Disclaimer: To sum it up, I don't own anything. Oh, the sadness of my existence.

(An: Random idea alert! This popped into my head when I saw a caption contest for a picture of Remy looking all pensive. One of them went like this: "To steal or not to steal, that is- Oh the hell with it! Steal!" And –that- mental image spawned and multiplied into this stupid, short one shot. I'm going to refer to the Acolytes by their codenames when they first appear since most people don't know them by heart, but after that it's first name basis. And Remy's poem is "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe. It's just been Cajun-ified and given Rogue's name, Marie.)

Put simply, it was chaos at the Acolyte base.

Piotr was the only sane one there. That was why he was running as far away as possible from the place as possible.

He ran up to the only place he could think of that might take him in: the Brotherhood Boarding House.

He banged on the door. A dazed looking Lance opened the door. He blinked a few times, and then seemed to focus and recognize him. "Colossus?"

"Yes, yes, please let me in!" said Pete, looking behind him as though the very demons of hell were behind him.

"Um, ok," said Lance, stepping aside.

Pete dashed into the house and hid behind the couch, breaking the fetal position to peer up every now and then, looking terrified.

"Yo, what's up with you?" asked Todd, hopping in.

Piotr looked up, fear in his eyes. "We've been stuck at the base for a few weeks now. John melted the locks on the doors so we're pretty much locked in-"

"Well, how did you get out, then?" asked Lance, leaning against the wall, which looked as though it was giving beneath his weight.

"Think about it," said Piotr, looking annoyed. "I can transform into a giant hunk of metal. Titanium and wood are supposed to stop me?"

"Oh," said all of the Brotherhood, Wanda and Pietro having joined them.

"Things at the base are like this…"

CUE PETE'S FLASHBACK IN 3

2

1!

A FEW HOURS AGO, AROUND 7 THAT MORNING

Piotr sighed and settled back in his seat on the couch. There wasn't much to do around the base now that they were stuck inside all day, so he didn't think much of the fact that his teammates weren't awake yet.

Gambit stumbled in, looking hung over. He perched on the opposite arm of the couch, grabbing the remote and flipping channels. Then Mastermind walked in. When he came in front of the TV, he stopped short and made a high-pitched beep sound.

"What de hell?" asked Remy, blinking. He flipped a channel and came to The Crocodile Hunter. Remy stopped flipping channels to stumble off to the bathroom.

That was why he didn't see what Jason did next. On the screen, Steve Irwin was bending over, attempting to sneak up on a croc, narrating all the while. Jason bent over as well, and in an eerily good imitation, began doing the exact same thing.

Piotr raised an eyebrow.

Remy came back, muttering about cheap wine. He then picked up the remote and changed the channel. The whole time he was flipping, Jason was beeping. He stopped again on a documentary about airplanes, having to throw up once more.

Once again, he didn't see Jason's curious behavior. He began to zoom around the room, arms straight out, making airplane noises.

Pyro walked in, barely awake. He picked up the remote and began flipping channels. Jason stopped short and made that beeping noise again. John settled on a news report about forest fires, giggling madly.

Jason twitched, then bent down on all fours, opened his eyes all the way, and began to bound around the room.

Remy came back, rubbing his temples and muttering a steady stream of curses in French. He paused, Jason right in front of him. The two men stared at each other, Jason with wide, doe-like eyes. Then Jason began to tremble. He bounded away, hiding behind the couch, and looking over at the other guys with gigantic terrified eyes.

"Mon Dieu, what'd you guys do t' him?" asked Remy, staring at Jason. "If you've given him brain damage Magneto'll kill us!"

"We didn't do anythin', mate," said John, who was also watching the monkey-like mutant. "I just changed the channel and he started acting like that."

"Riiiight," said Remy, in a tone that suggested he harbored a tiny bit of doubt.

"Change the channel," Piotr suggested.

"What?" asked the other guys in unison.

"He acts differently every time you do it," said Pete, changing the channel himself. The next show on was the Powerpuff Girls.

Jason lept over the side and put an empty bowl on his head, imitating Mojo Jojo.

"…What's he doin'?" asked Remy, a stunned look on his face.

"He's bein' Mojo Jojo, duh," said John, grinning like a maniac.

Fascinated, Remy flipped the channel. Now the station was CNN.

Jason grabbed a chair and a few papers, and sat down. He shuffled the papers, cleared his throat, and did a perfect imitation of the dry, dull reporter talking.

"Weird…" said Remy.

"Do you think we should turn off the TV?" asked Piotr, looking nervous.

"No way, mate!" said John. "This is too cool!"

Remy changed the channel again, this time to a documentary on chimpanzees.

Jason jumped off the chair, scattering the papers, and perched on its back. He then began to swing around the room.

"He looks just like it!" cried John, delighted, and fell off his seat, laughing.

