Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, do you think I'd be writing this?
"Saaaay iit…"
The hell…?!
"Saaaay iiiit….you know you have to…."
Who the hell are you….why do you sound so familiar?
"SAY IT!!"
CHIKUSÔ!!! I don't own InuYasha or any of the characters…YA HAPPY?!
"I'd be very happy if you'd bear my children…heehee."
Like you need to ask, Miroku! C'MERE BABY!!
"Oh crap, she heard me! Sango! She's after me again!!"
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, STOP MACKIN' ON MY MAN, WOMAN?!!!"
(Slaps me with hiraikotsu again, carries Miroku from me)
REVENGE!!!
(Oh yeah, so I don't get in trouble, I don't own the fanfictions, "Sayonara, Kanashii Houshi" or "My Dearest Miroku" either. I know I just mention them here, but I still need to put a disclaimer for those.)
I don't own, "Miami" by Will Smith either, even though that song inspired me to write this. All I own is the story and the concept, a'ight? A'ight.
I'm Goin' To Miami
Chapter 1
"I'm Goin' To Miami"
The turning of the doorknob broke the silence inside the vast mansion. The door opened slowly and in walked the resident of the place.
"Thank Buddha that's finally over!" The resident sighed wearily. "Kinda ironic when I think about it; only when I'm almost literally dead tired and don't wanna be bothered am I surrounded by beautiful women."
The resident flicked on the switch beside the door frame, lighting the room.
Japan's Hottest Actor, Houshi Miroku, had finally arrived home after finally completing his two and a half year movie project, "Sayonara, Kanashii Houshi", by legendary producer, Golden-Sama. He had very much enjoyed being a part of that film, but the work was grueling for him! Miroku had over-exerted himself on all three levels; emotionally, mentally, and physically, to bring out his full potential for his role. But with the highly flattering check he received, it was well worth it.
"Flattering" was an understatement! Even Jennifer Lopez never saw that many zeros!
Miroku dragged like a zombie to his couch, collapsing onto his back atop the soft cushions. He fell asleep the instant his eyes closed. Miroku's entire eight-year acting career had finally caught up with him and was now starting to take a serious toll on him. He had been acting and starring in films almost literally nonstop for the last seven years. Miroku had got his big break playing a supporting character alongside his best friend since junior high in the worldwide hit TV series, "InuYasha". Since then, he'd been getting offers from all around! Miroku was even offered parts in European, American, even Hawaiian films! You could say in the entertainment world, Houshi Miroku was as big as T.M. Revolution!
Unfortunately, the actor didn't have the energy to enjoy that fact at the moment. The past few years of nonstop work had seriously worn him out. Miroku was completely burnt out and exhausted! Sure, he had taken breaks during his career to refresh himself, but Miroku had yet to take a seriously needed vacation. Besides, every time he went to Shibuya, his favorite hangout, to relax, Miroku'd always end up marathon running back to Tokyo from crazed fangirls! Of course, seeing how much of a ladies' man Miroku was, he didn't mind the attention. He just wished they weren't so hysterically hell-bent on mobbing him! It's very difficult to ask if one of them would bear his firstborn child when he's running for his life, ya know. (Miroku was Japan's Hottest Actor, but next to his best friend's uncle, he was also Japan's Hottest Pervert!)
RIIING!! RIING!!
The abrupt ringing of Miroku's phone sharply brought him out of his slumber. His eyes popped open and searched the ceiling in delirium. Upon the fourth ring, Miroku's senses returned to him and he picked up the phone above his head on a small glass stand between the "L" shaped formation of the sofa and loveseat.
"Moshi moshi?" Miroku answered sleepily.
"Hello, Miroku-sama."
"…Hey Hachi."
"I didn't call you at a bad time, did I Miroku-sama?" Hachi inquired.
"Oh no, Hachi, I got home not too long ago and thought I'd try that thing normal humans call 'sleeping'. What's up?"
Miroku's eyes were closed as he conversed with his agent, Anaguma Hachi. Even though Hachi was Miroku's agent, they were very good friends. The only pet peeve he had with Miroku was that he'd, on occasion, use extortion and/or blackmail to get him to introduce him to some of the models of the Takahashi agency. No matter how many times Hachi told Miroku they said, "Hell no!".
Hachi answered with great enthusiasm, "I have good news for you! The first part is Hisakawa Aya-san has agreed to drop the restraining order on you…uh, on the condition you…don't associate with her any time soon. She told me to tell you that means for the next six months.
Miroku smirked, disappointedly. "Hm. I was planning on giving Aya-san a call later."
Hachi continued, "The other good news is that a producer named Akida 1 wants you to play the lead role in this new movie, 'My Dearest Miroku'. Whaddiya think? It's got your name on it, too!"
"Wants you to play…" To Miroku, those words translated to "movie offer".
