Disclaimer: I do not own the CATS Video or any of its characters. However, I do own this story in its non-profit entirety. Similarities to other works are merely coincidental.
A Year In The Life of Mistoffelees, Conjuring Extraordinaire
Written By Stanza
1. January
January 1
Usually,
Jellicles don't learn how to write or don't utilize the skill at all if
they learn it, but I've decided that being a magical cat creates an
exception. I, Mistoffelees, have decided against all protocol to keep a
very, very secret journal never to be disclosed to a soul, in which I
shall record my deepest secrets (this would be why I'll never show it
to anyone, not even Tumblebrutus and Pouncival). So begins my journal.
January 4
Something
interesting happened today, in my opinion. Tumblebrutus and Pouncival,
my two closest friends, were playing around, as usual, on the rickety
rocking chair located a few yards behind the rusty car, when
Tumblebrutus fell off, executed a perfect backflip until his paw caught
on some dirty clothesline, and landed in Bombalurina's lap. Poor Bomba
huffed, pushed him off, and lead her younger sister Demeter away to
gossip somewhere else. Everybody else (every Jellicle in the junkyard
was watching, fascinated) started laughing and didn't stop till noon.
Might I add this occurred at seven in the morning.
January 5
I
suppose mentioning one of my darker secrets is inevitable, so I'll
disclose it now. I don't know why I'm worrying that anyone except
Tumble and Pounce know (they tickled it out of me; can I help it that
I'm very ticklish?), because they'd only find out if they read this
journal, but still...I'm as paranoid about a Jellicle finding this
journal as Demeter is about Macavity. Of course, I won't know
if someone tries to snoop around, because I don't have a Macavity sense
like Demeter, but I've just decided I should guard this book with a
spell. It was so stupid I didn't realize this before, but anyway, deep
and dark secret:
I have a crush on Victoria. I've loved her forever, but even though I possess magical powers, I still can't ask her to the Jellicle Ball. Since we're both still kittens, we don't actually ever go with anybody; it's mostly just hanging around with your friends. I'm such a loser.
January 7
Sweet Bast! I
think Pounce and Tumble found out about this journal! I have to stay
away from this little book for fear of my worst suspicions being
confirmed.
January 13
Whew! I was so excited about what
happened, I nearly forgot how to write and tried to scribble this down
with the pen upside down. But anyway, it was worth isolating myself
from this book for six days to discover why Pouncival and Tumblebrutus
were following me.
I thought they found out about my journal, but it turns out they wanted to play a prank on the Jennyanydots and wanted me to create a mass army of mutant tuna fish. I told them they'd be better off trying to get Munkustrap to kiss Bombalurina. So they went off to sulk.
January 15
They've decided against creating a mass army of mutant ants, beetles, whales, gadflies, and pugs (it only
took them two days), and have asked me to just please create a magical
firecracker that will whizz the Rum Tum Tugger's fake mane off in front
of all the queens. "How do you know it's fake?" I said, curious as all
Jellicles are.
Pouncival grinned. "I was spying on him. Think of Bomba's face when she sees!"
"Please, Misto?" Tumblebrutus begged, on bended knee. "Please? It would only be the greatest prank of all time, even better than Electra's idea of growing a mass army of mutant sunflowers!"
"And that's not stupid at all," I remarked sardonically. "I'll consider it. Goodbye." I crawled into my little drainpipe, already formulating an idea. I love pranks too.
January 17
Sweet Bast, it was hilarious!!!
Pounce slipped the firecracker into Tugger's mane this morning and
later that afternoon, it flew off with the mane spectacularly in front
of all the adoring queens! I couldn't stand still for laughter.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, the masters of pranks, fell over
laughing, and didn't stop for several minutes (more like an hour or
two). They cried tears of mirth, abundantly praising Pouncival and
Tumblebrutus, who were standing there smugly. Even Tugger laughed.
January 20
The
other six kittens and I (Pouncival, Tumblebrutus, Electra, Etcetera,
Jemima, and Victoria) were playing Truth or Dare. It was so much fun.
We had to admit secrets and do wild things. My favorite part was when I
dared Pouncival to kiss the queen he loves. He turned as red as a beet
and then pounced on Jemima, who was surprised but delighted (Electra
spilled that she'd liked Pouncie forever). Jemima hid behind Victoria
for the rest of the time, blushing furiously.
January 25
Sorry
I haven't written in this journal for a while, but I've been closely
watched by Munkustrap for no apparent reason at all. He's always so
eager to prove to his ancient father, Old Deuteronomy, that he's ready
to become the leader of the Jellicle tribe when he goes to the
Heaviside Layer. Cettie had one of her incredibly brilliant moments,
and resourcefully created a distraction that turned Munk's attention to
his darling mate Demeter, and they went away to nap. So we were free to
do what we liked for a while.
January 28
We discovered
why we were being watched so carefully. There's been a gang of
Pollicles spotted near us! Now we know why the toms have all gone
except Munkustrap. Demeter told us Munk wanted to get at the Pollicles
badly, but Old Deuteronomy decided that he should stay. Most of the
other toms would be irresponsible and go off to their mates or
something, but Munk wouldn't. Munkustrap flushed when he heard this.
Cettie beamed. But, we also found out the Pollicles have come in with a
few reinforcements, so now we're being watched again. That's all for
now, because here comes Munkustrap!