there weren't, I and those like me would have brought this world to ruin already. The fact that crucifixes cause me quite a bit of discomfort is further proof of the fact that he exists. As for your second question, he allows people to kill and be killed because, quite frankly, he doesn't care."
"You don't really believe that!" Seras exclaimed, shocked at this callous viewpoint.
Alucard turned toward Seras, fixing such an intense gaze on his servant that her blood almost froze in her veins. "I know it!" he stated coldy. "I was human long, long ago, Seras, but I still remember certain things. I remember seeing my friends and family slaughtered. I remember selling my soul to God's opposite number in return for the power to carry out my revenge. I remember all that I have done, and all of the people that I have killed, since that time. I have seen things that would make an athiest out of a saint, and have done things quite a bit worse than that. If there is indeed a God, Seras Victoria, then he is a distant one, with very little concern for his creation."
"...Master? You mentioned crucifixes, so what about his Son...?" she ventured, hoping that her master's disturbing world-view wasn't all-encompassing.
Alucard ceased firing for a second. Without a word, he pulled Jackal out of its holster and tossed it to her. She looked down at the inscription on it, the white letters a sharp contrast to the jet-black gun.
Alucard raised his gun and aimed it at the target. "Jesus Christ is in heaven, now, Seras Victoria."
BLAM!
The target took a shot to the eye. "For what it's worth," he concluded, "I wouldn't count on joining him there. We are monsters, police girl, demons who walk the earth. I doubt very seriously that we are welcome inside heaven's gates."
"How can you say such things?!" she shouted, shocked and hurt at her master's cold, insensitive comment.
Alucard paid no attention to her, instead concentrating on the much-abused target in front of him.
Seras clenched her fists in anger as a lone tear rolled down her cheek. Her master was wrong! She was a good person; she believed in God! Surely... he couldn't be right?
That thought disturbed her more than words can express. She walked out of the room, knowing that the sooner Alucard was out of her sight, the sooner she could put this conversation out of thought and out of mind...
-------------------------
The next day was a busy one. Hellsing had been sent to infiltrate a supposedly ghoul-infested castle, only to be ordered out by MI-5. Seras had sensed something very unusual (bad unusual) inside the castle, but Hellsing had been ordered to back off; there was nothing she could do. The rest of the day hadn't been much easier, and by nightfall, Seras was "about to give out".
"Soooo tired..." moaned Seras as she plopped onto her bed. "If I weren't an animated corpse already, I think I'd die from exhaustion..."
She pressed the button to shut the lid on her coffin-bed. It came down, but was up again in under two seconds.
"I can't go to bed before taking a bath..."
-------------------------
"Sir Integra's sister?!" she gasped, surprised. "But they don't even look alike!"
Walter didn't look amused.
"Err... I guess with such a complicated family history, these kinds of things would happen! Hahaha! Heh heh...ahem!" Seras giggled, embarassed.
She was glad Walter was here. It was probably her imagination, but before his appearance, Seras had heard strange noises and had a bizzare "vision" like the one in the castle earlier today... Walter's prescence seemed to bring everything back to normal. Still, as she watched "Laura Hellsing" walk up the stairs, Seras couldn't help but feel uneasy for some reason...
-------------------------
"So, you have the gall to come here, do you?" Alucard asked. The darkness of Hellsing's basement floor had no answer. "I certainly hope you have the power to back up your enormous pretensions!"
Still, no sound came from the direction Alucard was facing.
"You know, the two of us are not that different. We have both put aside our pride in order to serve our human masters. How utterly...pitiful."
All of the sudden, purple lines seemed to materialize in the distance. As the sound of footsteps reached his ears, Alucard grinned sadistacally.
"Finally; it was getting a little dull around here lately!" he thought as Incognito drew ever closer...
---------------------------
Seras was walking back toward her room, when (out of nowhere) she suddenly had a splitting headache. However, the suddenness of this migraine was nowhere near as troubling as the images that accompanied it.
In a flash of red and white blurs, Seras saw Sir Integra Hellsing, upstairs in her office. She seemed dazed, struggling to move but unable to. Her sister, Laura, was next to her, unbuttoning her uniform. However, it was suddenly abundantly clear that "Laura" was anything but human!
The headache (and the vision) came to a sudden stop. Seras's eyes went wide; that was no hallucination. Immediately, she turned and ran back up the basement stairs, trying to get to Integra's office as fast as she possibly could, but whenever she reached the first-floor stairs, her way was blocked by a very familiar figure.
