Title: Fun for the Whole Family

Rating: PG to be on the safe side, for a little weensy bit of language.

Category: Humor (hopefully), plus a little S/J thrown in for good measure.

Setting: Season 6

Author's Note: This is my first time to try posting anything. I have read fanfic for years and written a few when I have the time, but as this is my first time letting anybody read any of it, please be gentle with me.

Chapter 1: Entrapment

Colonel Jack O'Neill woke up with a slight groan. The older he got, the less comfortable the narrow beds of the SGC private quarters seemed to get. But, like the rest of his team, he had just been too tired to go home the night before, even though it was now the weekend and they were all uncharacteristically free for the next two days.

Two glorious days without anybody shooting at him, if he was lucky. His down-time always seemed to be interrupted, either by an emergency on base, Thor beaming him all over the place, or by the fact that lately every time his 2IC seemed to leave the base, she managed to get herself abducted by some rogue shadowy government type guys.

With any luck, he would be able to get caught up on all the "Simpsons" episodes he had on a tape in his VCR (hopefully, if he had programmed it right this time. He refused to ask Carter to do it for him. It would just give her way too much leverage.) As he dressed, he figured that was probably the most pressing matter on his schedule for the time being. The only other thing he needed to do was get some groceries and a few other errands. A familiar knock on the door halted his mental planning.

"Gooooood morning, Carter," he said as he opened the door. He had a way of drawing out the smallest words into four or five syllables.

Uh-oh. He knew that look.

"No weekend off?" he asked with a wince.

"Sir?" she asked, looking confused. Well, confused for Carter. She was never really confused by anything. More like puzzled, really. Yes, that was it, he decided. Puzzled.

"You came to tell me Hammond needs us for something and Homer will just have to wait, didn't you?" he asked, stepping aside to let her into the room.

"No, sir. I just saw General Hammond, as a matter of fact, and he told me to have a lovely weekend."

"Oh."

He shut the door with his foot and turned around to face her, sticking his hands in his pockets. She still had that look though. The one that said, 'you're really not going to like what I'm about to ask you to do, but you're going to agree to it anyway in the end.' While he waited for her to spit out what was on her mind, he realized she was already dressed to leave the base, which was odd for several reasons.

First, she spent 99 percent of her downtime on base anyway. Second, if she was about to ask him for something, it would have to be somehow work-related. She was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, obviously trying to run various scenarios of the impending conversation in her brain before she actually voiced one of them.

"Carter, I haven't had coffee yet," he said quietly, stepping between her and his unmade bed so he could sit down on the edge of it. He gestured for her to sit in the chair facing the bed and waited for her to do so.

After she had, he said, "Spill it."

"I was just wondering what your plans were for the weekend, sir." She said this very fast and it looked more as if she were addressing the space between their shoes than him.

He stared at her for several seconds. He was quite used to unusual, unlikely, and even previously believed 'impossible' things happening to him on a semi-daily basis, but this was something he was definitely unprepared for. It sounded an awful lot like she was about to ask him if he wanted to do something, which had never happened in over six years.

They hung out as a team sometimes, well, they had with Daniel, at any rate, but she was never the one suggesting the outing. Sometimes she even had to be dragged into it almost kicking and screaming that she couldn't be away from the lab for more than so-and-so hours or the entire planet was doomed… and Jack had, on more than one occasion, asked her if she wanted to go fishing and always been strictly turned down.

So regardless of the fact that she was sitting across from him, looking very much like a person about to ask another person out to do something, he figured the possibilities of that being the case were extremely remote. Right up there with, say, General Hammond showing up for work the next day in a sequined gown and high heels.

She must have decided that no matter how long she waited, he wasn't going to say anything else, so she continued speaking finally. "I just… was curious to know if you're busy today. Sir."

"Uh." Right. Very cool. Idiot. Say something sarcastic. "Oh yeah, I've got a lot on my plate today… not only am I completely out of beer, I also have to stop off at the pet store to get a special kind of canned dog food for the fat little excuse of a dog that lives next door to me."

That revelation caught her off-guard, he could tell. "Sir… you've got to pick up dog food for a dog that's not even yours?"

"Yeah, well, you know, my neighbor keeps an eye on my house for me since I'm hardly ever in it, and she's old. It's a pain for her to get out. So I keep her little futon of a dog supplied, and we call it even."

She laughed at the description of the dog, then got a thoughtful look on her face. "Pet store, huh. That's perfect."

"Carter, what in the heck are you talking about? You're acting really… not like you."

She bit her lip but finally continued. "All right, sir… Teal'c and I were just having breakfast with Jonas and… I mean since it's Saturday and all, I thought maybe, if you weren't busy, you might possibly… do something with Jonas?" she finally asked hopefully with a smile.

