To celebrate my hundredth review of HCJOP for the third time, I'm putting up this chapter. So much I wanted to do this summer, and yet here I am with hardly any of it completed. Bah. Unforeseen complications and laziness do not progression make.

Here's a fun drinking game for those above the age limit: reread the last chapter, and every time you see the word hole(s), take a drink! Remember, if you die of alcohol poisoning, that means one less person depending on me! Yay!

Huh huh.

"Hole".

Enough of that crap. Just sit back and read this already.

-JB

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ENTRY FOURTY-FIVE:

Oh, well, THIS was a fun day.

Ever since I told Yuna up on the deck that we should try and forget about what's happened to us in the past and move on, Rikku's been bugging me about whether or not I'll leave the Gullwings...same for Yuna, too. Got on my nerves so damn much, I ended up exploding at Brother in Al Bhed. Eh, the fool had it coming, anyways.

Apparently, without Nooj, Gippal, and Baralai, Spira has its collective head up its ass and is basically coming apart at the seams without them. We've decided to use Shinra's little "Commsphere" device to try and contact everyone, and so far, we've only found out about Besaid and Kilika. Besaid seems to be fine, what with Beclem still hanging around and all. He may be an ass, but he's an effective ass. That Wakka and his little baby haulin' sack of buckles are doing okay, too, it seems. Just peachy on the island, I guess.

Now, Kilika...that's another story.

That Dona woman had the nerve to abduct our Commsphere and have her own little conversation with us. Didn't even return it to where it was! I don't know about anybody else on this ship, but I don't want to have to see Madame Thongstrap every time I turn on the computer console. I swear, it's like she's wearing a damn rubber band for clothes.

Well, there's still plenty of places left to check, but hopefully it won't take too long. I mean, it's not like everyone is going to have something to say, or speak for very long, or need us to check back multiple times, right?

Right?

-...I'm right.

ENTRY FOURTY SIX:

Shoot me.

Shoot me now.

I hate commspheres, I hate Shinra, I hate computers, I hate people, I hate talking, I hate listening, I hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it.

Haaaaaate.

Why does everyone feel the need to give me their damn life story whenever they see a commsphere lying on the ground! And why is there always someone there! Does nobody in Spira have anything better to do! No wonder you're all in a panic, you're just sitting around on your asses talking to a glass ball!

For Yevon's sake, people! It's not even shiny!

...Okay. Out of my system. I'm fine...I'm good. I'm just sick and tired of all these people prattling on and on and on and on and on about their problems, wherever they are. Spira's a mess! We already know! Now go do something productive!

Alright. I guess it wasn't out of my system.

Feeling better now. Moving on.

This is as good a time as any to explain that the Youth League, absent of a leader, has decided to go full throttle and attack the New Yevon forces before they "make a move". Apparently, old men in robes who have a hard time remembering their own name are a huge threat to the inhabitants of Mushroom Rock Road. Checking to see if New Yevon was doing the same, we found nothing more than Maroda spying on the opposing side, trying to get some information. He claimed it was the easiest thing to do and that he could walk around, completely exposed, because New Yevon was in such terrible condition after losing Baralai. No, Maroda, I'd say it's because your enemies can't hobble in your direction fast enough. They might have time to menacingly shake a cane at you, though.

I do have to wonder what happened to him, though. He was eventually spotted by guards, which he honestly should have seen coming...I mean, he was sitting down on the ground, cross-legged, in the open, wearing his Youth League clothes. I tell you, the man is the very picture of obviousness.

-Paine. At least I'm sneakier than Maroda.

ENTRY FORTY-SEVEN:

Oh Yevon.

I am an idiot.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

After finding out that all of Spira's leaders are missing, we took a break from the Commpshere sessions to try and figure out a plan. When nobody else could think of a solution that would bring Spira back together, I sarcastically replied with the idea of singing campfire songs.

Stupid.

I can't believe Brother took me seriously on that! What the hell! Well...I suppose it's believable he'd want Yuna to get up on stage in a skimpy outfit and dance around, and that Rikku is just hyped for anything that sounds OH WOW FUN, so I guess I should be most surprised in Buddy and Shinra. Shinra's only excuse is a chance to practice his techie stuff, and Buddy...well...Buddy doesn't even have an excuse.

Yevon, am I going to hate this.

At least I won't have to get up on stage and sing along...I hope.

...Oh sweet Yevon. Do not let Rikku hear that idea. I swear, if she even tries to pull me up on a stage in front of all Spira, I...I...aaaaargh!

-Kill. Now.

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There you go. Hope you played the drinking game and are now as wasted as my intelligence!

There's one line in particular I'll be stealing from a friend when it comes time for Yuna's SOOPER STAR PURR4MANCE, and I cannot wait to use it. Just so she knows that she is forever going to be a part of the fanfiction universe she pokes so much fun at...

Hello, Molly! I'm using your joke! Your joke is in fanfiction! I'm the one making cash off it! Your words are immortalized in writing alongside high school fiction, impossible sexual positions, and shitty stories about vampires!

HOW DOES IT FEEL, BITCH

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand now you know what my life is like.

-JB