AN: Hello,I wanted to edit chapter six becauseI left out some minor dialogs, but I decided not to because QuickEdit in is pissing me off. Now they would not allow many things (e.g: two punctuations beput together, some characters would not show up, etc, etc). So...
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Cherryblossom: I think you missed out chapter seven, because that is the key chapter that starts to match up my summary.
Drac-frst: Did you receive my email? I was online when I got your review, so you should have received my email of explanation a few minutes after you reviewed my story :)
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My darling readers, let me clarify some things for you. (Based on Drac-Frst's review)
First of all, "...Kenshin killed hundreds or thousands of people to save his father... along with his father's best friend, Kaoru's dad, knowing how she would react, with no proof that Banyu actually had his father captive?"
No, Kenshin did not kill thousands of people. A few hundred yes, but thousands of people, no.
I guess in my previous chapters I failed to explain the relationships, so there are a lot of confusion in the minds of the readers. Kenshin loves his father very much, and he loves Kaoru very much as well.
Yes, he would kill people just for the sake of his father's life, and even though I did not write (though I should have) about the proof(s) that Kenshin's father is held hostage. At the first year when his father was kidnapped, somewhere in between Takeda Karnyuu would have proven to Kenshin that his father was in his hands, alive and kicking. And in between the stretch of the long three years, Takeda Karnyuu would ALSO have given bits and pieces of proof to Kenshin that his father is well, and alive for that matter.
And in the process of three years, killing innocent people (including Kaoru's dad) would almost be a.. "monthly routine" for him. Taking people's lives for a span of three years would have made him ruthless; with his conscience kicked aside. That was how he could bring himself to kill Kaoru's father.
Seeing the close relationship between Kenshin and Kaoru, Kenshin had hoped Kaoru would understand that he was forced to kill her father. That's why he told her that he did not mean to kill those people, that he had no choice.
I realized that my style of writing involves a lot of assuming, a lot of unwritten facts that are shown in other sentences, scenes, dialogs and events.
And yes, I admit that my fiction has a lot of loose ends, but I'm doing my best to work on it. And thank you very much for your review(s), they are all very much appreciated.
If you have any more criticisms/questions, don't hesitate to review/email/let me know. :).
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Anyway, after that is done over with, I would like to thankall my wonderful reviewers, though I'm too lazy to list them all out this time (sheepish).
Here's chapter seven, and any response would be greatly appreciated!
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Chapter 7
Hurt.
Rejection.
Pain.
Regret.
Those were the emotions that were swirling around in Kenshin's aching chest. He wanted to cry, he wanted to kill, get himself drunk, anything to take his mind away from what he was feeling right now.
Deep in his heart he was aching desperately for her forgiveness. He had been too blinded by an unrealistic hope, a hope that had led him to believe that she would forgive him.
A hope that made him believe that she would see things clearly; to see that he hadn't meant for it to happen.
That he had been forced to do what he did.
But apparently not.
She had pushed him away, screamed at him, resisted him, slapped him… stared at him as if he was some kind of monster, glared at him as if she despised him to the core.
His heart stung again.
Her eyes.
Her eyes were filled with immense disbelief, wrapped by her crystal-like tears. She looked so filled with brokenness and anguish, it had torn him apart inside.
Thinking about it, about her, was like adding salt to his already stinging wounds, but he didn't care. In his mind, he knew he deserved it. Whether he intended to or not, he had hurt her beyond imagining.
He had hurt her when the only thing he'd wanted was to make her happy, to protect her and to take care of her.
And yet here he was, her father's murderer.
He felt so frustrated, so angry, so miserable. He wished lighting would strike him to death that instant. But unfortunately, he knew that was not to happen any time soon. Loathing himself even more by the second, he tightened his grip on his katana, running through the katas that had been ingrained into his system.
The familiar motions gave him a semblance of peace, but in his heart, in his mind and in his soul, he knew there would be no peace for him. Not for a very long time… perhaps never again.
Kenshin's movements blurred into the deadly dance of death and fell back into the motions of the art of stealing people's lives in a blink of an eye.
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"I hate fishing." The ten year old princess complained.
Her companion, the infamous twelve year-old redhead chuckled. "And why is that?"
"Cause' I can't catch any stupid fish. Anyway, it's boring."
