Chapter 41: You tell me that you love me….
Here I am. In the last place I'd ever thought I'd be on a day like today. It's misting, and the fall chill has already settled about Hobbiton. Leaves brush together with little scraping sounds, comforting each other, as I sit on the steps of Bag End, alone, with my bottom getting colder by the second.
Now, any normal person would just get up and knock. But most people don't have the history that Frodo and I have. And so here I sit, amazingly round and tired.
I used to love being pregnant, now I am just counting the minutes to the end. When my body is finally my own again, and this little person inside of no longer has the chance to stick a foot in my ribs.
"Merna?"
I can't help but jump a little. I'd forgotten just how quiet that hobbit can move when he sets his mind to it. With a groan, I push off and turn to face him. He doesn't look happy to see me. Big surprise there, but he really doesn't have to frown at me like that.
"Hello Frodo. Invite me in? Bit chilly out here." I answer cheerfully. But he just stands there, door ajar, giving me a blank look. I can only cringe, I didn't think this would hurt so much… "Frodo, please." I whisper, and he steps back.
He closes the door after me, and we stand in the dark front hall, silent. After a few minutes of discomfort, he coughs, and tells me the obvious, "You shouldn't be here, Merna."
And I can't think of anything to say to that, so I just keep my lip buttoned.
"I want you to go home." His voice is hard, decided.
"Is that really what you want?"
He nods, "It's what I want."
I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth, willing my eyes not to tear up. "I miss you." I whisper.
Frodo takes a step back, shaking his head. "Please, don't. Don't do this."
"Do what?" I shout, throwing my hands down.
"Make this harder than it has to be." His voice is calm, even.
"So, you tell me that you love me, but you never want to see me again? Is that it? Do I have that right?" I'm still shouting, and I know I shouldn't be, because this was my fault to start with.
"What do you want from me Merna?" His face is as emotionless as his voice. It's almost as if he practiced this, as if he knew that I would come back.
I never got up the nerve to face him when I finally came back. Sam had to go and get my things whilst I sat in the green tinted guest bedroom with my tail between my legs. I was going to send a letter, but everything I wrote seemed inadequate, impersonal. I never mailed any of them.
I'm taking deep breaths. In and out, in and out; trying to calm down. It's irrational to be shouting. I've shared less than six sentences with him and already I've got my voice up? Not good, leaning a bit towards crazy as it were…or, at the very least, hormonal. I swallow.
"I guess I should be going then." I run my hand over my hair. Patting strands back into place. It's finally long enough to put into a small bun.
He nods, doesn't give me another word, but starts fishing around in his back pocket.
"Pippin says hello, and that he misses you. I told him you'd be walking me back to Sam's. If he asks, I'll tell him that's what happened."
I've got my hand on the knob when I feel his fingers on my wrist. I turn and he pulls me into a hug, getting as close as he can with my belly as big as it is. I press my face into his neck, tears welling up, but he's already pulling away.
He presses an envelope into my palm; and his eyes on my face are sad, as blue as ever. "Don't come back, Merna." He murmurs. "Please."
I just jerked the door open and fled.
I refused to open the letter. I tossed it at Sam and locked myself in my room for a good cry. I needed it, in fact, I was long overdue for one, I soothed myself as I soaked a pillow.
He was knocking on my door only minutes later. "Open the door, Merna."
I didn't answer, just quieted myself a bit, and rolled over.
"Please open it, you need to see this."
"I do not. I don't care what it says. Burn it." He had already made his feelings on all matters quite clear. There wasn't much more he could say.
"Merna." Sam said again, insistent. "It's not a letter. It's a deed." His fist rapped on the wood again.
I dragged myself off of the bed, opened the door a crack. "It's a what?" I whispered.
Merna went into labor as we moved the last piece of furniture into her new hobbit hole. The crib oak, heavy and handcrafted almost didn't fit through the door to the baby's room.
She smiled as we set it down, close to the window, and walked the short distance into the kitchen to spoon out the soup for lunch.
We heard her shout, and five pairs of feet raced in to see what was the matter. She'd told us in the morning that she was having pains in her back. But they were just small ones she'd said. Nothing she hadn't had before.
"Guess it wasn't just back pains then," She said with a grin, as she sidled away from the puddle at her feet.
"Come now lass, we'll get you to bed." Mum said, smiling from ear to ear.
I turned to look at Pip; he was paler than boiled fish. "Not the only one who needs to be put abed, eh cousin?" I laughed, and I heard Sam chuckle softly from the corner of the living room.
He turned to face me, eyes like saucers. "Merry…" He breathed. I grinned and clapped him on the back.
"You knew this was going to happen sooner or later, chap. She couldn't stay big like that forever."
"I heard that, Merry!" Merna shouted from the next room. "Don't push your luck. I'm not in so much pain yet that I won't get back out of this bed and clout you one."
