Summary: Qui-Gon tries to explain the concept of the birds and bees to his young apprentice Obi-Wan, since after all he is like a father to him...

Genre: Humor

Rating: PG-13 since this is about...well...I guess you already know.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, you would have heard of me. And, unless you've read one of my other fics, you haven't. Therefore, I don't own them.

Now on with the fic!

It was a beautiful day at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Unfortunately, not all was beautiful for Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn.

He was walking nervously around outside, eyeing the gorgeous, lush flowers, the butterflies that flew around...and of course the birds and the bees.

It was all very well and fine, Qui-Gon thought grumpily to himself, but it had recently been Obi-Wan's thirteenth birthday and there were some—well—things that he knew he really ought to explain to the boy, playing the father-role in the boy's life...not that he didn't want to, of course, but it wasn't as though he really did want to...

"Well, I mean, it's just not exactly fun explaining to a teenager how you—ah—make babies and things like that," Qui-Gon said aloud. Obi-Wan, he knew, didn't know about Things like this, and it hadn't ever occurred to Qui-Gon before to ask someone why he didn't already, at thirteen. Well, now it had occurred and figured he would have to ask later when this discussion was over.

He wondered if perhaps he ought to ask advice from one of his fellow Masters about how they explained these things to their Padawans, but quite a few of the Masters he was friends with had girls for apprentices, and Qui-Gon could never quite figure out if girls would take it the same way boys would. He rather thought not.

He imagined Adi Gallia's telling her Padawan about it, very calmly, that was just her way. And her apprentice would take it equally well, with a well-placed, "Yes, Master," or an "Of course I understand, Master", or a "No, Master, I think it's fine," even if she was thinking, of course I don't find this information revolting, with a very sarcastic thought tone.

He thought about Mace Windu telling his apprentice. Qui-Gon thought that Mace's Padawan would probably react better to the information she was being given than Mace would to her hearing it. Mace Windu was rather protective over what his Padawan heard and saw sometimes, much to her own annoyance.

"Maybe I should ask Master Yoda," he thought aloud. But he knew that if he did that, word would eventually spread that the completely bold and fearless Qui-Gon Jinn was too timid to speak with his own apprentice about becoming a man.

Qui-Gon sighed. It was inevitable. There was simply no way around it. He would have to tell Obi-Wan himself.

Well, better now than later. Best to get this thing over with now, he decided. No point in procrastinating when doom is on your doorstep.

Not that, of course, he considered providing his Padawan with information that he must eventually learn as 'doom', but Qui-Gon wasn't sure what else to classify it as...

He sighed again. There really was no way around it. "Obi-Wan!" he called, lifting his comlink to his lips and speaking into it.

The boy replied promptly. "Yes, Master?"

"Would you mind coming inside the Temple, into our quarters, please? I have some uh...some things to discuss with you."

"Am I in trouble, Master?"

Qui-Gon chuckled softly and nervously. "No, Padawan, you're not. I just need to speak with you."

"Yes, Master," said Obi-Wan, sounding rather doubtful that whatever Qui-Gon had to talk with him about could be anything but trouble. "I'm coming."

He signed off and Qui-Gon sighed again, a brief exhale of despair.

He walked slowly towards the Temple, and managed to make the trip last ten minutes. Once inside, however, he discovered that the walk and ride via turbolift to his and Obi-Wan's quarters went entirely too quickly.

"Perhaps he isn't even there yet," Qui-Gon suggested to himself hopefully. This was, of course, next to impossible since Obi-Wan was quite possibly the least tardy of most of Temple's students, and he was almost always eager to do whatever his Master told him to do.

"Or perhaps the turbolift broke down," he speculated, knowing perfectly well that Obi-Wan would take the same lift he had and it had been in fine condition when he'd used it two minutes ago.

"Maybe..." he opened the door and sighed sadly as his eyes were greeted with Obi-Wan's face. "Or maybe not," he muttered.

"Master," greeted Obi-Wan.

"Hello, Padawan," said Qui-Gon heavily, sitting down on his bed.

Obi-Wan frowned slightly. "Is something wrong, Master?" he asked.

"What? Oh—uh, no, nothing's fine, I mean—everything's wrong—no, no, everything's fine!"

"Are you...feeling all right?" Obi-Wan ventured.

"Fine, fine," Qui-Gon said distractedly. "Well, then, Obi-Wan, um, sit down."

Obi-Wan sat, eyeing the elder somewhat dubiously.

They sat in silence for a minute, Qui-Gon wondering wildly how he was supposed to begin this stupid conversation, Obi-Wan wondering if his master had finally lost it.

Finally, Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Er—Master?"

Qui-Gon jumped. Obi-Wan was sure he hadn't ever seen Qui-Gon so nervous. Come to think of it, he didn't think he'd seen him half this nervous, ever.

"Uh...yes, Padawan?"

"Weren't you going to—um—talk to me or something?"

"Oh. Right. Yes. I—ah—I was."

More silence.

Then, "Well, Master?"

Qui-Gon moaned. The time had come. This really was inevitable. He took several deep, calming breaths, none of which seemed to help in the least. Finally, he spoke. "Well, Obi-Wan, I believe you've just had your thirteenth birthday, haven't you?"

Obi-Wan looked confused. "Yes, Master..."

"So there are some things you must learn since at that age you are no longer considered a child and are now considered more of a young adult," Qui-Gon rushed on, hoping this discussion would end as soon as possible.

"Yes, Master, and...?"

"Obi-Wan, do you know how you got onto this planet?"

Obi-Wan looked still more confused. "Well, I suppose...my mother...or maybe...I don't know, Master," he confessed.

"I was afraid of that," mumbled Qui-Gon. "Well, Obi-Wan, if you've ever watched the bees and the flowers in the gardens outside..."

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An hour later, Qui-Gon wearily said to a wide-eyed, open-mouthed Obi-Wan, "You may go now, Padawan."

Obi-Wan jumped up, mumbled, "Yes, Master," and made for the door faster than a speeding tauntaun.

Qui-Gon heard the sound of a comlink being activated and Obi-Wan saying rapidly into it, "Bant, Bant, has your master told you..."

Qui-Gon buried his face in his hands and groaned. That discussion had not gone the way he had wanted it to go.

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Obi-Wan sprinted as quietly as he could down the halls of the student/master quarters, keen to find someone his own age. He'd just talked to Bant, and in fact she'd just told him off for interrupting her, but he needed to really speak with someone.

He was running so fast he couldn't slow down in time to keep from running into someone a little smaller than him.

However, what Siri lacked in volume she certainly made up for in vocals. "Obi-Wan Kenobi! Just what do you think you're doing, thundering around the Temple like a herd of banthas? What's got you going?"

And Obi-Wan told her.

Pretty soon most of the apprentices whose ears had not been previously graced with the information bestowed upon Obi-Wan had heard what Obi-Wan had, and Qui-Gon was in for a little trouble with the rest of the Masters whose Padawans were only nine or ten...

End.

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