"Walter!" she cried, relieved. "Sir Integra is--"
"Don't you DARE disturb Sir Integra!" he interrupted in a low, menacing tone. He flicked his wrist, and Seras felt something sharp sting her cheek. As the blood ran down the side of her face, Seras saw that the butler had attacked her with his "strings".
"Walter!" Seras muttered, bewildered. "What's wrong with you?! Please, let me pass!"
The old butler didn't seem to hear her; his eyes had an odd, glass-like look to them, and it seemed like he was staring at something far away.
"He's being controlled!" Seras suddenly realized, her heart sinking to her feet. "But how can I possibly hurt Walter?! He's been so kind to me!"
As he twirled the string in the air, she suddenly thought of something else.
"Maybe I should be worrying about him hurting me..."
-------------------------
"You and I... we're different," Incognito stated matter-of-factly.
Alucard raised an eyebrow. "What is that supposed to mean?"
The African vampire grinned knowingly. "Only one of us has a master anymore."
Alucard's eyes went wide in shock. "He's been clouding my mind! All of this was just a distraction to--to--!"
"What in God's name have you done?!" Alucard roared. The darkness surrounding the enfuriated vampire blackened even further, and hundreds of eyes opened all around him. "I'm going to fill you full of my Jackal's bullets!!!" he screamed in rage.
----------------------
Above Hellsing HQ, an enormous, swirling, red pentagram appeared in the sky. It bathed the entire mansion in a blood-red light, dispelling the evil magic at work inside.
Walter "snapped to", finding himself holding strings that felt like they were stretched taut. Looking down, he saw to his horror that the other ends of the threads were wrapped tightly around his young friend's neck!
The old man released his stranglehold on the young vampire, leaving her gasping for breath.
"Wh-what was I just doing?! God!" he gasped, horrified.
------------------------
"Hurry, Alucard," Incognito smiled wickedly. "It simply wouldn't do for your master to die alone. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Incognito faded away into the darkness, leaving only his purple tatoos, which soon followed him.
Alucard followed his lead, disappearing into a portal and reappearing outside Integra's office. As he emerged from the wall, he saw Walter and Seras running at break-neck speed toward the office door.
"Please... don't let me be too late, Integra!" he thought, panicked.
------------------------
The dead vampiress Camilla lay on the floor, little more than dust mingled with blood. Staggering as she rose, Integra stood up and walked to the other side of her desk.
"Integra, my master...!" Alucard thought, relieved. "I should have known it would take more than that blood-sucking whore to bring you to your knees!" Just then, he noticed something that made his hope fall, then completely disappear. "Those bite marks... she has been tainted." Alucard was glad he was wearing his shades; his eyes were anything but dry as he reached for the Jackal. "I'm sorry, my master. I have failed to save your life, but I will save you from an afterlife as a ghoul. You... would have wanted it this way..."
Integra grabbed something off of her desk, making Alucard freeze in place. He saw to his surprise that she had grabbed a blood-stained knife.
"Sir Integra!" Seras shouted, rushing toward her in concern.
"Stay back!!!" Integra ordered.
Alucard grinned weakly. "So she has chosen to fight... my master is every inch a Hellsing."
With a quick slicing motion, Integra cut her own throat with the small blade. As she fell to the floor, Walter and Seras gaped in horror. "SIR INTEGRA!!!" Seras screamed.
As Walter ran over to his master's side, he heard her say in a faint voice, "Impure blood flows through my veins..."
Walter tore off his coat and tied it tightly around the gaping wound in Integra's neck as Seras stood by helplessly. Alucard watched the panicked butler and weeping vampiress do what they could for their master, leader, and friend. The usually-smug vampire stood back, a pained expression on his face and one thought running continually through his mind:
"Please, Integra... don't die..."
END OF CHAPTER 1
---------------------------------
Hey, there! I know that the second half of this was a review for those of you familiar with the anime, but I decided to include it anyway (mostly to catch up those familiar with the comic but not the show). Also, I thought it would be neat to show what was going through the minds of these characters (especially Alucard) during this time.
While Seras's and Alucard's little "religious discussion" might seem unrelated to the assassination attempt on Integra, there is a connection, and the next chapter will make it crystal-clear. Please review, and keep an eye out for the next installment!