"No it's not, it's quite fun actually." He replied casually as he pulled up his fishing stick, only to reveal a fiercely-wriggling fish.
Another fish to add to his bucket.
As he set down his fish and unhooked the hook that was hooked to the fish's mouth, he stole a small glance at Kaoru's side. (AN: ..hooks.)
Unsurprisingly, he saw her glaring sturdily at him, earning yet another slight chuckle from his throat. Turning his head to look at her, he gave her a toothy grin. The only response he got was a snort, as she mechanically turned her head back to the pond.
"Maa, maa.."
"What?" she tried to sound nonchalant, but instead she all but blurted the word out.
"You would catch a fish, eventually."
She did not say anything, as she dropped her fishing stick to the ground, with the fish line still in the pond. "I'm going to pluck some flowers instead of waiting for the stupid fish to eat the stupid fish food."
He nodded amusedly, as she spun her heel and left.
After a few seconds or so, he made sure she was out of sight. Hurriedly, he grabbed her fishing stick, and firmly took hold of his still-fiercely-wriggling fish from his bucket. He attached the fish's mouth unto her hook skillfully, and threw the end of the fishing stick back to the pond.
Clearing his throat, he called the irritated-eight-year-old-hard-to-please-princess, who was somewhere around picking flowers, and probably cursing the fishes. "KAORU!"
Silence.
Then –"WHAT?"
"I THINK YOU CAUGHT A FISH!"
Instantly the princess dashed back to the pond, her right hand still gripping some daisies. Dropping them to the ground, she quickly caught hold of her fishing stick, and pulled.
Very much to her delight, there was a fish at the end of the line. It was struggling to go free, but unfortunately Kaoru was already thinking about having fish for dinner.
"I GOT a fish!" she exclaimed excitedly, as she unhooked the fish's mouth from her fishing line, and placed it in her bucket. Looking happily at Kenshin, he sparred her another grin. Glancing into his bucket, she noted that he had only one fish.
"Eh? I thought you had two fishies?"
"Oh, I um.. decided to let one go." He replied, whipping up a smile.
She grinned in reply, as she grabbed his hand. "Quickly, let's get Cook to cook our fishes and eat them!"
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She felt an enormous burden suddenly appearing, weighing down on her shoulders, pressing her down until she could hardly gasp for air. She was having some trouble breathing off and on, and she felt like screaming all of her throbbing pain away.
She was leaning on the wall with her body curled up tightly, as if trying to protect herself from everything, either dangerous or harmless. Huddling onto her legs only added some minor comfort to her position.
She had been crying uncontrollably for the past hour, after she had shakily commanded all her servants to leave her room. They had came running in after hearing the broken glasses and porcelains, only to be greeted by a nasty yell to get out.
She didn't know what to do.
At least she was familiar with some of the emotions she was feeling, only this time it was much deeper, more painful, and especially devastating.
Sniffing softly to herself, she rubbed her red nose as more tears started rolling down her cheeks.
She suddenly felt so lost, so lonely, …so betrayed.
"I'm… I'm sorry…" he whispered silently, as he crushed her to his chest.
She shook her head fervently, forcefully pressing the palm of her hands to the sides of her head, as if to block out any further flashbacks from replaying in her head.
"Please say it… say it Kenshin…" she sobbed. She doubled over, falling to her knees as the pain became too much.
He remained quiet as he looked down. Receiving his silence as an answer, she started crying even more.
"No…" she murmured softly to herself.
"I'm sorry." He repeated dejectedly. "I'm so sorry."
"No, no, no..." her voice was now more pleading to herself, with a will to shove all of her thoughts to the back of her head.
"Takeda is planning to attack your kingdom in two days at nightfall. …Be prepared."
Her head stopped moving, as that particular thought registered in her brain. Her eyes jerked open, as Kenshin's voice echoed in her head once more.
"Takeda… attack... kingdom… two days… nightfall." She whispered unbelievably to herself. Her voice was barely audible, as she slowly closed her eyelids.
It doesn't matter.
She felt so tired, so exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep, hope and pray that this was just an awful nightmare, and wake up. Wake up to the arms of Kenshin that she once knew, waking up to the normal life she once thought she had.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Part of her wished that Kenshin never told her that he was the culprit. If he hadn't said a single word, she would still be smiling, she would still be happy, she would still be head over heels in love with her fiancée. The fact that she was so in love with him, it was more the reason for the vast pain she was experiencing.