I poked my head into the doorway. Mum was pushing pillows up behind her back, and Rosie bumped past me with a glass of water. Merna looked up, a grimace on her lips. "Out," She said finally, flapping a hand in my direction. "Out, out. No boys allowed." She grinned.
I nodded. "Pip too?"
"Especially Pippin." She said softly. "I'd rather not expose myself to the three of you." She cocked an eyebrow, and crossed her arms across her chest. A piece of hair fell into her eyes and she left it there.
I felt my face redden. "Alright." I mumbled, beating a hasty retreat.
I'd rather she not either, I thought humorously.
Who ever came up with the idea that giving birth is a beautiful and moving experience should be pushed down a flight of stairs. Or made to give birth himself. Because it was, without a doubt, a him. No female would be ignorant enough to say that.
Giving birth is painful, and long. I've been at it for hours, writhing in pain on my nice, once-clean bed while Rosie watches with horror, her mouth a perfect O and Pippin's and Merry's Mums tell me how good I'm doing.
At this point, I'd rather be pregnant for another year than do this now.
The contraction stops, and I can finally breathe again. "My giddy goodness." I whisper, teeth clenched. "How am I?" I demand, pulling the sheet up.
Esmeralda comes in for a peek. "Nearly there. Only about a half hour I'd guess, before you can push."
I drop back against the pillows, wiping my hair out of my eyes. "And how long does the pushing take?" I pant, as another contraction hits me.
Esmeralda frowns. "It depends…" She says softly.
"Wonderful." I puff. "Just wonderful."
An hour and a half of extreme pain later and I've got my feet up in the air, held securely by the two women who've done this before, pushing for all I'm worth.
All I can say is, I'm bloody tired. Tired enough that I've managed to fall asleep between pains. Tired enough that one more push, and I won't be able to push any more…I just want it to stop.
"Come on, luv. One more, one more good one and that should do it. I can see his head!" Esmeralda exclaims.
I nod, thinking one more, one more over and over like a mantra. But in reality, I just can't do it. I try, but nothing happens. It's like my legs have gone soft. I'm all out of push. I let out the breath I was holding in, and start to cry. "I can't. I can't push…"
Eglantine smoothes her hand across my brow, her fingers tips cool on my skin. "You can do this." She says evenly. "One more push, and he'll slip right out. He wants to see his mother."
And I want to see him too, more than anything but my body has stopped cooperating with me…. "I can't…" I whisper.
Esmeralda and Eglantine share a look, both grimacing. "All right then. We're going to try something new. Rosie, get up here." Eglantine says, as she and Esmeralda grasp me under both arms and lean me forwards.
Rose slides behind me, and wraps her arms around me, holding me up so that I'm squatting. Esmeralda moves to help her. "Let's see if gravity will do us any favors," Esmeralda puffs, as Eglantine rubs my belly, pushing downwards gently.
"Try pushing now." Eglantine says. "One good hard push."
I close my eyes and clench, pushing as hard as I can, for as long as I can. I feel an enormous pressure, and then nothing. I close my eyes.
Rosie drops me back down softly, and Esmeralda and Eglantine pick something up off of the bed, and start patting and fussing with it.
"I'm done." I gasp. "I'm done."
"You did good, Mernie, you did good!" Rosie says cheerfully, her face alight.
And suddenly, the only thing I want in the world is to hold my baby boy. I can hear him crying, little hiccups of sound.
I want him.
"Give him to me." I say loudly, with as much volume as I can muster. "I want to see him." I say again, insistent.
Esmeralda laughs. "Of course, sweet, we're not taking him anywhere." She walks over to me, a wrapped bundle in her arms.
I open my arms, ignoring the fact that they're shaking a bit. And she sets the bundle down. My fingers stroke a head of red curls, the bridge of a little nose, the curve of a set of perfect lips…I sigh.
"Hey you." I say softly, pressing my lips softly against his damp curls. I can feel his breath on my face, and he smells just like heaven.
Eglantine lifts up the sheet, pulls out something red and wet looking. "And the afterbirth too…" She says sweetly. "You really are done, Merna. All done."
Esme starts pulling away the soiled bedding from beneath me. "What'll you name him?"
"Faramir." I answer without a moment's hesitation. I lay my head back, listening to my baby breathe, sleepy and content.
"Good name, original." I hear someone say.
I smile, and close my eyes.
"You going to feed him? The little tyke is probably hungry."
"Mhmmm." I say softly, feeling the rest of my body go soft, completely relaxed.
"Rose! Catch him!" Esme yelled. Faramir burst into tears, and I struggle to open my eyes, but I can't. I'm just too tired.
Suddenly, my legs are cold; I can feel someone moving them apart.
"Esme." Eglantine says sharply. "She's still bleeding."
FIN
OOO
I hate to leave you like that. But this is it kitties. Tdbaon is finished. Look for the triquel soon. Thank you for the support, I love you all so much! R&R one last time…
Your author,
PLK