This story is set when Clarisse is 45, Joe is not yet Head of Security but her personal bodyguard and Rupert is still alive - - just 'cause I was feeling nasty I made Rupert a little nasty too and with a tendency to drink too much. I know this may not entirely fit with Clarisse's description of him in the film but hey "creative licence" and all that!!!!
Cold Water
Clarisse stepped into her office and turned to face the man behind her.
"So, tell me, just what is it you wish to discuss?"
"The visit to Rome ma'am, it's important we're both clear on a few things."
"Alright Joseph, just keep it short, it's been a long day."
He smiled as she sat back on the edge of her desk. Nobody else got to see this side of her, he only glimpsed it rarely, but after six years as her personal bodyguard he could honestly say there wasn't much he didn't know about Clarisse Renaldi.
"Of course." She'd spent the day entertaining, or trying to entertain, thevon Trokensand as always, after one of their visits, he could tell the patience level had been pushed to the very limits.
"Alright, may I?" He indicated the desk.
"Oh of course."
She stood up allowing him to empty the file he had under his arm and talk her through some of the finer details of the upcoming trip. The hotel in particular where she would be staying was brand new therefore it was the first time they'd ever used it and Joseph, being Joseph, was being extra vigilant in checking every passageway and hidden door out before they even got there. His attention to detail never failed to impress her.
"You know you're too good to simply work for me, you should be with the King." She commented glancing over the various maps and plans he'd laid out.
Feeling brave he cast her a sideways glance. "I'm fairly happy here."
She smiled feeling his eyes on her but not returning the look. "And I'm happy to have you." She slid her glasses off and stood up. "The plans look fine Joseph there's really no need to go through it all with me, I trust you by now."
"Thank you ma'am." He began to collect the papers up and return them to the file.
"Do make sure you pack well, Rome will be absolutely freezing this time of year." She rambled on as she moved across the room. "I remember one time I went there, many years ago, before Pierre was born actually…"
She was interrupted by the office door swinging open and her husband striding in.
"Rupert, everything alright?" She asked taking in his expression.
"Fine, I just want to request…" he noticed Joe by the desk and stepped closer to her. "You are free this evening?" A statement rather than a question perhaps.
She nodded her head, something wasn't quite right. "Of course, disastrous day with the…"
He interrupted her again. "Good, then I'll find you later. Your suite, about 8:30."
She nodded mutely; she knew exactly what he meant by that.
He kissed her forehead and she almost blushed knowing instantly that Joseph was watching.
When the door closed after him she turned back to the man behind her.
"Well as I say, thank you so much for this."
"My pleasure your Majesty." He bowed his head slightly and for a second she almost forgot herself and was about to beg him not to do that.
"If there's nothing else then I'll bid you a good night."
"Of course, thank you, good night." She watched him leave then sat down on the couch.
If there's nothing else, was there something else? Did she need his protection now, tonight, from her husband? No, she could handle that herself. Why tonight was a slight concern, it had been over five years since Rupert had shared her bed; she thought those days were past. It wasn't as if he had a duty anymore, they had children, she wouldn't be having anymore.
And afterall he had lovers, she knew of them, some by name. She never commented, it didn't matter, they had their friendship, their trust and most of all they worked well together. He had given her a certain degree of power over the years, women had never particularly had that before but Clarisse wasn't simply content to sit in the background and smile for the cameras. She needed to be active, her mind needed to keep ticking over, and Rupert appeared to like that in her.
She was grateful for his insight, it could have been awful, she could have married some old fashioned ogre who forced her to remain silent and willing. Rupert wasn't perfect by any means, he had a tendency to drink too much when he was frustrated and once or twice over the years they'd had some really terrible rows over it. But she'd learnt to avoid those situations, or rather avoid him when those moods surfaced.
Now as the boys were grown, well men really, she found those moods were becoming more and more common. Her husband wasn't well she knew that, but he didn't want to discuss it and she never pressed the matter. As always with him if he had something to say he'd seek her out when the time was right and share it with her. She recalled a time a few years ago when for many months he'd stomped around the Palace with a face like thunder after Pierre's insistence to join the Church but now he had warmed to the idea. She knew he would, it just took time with him, it was a trait he'd had from the beginning and as he'd aged it had simply grown more pronounced.
