AN: As we all know, I have dozens of pieces sitting...catching dust and staring me in my face but life is cruel. It's unexpected, it gets in the way, it has walls and mountains and it's fabulous in it's own way. However, tonight (because it's 3:25 in the morning) I was reading some (okay, a lot) of stories on ffnet and I got inspired. So I supposed I have those stories to thank for getting me off mine and writing fanfics again.
AN2: Sorry for the long author's note but I forgot to describe the story. It's about Tommy, of course. In case, you're new to my writing then read this if not skip this and head to the story. I like to write about Tommy because he has so many possibilities in my head but I love to write about him as the "All-American" and then falling from grace privately so this story will be no different. (This story will alter from present to past in strictly Chuckie, Angelica and Tommy's point of view. Assume they're all around 17-20) If I am lucky, I will have this done before this weekend is over. Next weekend at the latest.
The Fall From Grace
Everyone has feet of clay but people are put on pedestals.
They fall with no one standing arms wide open.
And it hurts so much more than the fall
–Tommy Pickles
Perfection.
He symbolized perfection. Everything he did, he had to be perfect. He had to outdo himself and in time he became his own worst enemy. His facade, however, was brilliant. Bold, handsome, smart and dazzling Tommy Pickles. He had everything, it seemed. A wonderful family, a great group of friends, a 4.0 grade point average and one of the most beautiful girl claiming him as her boyfriend. He was star-quarterback with a powerful arm that was destined to take him places.
He was a small town hero before the age of 18.
"Is that what you think of me?"
She laughed. "Darling, that's what everyone else thinks of you."
"Do they?"
She laughed again. Deep, low and sensual. "Of course, of course. But that doesn't matter now."
"Why not?"
"Because you have two pills sitting in your right hand."
I chuckled. She brushed that red hair away from her eyes. Fiery red like Chuckie and Dil with a mix of blonde like Angie though Angie's color was better. I swallowed the pills dry and fixed my eyes on her again. "What else could you possibly know about me?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
"Then that's your problem."
New Age thinking...the throbbing subsided and I fixed my eyes on her again. She smirked. "Feel better?"
"Lots." I got up and walked toward the window. It was midnight. Clear, not a star in the sky and I felt lonely. I needed Chuckie and Angie. I told her this and she frowned. "No, you don't."
"The hell I don't!" my eyes met hers but she looked at me her eyes never faltering. "Bullshit! I don't need this. I can go home. I can walk out of here. No problem."
"Yeah? Of course you could, I wouldn't stop you but remember Charles and Angelica were the ones that brought you here but if you couldn't finish the program then go home. Reach underneath your pillow, take that bottle and walk out for it's obvious that you couldn't make it with out those pills and you would have failed."
Failure.
Of course, I stayed. Though I could have walked out but she stopped me in my tracks. My worst fear...failure. Angie and Chuckie knew that too. Your biggest test yet, a chance to see if you could walk out of here without the pills. They said as my palm shook and my head throbbed. You walk away...you fail and if you walk out...you win. They hadn't told anyone. Though, I wanted to know how they would manage to explain leaving with three and returning with two.
So I sat.
And I stayed.
---
"The thing is," I heard myself say. "I didn't see it in the beginning."
She looked up almost abruptly. Her green eyes flashed with a bit of surprise before they fixed on me with her usual expression of indifference and mockery. I was surprised myself. Not once in the ten days that I have been in this "special care facility" did I speak about myself. Angie handled that part while Chuckie described my 'problem'
"What do you mean?"
I sat back down. "I don't know."
The smallest sigh escaped her painted lips. At that point, I wished I wasn't in this place but in a regular rehab center. I didn't understand this place at all. It was weird and abstract but for some reason I couldn't leave. Like I was being forced to stay.
"Angie used to say that my hidden problems made up for my perfection," I wanted to stop myself but I continued. "How can perfect people have problems? I asked her. Don't you know, she said while handing me a drink, perfection is measured by how well you can hide your problems."
Her pen was poised over the endless sheets of yellow paper. "What are your hidden problems?"
I smirked like she so often did at me. "If I knew that then would I be here?"
"Yes."
"How so?"
She gestured out of my window. "You could have their problems."
I didn't know what to say about that so I continued. "Phil hated me, I think. I caught him a few times. Glaring...sulking."
"Who's Phil?" she asked softly as if she didn't want to break my speech.
"My best friend. I thought he was at least." I forced out a weak chuckle. "Do you know I'll be 18 next month, August 2? My birthday is last, if you don't count Dil, and Phil would celebrate as if..."
"As if?"
I shook my head. "It doesn't matter now."
---
I didn't say much after that though I wanted to. I wondered how much Angie had told her since she pretty much knew everything. Maybe out of everyone, I hurt her the most because she knew how bad it actually was
"What do you mean by that?"
"I didn't know I said that out loud."
"It was a whisper but I heard it." she paused and let another little sigh escape. The frustration was getting to her. "Tell me your story, Tommy. Make me understand."
"Understand what?"
"What it was...is to be you."
My laugh was hollow. Emotionless. The real world was waiting for me out there and I was set to conquer it by storm. I was ready to set the world on fire because I could do no less. Yet...Chuckie and Angie shut me up here, in this place, because of one problem that was hell bent on destroying my world. However, no one knew. No one even suspects. But I didn't say any of this. I let my mind wander as she kept her eyes trained on me.
"Tommy?"
"I'm a small town boy with big dreams. I was given enough talent to last my whole life through. If I put my mind to it, I can do great things and close my eyes every night and feel satisfied." I handed her a small clipping from the newspaper. She picked it up and smiled softly. She was becoming too involved. Her face betrayed every rational training she had been taught as she continued to read her saddened voice echoing in the dark blue panels of my 'room'.
"And who in his right mind could hate him for it? For when he turns those blue eyes your way you can't help but feel his energy, his charisma and you hope with all your heart that he can stay this way and that he is not a dreamSo for all those out there who believe we 'townies' treasure this boy too much or that he too will fall off his pedestal, we will catch him before he breaks, place him back and make sure that his feet of clay is strong enough to hold what is truly great about him. Signed by The Town of Purchase, New York"
She looked up. "May I keep this?"
I nodded. "Do you know what the problem is, Justine?" I began as she turn to walk out of this very emotional situation. "Everyone has feet of clay but people are put on pedestals. They fall with no one standing arms wide open. And it hurts so much more than the fall."
"Did you write that?"
"Yes."
She nodded. "I will help you. I believe in that opinion column but you need someone who knows that clay can only support for so long. Do you understand?"
"I'm not sure."
"You need someone who knows that you will never be perfect. I hope you will walk out of here and into Notre Dame with that."
I smirked. "You'll have me out in less than a month?"
"I hope."
"How challenging for you."
"And you." She laughed. "Oh yeah, Tommy?"
"Hmm?"
"Those pills in your hand...throw them in the toilet. You wouldn't want to fail at this would you?"
"I never fail."
She nodded. "That's what I'm counting on."
AN: Okay, there it is! I know, it's probably confusing but I tried to be as clear as I wanted to be and I understood it but then again...I wrote it. Everything will be explain in due time. Remember it is late. Any questions, rants, raves, review? E-mail 'em to me or just review. As always... I'm Starry Nights