Disclaimer: Not J.K.Rowling, not making any money, don't own anything, please don't sue.
Chapter
Thirteen:
Sirius' Return
Sirius' return was as quiet and unobtrusive as possible, deliberately low key to prevent any excitement. His trunk appeared in the boys Dorm over night and Sirius himself arrived on the Knight Bus a little after one in the afternoon. He looked better than he had on Friday, if only slightly. His hair was still dull and dry, but the body had returned. The dark circles around his eyes had faded, though his face still had a gaunt, pinched look. As his friends though we knew where to truly look: His eyes. Those expressive grey orbs, at the moment misty with the shadow of apprehension, were the only way to read him properly. A complete contrast to the smile, warm, wide and charming, he was currently directing towards us from the window of the Knight Bus. Putting on a brave face it seemed, however un-Sirius like that was, and it made me wonder how much had really changed.
As he went to alight the violently purple bus Andromeda pulled him into a fierce hug, or as fierce as she could with the large bump she currently sported. He returned the hug half-heartedly, bending down as she whispered in his ear. He stepped off the old bus and waved goodbye to his cousin. Andromeda returned the wave a small smile gracing her lips. It seemed as if she were sacrificing him to the snakes.
The Knight Bus pulled off down the rough road. A minute later there was a sharp bang, and it was gone. Sirius stood motionless, staring at the place the bus had last been. He continued to gaze wistfully for what seemed like an age, unwilling or unable to turn and face Hogwarts. He cut a lonely figure, standing as he was with his back to us and satchel hanging loosely from his hand.
I shared a nervous look with James and Peter. None of us sure what to do next. Do we interrupt his reverie or let him come back to us in his own time?
"Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus," James whispered to me and Peter. A surprisingly fitting occasion for our unusual school motto.
So we watched Sirius with patience and caution, all of us remembering the hopelessness that had dogged him on Friday. The turbulent February wind whipped round us, stinging our faces and causing us to shiver beneath our cloaks. But he stood as unmoveable as stone, so deep within himself that not even the atmosphere affected him.
Eventually, well after my fingers had grown numb with cold, Sirius let out a heavy sigh of resignation, made his back ram-rod straight, and lifted his satchel over his shoulder. Then he turned, that patented smile on his face but with sorrowful eyes that looked upon Hogwarts gates with dread.
"Padfoot mate," James exclaimed, a warm grin spreading across his face. "It's good to see you. How was your journey?" As he was saying this James stepped forward, clapped his friend on the shoulder and removed his bag from him in one smooth move.
"What, I'm not green enough for you to tell Prongs!" Sirius replied over exuberantly while clasping his best friends hand. "I swear that driver has never heard of a brake!
"You alright Wormtail" He asked over James shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Peter squeaked, a grin almost splitting his round little face.
Sirius only nodded in response. He released James hand and then spotted me. I stepped towards him, holding his gaze, and his fixed smile almost faltered. Wrapping my arms around his body, I greeted him in kind, calm tones. Infusing my hug with encouragement I was disturbed to feel how thin he seemed beneath his robes. As I released him I wrinkled my nose at him, causing him to snort in laughter. Not quite his usual back like laughter, but better than nothing.
"Can we go in please?" Peter asked tentatively, his teeth audibly chattering. "It's freezing out here."
"Merlin Wormtail you've got more padding than the rest of us," James said, his voice biting with impatience.
"You know what, I'm quite cold too," I announced briskly rubbing my hands together and shooting James an icy glare. "Lets go in."
We made our way down the path towards the castle in companionable silence, none of us making any effort to start conversation for several minutes.
"What do you what to do this afternoon?" James asked, breaking the easy hush that had covered us. Sirius merely shrugged in answer.
"You could study," I suggested with concern. "Show the Professors that you're willing to make up the work. Amy and I have made copies of the lessons that you've missed and I have to study today anyway."
Sirius smiled appreciatively at me and opened his mouth to reply. However James got there first. "You wouldn't have to study today if you hadn't gone missing yesterday," he protested in indignation.
"I was not missing Potter," I spat. "I was walking in the grounds."
