Obligatory Random Adult Torture
Disclaimer: Same as before…
RoguefanKC - Don't worry I'll get into detail on Filby shortly. I just had to get this insanity outta my head.
"How's everything going Julie?" Cover Girl asked as she walked into the kitchen where Julie was writing up Monday's lesson plan that Sunday afternoon.
"Adjusting." Julie said, diplomatically. She'd already gotten used to the rather informal command structure GI Joe had.
"These kids sure are a handful aren't they?" Cover Girl asked, good naturedly.
"Yeah." Julie replied. She and Hal had been worked into the teaching rotation of the Misfits. Hal would teach history and Julie would teach geography and politics, "Where are the kids?"
"Hal's out teaching them lessons in undercover tactics." Cover Girl said, "What's on the agenda?"
"Geography." Julie replied, "My specialty is intelligence, mostly human intelligence but I'm good enough with maps to have a secondary specialty."
"Is that why Ace is taking you up in one of the F-15s this afternoon?" Cover Girl asked.
"It's to keep up my qualifications with aerial navigation." Julie said, "Though I'm a lot more comfortable behind a desk interpreting maps."
"Hence the motion sickness pills." Cover Girl said.
"When I'm used to flying after a couple months I don't need them, but I haven't flown for a few years." Julie said. Just then she heard the honking of a horn.
Cover Girl followed her outside shouting, "No need to be so impatient, Ace!" Cover Girl shouted.
Two other passengers were in the jeep, Bree and Lina who had been doing some more medical training on the other side of the base. Bree was about to teach Lina pediatric nursing so that she could help out more with Claudius and Barney.
"Ready for your flight this afternoon, Captain?" Ace asked, with a merry twinkle in his eyes.
"Yes sir." Julie replied, knowing she was addressing a colonel.
"Relax, if you haven't guessed we go by codenames usually. Mine's Ace."
"I don't have one yet." Julie replied, "I'm still in training."
"We'll think one up for you later on." Ace said, "Where are you from?"
"Martha's Vineyard." Julie replied.
"I'm from Providence myself." Ace replied, "Hop aboard for the flight of your life."
Oh great. Another of those crazy flyboys. Julie thought.
"What my senior NCOs and instructors always taught me was this: 'When you are in Gaza, act like you are from Gaza.' By that they meant not just dress like the local Palestinians, but speak like them, act like them, eat like them." Hal replied.
"But some of us just can't be disguised." Althea said, "What about Lina?"
"It depends on the region of the world, really." Hal replied, "For us in Gaza, if we had a fellow that was too European looking we simply either made him wear a shamag (head dress) or dressed him as a woman with all the layers of robes and veils."
"But what about for around here?" Pietro said, "You can't exactly hide someone like the Blob very easily. Even under all those robes he's not exactly a very small guy."
"You're awfully bold for someone so small." Blob replied.
"You do have a point Pietro, but for an infiltration mission Fred would have the equally important role as backup." Hal replied, "We always had an unmarked van or two with our command element and a squad or two of heavily armed troopers in full battle gear ready to pull the undercover guys out."
"You on the other hand," Hal replied whilst grinning, "Could pass for a woman especially if properly dressed."
"Oh no! You are NOT getting me to cross dress!" Pietro shouted.
Five minutes later: "Pietro, you're not a bad looking chick." Lance remarked.
Pietro was wearing a pair of feminine blue jeans, a white cotton blouse and a blonde wig. "Oh please, you've made my hips too big. You've put too much junk in my trunk!"
"Pietro." Wanda said, "Your hips are just fine."
"Who's up for a field trip?" Hal asked, "I guarantee Pietro at least half a dozen will ask for your phone number…"
Just then Roadblock wandered in and said, "What's going on here? Where's Quicksilver."
"Over here."
"Where? And who's the girl?" Roadblock asked.
"Her name's Pearl." Hal replied grinning, "Pietro's in the bathroom."
"Have we met before, Miss?" Roadblock asked, "After all my memory is slightly remiss."
This is great. What better way to sell the idea of undercover tactics to them? COBRA always has enjoyed a slight edge over the Joes in this arena. Hal thought.
"OK, be sure you don't show Pearl any sensitive areas." Roadblock said, "Especially not the tanks…"
As soon as Roadblock was out of earshot Lance said, "That was great! It really worked."
"Disguise is a simple yet effective art." Hal replied as Pietro changed back into normal clothing, "But it never helps to go a bit over the top. Think of your most distinct feature and how best to camouflage or conceal it. For a taller man, just hunch down a bit, for a hairless one just wear a wig and so on."
The F-15E soared over the Slaughterhouse, where the objective was to take photographs. Ace was practicing using the various camera implements posted on the Strike Eagle where Julie was practicing directing his runs.
"Come in from the South East and pop up five miles from the base and go to about 40,000 feet." Julie said, glancing at her map, "The defenses will have the least amount of time to pick us up on radar that way."
You can do this without getting air sick. You've done this before. Julie thought and said, "Ace, unless its absolutely necessary can you try not to make any su…."
That sentence died in mid-word when Ace pulled the F-15 into a 90 degree climb. You crazy bastard…Julie thought, You crazy bastard. You crazy bastard.
"Man that feels good!" Ace said, "How are you back there, Captain?"
"I'm surviving." Julie said, weakly.
They made their photographic reconnaissance of the target without incident. "What were you about to say?" Ace asked.
"I was going to ask, if at all possible not to make any sudden…" Julie began.
Suddenly the radar warning light on Ace's console beeped loudly. "Uh-oh, the Renegades are sharper than they look, they've got radar lock, hang on!"