But he was a good King, a good father and a good husband. And she did love him, she did. If anybody ever asked, which they never did, she would answer them truthfully, she did love him… however she would hold back the fact that she wasn't in love with him. Or attracted to him. Or lusted after him. But at forty-five the chance for those feelings to emerge was long past. Besides she had so much already, what more could she want.
Nervously she waited in her rooms, 8:30 had come and gone. She'd bathed early, taken tea in her room, changed and waited patiently, attempted to read but given up. Part of her hoped this evening's meeting was simply a private discussion, but the part that knew him well understood what he meant by visiting her suite.
She should be used to this by now – but then how do you grow used to it? Perhaps she had at one point, perhaps when she was in her twenties and expected to bear his children she'd gotten used to the fact she would have sex with him on a regular basis. But now, after so many years of sleeping alone, she'd grown used to the fact that part of the marriage was over. And she didn't miss it in the slightest.
The doors opened and she trembled.
"Good evening." He said crossing the room to greet her, he took her hand and kissed it and she relaxed, it would be alright.
"I was beginning to think you weren't coming." She leant forward and kissed his cheek squeezing his arm affectionately.
"Sorry, last minute call from the Prime Minister about tomorrow."
"Problems?"
He shrugged. "Parliament will accept the change and all will be as it should."
He sat down wearily and she took the chair next to him. "Did you want to talk about that or something else?"
She asked hopefully folding her hands in her lap.
"Actually, I didn't want to talk at all."
"Oh."
She leant back in her chair watching him, awaiting his move.
As always he started by kissing her mouth, gently, he wasn't a tyrant but still she felt uncomfortable as he deepened the kiss searching for her response.
He knelt in front of her and took hold of her waist bringing her body closer to his. She'd gained weight over the last few years, just a little around her hips and she wondered if he noticed. Perhaps if she thought of something else, perhaps if she listed the things to pack for her upcoming trip or who needed invites to the Christmas ball or the security for tomorrow's press call or Joseph's itinerary from earlier in the day – oh god not Joseph.
She pulled back abruptly and he stared at her open mouthed, his eyes heavy with desire.
She hesitated searching for the words.
"I can't do this Rupert, I'm sorry." Please god understand she begged in her mind.
"Oh, are you feeling unwell?"
"No, just, it's just…" She really didn't want to hurt his feelings, surely he must know, must understand by now.
He stood up towering over her. "Ah well, nevermind." He said before bending and kissing her head. "See you at breakfast, think I'll go and get a drink."
"Would you like me to join you?" She offered.
"No it's fine." He moved to the door straightening his clothes. "Sleep well my dear."
She had been in bed for the past two hours, attempting to sleep, he'd thrown her off centre though and her mind was muddled. Surely they'd moved beyond sex at this point in their relationship. She thought he understood her, understood her position.
And then there was Joseph, now her feelings over him were even more at odds. She respected him; he was a good, fair, hardworking man. She trusted him, knew he would be there whenever she needed anything, anything at all. Yet there was no denying the attraction she felt toward him, from the moment they'd met, when he'd been introduced to her all those years ago.
She wasn't stupid; she may not have experienced passion and lust in her married life – that didn't mean she didn't understand what it was. She had been a teenager afterall, at some point anyhow. However to have these feelings for somebody other than husband seemed to her to be completely inappropriate. Yes it was alright for the King to have lovers, expected even, but for a Queen to do the same it would be condemnation.
There was a banging in the other room and she jumped up in bed at once forgetting those forbidden thoughts.
Reaching for her robe she turned the lamps on by the bed and dropped her legs out of bed.
She had just fastened her robe and reached the door when she heard another series of bangs and murmured annoyance.
"Rupert!" She gasped when she found him in a heap on the lounge floor, a chair knocked over and a vase smashed by her coffee table.