She had half the mind to let Takeda Karnyuu to just attack and take over, since she felt so pathetically lifeless and utterly useless at that moment. Every significance, every hope of happiness she had seemed to have been sucked out the moment Kenshin opened his mouth and told her that he murdered her father.
The only living relative Kaoru had left in the whole world.
Her only family.
And Kenshin had taken him away from her.
He was a murderer.
The murderer.
But she did know that he was Battousai all this while, didn't she? She didn't cry or brawl relentlessly when she found out that he went on a killing sprees. So why does she feel so … broken now?
Maybe it was because he killed someone she knew.
Someone she loved all her life.
So far, she had believed that whatever he did, whatever he would become or became, he would never hurt her. He would never deliberately do something that would cause her pain … and yet he had killed her father.
Kaoru's belief in him shattered in that moment.
Everything has already lost its meaning.
"It doesn't matter anymore…" she murmured silently. "You can come and attack all you want, because it doesn't matter anymore."
And with that said to herself, she rested her head on her knees and cried all over again.
"K-Kaoru?" Sayo whispered softly. She peered inside the dark room, and her eyes widened at what she saw.
The room was in a complete mess.
Broken glasses and china were shattered on the floor, together with papers, flowers, books and other objects that were once placed on the table.
But no Kaoru.
She was about to leave and look somewhere else, when she heard a weak voice calling out to her hoarsely. "S-Sayo? Is t-t-that you?"
Her head whipped to the direction of the source, but she still could not see the princess. Walking in and closing the door gently behind her, she kept her eyes focused on where she heard Kaoru's voice.
"Kao? Where are you?"
Silence.
"Answer me, please." Urgency was colouring the edges of her voice, as she quickened her pace to where the bed was.
"S-S-Sayo.."
As soon as she reached the sides of Kaoru's bed, the princess was immediately revealed. Her whole figure was blanketed by the room's darkness, but she could still make out her puffy red eyes.
"Oh, Sayo…" Kaoru cried out, stretching her arms like a child begging to be comforted. Instantly Sayo embraced her, sitting herself down to match Kaoru's height. The princess started sobbing, as her servant murmured some soothing words.
A few moments later as Kaoru's sobs subsided, Sayo brushed away a lock of Kaoru's hair that was covering her eyes. She smiled sympathetically as she saw the pain surfacing on her dull blue eyes.
"It's alright, everything is going to okay," she whispered consolingly.
"N-N-N-No, it's not okay. Everything is w-wrong, everything is so absolutely, h-h-horridly wrong." Kaoru said irritably, stuttering from the sobs that were caught in her throat.
"What happened?" Sayo asked curiously. When she came back from her "date" with Sanosuke, the other servants had filled her in on some details on how they heard screams and shouts coming out from Kaoru's room, and how a dark aura had circled around Kenshin when he exited her room. Sayo had hurried over to the princess's room, afraid of what she would find.
After Kaoru had managed to calm herself down, slowly, but surely, she started telling Sayo about what happened from the moment she left, telling her about what Kenshin said, never leaving any details out.
"First of all, you have got to prioritize your father's kingdom." Sayo said firmly, as she starred into Kaoru's dull, unfazed eyes.
"Why should I?" she asked dryly. "I don't give a bull about anything anymore."
"Ka-"
"It just doesn't matter, Sayo. Don't you get it? Everything around me seems to be growing dimmer by the minute. I just cannot seem to just sleep it off today, wake up tomorrow and shrug it off. I know I'm being weak and pathetic, but I cannot be as strong as I want to be." She cut in stiffly.
In response, Sayo's reaction was a complete, stunned silence.
This girl she was speaking to was not her mistress, it was just not Kaoru at all.
It was not Kaoru, but some broken doll. Sayo didn't know any other way to bring her back than to draw back her arm, and slap Kaoru in the face.
Her act was treason, and she could be put to death because of it.
But the spark of life that disappeared as fast as it came in her dull blue eyes was worth it. Kaoru slowly looked up, giving her a plain stare, surprising Sayo a little. But her expression eventually softened. "Why..?"
"Have you listened to what you just said? Nothing matters anymore, everything is growing dimmer around you. You're the princess, you're not just a regular person Kaoru. You have a great deal of responsibility to your kingdom, and especially to your people!
