Last Chapter – Gone Shopping
"Well, that was fun," Goku remarked, looking at the empty spot that had been a bunch of Sailor Soldiers some short time ago.
"They were really cool," Trunks added mournfully. "I had gotten so used to them… maybe we could go there next Christmas, eh?"
"Have mercy on Haruka," Bulma grinned. "Okay, Vegeta…"
"You're driving in that case," Vegeta snapped.
Shenlong glanced at them with a vague frown. "I don't care who's driving or where you're going, just get lost and let me finally enjoy my vacation!" He turned back to his new beads and the Saiyans got on the plane.
"It's empty in here," Goten muttered.
"Yeah, thank heavens," Vegeta agreed, stretching his legs. "This place isn't really meant for a huge girl gang. I need my training again… and my daily routine."
"Don't tell me that it wasn't nice to have these aliens around," Bulma said with a smile. "Everyone needs a change once in a while, I'd say that they got theirs and we got ours too, don't you think?"
"They sure got their change," Goku agreed, "bringing us their demons and all…"
"You're the one who brought them here, Kakarot," Vegeta remarked a bit cynically. "Use that technique of yours already, the sooner we get this over with, the better."
"Don't you like shopping?" Goku asked, concentrating.
"Do you?" the Saiyan prince glared at him.
"Well, it's pretty much fun, considering that you get all the yummy food you want and there's nothing like the marshmallows they sell in that little grocery store in Satan City," Goku remembered. Bulma steered the plane down and Vegeta leaned forward to look out of the window. His face turned grim. Okay, grimmer than usually.
"That thing over there isn't a little grocery store," he said.
There was a building that stretched out in front of them, reaching far and wide over the landscape. A city would've fit in there, maybe not in height but still in width. Trunks and Goten pushed their noses flat against the windscreen.
"This is too cool!" they both stated.
Vegeta's eyes narrowed. "It's a shopping center. Shopping centers are most definitely not cool."
"This thing must cover a hundred square miles easy!" Bulma exclaimed. Vegeta recognized the frantic gleam in her eyes and sighed.
"About fifteen if I remember correctly but one can always manipulate with dimensions here. Careful with the plane, you'll crash it if your hands don't stop shaking like that. Not that I'd worry much about myself but you're the only human here."
"Then she'd die, land here and could spend the whole eternity shopping like crazy," Trunks remarked.
"She goes to Heaven when she dies and that place has no shopping centers," his father replied with a somewhat mean grin.
Bulma nodded. "Exactly, and that's why I need to use the chance while I can." The plane bumped against the ground and jerked on for a couple of feet. By the time the Saiyans struggled out of the plane, the woman had already galloped down the square and was now standing in front of a huge blood-red building that read "Hell Mall". Her eyes were shining.
"What's with women and shopping?" Goku asked the Universe in general. "We need food and clothes and furniture too but we always manage to get them without having to spend two days between the aisles."
"I asked Michiru that," Trunks said, following his mother who was now slowly going towards the huge front door like a zombie, still gazing up at the walls and the neon sign. "She said that shopping wasn't just going to a shop and buying something, but a culture and a way to reduce stress, see people, get information about latest designs, get ideas and keep up with the world." He frowned at the mall. "Haruka said that shopping only increased stress and there were plenty of far more effective ways to get ideas and information. Gotta agree with her."
The mall door was guarded by two huge ogres that looked more like trolls and the doors themselves looked like church gates. Something was written on them and Vegeta looked up to read them as the others glanced at Bulma's disappearing back with concern.
""Enter and you may never return"," the Saiyan read out loud. ""This place is cursed", "The Hell never forgives", there's something unreadable, oh yeah, should be "Be warned", "Be careful" and "Discount in aisle 2363"."
"Does it mean that whoever enters this mall becomes obsessed?" Trunks asked curiously.
"Every mall in this Universe obsesses people," his father remarked and looked inside at the countless aisles that disappeared into a haze farther away. "I think these here are supposed to warn possible pickpockets." He shrugged and looked inside again. "We'd better go and find that woman before she gets lost in there forever."
The mall was simply huge. Bulma was nowhere to be seen but her aura was close and the four warriors went down the aisles, looking around curiously. In their top ten of favorite activities, shopping was number 35 or so but one doesn't get a chance to visit the Hell's Mall every day so they still found it interesting. For their surprise the place was crowded.
"Ohmygod, look at that!" a voice squeaked nearby. It was the spirit of a blonde girl in a red dress, showing a bottle of shampoo to a friend. "They don't like even make these anymore!"
"Like you need it now," Goku commented more to himself, looking around. "Wow, is this where all the dead spirits of the Hell spend their time?
