Chapter 20: Behind the God

As a god (which technically I was. Dead, but a god none the less), I had experienced much, but of the many forms I have taken, this was by far the most disturbing. With my daughter's complete essence, both divine and mortal, removed it left her empty, nothing more than a vessel waiting to be filled. If such a vessel had, oh I don't know, a shadow of a god that rarely left, then the shadow would be forced to occupy said vessel. Therefore I was pulled from the bleak realm from which I watched, waited and meddled with the lives of my children and forced into the empty body of my daughter Annalesca.

The shock on the face of the wizard was quite amusing as I introduced myself. I was rarely given the chance now a days to scare the wee mortals but it was a small consolation to watch my children work fear into the endless masses. I could only smile, waiting for him to form a intelligible word, he seemed to be choking on air and was turning the most interesting shade of red.

Ignoring the wizard I stood and walked the room, trying to adjust to my new form and taking inventory of what powers were still left from Annalesca's departed essence. It was odd walking in her body, she was of limited stature and though in life I had not been tall I was never this small. It was almost like being cut off at the knees and relearning to walk. Very confusing indeed. I smiled as I found her power, the power that could never be stolen, only reclaimed by myself.

The power that made my children's bodies live. The powers had to be tied to their mortal flesh as I could only imagine some insane mage trying to steal their abilities by taking their divine essence. I was starting to believe that my little half elf daughter was a secret worshiper of Loviatar, as she had formed her powers into the healing arts but only to heal others and hurt herself. She punished herself with each use of her power, maybe it was to justify her being one of mine. I don't know. I'm not a mind-reader, just a father.

I had been trying lately to cure her of this form of this...whatever you wanted to call it. I came to her in her dreams, as myself, I could honestly say that Alianna's appearance in the dreams was through no fault of my own, neither was Gorion's. My daughter had a fetish for punishing herself for sins that was only seen by her. Why did my children have to be confusing? The sad part was Annalesca was one of the less complicated ones, which was saying something.

I found the power that I was looking for, the important one, at least to me, the avatar of my former life, the Slayer. Ah, how I missed the days of roaming Faerun in this form, slaughtering all who crossed my path. I missed the death, the way blood would saturate the air until you could drown in it with a breath, the salty and bitter tears my victims had cried, the crush of bones beneath my feet. I used to collect the tears, I could only wonder what had happened to them, they probably disappeared along with my realm.

I considered changing into the Slayer but dismissed the idea, my daughter's clothing would never survive the transformation and she already had far too many men staring at her, she was just a child after all. If I was forced to stay in her body I would have no choice. I was not going to run around in her body for the rest of my time.

"So tell me, Red Wizard, what were you planning for my dear child?" I asked as I flopped down sideways in the chair.

"I was merely testing a theory for my good masters of Thay." The wizard smoothed the front of his robes in an obvious nervous gesture as he pocketed the crystal containing Annalesca and Sarevok. Wizard he might be, but he needed work on his sleight of hand.
"Good masters? How ever do you manage to say that with a straight face? The only government that is worse than Thay are the Drow, but of course that is a matter of how you look at it. Thayvians don't spend all their energy on planning their machinations to some bitch but to their own ambition." It was greatly amusing to watch the wizard turn red again as I laughed. I was laughing so hard I almost fell out of my seat. Wiping a tear away and still chuckling I asked the wizard, "Now, seriously, what were you planning?"

"To replace the Bhaalspawn's essence with another's." For a wizard of Thay he was being extremely tight lipped.

"Don't be coy with me wizard, you may tell me now or while I teach you a new meaning to 'spilling your guts' your choice. Though I am so hoping you pick the latter." He had the audacity to reach for his spell components, like I said, he needed work on his sleight of hand. The wizard let out a cry as I slammed him against the wall, my hand pressing against his windpipe. As I held him there I swear I could hear a faint whispering, it sounded like someone was saying, "Yes! Kill the fool! (Not that I couldn't.)" I squeezed my hand until I could feel the vocal cords of the wizard pressing into my hand, it would be so easy just to break them. I resisted only because I was curious. "I knew Thayvians were not religious but I didn't know they were stupid! I am (was) a god! Do you think that I wouldn't notice what you were doing?! Now tell me everything!" I punctuated my point by banging his head against the wall.

"I was going to use the girl- no! no like that!" He yelped when I added pressure. "I want her to kill Edwin!" The very thought of that wizard made my skin crawl and truthfully want to empty my stomach. I couldn't stand anything about Edwin, especially how he touched my daughter.

"I see. I am curious as to why you would not kill him yourself. I am assuming that you are capable beyond mistakes as these."

"He left me for this-this woman! I loved him!" Eew! He was one of those! I will be the first to admit I had little fondness for men laying with other men, now show me two ladies... I pulled my hand away from the wizard as if he had burnt me and tried to keep disgust off my face. It was beneath a god to concern himself with such mortal... oh who was I kidding! Ew! I barely resisted the urge to wipe my hands. Have I said ew yet? Because ew, just ew. I shuddered as I turned away from the wizard. I had no fear of him casting a spell now as I had taken his spell components away and it seemed with his confession (gag) the man had dissolved into tears. Men do not cry. Alright, I admit I had cried once or twice in my mortal life but that it... OK, maybe more when I was a little boy. I sighed and waited for the wizard to collect himself.

---

One thing I will give mortals, they were nosey. So nosy in fact it often went past the realm of sanity and into stupidity. I recalled once, there was a man, called himself a mind healer, ask all these weird questions and at the end declared I wanted to do something unmentionable with my own mother...

I killed him. Very slowly I might add. Poor Fred never screamed so loud. Fred? Maybe it was Floyd? Who cares? The wizard, who was apparently called Degardan, asked me the most interesting question; "What was my mortal life like?". This was the first time anyone had asked that. Most of the time it was mainly things like; "What was it like being a god?, What was it like becoming one?, Did you enjoy killing?" It was almost like being stuck in therapy hell. I have always had a very creative imagination, which at times gave me some disturbing thoughts, like after the fall of all the gods, hell for me would be getting stuck in group therapy for eternity. I could see it now.

---
"Hello, my name is Bhaal. I was the God of Murder." I would stand up in front of the circle of the Gods.

"Hello Bhaal." They would answer and of course mispronouncing my name. Then the head of the group which would no doubt turn out to be that overly annoying Ao would start questioning me.

"How do you feel about being dead?" He would start off, then continue in to wanting me to express my "feelings".

---

I shook myself out of my thoughts. I really needed to take a page out of my children's book and stop thinking. This wizard's question though brought to mind memories of the past, things that I haven't thought of in aeons. Maybe it was just being inside the body of a female, since I know I am not emotional, but I could feel pain in my chest as the memories came unbidden.