"…moves." Julie finished as Ace threw the fighter into a tight turn, pulling about seven times the force of gravity. This is why I volunteered for ground intelligence… Julie thought.
The warning light beeped again and Ace flipped the fighter upside down and pulled back on the stick to pull half of an Immelman turn. The fighter pulled another few g's inverted as it flew in a half circle towards the ground.
"Are you alive back there, Captain?" Ace asked.
"Barely." Julie groaned as the Strike Eagle leveled off.
"Man there's nothing like pulling a few g's to get the blood flowing. Woohoo!" Ace said, excitedly from the front.
"I can think of a few things." Julie thought, "What about roller coasters, diving with sharks, or hang gliding."
"I tried those things in high school but I got too bored." Ace replied casually, "Wait a minute, I've got just the thing…"
"I'll pass, really, I'll pass." Julie replied. Her protest went unheard as Ace flew at just about tree top level.
Ace jammed the throttle on full, turning on the afterburners and smiled as he saw Julie's eyes widen over her oxygen mask. These Intel types don't know what they're missing. Ace thought. He pulled the aircraft into another nearly vertical climb and as the fighter began to stall he pulled backward on the stick and let it do a loop. He let the plane free dive for a few thousand feet and then leveled off.
Thank you God. Julie thought, but then she saw a mischievous look in Ace's eyes through his rear view mirror.
Ace put the plane in several barrel rolls, listening with amusement as the intelligence officer behind him gasped fearfully and practically clung to the rails that the navigator usually grabbed in sudden maneuvers. As Ace glanced at the fuel gauge he knew the fun was over and he had to head back home.
"Well, we're heading in for a landing, enjoy your flight?" Ace said.
Julie didn't say anything as she unstrapped her oxygen mask but glared at Ace with a malevolent stare.
Hal had been waiting at the tarmac with the jeep for about half an hour with a copy of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's A Study in Scarlet in his hands. He had just been assigned to pick Julie up from the runway as soon as she had finished her mission.
He saw two figures in full flight gear, their helmets tucked in under their arms. The female of the pair looked fairly queasy if Hal was any judge. Julie put her helmet back into the storage locker and stalked off towards the jeep.
"I'm going to kill him." Julie began, "I'm going to kill him."
"Who?" Hal asked.
"Ace." Julie replied, "Crazy flyboys. I understand turning to avoid missiles but…"
Hal began to laugh as he put the book into one of his cargo pockets. His partner certainly wasn't a very brave flier.
"Hal, unless you want me to 'suddenly' become airsick all over you…" Julie began.
"Sorry." Hal replied, still grinning behind the sunglasses.
Oh this is great. My Air Force partner is afraid of flying. This is priceless. Hal replied.
Canadian-Israel sadist. Julie thought. I'll find something to get him back for…
"Hey I got the word on the chore list." Julie began, "You're going to be cleaning out the shed."
"Not bad." Hal replied, "It could be worse."
"Well Shipwreck says the lights haven't been working for a while so there may be a bat or two in there." Julie began.
"Bat?" Hal said, practically slamming the brakes as they reached a nearby stop sign, "What bat?"
This is great! Julie grinned sadistically, "The family of bats that are living in the garden shed right now. I'm sure the big, bad Israeli commando can handle a few measly bats…"
"Have you ever seen a bat!?" Hal began, looking at his partner's ever widening smile, "They're hideous! Lifeless beady eyes! Huge grotesque wings, clawed feet! Long fangs that…"
"If that's going to be a problem I can just give the job to Arcade…" Julie began.
"Absolutely not! I'll be just fine." Hal replied, "How many bats are there?"
"Shipwreck thinks its about two…" Julie began.
"That's a relief." Hal replied.
"…or three dozen." Julie replied malevolently.
"Oh great." Hal replied.
"Awk! Pesky bats. Pesky bats." Polly said as the jeep pulled into the driveway.
"What now?" Hal asked.
"Those stupid bats." Shipwreck groaned. It was now sundown and the bats had been especially pesky of late.
"Well, never fear." Julie grinned, "The bat exterminator is here."
The three adults and one parrot walked up to the shed. Hal peeked inside and said, "Well everything seems good. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself…"
"Don't you think you should investigate?" Julie asked innocently.
"There's no reason to go in there. Ever." Hal replied.
"Don't be silly." Julie began and handed Hal her flashlight, "Here take this."
Hal turned on the flashlight with a sour expression and went inside the shed. "I am not afraid." He began, "I am not afraid."
"I really like it here." Hal said, waving the flashlight like a club. It was then that he found what looked like a shred of gray cloth with a COBRA insignia on it on a nail sticking out of the wall.
Just then he heard a familiar squeak. He picked up a baseball on the ground. "I will fear nothing living in this shed as long as this is near me."
There was a sudden squeak then. "Take THAT you winged spawn of SATAN!" Hal shouted.
The ball hit the roof and bounced back, hitting Hal on the head. "Ouch." Hal groaned.
Another squeak sounded then. "DIE DEVIL BIRD!!!" Hal shouted, throwing the flashlight.
The room went dark just then. "I'm OK." Hal began. Then another squeak.
Outside Julie was counting seconds on her watch. "Three…two…one."
"Away Demon Birds!!" Hal came running out of the shed with a few dozen bats chasing him, he was swinging a one handed hatchet, unsuccessfully, at the bats who merely flew out of reach, chittering in a strange, almost laughter like form.
Julie began to laugh, "Turnabout fair play."
"What have you got there, Hal?" Shipwreck asked.
"It's a bit of gray cloth, with a Cobra emblem." Hal began, "What COBRA operatives wear grey, usually."
"Firefly." Shipwreck said, grimly, "Looks like he's been sneaking around."
TBC