Hermione Granger: Behind the Brains
We got the lowdown on what's going on with Hermione Granger. Or should we say Hermione Weasley? (She married the beloved Ron Weasley, who we have here today, along with childhood pal, Harry Potter!)
R: Why am I always interviewed?
US: So, tell us what it was like to go to school with Hermione.
R: She was always so damn brainy! I thought it was annoying until year 4, when I fell madly in love with her.
H: I always thought she was quite strange, but helpful too. I'm happy for my pal Ron, marrying her and all. Nope, no resentment. (Mumbles)
US: Did she always know what to do?
R: Of course. She was brilliant, remember?
H: Yes, she was brilliant and beautiful…
R: (glares)
H: I mean, no, I never loved her, I still don't. (Mutters angry incantations)
US: So what's the scoop on your relations-
H: I COULD'VE HAD HER! SHE COULD'VE BEEN MY WIFE! MY GIRLFRIEND! MY FIRST TIME! (Bursts into tears)
R: (stares at his friend) Anyways, she was amazing. My gosh, she was my first (and only) kiss, and- did you just write "and only?"
US: No, go on.
R: ok. She was special, and I told her that a lot (too much) and yea I just totally- WILL YOU STOP ADDING THINGS?
US: sorry.
R: love her and that's it. (Except she's preggers and I want everyone to know I'm the father) WHAT? HOW DID U KNOW THAT?
US: My quill has a mind of it's own.
R: Obviously.
H: (looks at paper) Oh no, you guys are having kids? THERE'S NO HOPE! (Dreaming about Hermione naked)
R: (looking at paper) WHAT? Harry how could you?
H: Man that quill is good!
US: Bad quill! (No…good quill…) AHH…IT'S TAKING OVER…(I'm a very good quill…)
H: (drools)
R: (slaps Harry)
US: well, time to answer a letter. Shall we? This one is from (some idiot in America) Bill Gates at 1234 Cha-Ching Lane. He writes, "I have a lot of money. Would Hermione be interested in money? Would she leave her husband Ron for my money? I could support her, even though I am a lot older and wrinklier, I still have money."
R: (gasps) what a jerk! I agree with the quill! (Thank you, you can be my evil apprentice! Together we will be more powerful than Voldemort!) Ok!
H: Leave Ron for money? Please. She'd leave Ron for me! (I think Harry is the father of the baby, and having and affair with Hermione!)
R: What? WHAT? (Cries) (Don't worry my apprentice, we can destroy him together!)
H: It's not true! I wish it was true, but it's not!
R: (Stops crying) Ok!
Us: Well, that's all folks!