She bent over him and held out a hand.
"One too many drinks I'd say dear." She helped him to his feet and he draped his arm over her shoulders.
There was a knocking on the door and she clearly heard Joe's voice on the other side. Of course the noise would render assistance straightaway to the Queen's suite.
Leaving Rupert on the couch she tightened the tie on her robe and ran a hand through her hair before opening the door.
"Your Majesty, are you alright?" Joseph looked startled, unnerved.
"I'm fine, it was an accident really, it's fine."
"It's all fine." Rupert shouted.
Joseph politely waved the other guards away then turned back to Clarisse whispering. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, yes it was, he just stumbled."
Joseph nodded, he knew about the King's drinking habits well enough. "If you're sure."
"I am."
"Run along now." Rupert said laughing.
Joe caught the grimace on her face as she mouthed "Sorry" to him. Then he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving her alone.
"Now my dear, where were we?" Rupert's hands were on her back.
"You were on the floor." She said abruptly.
"Mmm, perhaps you'd like to join me."
"No, you're drunk, you should go to bed."
"Marvellous idea." He gripped her hand.
"Alone." She shook his hand away.
"No, I don't think I want to, you see." There was a hardness to his voice she hardly recognised; he never used that tone with her.
"Rupert we discussed this."
"I don't recall discussing it, the way I see things is you're my wife…" he pressed her back against the wall. "And have ignored your wifely duties for too long."
"I don't want this." She softened her voice appealing to the caring nature she knew he had.
"Surely it's not that bad." His mouth attacked hers leaving her breathless but she pushed him back again, angry at his persistence and this stupid drunken behaviour.
"Do you want me to call security?" She said with as much force as she could muster.
"You wouldn't do that."
"Oh believe me…"
He knocked her off balance and lifted her up carrying her through to the bedroom and dropping her on the bed. She struggled to sit up and he was able to move on top of her and press her down against the mattress.
"Please don't do this." She whispered.
But he was lost in the moment; he gripped her slender wrists in his hands and held her arms above her head as he kissed her neck.
She closed her eyes, this was alright, this was expected… this was what wives did, what Queens did.
When Clarisse woke the following morning she was alone, she shivered in bed and reached for her robe to cover her naked body then crossed to the window. The world was a blanket of white, a sheer plain landscape of beauty. The snow had arrived early this year.
Ignoring a pain in her arm she went to the bathroom to take a shower.
She found Joseph outside her room when she emerged less than an hour later.
He wasn't usually right outside. "Oh, good morning Joseph, was there something you wanted?"
"Not especially ma'am. Good morning." He smiled gently and bent his head.
"Good morning." She said again, warming at the sight of his face.
"His Majesty has gone riding."
She swallowed. "An excellent idea, lovely to ride on a morning like this."
"I agree. He wanted you to know lunch is arranged for 1:30. And the Prime Minister's wife is downstairs."
"Thank you so much. Walk with me." She said simply and he obliged accompanying her down to the library.
She didn't want to leave him outside, she'd rather they continued walking and chatting about unimportant things but instead she politely bid him farewell and went in to be the hostess. All thoughts of last night brushed from her mind.
"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, for what happened." Rupert's voice was low, he stood just slightly behind her, barely touching her arm.
She continued to smile and greet the guests as they entered the dining room just as she knew he was.
What a time to say such a thing, what did he expect?
"Alright, apology accepted."
"It won't ever happen again."
"Good." She said firmly.
"Sunday lunch with the family." He said warmly looking about the room at the many people gathered and taking their seats. "You look wonderful."
"Thank you." She accepted the compliment as genuine; she'd never known him lie. A white dress today, a long cardigan over it, for some it would be over the top, on her it looked perfect. "I thought it reflected the weather."
He smiled and squeezed her hand. "Perfectly."
She turned her head slightly just accepting his kiss on her cheek and caught Joseph's eye across the room, watching her as always. She allowed a smile to pass over her face, a private smile, a smile of sadness.
