The Neutron Show

by Gary D. Snyder

Epilogue:

At school Jimmy's friends couldn't help noticing that Jimmy was acting rather oddly (or, in Cindy's opinion, more oddly than usual). At times it seemed almost as though he were looking for something that wasn't there, and at others as though he were attempting to reassure himself that something that was there actually should be. In class Miss Fowl had to repeat things at least twice before he would respond, and his answers, when he finally gave them, were vague and rambling. It was almost, Cindy thought, the way that someone who was sleepwalking would act. By the time lunch period arrived most of the kids gave Jimmy a wide berth in the lunchroom, and even Sheen and Carl, Jimmy's closest friends, were uncertain how to approach him.

"Hey, Jimmy," Carl said tentatively. "Is there…something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Jimmy looked around him. "Wrong? Why? Did you notice something?"

Carl was puzzled. "Like what?"

Jimmy looked around him suspiciously. "I'm not sure. Maybe that each kid has the same kind of lunchbox. Or brought the same kind of sandwich and snack to school." He suddenly stared hard at the clock and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the minute hand advance. "Or the clocks in school always having the same time."

"Well, yeah, Jim," said Sheen. "But they're all supposed to tell the same time."

Jimmy shook his head vigorously. "No. I mean the time on them never changing." He suddenly dashed to the window and stared outside. "Did that same car drive by here a few minutes ago?" he muttered frantically. "Hard to say." He glanced at his watch and looked up again. "I'll give it about three minutes and see."

Sheen and Carl looked at each other and shrugged. "Um, Jimmy? Maybe if you tell us what's going on –" Sheen began after a minute or two of uncomfortable silence.

Jimmy ignored him as he considered the position of the sun. "What's the date today?" he muttered, just loud enough for his friends to hear. "Let's see, based on that and the current time, the position of the sun should be approximately 5 degrees west of south with a right ascension of …yes, that seems to check." He heard the sound of a car approaching and looked sharply to examine the vehicle as it passed. "No," he mumbled, chewing thoughtfully on a thumbnail, "not the same…but it could be that the repetition is based on a number of relatively prime cycles thus creating a long-term pseudo-random sequence that –"

He was interrupted as Sheen and Carl each grabbed an arm and dragged him from the window to an empty table. "Okay, Jimmy," Sheen said when they had all sat down. "Spill. What's going on?"

Jimmy gave Sheen and Carl sly, knowing looks. "Don't you know?" he whispered. "Or aren't you supposed to let me know you know?"

"You know, Jimmy, you're my friend and if there's something wrong I want to help you, but you're really creeping me out now," Carl answered as he wrung his hands nervously. He seemed about ready to cry.

That seemed to reach something inside Jimmy. The tension in him seemed to melt away although he still seemed cautious. Leaning forward he asked in a low voice, "Can I really trust you?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die," said Carl, crossing himself.

"Me, too," agreed Sheen. "Cross my heart and hope Carl dies." This sank in for Carl a few seconds later but before he could object Jimmy began speaking.

"I'm not really sure," he said hesitantly. "I can't remember any of the details, but I remember having a strange dream last night that I wasn't really where I thought I was. I mean," he went on, groping for the right words, "even though I was here in Retroville, it was all fake. The people, the city, everything. I only started to realize it when certain things didn't add up."

"Pretty twisted, Jimmy," was Sheen's comment.

"I know," Jimmy agreed, shuddering. "Being trapped in world that wasn't real is pretty bizarre."

"No," Sheen corrected him. "I mean using math to get your point across."

"But if it was just a dream," Carl said, "why are you so upset?"

Jimmy looked around him again. "Because if I thought that existence was reality and it was all a fake," he whispered, "then how can I be sure that this is real?"

Sheen seemed perplexed. "Does this reality have an Ultra Lord?"

Both Jimmy and Carl stared at him. "Yes," Carl said finally.

"Then what's the problem?" Sheen asked in relief. "As long as Ultra Lord exists who cares if the rest is real or not?"

