I Am Jack's Indecisive Mind
by SilverHawk
Dedicated to Chuck Palahniuk, for I have truely butchered your brilliant tale. I, by no
means, am trying to impersonate your ingenious style of writing. This is my way of saying
that what you write has captured my utmost fascination. For David Fincher, for if it
weren't for your stunning direction in the film, I wouldn't have read the book and the
subsequent novels thereafter. For William Bradley and Edward Norton....if it weren't for
you two, I don't know if I would have seen the film that has set my mind ablaze.
Warning: Language and some sex.
It has been two years since I blew my head off. Two years since Tyler left. I've stopped
seeing my shrink and started seeing Marla. And I haven't slept since.
Insomnia. It had returned like a lightening bolt. Just like that. Sleeping pills, alcohol,
even group help sessions. Nothing worked. Then Tyler came back into my life. But I'll get
back to that later.
My life had returned to normal again. As normal as I knew how. Regular job. Regular
apartment. Regular girlfriend. That's right kiddies. Marla. Marla who was my tumor. She has
since mestasized and has taken over.
Did I love her? Did I hate her? Did I want her to leave? To stay? These thoughts ran in
circles in my mind. I couldn't sleep.
I heard Marla come into my apartment and head for the kitchen. I looked at my watch.
6:00 PM. She was making dinner. Recently, Marla has decided to do some cooking. It was
surreal.
I got out of bed and entered the kitchen. She was slicing and dicing some unrecognizable
object.
"Hey," she said as I came in. I gave her a hug and she gave me a kiss.
"What are you making?" I asked.
"Tuna casserole," she replied. "Go set the table." And she shoved me out.
As I set the table, I thought about my life. Was I happy? Did I love her? Can I live
without her? Marla, Marla, Marla.
"You can't even fuck her like I do," said a voice.
I looked up from what I was doing and saw the grinning face of Tyler Durden. He was leaning
against the door, arms crossed, laughing at me. Coming over, he mocked me setting the table.
"What we have here, girls, is a dinner fork," he said as he lifted up a fork.
"Give it back," I hissed.
Handing it back, he said, "What, Ikea boy? I thought you'd welcome me with open arms. Think
of all that I've done for you?"
I watched in horror as he walked about my apartment. As he inspected every object.
"Go away!" I whispered.
Tyler grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him. "Face reality. I made you. If it weren't
for me, do you think she'd be in there making that crap?"
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I have a score to settle," he grinned. "Something about a guy blowing my head off."
I gulped. "You're not real. Go away."
"Then why am I back?" he asked. "Because you can't sleep. I'll go for now. But I'll be
back."
He let me go and turned to leave. But then he paused before opening the door. "You can't
even fuck her like I do." Then he left.
"Dinner is ready."
Startled, I turned around. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw it was only Marla. We sat
down and began to eat.
"Well," she said.
"What?" I asked, trying to swallow what tasted like leather.
"What do you think of it?" she asked.
"Delicious," I choked out.
She smiled and laughed in that inexplainable way of hers. "It tastes like shit," she said.
"Betty Crocker I'm not." She reached for a cigarette and placed it on her glossy red lips.
her beautiful thin fingers held her lighter as she lit it. Blowing out the smoke that
enveloped her like tiny circles, I couldn't help but think that she was my savior.
I got up from the table and pulled her towards me. Wrapping my arms around her delicate
frame, I started to kiss her. She dragged me to my bedroom where we fell in a heap on the
bed.
And I fucked her like an inexperienced schoolboy. I felt ashamed. I watched her as she
slept. She probably thought that was the most pathetic sex she's ever had.
"I told you, you couldn't fuck her like I do," Tyler said. He was standing at the corner of
the room, laughing at me. I shut my eyes and wished he'd go away.
The next day, I came home from work to loud screams. I followed to noises to my room and
peaked inside. There on my bed was Marla and Tyler. And he was ramming himself into her
over and over again. Marla was screaming, "Yes! Baby! Oh Fuck! Yes!"
I left, sickened by the sight. Heading for the living room, I finally collapsed on the
couch. I covered my ears and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the screams of ecstasy coming
from Marla.