Lunch dragged on for far too long for Clarisse, she didn't usually mind mingling and chatting to guests. Today was different; today she needed some peace and quiet. Some time alone to recover.
She escaped around four and, knowing nobody ever ventured up there, took the many flights of stairs up to one of the highest rooms in the Palace. The room was almost empty, and dusty, she came here many times over the years when she needed time alone. The first being when she found out she was pregnant, she'd wandered and found this room and hidden away here for an hour or so to think about things.
The view was magnificent, miles and miles of her Genovia stretched out in front of her. An almost picture postcard scene this afternoon, everything still and settled.
Clarisse heard a noise behind her and jerked her head round.
"Majesty, I'm sorry to disturb you."
"Joseph, it's fine. Guess I should know better than to try and hide from you." She turned back to the window. "I just wanted some peace, a little time alone."
"Then I shall leave you."
"No, no it's fine. Come stand here, look at this view."
He quietly stood slightly behind her staring out of the frosty windows.
"Icy today." He said gently.
"But beautiful don't you think."
"Very." His voice was deep and soothing and the tone made her turn and look him in the eye.
"Were you sent to find me?"
He shook his head. "No, I was worried, you seemed… agitated today ma'am."
"Please Joseph, Clarisse, we've known each other long enough now. In private at least."
"It may take me a while to get used to that."
She smiled and stretched her arm out and he noticed the bruise on the underside of her wrist.
Startled he blurted out. "Did you hurt yourself ma… Clarisse?" It seemed unusual if she had, he was with her almost every second of the day which only left the time spent alone in her room for an accident to have occurred. He was the one who caught all her slips and falls, which were few and far between anyhow.
"I, um no, not really." She looked up at him, his dark eyes full of concern and care. "You already know don't you." She said with anguish.
He hesitated just for a second; this would be crossing a line. He bravely accepted the challenge. "I could hasten a guess."
She smiled ironically and for the first time in his memory she slumped, her elbows resting on the ledge as she stared out at the snow covered fields.
"Of course you know, my security. My personal guard, of course you know. The entire Palace probably knows."
"Not from me ma'am." He said quickly.
"I know that Joseph. I wouldn't doubt that… Clarisse." She said again.
"Clarisse." He repeated softly, the word resting on his lips as gently as a snowflake melting.
He stood in silence next to her, desperate to say something comforting, to rest an arm across her slender shoulders and hold her close to him. His heart was thumping spurred on by her nearness, the scent of her perfume hanging in the still air.
If he just stepped a little closer she would probably rest her head on his chest, seek comfort in his embrace. But no there he stood rooted to the spot, held firm by duty and rules.
"You would think I would used to it by now." She finally whispered. "Forty-five, two children – I thought those duties were done with. Heirs produced, the future secure, it's not as if he doesn't have elsewhere to go for… plenty are willing."
She rambled on unthinking; she had so many words inside her head needing to burst out yet nobody there to say it too. Nobody she could really trust, really share everything with.
She lifted her face to his once more, her eyes threatening tears, they sparkled, her skin so pale and delicate.
"I'm sorry to lay this on you."
"I don't mind, you must know that."
She reached a hand out to him and he took it willingly.
"I get so lonely. Sometimes, just sometimes." She said.
"As do I."
They shared a moment of recognition then she turned her face back to the view taking in the sheer beauty, awed at the way something so simple could take her breath away.
He copied her stance and stepped closer to the window looking out at the land, so silent and still, everything at peace for as far as his eyes could see.
"Something about snowfall that renders me speechless."
"A feeling you can't explain." He added.
His hand still rested in hers, no pressure, just gently, the contact life affirming.
"I would have stopped it Clarisse, if I could." His voice was like a balm flowing over her tattered nerves.
He didn't have to say anything more, she understood.
"You would have been hung."
"It would have been worth it."
"Then I'd be alone."
Side by side they remained in silence, each assured of the other's feelings now, once and for all, no grand proclamations, no hearts and flowers. A hand resting in another, a moments shared wordless love and affection and devotion.
Cold, cold water surrounds me now and all I've got is your hand.