"If people can't find you Evans, it's termed missing, and I know Monbury was searching for you too," James replied accusingly. "You missed breakfast, lunch and most of dinner. Not forgetting that you skipped the apparition lesson"
"I wasn't aware that my eating habits were any of your concerns," I shot back, venom coating my voice. "I'd be careful if I were you Potter. You're coming dangerously close to meddling yourself."
James stopped dead, and looked at me as if I'd just slapped him. This was the first time we'd spoken since Friday evening, not even exchanging any greeting except for a terse nod of the head. Sirius looked between us both as we glared at each other, confusion crossing his hansom features. Finding no answers from us he sent Peter a questioning glare. Peter just mouthed "fought". Sirius raised his eyebrows in silent sarcasm as his only response, then took the direct approach.
"What's going on?"
"Ask him," I said coldly before sending James a death glare and storming into the castle.
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I left the copied notes with Amy in the Common Room as I fled to the sanctuary of the Library to study. It was several hours later, as I put the finishing touches to McGonagalls transfiguration essay, before anyone dared to disturb me. The first sign of his presence was the shadow that fell across my secluded desk, quickly followed by the spicy scent that was so uniquely him.
I didn't look up, trying to avoid the conversation that would inevitably bring. Instead I carried on writing, though my concentration had slipped considerably.
"You're going to be late for dinner," he stated, taking the seat opposite me.
"I thought we agreed that wasn't any of your business." I said tartly, giving up any pretence of working. I lifted my head and looked straight into the hazel pools of an unmasked James Potter. A familiar jolt passed through my heart and I knew I was falling into his gaze. Right then I would have forgiven him anything, although I tried to keep my harsh exterior as I said, "I'll keep out of yours if you keep out of mine. That's what you want isn't it?"
"No."
No, so simple, so succinct. Yet it threw me head first into a spiral of confusion. It wasn't just the word itself but the tone behind it, sorrowful and heartfelt.
"But Friday night…….." I started, reeling slightly from the unexpected revelation.
"Friday night I was angry at everything," he said slowly while holding my gaze with his. "Angry at the entire situation, angry at Remus' refusal to see Sirius side, angry at the depression that Sirius has fallen into and angry at that Ze Bour cow for being the catalyst for the whole sorry affair," his voice started raising as the rage ripped through him once more, fists balling on the table in front of him. He paused, taking some deep breathes, allowing his temper to trickle away.
In these moment, while he calmed down, I studied the emotions flowing behind his hazel eyes. Unmasked James was easier to read than even Sirius and his feelings floated unhindered. Anger, resentment, betrayal and fear. The fear was overwhelming, transferring between us, entering into my heart.
"The point is," James continued suddenly "That I wasn't angry at you, you were just the nearest person. It was wrong and I'm sorry."
There wasn't anyway I could prevent the shocked expression that crossed my face. "Apology accepted.," I stammered in disbelief.
"No need to sound so shocked Lily," he laughed. It was a deep resonating tone that made me smile, and earned him a disparaging look from Madam Pince.
"Potter, more stones have given blood than you've offered sincere apologies!"
A flash of hurt crossed his thin face. He leant across the table and grasped my hand, saying softly, "Please call me James, and join me for dinner"
"Very well," I said on a giddy impulse from our recent reconciliation. I started to pack my books into my bag when a suspicious thought crossed my mind. "What made you come and find me anyway?" I asked curiously, certain that Remus had forced him.
"Well, Padfoot and your friend Modbury…."
"Amy," I corrected.
"Amy, right. Well they've been hidden away in the corner of the Common Room all afternoon, no doubt discussing us." I nodded swinging my bag over my shoulder, only to have him remove it almost immediately as we left the library. "So I figured we'd better sort this ourselves, or find they've locked us in a storage cupboard overnight."
"They wouldn't dare!" I exclaimed.
"I wouldn't bet on that Lily," he said, amused by my indignation. "There were some pretty evil giggles teamed with sly looks."
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Dinner on Sirius' first day back was never going to be a pleasant experience. Remus and Sirius had decided to ignore each others existence as they sat either side of James. As happy as I was that they weren't fighting, it did make the conversation stunted and awkward.
Along side this were the Slytherin catcalls.
"Heard you can't handle your drink Sirius. Always said you were to weak to be a true Black."
"I'd say you only have a face a mother could love, but she can't even stand the sight of you, can she Sirius?"