Finally, it stopped and I felt Marla wrap her arms around me.
"That was great," she said, giving me a kiss.
She left and Tyler came in. "Told you she liked it better when I screwed her."
I punched him in the jaw. I wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face.
"Woo hoo!" he screamed. He touched his jaw. "Exhilirating! Again!" Then he rammed me
against the wall. And electrical shot of pain ran through my entire body. My vision went
fuzzy for a moment. I shook my head to keep from passing out.
"What are you doing?" Marla suddenly came back in. "My God! Your head. It's bleeding."
I touched the back of my head and felt something sticky. Marla came over with a towel and
dabbed at the wound.
"It's ok," I said, taking the towel.
"Are you nuts?" she said. "Flinging yourself against the wall like that?"
"It's nothing," I said. "Just tripped and fell."
"Some fall," she said, looking at me with worry.
"Will you get off it!" I shouted.
"What's with you?" she said angrily.
"Why don't you just tell her?" Tyler whispered in my ear. "You're crazy! ARF!"
"Get lost!" I screamed at Tyler.
"What!?!" she yelled. "I don't get you! I'm going!"
"No! Marla!" I said. I grabbed her hand but she shook it off. "You don't understand."
"Damn right I don't," she said. She stopped to look at me. "So? Tell me."
I couldn't. She'll think I should be committed.
"Nothing?" she said. "Understand this. I'm going."
"Marla!" I said.
"Don't call me," she said and slammed the door.
"It's like old times," Tyler said.
"What do you want?" I asked angrily. I faced Tyler.
"No," Tyler poked a finger into my chest. "What do you want? I got rid of her. Isn't that
what you wanted?" He flopped down on the couch and stretched out. "It's you and me. Butch
Cassidy and the Sundance Kid together again. OUCH!" Tyler sat up abruptly and reached down
into the sofa. Feeling around, he pulled out a small box. He opened it. "What do we have
here? A ring?"
"Give it back!" I said, reaching for it. But he pulled away from my grasp.
"I knew you were dumb, Ikea boy, but not this dumb," he said, examining the ring. He held
it up. "This is a symbol of imprisonment. No freedom. The circle never breaks, holding you
trapped forever. You don't want this. No wonder you can't sleep. Who can with this rock
stuck up your ass."
"Fuck you, Tyler," I growled. "Give it back."
"Oh Marla, marry me," he said in a high pitched voice.
I lunged for the ring but he jumped off the sofa. "You think she'd want to marry you? You
weak indecisive moron," he said.
"Why wouldn't she?" I said. "She loves me."
"Does she?" he said and laughed. "Look at you? Look at me! Scrawny, puny body. You can't
even do her right." He jumped back again as I tried to reach for the ring. "Besides, you
don't even love her."
"Yes, I do!" I yelled. I tackled Tyler to the ground. I punched him in the face and made
every attempt to grab the ring. But he punched me back and I was sprawled on the floor. He
jumped on me and smacked me across the face. I struggled to get him off me, but he had
pinned me down, rendering me helpless.
"You don't need her," Tyler said. "You need me." He produced the ring and threw it out the
window. I pushed him off and ran after it, catching it before it fell out.
I turned around and held up the ring. "I'm going to marry her. I love her," I said. "I
don't need you Tyler Durden. Go away." I shut my eyes and counted to three. When I opened
them, he was gone.
Looking down at the ring, I realized that it was still not too late. I ran out of the
apartment and headed over to Marla's as fast as I could.
When I got there, I rapped impatiently on her door. She opened it. When she realized it was
me, she shut the door but I pushed it open.
"Get out!" she screamed.
"Marla," I said. "Let me explain." I took her hand. "I haven't been getting any sleep
lately because I've been thinking about you and me. And this." I placed the ring into the
palm of her hand.
She looked at it, shocked. "What are you saying?" she asked.
"I'm saying that I love you," I said. "And I want a future with you. Will you marry me?"
Marla looked at me, tears in her eyes. "But I can't even cook," she said.
"Doesn't matter," I said. "I'm a weak little geek."
"I love that weak little geek," she smiled. She threw her arms around me and cried.
"Well?" I said.
"Yes," she nodded.
Finally, I slept for the first time.