Had Jimmy not had a vague recollection that the Sheen in the other world was equally fanatical in his devotion to Ultra Lord Jimmy might have been convinced. As it was he was still faced with the same predicament of knowing whether this existence was real or not. Only Carl, who had been through something similar, seemed to understand.

"Gee, Jimmy," he said. "Not knowing if this is all real or not is pretty bad."

"I know," Jimmy replied miserably as he slumped over the table.

"I mean, it's like that dream I had with the giant lima bean where I thought I was awake when I was really asleep and you had to do that desperate thing to convince me that I wasn't really awake and only dreaming so that I could wake up and …"

As Carl continued talking Jimmy suddenly straightened up. "Of course!" he exclaimed. "Carl!"

Carl stopped talking and cringed. "What?" he asked fearfully.

"You're a genius!" Excited, Jimmy leaped up from his seat and dashed over to the table where Cindy and Libby were deep in conversation, with Carl and Sheen following behind him in curiosity. Cindy looked up in annoyance at Jimmy's approach.

"What is it, Neutron?" she demanded impatiently. "Didn't I get to see enough of your weirdness in class this morning?"

"Actually," replied Jimmy, "no." Without warning he placed his hands on either side of Cindy's face and pulled her lips to his, giving her a long and tender kiss. At first Cindy's body stiffened in utter shock, but as the kiss persisted her body relaxed and let Jimmy draw her closer to him. After perhaps thirty seconds Jimmy pulled away and looked expectantly into Cindy's half-closed eyes. After thirty seconds of staring dreamily back at him Cindy seemed to awaken and a look of anger replaced her pleasantly dazed expression. Without any preliminaries she drew back and slapped him, spinning him around and dumping him on the floor at her feet. She drew herself up and stood over him.

"What's your damage, Neutron?" she demanded angrily, her hands planted on her hips. "Just because you were spacing off all this morning you think you have the right to make me barf or something?" Fuming, she stormed out of the lunchroom with Libby close behind her. Carl and Sheen helped Jimmy to his feet.

"You okay, Jimmy?" Carl asked.

Jimmy rubbed his cheek and nodded. Although his cheek still stung from Cindy's slap he was much more aware of the pleasant tingle that still lingered on his lips. "Uh-huh," he replied absently. He sighed and looked in the direction that Cindy had gone. "I guess that even if all this isn't real, I can live with it."

Cindy, in the meantime, continued stalking away, muttering to herself. It wasn't until Libby caught up with her that she stopped and glared back towards the lunchroom. "Can you believe the nerve of Nerd-tron actually kissing me?" she demanded.

Libby nodded. "I guess so," she answered. "But I notice it took you quite a while to get upset about it."

"Hey, I was in shock!" Cindy spluttered in protest. "You don't think I actually enjoyed that, did you?"

"I don't know. Did you?" As Cindy gritted her teeth and growled Libby folded her arms and said, "Do you know what I think?"

"What?" Cindy's reply was more defiant than curious.

"I think that you're more upset that it took Jimmy this long to plant one on you than you are about him actually doing it."

"That's ridiculous!" Cindy scoffed. "Neutron and I mean nothing to each other."

"Really? So there's nothing at all between you two? No spark, no chemistry, no heat whatsoever?"

Cindy's answer seemed a little too quick. "No." After several seconds, however, she looked a little uncomfortable. "I mean, I'm pretty sure there isn't. Although sometimes…"

"Yes?"

"Promise you won't tell?" Cindy asked. "I mean, really not tell, not just wait until you can pull up your speed dial list."

Libby sighed. "Okay, sure. I promise." At Cindy's hard look she raised her right hand. "Really. Word of honor."

Libby's promise was the best that Cindy would get and she knew it. "Well," she said, "I'm pretty sure that there really isn't anything there. I mean, how can I really be expected get serious about a brain bag like Neutron that falls for every pretty face that comes down the pike? But still…sometimes…"

Libby waited patiently. "Yes?" she urged. Cindy looked around carefully to make sure the two of them really were alone before answering. Even Libby, two feet away, could barely hear Cindy's words.

"I want to believe."

THE END