This is my first real posted fanfic. I'm enjoying writing this, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story. If you all feel that it is worth reading, I'll remove it, no sense wasting anyone's time right? Enjoy.. :)
Disclaimer: Dont own anything accept the thoughts that went into writing this. And no as much as I wished I did, I dont own Lancelot, or Ioan the actor who plays him sighs
What Heaven Is...
Chapter 1- "Darkest Before Dawn"
I saw the pain cross Guinevere's face as my body erupted in flames of pain. I looked down slowly at my chest. The sight of the arrow made the air rush out of me. This cant be happening, this can't be how it ends. My mind raced as I stared at the end of the arrow that protruded out of my chest. I took a few deep breaths before I looked back up at my enemy that stood before me. Hatred made my blood run cold, and I threw my sword at him with all my might. Both of us went to our knees, and we stared at each other. I wouldn't let this man live, if I would never draw breath again, neither would he. I crawled towards him and put my hands on the butt of my sword, I pulled on it and it slid from his chest.
His eyes were cold, and they glared at me at we struggled for control of the sword. No. I drove the sword through him and fell back, my strength leaving me.
"No! Lancelot! Hang On!"
Guinevere was with me then, next to me and she had her hands on the arrow.
"Leave it…leave me" I demanded.
I wasn't going to have this poor woman sit at my sides as I passed from the world. Guinevere glared down at me,
"I'm not leaving you…and this arrow has to come out." She declared.
I shut my eyes and turned my face away from her. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that this has happened. I wanted to scream out to her, tell her to leave, to run far from this bloodbath.
"Brace yourself." she said softly.
I clenched my fists and I felt her push on the arrow. I screamed out in pain and I tried to sit up. Guinevere put her knees on my chest and gave it one final shove. I felt the pressure in my chest relax and my body collapsed back to the ground. I didn't try to move, or argue when Guinevere slowly peeled my armor off.
"I need to bandage this…" she said softly to herself.
I opened my eyes and caught her eyes.
"It's useless, Guinevere…leave me" I pleaded finally.
Her jaw tightened.
"No, I will not leave you like this!"
"Lancelot!"
I heard Galahad's voice in the distance, and then the clatter of hooves.
"Lancelot…good god."
"You don't believe in god…" I said sarcastically.
Guinevere looked up at him,
"We need bandages… do you carry any with you on your horse?" she asked.
Galahad shook his head and looked around hopelessly. I saw Guinevere look around sadly, before she started ripping off pieces of leather from her own clothing. She started to wrap this around me and tied it tightly.
"We have to get him back to the wall."
"No!!"
Arthur? Arthur I'm sorry…. Arthur fell down next to me and put his hand on the side of my head.
"Lancelot…my dear knight..."
My world slowly started to turn to darkness.
"I'm sorry…" I whispered before I closed my eyes.
"We'll let him rest now, the night will be rough."
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I live? I moved my fingers softly over the bedding that I now laid on. My body was burning with pain, and very hot. I moved my fingers over my chest and the large bandage that covered half of my torso.
"Lancelot?"
The sudden sound of the voice made me freeze up, but the tightening of my muscles made the pain worse and I cried out. Arthur leaned in from the darkness and put his hand on mine.
"My dear friend…calm yourself."
My eyes felt heavy again, but I fought desperately to keep them open.
"How do I live? I was…"
"Don't think of it…you are alive that is what matters." Arthur said.
I closed my eyes and ran my tongue over my dry lips.
"Guinevere?" I asked softly.
"I just relieved her of sitting by your side." Arthur answered.
I blinked slowly and looked at him.
"She was hurt…she…"
"She's fine, Lancelot. Rest for your own sake."
I knew it was no use to argue with him at the moment. I nodded and closed my eyes. Sleep quickly swept over me, and I let it take me.
I woke sometime in the middle of the night to someone whispering.
"God, I thank you now that you did not take Lancelot. That you spared his life, and in return did not take mine. I place all my faith and trust into you god, thank you for sparing my best friends life, he will never know the extent of love that I possess for either of you." Arthur prayed softly.
I swallowed the small lump in my throat and turned my head towards him.
"Again I ask why do you talk to god and not to me?" I asked, a slight smile spreading over my lips.
Arthur looked at me and shook his head.
"I see this has had no impact on you." He responded.
I laughed but the jarring of my body made me stop and stare at my friend.
"I know of this love you speak of Arthur…believe me. If I but knew how to show how…" I trailed off.
Arthur nodded.
"You don't need to say anything Lancelot…just sleep." He said as he leaned back in the chair.
"I burn with fever Arthur…there will be no peaceful sleep for me tonight." I replied as I looked away from him.
"Lancelot…Tristan is gone."
The news shook me emotionally. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of our breathing.
"Was he the only?" I asked.
"He was…"
"So I would have been the second…hmm." I looked towards the crackling fire to my left.
"Why do you say such things? Do you wish not to live?" Arthur asked.
I could hear the annoyance behind his words.
"Maybe I don't…why do I deserve to live, when I killed others…" I replied as I looked back at him.
He looked away from me in anger, finally after a few moments he got up and walked to the door.
"Lancelot, I will not sit here while you say you wish you didn't live. You are my closest friend and best knight; you have every reason to live." He demanded.
And with that he was gone; he left me in the room where only the fire and screams from the battle could keep me company.
Not ten minutes had passed since the departure of Arthur, when the door to my room was opened. I looked to the side, expecting to see a maid with a bowl of water. I saw no such thing; Guinevere set a large bowl of water on the table next to the bed and looked at me. I laughed wickedly,
"Ahh, my savior come for me again have you?" I asked.
Guinevere stared at me, a sly smile playing on her lips.
"You know…I thought maybe the arrow had pierced that cold heart of yours, but I see that it hasn't." she said as she took a seat.
I laughed again,
"Maybe it did…maybe it brushed some ice off of it."
Guinevere sighed and shook her head. I knew I wasn't helping the situation by being my stubborn self.
"Is there not even a shred of gratefulness in you? Are you not happy that I saved you?" she asked as her eyes met mine.
Yes, I'm grateful, I'm just too proud to admit it.
I pushed my thoughts away from me.
"You saved me from death, death was freedom for me. Freedom from the hell that I'm living in." I responded.
Guinevere laughed and put her hand on my face.
"You lie…"
"Do I? Why didn't you leave me? You know I wouldn't have done that for you."
You were the reason that I fought the man in the first place.
"Does it matter what you would have done? I'm not you Lancelot, I have a heart remember?" she said.
I laughed at her, but I laughed at myself at the same time.
"I told you I would have left you and the boy in that forsaken chamber…and still…."
"That was the past Lancelot! Learn to put the past behind you. And if you continue to say that you wish you were dead, Arthur will break. He cares for you Lancelot, can you not see this! You are his brother, you know you hurt him when you say things don't you?" she demanded.
Yes I know I do, but I seem to do it anyway.
"Do not speak of Arthur and myself, for you know nothing of our past!" I demanded.
Guinevere ran her hand through my hair; I shut my eyes without thinking and leaned into her touch.
"You yearn for something Lancelot…and neither the love of the other knights, nor the love of Arthur can sustain that." she explained softly.
I knew this was right, but I turned my head away from her, away from her caring touch.
"Leave me Guinevere, I'd rather be alone."