Disclaimer: All characters © to the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist, that bring us wonderful bishies to fangirl over and play with.

Author's Notes: I never thought I'd get as far as chapter 15… 0.o;… All of your comments on the last chapter have made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Thank you so much all of you!

Warnings: The smut is finally back. Last chapter.

Namida
- chapter 15 -
Absolution

It was just so damn convenient for the bastard to point that out, wasn't it? 'Half' he had said with that smug attitude that had long ago been burned into his mind. The smug attitude Ed hadn't seen when he had met the homunculus on the street that morning. But he wasn't a homunculus anymore – a fact he found hard to believe, although he felt the pulsing of blood through those veins, the warm gusts of air that escaped kissable lips with each breath so close to his face, saw the life that flowed through him. Maybe it was the alchemist in him, because he knew that nothing had really changed with the exception of his appearance. Envy had done all those things when he had left him stranded in front of the gate back in Amestris…but it was different now, more real, perhaps.

Or maybe he was just fooling himself.

But as he stood there, rendered worthless by that intense gaze, by the fingers that tilted his chin upward – even now he still had to look up at the bastard – Ed did nothing to stop him. Did nothing but return the look as thoughts flew in and out of his head at high speeds that hardly allowed him to really dwell on them long enough before the next came zooming by.

A little, quiet voice within his head – like a figurative specter sitting on his shoulder – told him to back off; move away before it was too late and he was caught in the Sin's web once again. He had done so well to have avoided him all that time to fall right back in now. Especially after having seen it through his own death. And especially with the knowledge he now carried, poking and jabbing at the morals he still had, however clouded and warped they might be. The little voice was shoved off, the little angelic figure tumbling in a downward spiral from his shoulder to not only collide hard upon the floor, but be stomped upon as one of them – Edward had no recollection of who – took a step forward.

All he did know was that the distance between them had seemed much wider just previously. The closeness was suffocating him, the warmth filtering through the bare windows made the room unnaturally stuffy. He wanted to breathe and couldn't, wanted to find some sort of release but all he found was the jarring shock of lips pressing possessively against his own; devouring and bruising his mouth in such a way he found hard to fight and give in to all at the same time. He was dizzy as wide golden eyes stared up past that head of darker gold at the bare off-white wall.

"You think too much," Envy broke the silence and the kiss – momentarily.

Those words! He had spoken them before, applied to the same situation, yet again, caught by surprise, thinking, going over actions and sentiments in his head as his body was being assaulted and ravished by attention he could not decide whether it was welcomed or not. Fullmetal felt himself redden as heat swept up into his face. He glared indignantly and had to suppress the gasp that was caught on his lips. In that moment of intense familiarity he had almost expected to see that emerald tinted black hair, those slitted eyes of smooth violet.

"Don't look so disappointed, chibi-san."

Damnit, he had caught it. "This is not why I came here."

"Oh?" his voice slid past his lips in a sultry, condescending singsong. "Then why did you come and grace me with your presence, chibi-san?"

It would have been so much easier if he just hadn't been so much of a fool as to follow him here. He would have been better off not wanting to know more, not giving into the gut feeling that told him to follow and demand an explanation. He hadn't counted on this. Hadn't counted on Envy springing back to that old persona so easily, not when he had appeared to have been completely changed. Perhaps that was why Ed needed to follow: to make sure he hadn't changed…

It was a sad mentality, really. Hated him but actually missed him despite all of what he had done. He was setting himself up for disappointment fast.

Fullmetal cast his gaze aside, stubborn 'till the end. It had been a mistake coming here and he knew that – had known it even as he climbed the steps, trying to find the right door that would lead him to his favorite nightmare. He realized now that part of him had been hoping that he would not have the strength to knock; or if he did, that Envy had no longer been within. His hesitant hopes had crashed miserably the moment he saw those eyes staring down at him in a hybrid emotion of surprise and disbelief. Stubbornness had not allowed him to go away when the Sin told him so and thus there he was, in the grasp of the bastard's arms once again. His guilty pleasure, secret desire, greatest denial.

There was no way of telling him, however, why he had come. Not when all the reasons seemed foolish even to him. He looked foolish enough as it was without further deepening the deep hole he'd carved out for himself.

"Let go," he finally said, breaking the heavy silence that had settled over the room.