The End
by SilverHawk
Dedicated to Chuck Palahniuk, for I have truely butchered your brilliant tale. I, by no
means, am trying to impersonate your ingenious style of writing. This is my way of saying
that what you write has captured my utmost fascination. For David Fincher, for if it
weren't for your stunning direction in the film, I wouldn't have read the book and the
subsequent novels thereafter. For William Bradley and Edward Norton....if it weren't for
you two, I don't know if I would have seen the film that has set my mind ablaze.
Warning: Language and some sex.
It has been two years since I blew my head off. Two years since Tyler left. I've stopped
seeing my shrink and started seeing Marla. And I haven't slept since.
Insomnia. It had returned like a lightening bolt. Just like that. Sleeping pills, alcohol,
even group help sessions. Nothing worked. Then Tyler came back into my life. But I'll get
back to that later.
My life had returned to normal again. As normal as I knew how. Regular job. Regular
apartment. Regular girlfriend. That's right kiddies. Marla. Marla who was my tumor. She has
since mestasized and has taken over.
Did I love her? Did I hate her? Did I want her to leave? To stay? These thoughts ran in
circles in my mind. I couldn't sleep.
I heard Marla come into my apartment and head for the kitchen. I looked at my watch.
6:00 PM. She was making dinner. Recently, Marla has decided to do some cooking. It was
surreal.
I got out of bed and entered the kitchen. She was slicing and dicing some unrecognizable
object.
"Hey," she said as I came in. I gave her a hug and she gave me a kiss.
"What are you making?" I asked.
"Tuna casserole," she replied. "Go set the table." And she shoved me out.
As I set the table, I thought about my life. Was I happy? Did I love her? Can I live
without her? Marla, Marla, Marla.
"You can't even fuck her like I do," said a voice.
I looked up from what I was doing and saw the grinning face of Tyler Durden. He was leaning
against the door, arms crossed, laughing at me. Coming over, he mocked me setting the table.
"What we have here, girls, is a dinner fork," he said as he lifted up a fork.
"Give it back," I hissed.
Handing it back, he said, "What, Ikea boy? I thought you'd welcome me with open arms. Think
of all that I've done for you?"
I watched in horror as he walked about my apartment. As he inspected every object.
"Go away!" I whispered.
Tyler grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him. "Face reality. I made you. If it weren't
for me, do you think she'd be in there making that crap?"
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I have a score to settle," he grinned. "Something about a guy blowing my head off."
I gulped. "You're not real. Go away."
"Then why am I back?" he asked. "Because you can't sleep. I'll go for now. But I'll be
back."
He let me go and turned to leave. But then he paused before opening the door. "You can't
even fuck her like I do." Then he left.
"Dinner is ready."
Startled, I turned around. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw it was only Marla. We sat
down and began to eat.
"Well," she said.
"What?" I asked, trying to swallow what tasted like leather.
"What do you think of it?" she asked.
"Delicious," I choked out.
She smiled and laughed in that inexplainable way of hers. "It tastes like shit," she said.
"Betty Crocker I'm not." She reached for a cigarette and placed it on her glossy red lips.
her beautiful thin fingers held her lighter as she lit it. Blowing out the smoke that
enveloped her like tiny circles, I couldn't help but think that she was my savior.
I got up from the table and pulled her towards me. Wrapping my arms around her delicate
frame, I started to kiss her. She dragged me to my bedroom where we fell in a heap on the
bed.
And I fucked her like an inexperienced schoolboy. I felt ashamed. I watched her as she
slept. She probably thought that was the most pathetic sex she's ever had.
"I told you, you couldn't fuck her like I do," Tyler said. He was standing at the corner of
the room, laughing at me. I shut my eyes and wished he'd go away.
The next day, I came home from work to loud screams. I followed to noises to my room and
peaked inside. There on my bed was Marla and Tyler. And he was ramming himself into her
over and over again. Marla was screaming, "Yes! Baby! Oh Fuck! Yes!"
I left, sickened by the sight. Heading for the living room, I finally collapsed on the
couch. I covered my ears and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the screams of ecstasy coming
from Marla.
Finally, it stopped and I felt Marla wrap her arms around me.
