Title: I don't know why I stay

Summery: A little Khaleen introspection soon after 'striking in the shadows'

Warnings: Just that this was written in ten minutes so it is not so good.

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me but to Jan Duursema and John Ostrander and belong to the George Lucas universe of star wars I am just playing.

She was still shaking. Khaleen Hentz stared down into her trembling fingers as if they did not belong to her. She had never seen Quinlan like that…ever. He had scared her.

Taking a deep soothing breath, she stood, going back to the makeshift bedroom. She stared at the bed for a long time and wondered not for the first time what she was doing, why was she staying?

She was a glutton for punishment, and she most definitely could not take a hint. Moreover, hadn't Quinlan just given her a perfect out? He obviously didn't need her or want her for that matter

He was obsessed with his mission. So where did that leave her?

Absolutely no where.

She should have learned by now, hadn't she been taught this lesson over and over again? Hadn't she been hurt enough? So why was she doing it again?

Because you love him, the voice inside her head mocked.

Khaleen sat, setting her elbows on her knees and placing her head in her hands, she could feel her arms shake under her as she suppressed angry tears.

Nevertheless, as she looked up, staring blindly through the window the thought still crossed her mind

When Quinlan crashed would he bring her down with him.

And would she let him.

For a long time she stared at the backpack that held the meagre and laughable scraps of what she owned. Slowly she pushed at it with her stocking feet so it stood in front of her. Mocking her with its promise of freedom.

If she left now she would be alone, that would be no different her whole life she had been alone. She could not leave Quinlan alone; she knew Tholme was counting on her to relay information to him. While Khaleen was more then willing to tell Tholme where he could stick his job, she understood that Quinlan needed someone he could rely on.

Why did it have to be her? Why did she have to deal with his mood swings, with his violent dreams….and the knowledge that he didn't love her?

Because there was no one else.

If she left now, Quinlan would be alone, just as she had been. She knew how scary it was. How it could bring you down.

She didn't deserve this.

She stared at the bag harder, the tears gone. Her green eyes taking in the bag again.

This time she didn't shove it back under the bed, but she didn't pick it up.