"You came to me this time…"

Good point. Very good incriminating point, even if he would never admit it out loud. "Let me go, Envy." He raised his voice ever slightly and shook out of that grasp. He could have done it himself without telling him, but there was a twisted satisfaction in laying down orders like that.

But he had let go too easily, far too easily. And it was too late when Ed's senses registered the fact. Clearly at a disadvantage as he had always been, the blonde alchemist was overtaken with ease and just as had been the case so many times before, he did little to fight, truly fight. So as the cushion of a weathered stuffed chair magically appeared behind and beneath him, sandwiching him rather snuggly between cushions and warm flesh that plopped down upon his lap, his surprise was only temporary.

The need to regain some of his decency, however, caused him to speak out – or mumble against forceful lips and invading tongue, such as the case may be. The homunculus – human, he is now human! – paid no mind, clasping his hands and pinning them down against the armrests. He noticed that Envy put more emphasis on his left, flesh wrist…once it had been the other way around. It was but a painful reminder of the events that had gotten him – both of them – to that desolate city.

It had never been right; the highly dysfunctional relationship between them, and it certainly was no better now; if anything, it was worse. Or his morals told him so. The fight slowly dwindled within him as those lips, once forceful, softened, enticing him, inviting him to share what they had once had. Edward shuddered beneath that warm body, pinned ever-so-effectively as his lap was straddled, his wrists held. He caught himself gradually returning that sinful kiss; lips moving slowly at first, tasting that sweetness that was all Envy, even now in this form. It did not matter. It was still him in one way or another. It was his lips he tasted, it was his soft tongue he wrestled with for control that was always lost, and it was that being his body craved. He tugged at his hand and Envy released it. Fingers entangled into loose golden waves at the nape of his neck, pulling him down against him, pressing him further into the worn cushions. A groan built up deep within his throat, stifled by the junction of mouths.

This shouldn't be happening… he told himself through the haze that had become his thoughts; an effect Envy had always seemed to accomplish.

"Shut up." Envy hissed against his lips.

He'd spoken out loud without realizing it. Cringing inwardly, Fullmetal said nothing and swallowed dryly, peering up at him. He felt almost as if this was the first time they had met like this. Perhaps it had been too long. Perhaps he knew too much… perhaps his thoughts were too goddamn loud.

Too loud indeed, he decided upon realizing that Envy had busied himself with yanking his vest open and was now moving onto the plain white shirt he wore. The difference in temperature chilled him, caused goose bumps to pop up along his lightly tanned flesh. They were only then heightened by the lips that fixed themselves to his neck with nips and angry kisses that would no doubt leave their marks.

Ed groaned, biting his lip against the whimpers that welled up in his throat. Fingers tightened their hold on those golden strands as his back arced, welcoming the lips that slid down along his chest until Envy finally had to shift and slid down from his lap in order to accommodate his downward trajectory. That whimper did come when he felt the button of his slacks be undone, the zipper tugged down by lips and teeth as fingers were used to tug the fabric down at his thighs.

He sometimes wondered why it was that he allowed himself to be tormented like this. And then…then he remembered that such torment would be welcomed by most people their, well, his age. At this point in time people either drank themselves into forgetfulness, away from the despair and depression of the post-war times, or they fucked themselves into blissful, forgetful numbness. Or so he had observed over the last year.

However, Ed had not gone through the horrors of the war. Not exactly…unless one were to count the unfortunate incident that had taken place five years ago in London. The metal, the flames, the crackling noise echoing in his ears, the smell…it all returned to him in nightmares once in a while. But otherwise he had not partaken in the war. He had had his own war to wage in Amestris, his own beliefs to fight for, and his stubbornness to keep him going.

And stubbornness itself kept him thinking now even as Envy forced him to pay attention with the experienced mouth that enclosed snugly around his throbbing length. Fullmetal hissed, bit his lip and withheld the gasp that would have escaped him otherwise. He had always been a little noisy under such circumstances. He was vaguely aware of the whisking curtains against the wall, the soft sound of voices murmuring beneath the window: a constant zumzum in his mind that was quickly loosing all sense of thought and comprehension. Teeth touched lightly upon his heated flesh. He cried out, unsure whether it had been pain or pleasure that had lead him to do so. Either way, Envy looked mighty snug and satisfied by the outburst. Finally he had a participating audience to his twisted performance.

It wasn't as if Edward did not enjoy it, much on the contrary. However, every time he looked into those eyes, it was a painful reminder of what had happened and who he truly was. He still had some decency left in him, even if Envy had not! Though… decency quickly dissipated beneath the heated ministrations of lips and rough, hot tongue.