"At least all the dead female spirits," Vegeta agreed. "Whoever built this place didn't really think of the meaning of the word "Hell"…"
"I think whoever built this place was female," Goten guessed. Trunks nodded in agreement and gazed into the next aisle. "Mom's over there."
Bulma was standing in front of a humongous display of clothes, pulling one dress after another out of the row.
"There you are!" she shouted as the fighters came closer. "They even have real Eastern Capital silk, you know!"
"Ohdear," Goku muttered. "This is serious."
"Can't we just leave now and pick her up later?" Trunks pleaded.
Vegeta seemed thoughtful. "Well, it's been a whi… hold on, kid, who's going to cook us dinner then?"
Trunks's eyebrow twitched. "Maybe we can move in to Goku's?"
"Who's going to feed her when she's in here for days?" Goten asked as his father tried to figure out a way to tell Vegeta and Trunks that Chichi wouldn't be too thrilled about having four Saiyan warriors in the house. All the ways he could think of promised to result in horrible pain.
Vegeta grunted. This was really not in his line. "She has enough money, right? She can buy some food when she gets hungry and knock herself out as long as she wants to."
"I don't think they accept credit cards here, does she have cash?" Goku asked a bit nervously. Chichi is going to be pretty mad, ohyeah…
"Dad, she'll just go nuts in here if we don't get her out soon," Trunks said with a frown, pointing to his mother who was now almost unseen under a huge pile of clothes. She was moving farther down the aisle, pulling out more and more clothes to try on and humming some happy little melody.
"Nah, she's always like that when she goes shopping," Vegeta grumbled, quietly enough though. The Hell was filled with his former enemies and if there's one thing you don't want your enemies to know, it's the fact that every once in a while your wife forces you to go on a happy little six-hour shopping trip through the city.
"But this isn't Western Capital's Central Mall," the kid complained. "This is fifty times as big! We can't possibly wait here until she's done! That'll take years!"
Vegeta and Goku exchanged quick glances. They had both been married – or, in Vegeta's case, at least had a wife and kids – for quite a while now. Even if the relationships weren't exactly normal, the everyday problems of a family man weren't new to them. Dragging your wife away from shopping using force usually causes… problems.
"We could tell her that there's an ever bigger mall nearby," Goku suggested.
"Tried that many times," the Saiyan prince grumbled. "She'll just say that she'd get there as soon as she's done here."
"Or we could grab her and run off," Goten said. "She's a human. She couldn't fight us."
Trunks and Vegeta gave him a quick glance. "Yeah, all she could do is to nag, pout, cry, yell, pout some more and finally make us starve for a few weeks."
"Order some takeout and buy earmuffs," Goku suggested with a grin. "Okay, okay, easy there… we need a plan, guys."
The four Saiyans sat down. After coming up with several interesting yet useless, brainless or just plain stupid ideas, they developed them into plans A, B and after some hesitation C.
"Plan C only goes when all else fails, got it?" Vegeta warned them. "This is highly dangerous. I'd rather take weeks of nagging than risk with something like that."
The others nodded and Trunks sighed when he trotted towards his mother to start plan A. Bulma had gotten very far now and by the time the kid got there, he had surprisingly changed. His face was red and sweaty, his eyes were gleaming and he could hardly keep himself up.
"Mom," he complained, dragging himself closer. "Mom!"
"Trunks?" Bulma asked back, turning her head a little before spotting another pretty outfit.
"I think I've gotten Hell Fever, mom," the brat said. "Dad said that it was pretty common around here if you're not used to the climate. I feel so… funny."
"He's not much of an actor," Goku whispered to Vegeta. The three were peering at the scene behind a shelf of shoes.
"Even if he was, it wouldn't work out," Vegeta hissed back. "I know that woman. Watch…"
Bulma had crouched down and touched her son's forehead. It was steaming hot. No wonder – if a Saiyan can produce enough heat to form a fighting aura, some extra degrees for a fever are no problem whatsoever. Bulma's eyes narrowed for a bit, then she smiled.
"Good news, Trunks. This is no Hell Fever." Now her smile turned into a grin. "This is your I Have A Test Today And I Didn't Study Fever. Don't you think a mother can't make a difference? Have some patience, I won't take long, okay?" She turned back to the shelf and Trunks plodded back to the others with a sheepish grin.
"Told you," Vegeta grunted to Goku. "She raised that brat, for crying out loud. And if you," he smacked Trunks, "hadn't used that trick for so many times, it would've worked now!"
"Plan B then," Goku muttered, stood up and gazed at the others. "Don't you still think it's a little drastic?"
Vegeta's eyebrow twitched. "Kakarot…" He stood up too and together they raised their arms, aimed for the roof far above them and shot out several aura bombs that hit the roof, causing a powerful, yet somehow muffled explosion. Flames spread out over the roof and then faded away, leaving the ceiling completely unharmed.
