Baby Steps

By Dany

Summary: Sometimes trying is not going to be enough.

A/N: This is the last part of my 'Babies series'. I'm working on a sequel, but I can't promise anything. Please tell me what you think.

xxxxx

After the crisis had been averted, they had returned to the main room to finish the tour. Grissom had let Sara finish dressing Amelia while he disposed of the diaper and the used tissues and washed his hands – without lemons.

Amelia was placed in his arms again to relieve Sara. He was steadily getting used to their 'arrangement'. Never would he have thought that he could get this comfortable taking care of a child, but it was easier with someone else to share the responsibility.

That didn't mean his overall opinion that he better keep his distance – until now only with the exception of Lindsey – had changed. But right now, this was nice.

"Have her parents called yet?" He asked Sara, knowing all good things had to come to an end.

She fumbled for her cell phone and shook her head negating her answer at the empty display.

"Then let's continue, shall we?" This time he got a positive response and they continued to go through the house.

When they were done and Grissom found the exhibition more than satisfactory, they returned to the bench they had first stopped to give Amelia some tea.

The little girl was packed into her stroller again and Sara was just about to turn to the exit when Grissom held her back.

He motioned for her to sit down again and she followed his request with a stunned look on her face. "Sara, about what you said…" he trailed off and left her wondering where this was going as he took some time to recollect himself.

"I wanted to make it clear that…expecting a relationship – any relationship – to be in a flux is not wrong." He paused again, but didn't give her the chance to interrupt him.

"It is a wrong assumption, though," her heart stopped at that moment, thinking that he would end everything here and now, "to rely on the static of one. That is what I have been doing. I deluded myself into thinking that as long as we stopped advancing our friendship then everything would be alright."

She didn't know if her heart had started again or if she was already dead. She could not tell, since all her thoughts were circling in her head as she was desperately trying to figure out what that meant. Grissom was just being his usual cryptic self so she wasn't really angry. Tired, was more like it. Disappointed, maybe.

"And what does that mean?" For once, she wanted the truth as clear and non-misunderstandable answer, making it clear in her voice.

And she had a feeling that her chances for that would never be better than now. He was surrounded by the things he loved, away from work, away from the people he knew and the only ones who would ever know was she herself and a little girl.

"Please, I need to know," she pleaded when no answer came forward.

One look at him told her he was still thinking, so she tried to give him time, busying herself with Amelia. The girl's sweet face made her heart a bit lighter, but most of her attention was still with Grissom.

He was not really aware of the two people next to him, too deep in thoughts. He hadn't planned for this to go that far, but he should have known better to believe that Sara would let it go so easily. And now he had to decide just how much he was willing to give. How far did he want to go?

Slowly he came back to reality and was shocked to discover that Sara was crying. She tried to hide it, turning away, not letting him see her face. But he had seen a glimpse of it.

Their initial plan to wait and see was obviously not going to work. Suddenly he wished he could show her his emotions, like could so easily, but he had spend too much time pushing them back and locking them away. Besides, she probably needed to hear it.

"Sara," he reached out tentatively, resting his hand on her shoulder. He wanted to entangle his fingers in her hair, feel the soft skin of her cheek, wipe away the tears under her eyes, but he knew he didn't have the right to do that.

She still didn't look at him, but he continued, "I want to move forward. I'm just clueless how to do that. I…I don't know what to do."

At first, she didn't seem to react at all. When the words sunk in, a slight panic overwhelmed her. Where would this go? She took Amelia out of her stroller and put her on her lap.

That was not quite the reaction Grissom had expected.

She cuddled the little girl who was by now near tears as well, reacting to the adults' mood, and shushing her with a few soft words. Sara was afraid that if she hadn't taken Amelia she would have thrown herself at Grissom sobbing, breaking down completely. The day had worn her down, being with Grissom and the emotional tug-o-war had lowered her defenses.

Only when she looked into his eyes she saw the fear and realized she hadn't said anything to him. "I'm sorry," she rushed to reassure him.

"Grissom, I want to move forward, I think I made that only all too clear." Taking a deep breath she slid her fingers over Amelia's cheeks to make sure she was ok. The girl looked up, the tears gone from her eyes, but not quite smiling yet.

"I'll go at whatever pace you need and how far you want if only you promise not to block me out so completely again." She knew it was a lot she was asking, but she couldn't do this if he was going to throw a wall in her face at the next opportunity.

With obstacles she could deal. She was known for her tenacity.

He took his time again to reach a decision and Sara understood that he needed that.

They were staring ahead once more, not knowing what else to do.

"Da!" Amelia was the only one it seemed who knew what to do. She sat up, crawling from Sara's lap onto Grissom's and stared up at him with big brown eyes.

In that moment, he was reminded if the first time he had seen her and what he had felt. The tug in his heart, the feelings that had flooded him and the familiarity he had felt immediately.

Maybe this was a sign.

Usually he didn't believe in such things as signs an omen, but maybe he should start now. "Do you believe in signs," he asked, genuinely interested in her opinion.

Although it came out of the left field, Sara was used to his excursions so she humored him and answered. "Yeah, I do. I think sometimes we need a guiding hand and someone or something is lending us one."

He nodded, looking at Amelia. The child had listened and in an understanding of the word 'hand' she held out hers for Grissom to see.

Was that it? Another sign?

"I would like to try."

"That's not good enough." Her tone was regretful, wanting so much to believe in him.

His mouth tightened into a thin line. He was a bit hurt, but understood her need to protect herself.

Could he do it?

He closed his eyes and the first image that came to his mind was a crying Sara. "I promise!"

Sara looked up, seeking his eyes and reading the truth when he opened them again. She wiped away her remaining tears and smiled at him.

As he returned it he could feel Amelia's mood shift again along with theirs.

"Da," she clapped while Sara whispered, "Thank you."

The end