- - -

Later on as Ed sat at home recalling the ordeal that had left him sore in more places than he cared to mention and marked as if he had become someone's property, he abused himself with harsh words and reprimands. They served him absolutely no good, however, as his mind trailed backward in time to the moments of struggle and only-half reluctant pleasure that had left him in such a state.

The trajectory out of that chair had been nothing short of bumpy; his body aroused and far from sated, his desire fired up to an animalistic sort of need. Envy had simply stopped his wonderful performance, grinning mischievously – even more so in the moment Ed groaned in dismay. He had felt himself being yanked from the cushions and tugged roughly toward the unmade bed, from which Bean hastily fled.

"No…wait…"

"Shh…" Envy hissed, contradicting the harsh sound with a light touch of fingers to the alchemist's bruised lips. He would get his way and knew it. He always did, despite any protests Ed would put up. And thus, pulling him forward by the open collar of his shirt, the Sin snatched his attention with a forceful kiss before shoving him down onto the thin, worn mattress. He gave Ed no chance to compose himself before crawling upon him, using the catlike grace that was still with him even after all this time of existing as such a 'normal' being. The theatrical movements came just as easily as they once had.

It had been far too long since he had last left such touches, affectionate or otherwise. Within the year spent in London with his father, Ed had never once sought the pleasure of a woman – or man – even though plenty – of both genders – had enthusiastically approached him.

As he lay there against a bed that should not, under normal circumstances, offer any comfort, he felt at home – though he'd never admit it – beneath the body that sought to overtake him; re-conquer him.

No longer used to the invasive sensation of fingers probing within him with a care Envy had never bothered with that first encounter, Edward gasped sharply. His body spasmed involuntarily even as he forced himself to relax. A second later, just when he thought to have overcome the initial shock, Envy's intruding fingers pressed to something deep within him, causing an instinctive shout to escape kiss-bruised lips. He heard his lover chuckle quietly, victoriously it seemed, but his focus was elsewhere. The sudden coldness, emptiness caused him to whimper with every intake of air. So pitiful – and yet he could not bring himself to truly care.

Sitting up, Ed got as far as freeing himself from his vest and beginning to strip off the shirt before Envy shoved him back down, demandingly. Clothes didn't matter, not now when the necessity was too great. His lover, half-brother – No! Cannot think of him that way! – had freed himself from as many articles of clothing as was necessary. Namely, the dark trousers – something Ed had never seen him have to deal with before. The white shirt that hung from his slender, though toned shoulders was practically ripped off as Ed clung to him, wrapping his fingers into the thin material, partly tugging it off, partly just holding on closely.

"You take too long," he hissed, wrapping his legs around Envy's waist, encouraging him to take the final step; to fill him to the core; to move against him in that maddening rhythmic lust that intoxicated them both; that caused the warmth to rise to nearly suffocating heat; caused his breath to hitch in his throat even as he gasped desperately; caused his body to burn with pain entwined with pleasure.

But it always ended far too quickly – the desperate rush not allowing longer enjoyment, not at first, at least, that would make the euphoria last. What became of them was but a mass of gasping, sweating bodies, draped over one another with quickly beating hearts as the brief explosion of pleasure passed, as senses returned and along with them, the world around them.

"Hot…" Ed gasped, weakly pushing Envy off in order to regain his breath. Surprisingly, the ex-Sin complied without complaint, rolling off ungracefully to flop on the mattress beside him.

Silence reigned for a few minutes. Ed felt as if he could drift into slumber right where he was. But it was Bean that stirred him from the heavy, content drowsiness. He blinked at the black kitten, who padded nonchalantly across his body in order to reach his owner. The furry animal plopped down upon Envy's chest, curling up into a tight ball before drifting off to sleep as if nothing had just happened. It was actually… cute.

The lucky bastard.

"This changes nothing," Fullmetal muttered, lids drooping down once more over glazed golden eyes.

"No," a pause. He felt Envy's matching gaze upon him. "Of course not…"

This took so long, I'm sorry! T.T Writer's block hit me severely various times through the chapter, making it so hard to complete…even if it was mostly smutty. XD Now, to anyone wondering if there will be more… well… I might write an epilogue of sorts so that it doesn't just leave off like that. BUT... I do have plans to write a sequel of sorts once the movie comes out and new ideas float my way.