The Uncanny Kid Razor
Disclaimer: "Bananas are good." - Christopher Eccleston as the Ninth Doctor, Doctor Who
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Local Hero Facts – Sonic Blue is a major Doctor Who fan. His favorite Doctors are the Fifth and Tenth.
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Chapter 86: Mojoholic, Part 6: Classic Shocker!
Houston, Texas
"YAHHH!" Jack Hondo Jr., the Purple Phantom, roared as he swooped down towards Hawkeye and Mandy Liebowicz, the Two-Gun Kid. His purple flying robotic steed starting firing lasers left and right at the two heroes.
"Yeow!" Hawkeye and Two-Gun yelped as they ducked out of the way.
"Sheesh." The Avenging Archer grunted, rolling his eyes as he and Two-Gun ducked behind a car. "Rookie supervillains. They got no respect these days. No respect, I tells ya! Back in my day, the new bad guy on the block would start into monologues about who he is, how he got to be there, and what his problem is. They don't do that anymore."
"He's pissed at me because I busted his daddy." Two-Gun supplied.
"Ah." Hawkeye nodded. "Family feud."
"Yeah, I busted his dad for corporate espionage." Two-Gun explained.
"Camahn, ya punks! Where are ya?!" The Purple Phantom roared as he flew around.
"Okay, so we're dealing with a guy with a daddy complex. Wonderful." Hawkeye grumbled. "It's a human version of Ultron."
"Actually, Ultron had the Oedipus Complex, and that's completely different from Purple Phantom over there." Two-Gun clarified with a grin. Hawkeye looked at the heroine flatly.
"Thanks, kid." The purple-clad archer cracked. "You wouldn't happen to have heard of the original Two-Gun, have you?"
"You pansies!" The Purple Phantom roared. "Where are ya?!"
"Well, yeah." Mandy nodded. "He's my ancestor."
"Oh yeah, I see the resemblance." Hawkeye grinned.
"Ha. Ha. Ha." Two-Gun rolled her eyes. "I am laughing."
"Come on, you clowns!" The Purple Phantom roared, floating over the battlefield. "Where are ya, ya cowards?"
"Just waiting for the right moment..." Hawkeye smirked to himself. "Okay, I'm gonna blind him with a smoke arrow."
"Then what?" Two-Gun wondered.
"I dunno." The Avenging Archer admitted. "I normally don't plan this far ahead."
"Oh, great." Two-Gun groaned.
"Relax." Hawkeye chuckled. "You gotta learn to take it easy on occasion. I've been able to do this stuff for as long as I have thanks to that philosophy." He peeked up. "Hey Casper!"
"What?" The Purple Phantom turned his head. Hawkeye leapt up and cocked back his bowstring, an arrow at the ready. "You!"
"Yeah, me." Hawkeye smirked. "Want a smoke?" He fired the arrow, and it attached itself right to the Purple Phantom's chest.
"Man, your arrows are weak!" The purple-clad villain laughed. "And they say you're a legend."
"Wait three seconds, dumbass." Hawkeye smirked.
"Huh?" The Purple Phantom blinked.
Boom!
"Agh!" The purple-armored villain yelped as the arrow exploded, releasing thick black smoke. "Hey! I can't see!"
"We gotta try and get him off his horse!" Two-Gun twirled her taser lasso. "My taser lasso at its strongest level can short out his armor. Yah!" Her lasso managed to get around the Purple Phantom. Electricity ran up and down the armored villain's steel-covered body.
"Yie-yabba-yabba-awooga!" The Purple Phantom mumbled. Sparks and small explosions erupted from his armor, and he fell off his flying steed, hitting the ground with an unceremonious CLANG! "Ohhhh..."
"Heh heh." Two-Gun smirked. "That took care of him."
"Oh yeah." Hawkeye nodded.
"Ohhhhh..." The Purple Phantom moaned.
"That was some good stuff, kid." Hawkeye complimented. "You'd do ol' Matt Hawk proud."
"Thanks." Two-Gun grinned. "And you said you knew Matt Hawk. How is that possible? Matt Hawk is my ancestor. And he was fighting crime in the 1870s." The Avenging Archer chuckled.
"I got to go to the Old West once." Hawkeye chuckled. "I met your ancestor. Nice guy. He even spent some time in the present with the Avengers. He eventually got back home. He got homesick. You know..." The archer smirked. "You and I oughta hang out. I guess you can consider me an old friend of the family." He held out his hand.
