She quietly slipped from her basement window, making sure to latch it open on her way out. She walked quickly down the lonely, dark streets, tears streaming down her face. She didn't know why she cried anymore. But she always did. Every night, when she left the safety of her room to walk these silent avenues. They were empty to her. No one cared out here. This was the real world. No parents to tuck you in at night. No friends to tell you how they care. No, this was reality. This was her nightmare.

Her tears were silent, never causing her to break down, or to openly sob. They just fell across her cheeks of their own volition. It didn't matter to her why they came every night; she didn't waste her time analyzing it anymore. Inside she knew why she cried. She knew why the emotion of it all hit her so hard while she walked in the cool night air. Her tears knew where she was going. They knew into whose arms she was fleeing, and they pitied her. They were tears of shame. Shame that she didn't have the strength to end this. To stop this madness as soon as possible. She knew she was dying inside. Each night she went she killed another part of herself, lost another piece of her innocence, but it didn't matter to her anymore. She needed this. She needed him.

She just walked the familiar course to her destination. She stopped as soon as she saw the flickering light of the fire. Did she really want this? She asked herself the same question every time, right before she walked out into the open. She knew once she took those steps he would see her and there would be no turning back. The answer was simple. The sick, sadistic part of her screamed it out. Yes. She welcomed the pain he brought. She willingly accepted his empty advances, because she knew it would hurt her. During the days she felt nothing. She was numb to every emotion that had once created suck spark in her life. She rarely even felt pain anymore. Only when she was with him did she feel. Any emotion was better than no emotion at this point.

Who was she kidding? It wasn't always painful. He pleasured her in ways she had never even imagined existed. The moments they spent together were always explosive, and never dull. She would emerge sweaty and tired; her hair and clothes mussed in a way that left no doubt what she had been doing. Sometimes she stayed for awhile after, exchanging pleasantries with him and his friends. Most of the time she just left. She never even looked back at him. Just straightened her clothing and walked away with her eyes downcast.

The pain came afterwards. Not usually right away, some nights she could walk a few blocks before it hit her. Like a blow to her gut. Sometimes it would bring the frail girl to her knees. She would loose her breath, and struggle to catch it as the weight on her chest became heavier and more difficult to bear. She would fight to her feet and hurry home. Home never brought her the solace it used to though. Home was just another place for her to exist. That's what life away from him was like. She didn't feel truly alive until she was in his presence. She existed at home, she subsisted at school, but she only lived in the ravine.

She walked out from the shadows of the trees and her thoughts and into the firelight. He was where he always was. Sitting on the picnic table, beer in hand, smug grin on his face. He saw her the instant she stepped into the light. He nodded at her, and she responded in kind. He chugged what was left of his beer and threw the can as she made her way over to him. She stood between his parted legs and looked up at him. He brought his hands from their resting place on his knees to cup her face gently. He stroked his thumbs over her cheekbones while they stared deeply into each others eyes.

"Ready?" he asked.

She didn't respond, instead she backed away from his touch, turned and walked towards the van. He sighed and got up from the table to follow her. He caught up with her and opened the sliding door for her, offering his hand to help her into the van. Normally she would've scoffed at it and climbed in on her own, but tonight she placed her small, delicate fingers into his palm and used him as leverage to help herself inside.

He was shocked. He had offered his hand because it seemed like the nice thing to do, but he has never expected her to take it. She slid towards the back and rested against the pillows. He crawled in and shut the door behind him. He turned to look at her, reclined against the cushions leisurely, as if she was about to take a nap, or watch a movie with her friends. She never looked anxious as she had that first time. She never seemed skittish or nervous with him anymore. He took it as a good sign. Her comfort was important to him. It may seem farfetched, but they had developed something in the last few months that they had been doing this. It wasn't a relationship by any means. More of an understanding.

But it was more than that. At least it was to him. He had grown to care for her. He cared about how she felt, and if she was comfortable. He felt a strange desire to protect her. He never quite understood it, and tried to pretend it wasn't there, but at times like this, when he could look at her face unobstructed by friends, or teachers, he felt it the most. That unspoken bond between them. The emotion that lay underneath their 'arrangement'.

He stalked her like his prey. He crawled over to her on all fours and moved over her small frame slowly. She slid her hands up his back as he moved higher still until they were face to face. He had a leg on either side on hers, and an arm on either side of her shoulders, effectively trapping her in place. She felt no alarm though. She knew he liked to feel in control of the situation. He liked to feel in control of her. She played into his desires, she didn't know why, but she did. She wanted him to feel as good as possible. That was what these little encounters were about, feeling good, feeling free.

He looked intently down at her with a stare that smoldered. He felt her whole body shudder under his gaze, and he felt his dick jump with anticipation. He knew what she wanted. His girl was easy to read. He let his head drop to her neck and he nipped and sucked until she as sure there would be bruises in the morning. He kissed up her chin, and finally his lips hovered just above hers. He stopped and fixed a hard look into her eyes before letting go and crushing his mouth to hers.

The kiss was frantic. Her nails were digging into his back, even through the material of his shirt. Their tongues fought for control, each trying to dominate the other. He let a hand trail up her side and brush over her breast, teasingly. She broke the kiss and let out a small yelp. He smirked at her and attacked her neck again. She closed her eyes, and rolled her head to the side to allow him better access, and he greedily took advantage of the newly exposed flesh. One of her hands traveled up from his back and threaded its way through his hair.

"Jay." She called out softly.

God that drove him wild. Listening to virtuous little Emma Nelson call his name out in the throes of passion was intoxicating. The first time she had done it, he had thought he was going to finish without her ever even touching him. He let his hand come back up her side, lifting her shirt with it, feeling her exquisitely soft skin against the rough calluses of his hands. He slid it up to just under her breasts and let his hand stroke up and down her side for a minute, electing a soft giggle from Emma, as he tickled her gently.