"Is it true you tried to top yourself Sirius," I recognized Narcissa's haughty drawl. "Or was that just Aunt Belladonna's wishful thinking."
There were others, all along the same vein. We did our best to ignore them, trying to maintain the already strained chatter through the taunts.
Sirius lasted fifteen minutes, staring at his plate and playing with his food, before announcing he was tired. He stood up from the table and exited with as much dignity as he could muster. His shoulders square but his head bowed and hands thrust deep into the pockets of his robes.
"He'll be okay James," I tried to reassure him as he watched his best friend leave the Great Hall. I desperately hoped I sounded more convincing than I felt. Sirius had barely eaten a mouthful, not nearly enough for anyone, let alone Gryffindors walking dustbin.
Remus caught my gaze. His stare was filled with unvoiced accusations. "You knew," he whispered. "You knew this would happen."
"Everyone knew Remus," I said gently. "You were just too angry to see it yourself."
As we returned miserably to our meals none of us saw a pretty Hufflepuff slip from the Great Hall.
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After Sirius's depressing departure non of us made any attempt at conversation, and as such James, Remus, Peter and I left Gryffindor's table all of twenty minutes after Sirius. We quickly made our way through the empty Entrance Hall, most people still enjoying their meal, towards the marble staircase, our only intention to get to the tower, and away from the Slytherins.
Remus heard it first. He stopped dead, causing peter to walk right into him. "What is it Moo…" James started, but Remus raised a hand up to silence him.
"Listen," he instructed, cocking his head to one side.
Puzzlement written across our faces we did as we were told. It took me a couple of moments to hear what had caught Remus' attention. A faint, rhythmical tone, out of place in the quiet foyer.
Remus and I instinctively moved towards the noise, trailing James and Peter after us. We slipped behind the tapestry of the Four Founders into one of the more well known hidden passages, creeping along so not to disturb the source of our hunt. As soon as we were within the narrow passageway it was obvious the noise we'd heard was someone crying. All of the boys looked instantly uncomfortable and hung back. In response I rolled my eyes and took the lead. Turning the corner we found, sat on the floor wailing into her knees, Florence Ze Bour.
I felt the boys stop behind me. James tensed, Remus started backing up the passage, and Peter's eyes flit between the other two in nervous agitation.
Shooting James a warning glare to stay where he was and keep his mouth shut I approached Florence. Shaking violently with unrepressed sobs she hadn't even noticed us there. I crouched in front of her and touched her delicate shoulder as I gently said her name.
She started and then raised her head to look at me. Tears flowed heavily from her red-rimmed eyes and she tried to dry them in vain with the sleeve of her robe. I've heard men say that women can look their most beautiful when they're crying. I never believed that, believing it a myth perpetuated by men at a loss at how to comfort a distressed women. Now, looking at Florence Ze Bours incredibly beautiful face marred by the salty tear streaks and sniffling, I knew I was right. If she couldn't look glamorous crying, no-one could.
"Florence," I repeated. "What's wrong?"
"They … They won't speak to me," she bawled. "Remus turns and goes the opposite way whenever he sees me, and Sirius … Sirius …"
The sobs overtook her once more and, out of instinct, I wrapped my arms around her, drawing her trembling form into a comforting embrace. I looked up to see the boys hadn't moved. Remus was as close to the corner as possible, ready to bolt at a moments notice. James and Peter stood closer, watching the scene in front of them. James with a look of utter disgust on his face, and Peter with the disposition of someone watching a car crash, unable to divert their gaze.
"Florence," I said softly to get her attention. "Did you just try and talk to Sirius?"
She nodded without looking up. James' disgust mingled with anger. Remus left, I was the only one who noticed he had gone.
"What happened?" I asked.
"He … He wouldn't listen," she sputtered in-between violent sobs. "I tried to … To explain, but he … He was so angry." The last word was positively howled an she drew herself into a tighter ball within my grasp, as she cried even harder than before.
Once again I looked to James, his expression hadn't changed, but he had gone several shades paler. Catching his gaze I silently implored him to go find Sirius. James nodded to show he understood my silent communication, turned on his heal, and strode away purposely. Peter scuttled after him and Florence and I were, much to my chagrin, left alone.