"I guess so." Two-Gun grinned, shaking Hawkeye's hand. "Hey, maybe I will get to be an Avenger one day."
A building in Cleveland
"Uhn..." Felicia Hardy grunted as she tried to push a couch through a balcony window. Affected by Mojo's Insanity Inducer, Felicia was tryng to move an entire couch all by herself, the reasons known only to her artificially-addled mind. "Come on...come on...Nnn..." She scratched at her shoulder, and her side. "I am so itchy..." From outside, the sounds of Clevelanders losing their minds could be heard. Car alarms blared, glass broke, animals screamed, babies cried, things exploded, video games went unplayed, car crashes could be heard, and the sounds of shouting, fighting, hooting, and general madness permeated the air.
Bree-bree-bree-bree!
"Put your pants on, you stupid lamppost!"
"Why do things that happen to stupid people happen to me?!" (1)
"Dammit!"
"I can't find the horse! I CAN'T FIND THE HORSE!"
"Who ate the magic corrrrrnnnnnnnn?!"
"This is madness!"
"Madness?! MADNESS?! THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAA!"
Felicia Hardy, completely ignorant of the craziness erupting around her due to her mental state, went back to pushing the couch. "Uhnnn...gotta get this couch out of here because it keeps laughing at me..." She moved her shoulders. "Blast it, I'm so itchy..." The crazy white-haired woman tried to go back to her pushing. "Awww..." She grunted. "I can't get this couch out of here, and it keeps laughing at me!" She angrily kicked the couch. "OW!" The ex-cat burglar hopped up and down, clutching her foot. "Grrrrrrr! Stupid couch. Stop laughing at me!" She snapped. "Nnnn..." She started scratching herself. "I'm itchy all over..."
The Quicken Loans Arena
"This is too easy..." Captain America muttered to himself as he and his party of heroes raced through the halls of the arena. "Something's wrong..."
"Perhaps Mojo was so arrogant that he did not believe we'd get to the inducer." Ramada suggested.
"Nah, that ain't Mojo's style, babe." Razor shook his head. "He's a cunning ol' fat piece of crap."
"I have to agree with Cap, Ramada." Iron Fist concurred. "Mojo has a trap set for us. But what could it be?"
"I don't like this." Carol frowned as she flew alongside them. She growled. "Stupid damn penguins! Leave me alone!"
"Ignore the penguins, babe. They're not your friends." Razor snickered.
"Shut up, Razor." Warbird grumbled.
"Cap, I just detected a strange energy signature." Iron Man announced. "It's coming from the basketball court!"
"Yeah, there's going to be a Cavaliers game tonight!" Razor remembered. "The Kid of Rock plans to TiVo it!"
"If we don't stop the device, you won't get to watch that game." Cap reminded sternly. Razor groaned.
"Give the Kid of Rock a break! Just because there was no NBA in your day..." (2)
"True, but basketball was invented in 1891. It was around in my day." Cap countered.
"Yeah, but the Kid of Rock bets they never had the hook or three-point shot." Razor grumbled.
"Razor, which way to the court? None of us ever been here before?" Venom wondered.
"This way! Follow the flying rockstar!" Razor laughed as he flew around the corner. The other heroes followed him.
"Hurry up, heroes!" Mojo taunted. "You only have an hour left."
"How is he doing that?" Iron Man wondered.
"It wouldn't surprise the Kid of Rock if he has some weird Mojoworld gadget for that." Razor grunted. "Right this way!" The Fearless One waved. The group rushed into the basketball court. Standing right in the center of the court was the Insanity Inducer. The device was red in color, and shaped like a bullet with a rounded tip, about the size of a filing cabinet. Cap gasped.
"The device...I recognize it!"
"Huh?" Iron Man blinked.
"From where, Cap?" Iron Fist wondered.
"It looks like it was updated, but it's still recognizable..." Cap explained.
"What is the device, Captain?" Ramada wondered.
"I never thought I'd see it again..." Cap blinked. "It's...a Madbomb!"
Well, well, well! There's a revelation or you! What insanity will happen next? Where did Mojo get a Madbomb? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!
(1) – Ahh, that Homer Simpson. He has a line for every occasion.
(2) – The NBA was formed in 1946. In the Marvel Universe, Captain America was frozen in the closing days of WWII, in 1945.