Then Remy dropped the remote, going back to the bathroom for a third time. The TV turned off.

Jason let go of the rafter he was holding onto and landed on the couch. He rubbed his temples, looking confused. "What happened?"

"You were imitating the television," Piotr informed him.

"I was?" asked Jason. "And you didn't stop me?"

"No," said John, who had stopped laughing.

Jason glared at them. "Revenge!" he cried and walked off.

A FEW HOURS LATER…

The chaos started with John. He came in, walking a bit like a monkey, in a crouch. He grabbed a lighter off the table and began to coo to it. "My precious…"

Piotr looked up from his spot on the couch. "John? Is something wrong?"

"MY PRECIOUS!" he cried again, and hissed at him. "Stupid metal Colosusses…"

"John?" asked Piotr again, dreading the response.

John's response was a hiss as he loped away.

"He gets scarier every day," Piotr whispered. "Maybe a good book will distract me from all this insanity." He went into his small room, to find that his bookshelves had been raided. His copies of Shakespearian plays and his Edgar Allen Poe book had gone missing. "Where could they be?" he asked himself, looking around.

"To steal or not to steal!" cried Remy, springing from the corner. "Dat is de question!"

"What?" asked Piotr.

"Alas poor Jean-Luc, too little did we know thee!" He pulled a skull from his pocket and looked at it mournfully.

"Hey, I thought we threw that away," said Piotr. "Are you feeling all right?"

"No!" Remy cried. He then jumped atop Piotr's nightstand and began to declaim in a loud, sad voice. "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak an' weary,

Over many a quaint an' curious volume o' forgotten lore

While I nodded, nearly nappin', suddenly dere came a tappin',

As of someone gently rappin', rappin' at m' chamber door

'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, 'tappin' at m' chamber door-

Only dis and nothin' more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in de bleak December

An' each separate dyin' ember wrought its ghost upon de floor

Eagerly I wished de morrow; -vainly I had sought to borrow

From m' books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for de lost Marie

For de rare an' radiant maiden whom de angels named Marie

Nameless here for evermore.

An' de silken sad uncertain rustlin' of each purple curtain

Thrilled m'-filled m' wit' fantastic terrors never felt before;

So dat now, t' still de beating o' m' heart, I stood repeatin'

'Tis some visitor entreatin' entrance at m' chamber door-"

"Um, Remy?"

"QUIET!" Remy cried, outraged. "Y' must hear of m' sorrow before the morrow!"

"…Are you feeling all right?"

"NO!" Remy shouted. Then, cackling madly, he jumped down from the nightstand and ran into the hallway crying, "Oh, but for mon ange Marie!"

"That would've rhymed if he'd kept it Lenore," said Mastermind, stepping out from the shadows and shaking his head.

Piotr squeaked and ran away from the creepy little monkey-man.

"I have to do Sabretooth first!" he called after the tin man, but Piotr didn't hear.

He was in shock.

Jason shrugged and did Sabretooth.

What Piotr saw when he got in the common room was shocking. John was still doing his Gollum impression, and Remy was still quoting Poe and Shakespeare, but that wasn't the scary part. It was Sabretooth. He was lying on the floor, batting around a truly gigantic ball of hot pink yarn, and making mewling sounds. "Yarny warny yarny yarny!" he cried, and hugged it.

Piotr screamed, powered up, and crashed through the walls of the building, heading for the Brotherhood house.

Jason stepped out of the shadows, his eyes glowing yellow. "Why didn't we think of that before?"

END FLASHBACK

"And so you see, that is why I came here," said Piotr, looking up at Lance.

The Brotherhood nodded slowly. Most of them were still in shock from his unbelievable story.

"Oh Petey!" came a voice.

"Oh no," cried Piotr, jumping up. "He's here!"

"Who's here?" asked Todd, looking around.

"Him! Jason! Master-" Piotr stopped short and his eyes glazed over. Then he began to sing. "This is the song that runs under the credits! These are the credits, so this is where it goes! It has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say, HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!"

"Veggietales, huh," said Wanda, giving Jason a skeptical look.

"Call it a fetish," said the monkey-like mutant with a shrug. "And I'll thank you to stop calling me a monkey!" he said, looking up at the ceiling and seeming very annoyed.

"Who's he talking to?" Lance whispered to Wanda, who was the only member who seemed to know what was going on.

"There should be a rule that the song under the credits remotely pertains to the movie's basic plot! But that rule has not been made so we'll have to say, HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!!!"

"The author keeps calling him a monkey," said Wanda.

"The author?" asked Lance, confused.

Wanda sighed and shook her head. "Well, Lance, there're these things called fanfictions…"

"Now then," said Jason, once again addressing the ceiling, "are you quite done?"

Just one more thing, my dear monkey… The End… or is it?!

"NOT A MONKEY!"

(And that's that. Reviews will be loved and hugged.)