If you do not want to move for yourself then move for them. For the families who live their lives in your country and whose sons have gone off to war to defend you, your father, and your ancestors. If you do not want to protect your kingdom then protect the children that live within the walls of our city!
I know it hurts and you are entitled to the pain you feel, but you cannot throw away people's lives for personal reasons."
Kaoru seemed unaffected, her eyes becoming more impassive by the minute. Silently, she whispered. "You.. You don't understand."
Sayo's eyes widened immediately, not expecting her reaction to be so unfazed.
"Kaoru, you-"
"You don't understand." She repeated more harshly this time. "The pain I'm enduring this moment wouldn't even allow me a moment to think about this damn kingdom!"
"Kao,"
"My head is throbbing because it is so clouded by thoughts, my heart is aching because my feelings are reacting to my emotions. Don't you understand what I'm going through right now?" she asked half-angrily, resisting the urge to start sobbing again.
Sayo remained silent, gently gazing into her face.
"Everything inside is just twisting and churning, as if I have just swallowed the most venomous poison.. If I can't even deal with myself, how am I supposed to deal with a whole damn kingdom?" she asked irritably, as tears rolled down unknowingly.
Her blue sapphires were harsh with annoyance.
Sayo looked down, closing her eyes for a brief moment, trying to think and whip up a solution.
How was she going to renew the hope the princess once had?
"Kaoru, I.. I jus-"
"Don't. Please, … just…. don't. I need someone to be there for me now. Don't leave on me," she half-pleaded, as fresh tears surfaced her eyes.
Instantly Sayo embraced her, reassuring her that she wouldn't be going anywhere. Whispering words of comfort, they continued in that position for a few moments.
After a while, Kaoru broke the embrace. She leaned on the sides of her bed, while Sayo sat at her opposite. There was a long moment of silence, as if Kaoru was thinking about something.
Sayo hesitantly opened her mouth to start her sentence, choosing her words carefully. "I.. I understand the situation that you're in now, Kao. But.. think about your father's kingdom. Takeda Karnyuu is after your father's kingdom, because of what your father did, which was showing him kindness and sparring his life.
So don't you think.. don't you think that you should at least try to prevent him from entering the kingdom?"
There was a moment of pause, and Sayo thought that her attempts were infertile again. But much to her surprise, Kaoru's response was calm. Slowly, their eyes met, and what seemed like for the first time in the longest hour, Kaoru twitched her lips and smiled ruefully.
"You're right."
"The wedding is off." Kaoru said coldly, ignoring her chief advisor's wild reactions and questions entirely.
"B-B-But that is not possible! The arrangements have been ma"
"I am the one that is going to wed, and if I'm not going to wed, that is my problem."
"This wedding wouldn't only involve you, your majesty. It would involve the peo"
"I am not going to wed, and that is final."
"But why?" he asked alarmingly.
"I need not explain myself to you. Now get out."
"But your ma-"
"Do not test my patience; and that is a warning. Now, get out." She commanded icily. She was clearly in no mood to deal with his protests.
He bowed in respect, and left abruptly.
"Sayo, what do you think I should do now? If I were to protect my father's kingdom, I do not know how. I have no plan on how to defend it, more over giving orders."
Silence.
"I do not know either. The only choice we have… is… well, Kenshin. If he leads our soldiers, it would be a sure win situation."
"I will not allow him to have any power or authority over anything in the boundaries of this kingdom. When he does, it would be over my dead body." She snapped.
"But Kao,"
"My father lies dead because of him. I have no further intentions to involve him in anything, and you ask me to have him lead my people into defending our territory? I highly doubt it."
More silence.
"Do… do you still love him?"
Starring plainly into Sayo's eyes, she answered with hesitation. "I'm going to remove him out of my life completely."
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.AN: Credits to SC for hitching up the slapping scene :D I actually finished this chapter on the 14th of March 2005, and I've only posted it now because of the delay in sending it for beta-reading, and receiving it back (twice). The result from the beta reading was .. me being happy.
I have re-read this chapter quite a number of times, and I think I'm getting quite sick of it :x. If you do spot some grammatical and structural errors, do let me know in your review. Thanks :)
Much love to Uenki, for pushing me to write this chapter. You're my inspirational boost :D (so not a typical-fourteen-year-old-fiction-writer!)
Review please! x)