Author's notes and warnings: I guess I started this story because there are missing pieces in the story dealing with the relationship between Hijikata and Okita. Yes, I know, historical notes say they are like brothers, but YOU try saying that after you've seen PMK. So, the entire series – it won't be a long one - will follow the PMK storyline, but will end with the death of Hijikata in 1869, while PMK ends with the Ikeda-ya affairs in 1864. And of course, there is the challenge of writing what has to be a truly agonizing situation for Souji – capturing Yamanami and returning him to Hijikata. ::cries:: The poor boy!!! Okay, so, he was about 21… still… he knew what awaited Yamanami - Seppuku, no da!!!!
Setting for this chapter: End of episode one, after the incident by the river, where Hijikata slaughtered all those men who were out to kill him. Hijikata was a known womanizer… I could only guess at what Souji must be feeling when dealing with this fact, ne?
The title of the story, Makoto, means sincerity - or total devotion, in some translations. It was the first slogan adopted by Isami Kondou and his men for their group.
Further warning: Um… I'm pretty sure that if you're an Okita fan, you know that he died of Tuberculosis is 1868. So yeah… the story contains character death. And, didn't I mention Yamanami and Hijikata in the first paragraph? Yeah… them too. ::bawls my eyes out::
Special thanks goes to Nauta Iupiter, who graciously betaed this chapter. ::big hug::
Makoto - Reflection
by Moonraven
After dismissing his men, Hijikata stripped down to his waist, allowing the top part of his yukata to hang carelessly from the sash around his middle. It was late, but there was no helping it; no matter how many people he'd killed, there would always be too much blood.
He drew fresh water from the well that was in the courtyard of the compound and poured that into the wooden basin. Hijikata watched dispassionately as the reflection of the night sky wavered on the surface of the water. He poured more water in, distorting the image and couldn't help thinking how life was always changing... just like the reflection... yet it was always the same.
Tonight had not been any different. For all the good they were supposed to be doing, people still hated them... feared them... and were still trying to stop them. Different people, different faces, different groups, but they were ultimately the same.
They were the enemy.
Hijikata sighed resignedly and scooped the ice-cold water out, splashing it over his face and neck. All he could do was wash the blood away and start again.
"You missed a spot."
Hijikata didn't bother turning around, he wasn't sure he was up to dealing with the perky tensai.
"Maa... so grumpy, Hijikata-san." Souji came up to stand a few feet away. He leaned his back casually against the well, one finger tapping thoughtfully on his flushed cheek. "If you liked her so much, you didn't have to kill her, ne?"
Hijikata frowned. Of course he had to kill her. It hardly mattered how he felt. She was with the people who were trying to kill him, had Souji forgotten that? But instead of voicing out his thoughts, he remained silent. If Souji wanted to talk, all Hijikata had to do was continue his wash in silence and the tensai would go on.
"It's going to rain again, you know. You could just stand here and wait." Souji moved closer and scooped up one handful of water. Then he poured it over a spot that Hijikata had missed and rubbed gently. Hijikata shivered at the contact and he closed his eyes tightly to control his body's reaction to the younger man's touch.
"Hijikata-san?"
"What is it, Souji? I know you're not here to help me bathe." Finally in control of himself, the Vice-Commander turned and gave the tensai a searching look.
"How mean." Souji pouted but didn't move away. "You looked so upset earlier, I thought you might want company. I guess I was wrong." But he made no move to leave.
"And why did you think I was upset?" Hijikata kept his gaze locked on the younger man.
Souji looked away, a slight frown on his face. "Omitsu was your recent favorite, wasn't she?"
"What does that matter?"
Souji shrugged but didn't look at him.
"Are you jealous?"
"Of a woman? You have got to be joking." He turned then and clasped a hand to his mouth, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "Oh, sorry, you don't joke. What was I thinking?" Souji laughed, his voice ringing out clearly in the silence of the night. Then as suddenly as he'd started, the tensai stopped and cocked his head to the side curiously. "Anou... ARE you upset?"
"Not about Omitsu, no." Hijikata turned back to his washing and left Souji to ponder on what he'd just said.
"Tetsu-kun, then?"
"Why would I be upset about that brat?" Hijikata growled and then gave a start when Souji scratched playfully at a drying bloodstain on his shoulder. He suppressed a shudder as he warned, "Souji...don't."
"Washing in the dark, you're bound to miss things, Hijikata-san. I am just helping." The younger man's voice was full of amusement, which told the Vice-Commander that Souji knew exactly what he was doing. Hijikata turned and grabbed Souji's wrist and then pulled the younger man flush against him. Souji's eyes widen in surprise when he was pressed up against Hijikata's hardening flesh.
"Unless you're prepared to get burn, Souji, I suggest you stop playing with fire." Oh, but he wanted to burn the body in front of him so badly, his aching flesh throbbed just thinking about it.