"Jay!" She laughed. "Jay stop!" She pushed lightly at his chest, forcing him up a enough to look down into her eyes and laugh with her for a minute. While he was holding himself over her with one arm, the other came up to stroke down her cheek. She stopped laughing, but allowed a small smile to play at her lips. He lowered himself and ever so slowly placed a soft, sweet kiss on her mouth. Not passionate, but tender. She began to shift underneath him uncomfortably, and he knew why.

When things were fast and hard she was fine. It had been awkward for her at first, but over the past few months she had become an expert at passion. Tenderness was another story all together. She couldn't handle it at all. It bugged the hell out of him, because yes, even tough guy Jay Hogart liked to be sweet once in a while, and most of the time she was completely unreceptive to it. Every once in awhile, when she seemed to be in a good mood, he could get a kiss or two out of her while they weren't fooling around. Usually it was on the nights when she actually hung around after they were done in the van.

She would sit with him on the table, his arm around her, her body pressed into his side, and they would drink a beer. They'd listen to his friends crack dumb jokes, and tell pointless stories. It was actually a pretty good time. She didn't stay very often though, and she hadn't done it in weeks. It almost disappointed him. As much as he didn't admit it, he liked having Green peace around. She made him feel something. He didn't know what it was, but he enjoyed it, and he didn't feel it when she wasn't there.

She pushed lightly at his chest again. "What's goin on with you?"

"Me?" He questioned. "What's up with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She shifted her eyes away from his penetrating gaze.

"Oh come on Emma. Give me a break. I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but it doesn't take a genius to see something wrong with this picture."

"What are you talking about?"

"You, me, in a van, in the middle of the night. There is something really fucked up about this whole situation in case you haven't noticed."

"Well, I didn't realize you weren't enjoying yourself." She pushed him off of her completely and sat up. She straightened her shirt and turned towards the door.

He growled and grabbed her by the arm. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Then what did you mean Jay?"

"I just meant… dammit Emma!" Jay sighed frustrated. He finally just pulled her close to him. They were facing each other, on their knees in the small space. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. His hand came to her face as he tried desperately to keep their kiss tame. He was trying to prove a point. Instead of being hot and open mouthed like their normal kisses, his lips were only slightly parted, and he was gently kissing her mouth over and over. She started to squirm, like always, and he pulled away.

"See, that. What was that?"

"Jay what are you talking about? You're not making any sense."

"The second things cool off; you start to get weird on me. I can't do hot and heavy every second of every day Green peace. I don't work like that." He sat back and covered his eyes with his hand.

She shifted away from the door and lay down next to him. He put his arm around her, and she cuddled into his side. It felt odd to her. She knew what he was getting at. Being sweet with Jay was confusing. Hot and heavy was easy because she knew it was purely physical, and that was fine. Being physical was simple because afterwards she could just get up and walk away from it… away from him… She knew that as soon as she let this go from just passion, and cross into tender it became something else entirely.

While they were fooling around they weren't Jay and Emma, they were just two people seeking gratification. Sure, she had grown much more comfortable with him lately. They had been doing this for months, and it would've been impossible for it not to become personal on some level. She did care about him. He had become a kind of weird support system, whether he knew it or not. She was already so reliant on him, and she hated herself for it. It made her feel vulnerable. She knew that at any moment he might get tired of her, and ditch her for someone prettier, or someone willing to go all the way, which she wouldn't.

She knew that a part of her would be relieved if he did find another girl. It would get her out of this horrible situation that she couldn't seem to get out of herself. But she knew it would devastate her at the same time. As much as she wanted out, she wanted to stay. It confused the hell out of her, but she knew she couldn't talk to him about it, it would freak him out.

"Look I don't want to talk okay. I just want you. I just want to be here with you. Why do we have to analyze this?"

"Maybe you don't need to understand what's going here, but I do. This whole thing is so fucked up."

"No it's not. It's easy. You make me feel good. Do I make you feel good?"

"No, you make me feel awful, that's why I spend four nights a week here with you."

"Jay." She warned.

"Of course you make me feel good, but don't you ever think about what exactly we're doing? If this was so easy, we wouldn't have to hide it."

She sat up and faced him. "We're not hiding anything."

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Okay. Well then why don't you call up Cameron and tell him about it. Tell him how you suck my dick on a regular basis. I'm sure he'd get a hell of a kick out of that."

"Ugh." She turned away from him in disgust.

"Well it's the truth. Or better yet, why don't we go tell your daddy dearest about how I made you come three times last night. Do you think he'd appreciate that?"

"You are so crude."

"Face it Emma. We're hiding it, and there has to be a reason for that. If this was nothing we would've ended it months ago."

"Is that what you want?" Emma turned to him, her eyes welling up with tears. "You want to end this… thing, whatever the hell it is."

"Did I say that?"

"You implied it."

"You know better than to assume things about me."

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Just staring, each daring the other to speak. Finally she did. "I have to go."

"No you don't."

"Yes. Yes I do. I have to get out of here." She reached for the handle and threw the door open. She hopped down from the van and began to briskly walk away without so much a second glance. Jay was out of that van in a second, and chasing her down the ravine. He finally caught up to her, grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. She had tears streaming down her cheeks.

"God, Emma don't cry." He used his free hand to wipe them away. She snatched her arm away from him and moved out of his reach.

"Leave me alone."

"Who's gonna make me?" He asked smugly.

"Maybe I will." She turned away from him again and left him there gaping after her.