He gaped at her. "JONAS!" he spluttered before gaining control of himself.

Yup. It had been pretty dumb to assume SHE might possibly want to go do something. He would have slapped his own forehead, but he figured she'd probably send him in to Dr. Fraiser for a complete mental check-up if he did, so he decided to focus on the situation.

If he wasn't extremely careful, she was going to get him to agree to it before he knew what hit him and he'd end up with the perpetually perky and dimply member of SG1 trailing after him all day. A situation like that had only a few potential outcomes, and none of them were good. Which would be bad, as the last time he checked, it was sort of frowned upon to damage fellow team-members.

"Well, I'd love to take Jonas to the pet store, Carter, but I don't know where I left his leash," he finally said.

She rolled her eyes. "Sir, please. I know you've accepted him in the field and all, and I'm not trying to get you two to be best friends or anything like that, but… it would be nice if he thought you liked him."

"If I didn't like him he wouldn't be on SG-1," Jack argued, clearly confused. He had gone through a mountain of paperwork almost as deep as the SGC itself when selecting their fourth. That should be enough validation for anybody. It wasn't his responsibility to make sure the new aliens in town weren't suffering from low self-esteem.

"I know that, sir, but I'm not so sure Jonas does. Teal'c and I have both done things with him on our down time."

"Like what?"

"Umm, Teal'c's done more with him than I have. They bonded over 'Star Wars,' apparently."

"That's kind of a scary thought."

She smiled and nodded. "And before he was allowed off-base I brought him a few meals from my favorite places, he was raving about our food on base so much I thought I'd show him what most Earth food here is really like."

"Well, why can't I just do that?" he almost whined. "Why do I have to take him to the pet store?"

"First of all, you don't have to do anything, sir. I was just asking you for a favor. Second of all, you don't have to take him to the pet store, but I caught him watching Animal Planet the other day in his office. It was the first time I've ever seen him watch anything besides the Weather Channel. So I thought he might like to go see some real Earth animals. Third… well, he's allowed off base now but he doesn't really have anywhere to go. It's not like it would take that long…" She gave him a hopeful smile.

He sighed dramatically. "Did I miss the section in the regulation book about wheedling your CO?"

"I'm not wheedling," she insisted with another grin of thinly masked triumph. "And neither of us is on duty right now anyway," she added as an afterthought.

"All right. Fine. I'll take him to the pet store."

She smiled brightly and for a second looked like she might hug him, but she didn't. "Thank you, sir! Would you mind going up to his lab and inviting him yourself, so he doesn't think I asked you to ask him?"

"Why don't I just slip him a note after gym class?" he asked with a smirk, feeling as though his afternoon had suddenly been reduced to something similar to 'problems' he remembered Cassie prattling on about years ago.

Carter laughed and shook her head. "I don't think that will be necessary, Colonel, but thanks."

"All right. I've got to go pick up the runt. I was going to go grab some breakfast first, then go home for a bit before I went to the pet store."

"Runt?" Carter repeated.

Jack looked down at his sock-clad feet and shook his head. Stupid idiot, he screamed at himself. Finally, he looked back up at Carter and confessed, "Mrs. Tucker ah… likes for me to take her dog with me. To Petsmart. She's a crazy dog lady. Like a crazy cat lady, only with her dog instead."

"Right. So you…" She was making a valiant effort to contain a fit of giggles. "You take this… dog… to Petsmart on outings… to get his special food for him… routinely? Sir?"

"Yes, and if you tell anybody about that I'll have you reprimanded for spreading slander about a Superior Officer so fast you'll be dizzy," he deadpanned.

"Don't worry, sir, I won't tell anyone," Carter promised, still trying very hard not to smile. She was failing miserably. "Well… okay then. I ah… promised Jonas and Teal'c I'd meet them in the commissary in… five minutes ago. So…"

"You're on downtime too, you know, what are you doing eating in the commissary?"

"Keeping Teal'c and Jonas company. I'm… not much good at entertaining myself alone. Off-base. These days. I start to think about… Daniel."

Their eyes met solemnly and Jack nodded in understanding. The lighthearted mood from earlier had evaporated in an instant. Luckily, Carter was quick to try to bring it back. "And Cassie and Janet are both unavailable this weekend… speaking of which, you really don't have any right to criticize my downtime habits when you're still on base on Saturday and your big plans are with your neighbor's dog."

He looked at her in surprise.

"Sir," she added with an unapologetic grin.

He rolled his eyes and said, "All right then, just for that, I'll embrace my own lack of a life outside of this place and join you kids for breakfast."