Souji blinked, his face suddenly sobered. "But you have so many women to take care of that for you, Hijikata-san."
"That's because you won't, Souji." He turned so that Souji was pinned against the well, and then Hijikata thrust his hip forward, letting the younger man know just how much he was needed. "Will you now?"
Souji stared back steadily, but Hijikata couldn't tell what the young man was thinking. "You've never had problems taking care of THAT, Hijikata-san. Regardless of whether I will or not."
Hijikata narrowed his eyes and peered closely into the unfathomable violet eyes. "It's not the same, Souji. It never was."
Souji laughed again but this time there was no mirth. "Maa, Hijikata-san, you've always had beautiful women flocking around you… ever since I was nine, I knew of them."
Hijikata frowned at the tensai. It wasn't like Souji to be so serious about his love life; the younger man had always known that they had meant nothing to him. Souji had always teased him mercilessly along with everyone else. Hijikata didn't understand how that could bother Souji, especially now that the tensai knew that Hijikata desired him.
"Where are they now, Souji?" Hijikata ran a hand up the younger man's body to clasp on Souji's long hair and pulled back firmly. Hijikata descended and began nuzzling the long curve of his captain's neck. "They are not here because I don't need them… I don't want them." Hijikata ground his hip forward again and this time, he could feel an answering hardness.
Souji moaned, a sound that went straight to Hijikata's groin. The Vice-Commander looked up, wanting a visual confirmation that Souji was really enjoying this. The young man opened his eyes when Hijikata stopped his assaults and then blinked up at his commander in confusion. Then Souji's eyes widened in shock and this time, they were tinted with fear. Hijikata sighed and moved back from the tensai. It appeared that he was destined to ache for this man for the rest of his life.
"Go to bed, Souji."
"I'm sorry, Hijikata-san."
"Go to bed," he repeated gruffly and went back to the water basin. Then he felt cool droplets of water on his back and looked up to see that it was raining. He sighed again and then turned to the wide-eyed Souji.
"You'll get wet, if you don't hurry."
Souji nodded but didn't move. He was still staring at Hijikata, his expression filled with mixed emotions. "I want to... I really do."
"Then you should hurry."
Souji shook his head. "You know what I meant."
Hijikata reached up and caressed Souji's cheek gently. "Somehow, it helps to know that you want it too. Not much but my... heart is glad."
Souji nuzzled the hand briefly before he turned and ran across the courtyard to his room. Hijikata watched the young man disappear around the corner and then looked up at the dark sky accusingly. It really wasn't fair. Why did it have to be Souji? Why couldn't one of those Choushu villains have consumption? Why couldn't they be the one that was dying? Souji was so full of life... Given their line of work, they probably wouldn't have much time together anyway, but was it fair to make Souji sick as well?
Hijikata dumped the rest of the water on the ground and began pulling up his yukata. He picked up the towel he had put on the well and slung that over his shoulder; what's the point of drying when he would just get wet again?
Next morning…
"It's not my business," Hijikata mumbled irritably and ducked under his cover. He was not going out in the rain. He was not going to allow Souji to talk him into taking in another stray. That idiot pig Saizou was bad enough, but not Ichimura too!
"Hijikata-san!" Souji's voice was suddenly by his back and the young man leaned over his body to pull down the covers hiding his commander's face. "You're so mean!" Souji pouted. "He could end up very sick. How would you feel then?"
Hijikata groaned. That firm body pressing up against him was bad enough, but now Souji had to add the element of guilt to the mix.
"I'd feel just fine!" Hijikata grumbled, but he sat up anyway. Well… of course he wouldn't feel fine, but he had an image to uphold, damn it.
"Liar." Souji knelt behind him, began tidying Hijikata's long hair, and then tied it up neatly. "Thank you, Hijikata-san," he whispered softly before placing a tender kiss at the base of Hijikata's neck.
Hijikata sighed. Was there EVER a time when he could deny Souji anything?
"Let's go," he said gruffly as he got up, then he pulled the unresisting Souji into his arms. He closed his eyes and allowed a brief moment to drink in this incredibly joyful feeling of holding this man.
A feeling that he would carry with him to the end of his days.
– chapter end –
Note: Consumption is an old name for Tuberculosis. Apparently, in the old days, the disease was thought to consume the patient from the inside, making them cough up blood. Yikes...
There is a popular belief that Kondou and Hijikata found out about Souji's illness during the Ikeda-ya affair (episode 22 or so) and it may be true, but in the anime PMK, there are a couple of indications that Hijikata may know of it well before that. Souji said that Hijikata would have been angry with him had he ran races in episode 6. Good reasoning could be that he knew Souji wasn't supposed to exert himself.
Another one is the medicine he asked the Ichimura brothers to get, it's for coughs and fatigue… Hmmm…
I know he could have thought it was a cold… but come on! Why would he think that Souji might be coughing up blood in episode 23 if it was just a cold?