"That was great," she said, giving me a kiss.
She left and Tyler came in. "Told you she liked it better when I screwed her."
I punched him in the jaw. I wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face.
"Woo hoo!" he screamed. He touched his jaw. "Exhilirating! Again!" Then he rammed me
against the wall. And electrical shot of pain ran through my entire body. My vision went
fuzzy for a moment. I shook my head to keep from passing out.
"What are you doing?" Marla suddenly came back in. "My God! Your head. It's bleeding."
I touched the back of my head and felt something sticky. Marla came over with a towel and
dabbed at the wound.
"It's ok," I said, taking the towel.
"Are you nuts?" she said. "Flinging yourself against the wall like that?"
"It's nothing," I said. "Just tripped and fell."
"Some fall," she said, looking at me with worry.
"Will you get off it!" I shouted.
"What's with you?" she said angrily.
"Why don't you just tell her?" Tyler whispered in my ear. "You're crazy! ARF!"
"Get lost!" I screamed at Tyler.
"What!?!" she yelled. "I don't get you! I'm going!"
"No! Marla!" I said. I grabbed her hand but she shook it off. "You don't understand."
"Damn right I don't," she said. She stopped to look at me. "So? Tell me."
I couldn't. She'll think I should be committed.
"Nothing?" she said. "Understand this. I'm going."
"Marla!" I said.
"Don't call me," she said and slammed the door.
"It's like old times," Tyler said.
"What do you want?" I asked angrily. I faced Tyler.
"No," Tyler poked a finger into my chest. "What do you want? I got rid of her. Isn't that
what you wanted?" He flopped down on the couch and stretched out. "It's you and me. Butch
Cassidy and the Sundance Kid together again. OUCH!" Tyler sat up abruptly and reached down
into the sofa. Feeling around, he pulled out a small box. He opened it. "What do we have
here? A ring?"
"Give it back!" I said, reaching for it. But he pulled away from my grasp.
"I knew you were dumb, Ikea boy, but not this dumb," he said, examining the ring. He held
it up. "This is a symbol of imprisonment. No freedom. The circle never breaks, holding you
trapped forever. You don't want this. No wonder you can't sleep. Who can with this rock
stuck up your ass."
"Fuck you, Tyler," I growled. "Give it back."
"Oh Marla, marry me," he said in a high pitched voice.
I lunged for the ring but he jumped off the sofa. "You think she'd want to marry you? You
weak indecisive moron," he said.
"Why wouldn't she?" I said. "She loves me."
"Does she?" he said and laughed. "Look at you? Look at me! Scrawny, puny body. You can't
even do her right." He jumped back again as I tried to reach for the ring. "Besides, you
don't even love her."
"Yes, I do!" I yelled. I tackled Tyler to the ground. I punched him in the face and made
every attempt to grab the ring. But he punched me back and I was sprawled on the floor. He
jumped on me and smacked me across the face. I struggled to get him off me, but he had
pinned me down, rendering me helpless.
"You don't need her," Tyler said. "You need me." He produced the ring and threw it out the
window. I pushed him off and ran after it, catching it before it fell out.
I turned around and held up the ring. "I'm going to marry her. I love her," I said. "I
don't need you Tyler Durden. Go away." I shut my eyes and counted to three. When I opened
them, he was gone.
Looking down at the ring, I realized that it was still not too late. I ran out of the
apartment and headed over to Marla's as fast as I could.
When I got there, I rapped impatiently on her door. She opened it. When she realized it was
me, she shut the door but I pushed it open.
"Get out!" she screamed.
"Marla," I said. "Let me explain." I took her hand. "I haven't been getting any sleep
lately because I've been thinking about you and me. And this." I placed the ring into the
palm of her hand.
She looked at it, shocked. "What are you saying?" she asked.
"I'm saying that I love you," I said. "And I want a future with you. Will you marry me?"
Marla looked at me, tears in her eyes. "But I can't even cook," she said.
"Doesn't matter," I said. "I'm a weak little geek."
"I love that weak little geek," she smiled. She threw her arms around me and cried.
"Well?" I said.
"Yes," she nodded.
Finally, I slept for the first time.
The End