I understood James' feelings perfectly. Florence's wailing was grating on my nerves. I wanted nothing more than to leave her on the cold stone floor and go with the boys to find Sirius, but I didn't. No matter how much I wanted scream at her that she brought this whole mess on herself, I couldn't. Florence cut such a pathetic figure huddled in my arms that even the famed Evans temper refused to rise. Instead I sighed heavily.
"Come on now Florence," I said with as much false sympathy as I could muster. "I know it seems bad now, but it'll sort its self out. You've got to give these things time. It's only been a little over a week." I rubbed mall circles on her back as her fitful cries slowed to sniffles. Once more she looked at me with anguished eyes, studying me intently.
"You hate me too, don't you Lily?" She posed it as a question, but it was clear she'd drawn her own conclusions.
"If I hated you would I have sat here holding you for Merlin knows how long?" I asked rhetorically, exasperation slipping into my voice.
Florence stared at me with blatant disbelief showing on her sublime face. I gave up and reverted to honesty. "I don't hate you, but I am finding it hard to sympathise with you. Your actions caused this. You choose Sirius and then you kissed Remus…"
"He returned that kiss," she interjected furiously.
"I know that," I placated. "But, because of your mothers genes, you have a certain…" I mentally grappled for the word. "Sway… Over the male population. And, as unfair as it may seem, this means you have to be more responsible in your dealings with them.
"Men just lose their heads around you," I finished with a small, sardonic smile.
Florence moved away from me slightly, and I allowed my arms to fall back to me. Both of us rested our backs against the wall, stretching our legs out in front of us. Florence rested her petit hands in her lap and stared at them as she lapsed into deep thought.
The silence stretched between us for a long time. Dinner finished, and several people sent us curious looks as they picked a path through our extended legs. I let my head fall back against the wall and closed my eyes. Tiredness had crept upon me without my noticing it. I was suddenly painfully aware I'd had two sleepless nights after my fight with James, and the stresses of the previous week weren't helping. As I relaxed fuzziness started to creep along the edges of my brain. I was falling asleep, but I was so exhausted I didn't even realise.
"I didn't mean to hurt him."
This statement cut through the comforting fog that had settled between consciousness and myself. Harsh reality came back to me and I abruptly realised I was sat on a cold, stone floor, leaning against a hard, stone wall, in the middle of a passageway.
"I wanted to help him," Florence continued, unaware that I had just come back to earth with a bump.
Squeezing my eyes together tightly I tried to warn off the headache that was starting to brew. All I could manage in reply was an inarticulate, "Huh."
"I had decided on Remus before we came back to school that Easter," she started, still staring at her hands. "But then I saw Sirius, and he looked so hurt and sad…
"And then the Slytherins started on him. It was awful, I couldn't stand it." All of a sudden Florence looked at me dead in the eyes, a fierce flame burning in her own. Her voice had the same intensity in it when she continued. "I'm not stupid Lily. I know I'm not great at theory and stuff, but I know the way men look at me. Most of them have tried it on you know, even the Slytherins. Because of that I knew I could stop it. I could put an end to the taunts and name calling. So I did.
"Wouldn't you have done the same thing if you could?"
"Well," I started, but drifted off at a loss to where to take that sentence. Truth was I would have done almost anything to spare him that night, and I'd been both happy and relieved when Florence had asked him out in front of everybody. But if she was just toying with him, that was worse than the Slytherin taunts. Wasn't it?
"Not if that was my only option," I said after a minute or two." Didn't you think that it would make the situation so much worse in the long run? That this exact scenario could happen?"
Florence shook her head beside me and answered, "I thought Sirius would get board of me.
"Instead he was clingy, and I felt swamped, you know… And I was still spending a lot of time with Remus…" She shrugged, though still managing to maintain an air of grace. "Then things got messy.
"I didn't take Remus behind the greenhouses to kiss him, just to talk where no-one could hear us. But he has this whole animal-magnetism thing going on, and I, er…, just kind of forgot myself…" She drifted off, obviously reluctant to recount the more intimate details tryst. After a few moments she asked in a small voice, "How do I fix this Lily?"
"You don't," I told her bluntly. "You back off and give the boys space to work it out between themselves." I pushed myself my to standing and looked down on her. Pointedly I said, "If you want to help them Florence, stay away from them."
And with that I turned away from her and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.