"Dimensions," Goku said, sitting down again. "Okay then… now what?"
"I thought the letter B was followed by C?" Goten asked with a frown.
"Do we really have to do that?" Goku seemed a bit nervous. "I mean, we don't know what may happen… everything in here is almost unreal and trying something like that…"
Vegeta glanced at his wife who had gotten farther now. "Only one way to find out. You know what to do?" The others nodded, Goku sighed and they all dashed off.
Bulma had never been happier. She tried the clothes on, threw the ones she loved into the cart, added the ones that didn't look good on her but were still made of fabulous materials and eventually decided that she'd take them all. The woman pushed the cart down the isle and turned to look at the cosmetics when she suddenly bumped into someone.
"Oh, excuse me, I didn't see where I was… hey, it's you." Goku smiled back at her and gave a quick glance towards the loaded cart. "Having fun?"
"Yeah, this place is pretty cool," the Saiyan replied – quietly enough though, he also had enemies in Hell and that variety of purple lipsticks on a nearby shelf sure looked like Freeza's personal supply. "Did you see the discount in aisle 243 already? They had some jewelry there, confiscated as I understood, now they're trying to get rid of that stuff…"
"Jewelry?" Bulma raced off with the cart. Goku followed her and by the time they got to aisle 243, he seriously had to admire Bulma's endurance. The aisle only had soaps and shampoos.
"I don't see jewelry," Bulma glared at the Saiyan.
"Behind that door," Goku pointed to a small door between two aisles. "You can't keep precious jewelry on display in front of billions of former criminals, right? People land in Hell for a…"
Bulma closed the door behind her. "Hey, it's dark in he…" BONK! There was a muffled "crack" and then the aisle was quiet again.
"Reason," Goku finished more to himself, looked around, made sure that nobody was watching and placed a sign that read "JANITOR" onto the door again. He searched through his pockets, took out four little nails, attached the sign and then walked off, humming quietly. He entered the plane about fifteen minutes later.
"Took you long enough," Vegeta grumbled, starting the plane. Bulma lied on the seat, completely unconscious. Her shopping cart was standing in the middle of the floor, still filled with clothes. Goku gazed at it with concern as the vehicle took off.
"I did tell you guys what might happen, right?" he asked a bit nervously.
"We'll just risk it," the Saiyan prince replied, aiming for the yellow clouds. "Do your trick now."
Goku frowned, nodded and concentrated. Something flashed in front of their eyes and the plane was suddenly gone, showing up somewhere else, far far away from the Hell.
"Did it work?" Goten asked, keeping his eyes shut tightly.
"Eh…" Trunks peered out between his palms. "Eh… I… think so!"
The shopping cart was still standing in the middle of the floor, still filled with clothes. Its sides had partly melted and it was bent into a shape that looked like a crossbred of a pyramid and the Statue of Liberty. But it was still there.
Bulma's eyes slid open. "What the… where… OW! Who hit me?" She sat up, glaring around. Vegeta was driving, the other three were gazing at her a bit nervously and the main building of the Capsule Corporation was closing in behind the windscreen.
"Just be happy that the Hell's dimensions didn't turn those clothes into something semi-transparent and very murderous," Vegeta remarked, landing the plane. "Taking something out of the Afterworld is easy, but taking out something that has been brought in there centuries ago and with a very high price, I believe, may cause very big problems. Luckily the cart seems to have taken most of the damage."
Bulma's eyes went big as she stared at them all. "You risked with something like that just to make me happy?"
"Just to spare our nerves," Vegeta replied, getting up.
"There's still a possibility of hidden powers in those clothes," Goku warned them all, stepping to the door that now slid open, letting them all breathe good old Western Capital almost-clean air. It's always good to come back home…
"Sailor Pluto will take care of that," the Saiyan prince said, pushing the cart out of the plane. "I can sense her aura in our kitchen. She's most likely not thrilled because of our dimension-bending but I suppose we can talk ourselves out of this."
"Ooh, those clothes are so great!" Bulma leaped out too and hugged her husband. "Thank you! And thank you too, guys!"
"I'll take them back if you don't let me go now," Vegeta grumbled, looking up at the house that was now his home. Indeed, it's good to be home. The weather was gorgeous and the sounds of a typical workday on the streets were to be heard behind the wall. And somewhere in that house there's a gravity training chamber waiting for him…
"Let's get inside already," he said.
The End
Author's Note: whoa. You read this far?198 pages in Microsoft Word? Or even this last chapter? Well, congrats for your patience. Took me a year to write this monster but now it's done, and all comments are very appreciated. I'm not planning to write any sequels… yet. I'm not even sure when or if I'll start with a new fanfic. But nothing's impossible when in comes to me. Thanks for your time, hope you enjoyed at least some parts of it.