Normally, Miroku would have his agent arrange an appointment for him to meet the producer, have him/her tell him about the movie, and if he approved, Miroku would accept. However, when Hachi told him this, an uncomfortable feeling rushed through his body. He felt utterly sick; as if a portion of his life energy was sucked from his body by Hachi's words. Miroku groaned in a whining type of way from his discomfort. For once, he didn't want the part. He didn't want to act…
"Miroku-sama?" Hachi asked, wondering why his client was so quiet.
No answer.
There's no dial tone, so he must still be on the other line, Hachi thought, growing concerned. "It's not really an actual movie, Miroku-sama, it's actually a concept the producer conceived. It's a very good idea and with you playing the lead, I'm sure it'll do well at the box-"
"I don't want it." Miroku said harshly.
Hachi stared into space quite shocked. It surprised him more to hear Miroku deny a role than to hear his unusual harsh tone.
With good intention Hachi tried to convince Miroku to at least consider the movie, "But Miroku-sama, I talked to the producer and asked her to tell me about her idea. She was planning to have it turned into a movie in the near future. The philosophical material is real genius and she figured you'd be perfect-"
"I said I don't want the part, Hachi! I don't give a damn about whether it'll be big or not, so drop it!!"
Miroku slammed the phone onto the receiver. The sharp click was heard on Hachi's line. He gently hung his phone up and just sat at his desk, trying to fight the tears of hurt feelings. Hachi had never once heard Miroku sound like that. Why was he so angry with him? He sat there in thought when a few seconds later, the ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts.
"Moshi moshi?" Hachi answered, trying to keep himself collected.
"Hachi?" Miroku's tone was soft and apologetic, though still weary. "Look, I apologize for that outburst, you didn't deserve that. Even if I haven't been to sleep yet, that's still no excuse. I'm sorry.
Hachi sighed in relief. "Apology accepted, Miroku-sama. I'm just relieved that you're not angry with me. But if I may ask, what's the matter? Are things not well?
Miroku then explained that in addition to his lack of sleep and the grueling work from his previous project, his nonstop acting career was taking a serious toll on him and now he was starting to feel the effects of it. Miroku was literally exhausted: emotionally, mentally and physically. He feared that if he didn't take a vacation and unwind, he'd end up either in ICU or an asylum.
Hachi spoke with sympathy, "I see. I'm really not too surprised though, Miroku-sama. I see you acting with such passion, excuse me, energy (He knows how Miroku likes to misuse the word in his pick-up lines). I had a strong feeling you'd reach your limit soon. Well, I'll see to it that no one else bothers you. If they ask about you, I'll simply tell them that my client is unavailable at the moment."
"Thank you, Hachi."
"Now that's my half of the deal. Yours is to recover from your ailment and return to work fully refreshed. Know that if you don't, I'll bombard you with the offers other than the one I mentioned!" Hachi threatened with a sly smile.
Miroku's eyes widened, then he laughed.
His agent stared in confusion. "I don't get it, what's the joke?"
"Upon hearing that, it sounded like you were waiting for the perfect opportunity to get revenge for all those times I blackmailed you, Hachi." Miroku answered.
Hachi chuckled nervously to himself. He swore Miroku had ESP or something. "Well just make sure you keep up your end of the deal, Miroku-sama, and I'll be merciful."
Miroku smiled sleepily, "Thank you, Hachi. Take care."
Miroku hung up and lay back down to rest. He was just about to fall into a deep sleep when the phone rang again.
"Of course. You try to sleep and everybody and they mama wanna call you." He muttered flatly.
He didn't move a muscle; instead he let the machine get it.
The answering machine clicked and then played Miroku's message in his suave, velvety, seductive voice. (Okay so I think his voice is sexy, sue me!)
"Greetings, you have reached the residence of Houshi Miroku. I am twenty-five years of age and currently unattached. My apologies, but I am not home right now. Please leave your name, phone number and address and I'll be sure to get back to you quickly. If you're a man, just your name will do. Have a good day! (Beep!)
"You really need to change that message H Miroku-" (get it?), answered a male voice.
Miroku quickly picked up the phone, seeing as it was his best friend.
"Hey, Inuyasha."
"Yo."
Hanyou Inuyasha, Miroku's best friend since junior high school and Japan's Hottest Model!
(And for a damn good reason! Have you seen him without his shirt on?)
After starring in "InuYasha", Inuyasha entered into a modeling career and became a huge success. He played in a few movies in addition to working mainly as a Takahashi model (one of the few males), including "Sayonara, Kanashii Houshi" alongside Miroku. Inuyasha got the women and Miroku got the money. According to Miroku when he reflected on this, in his point of view; Inuyasha got the money and he got screwed.
"Seriously, man. You need to change it." Inuyasha said smugly.
Miroku grinned sleepily, "Naze? What's wrong with it?
Inuyasha just grinned playfully, "Suppose a guy calls you and thinks you're talking to him? Thus, giving him the 'wrong idea'?"
"That's why I added that little disclaimer at the end." Miroku stated with a cringe. "After Zoicite called me, I'd had enough. No wait, it was after some man with a deep, husky voice, like Isaac Hayes' almost, called and asked if I'd like a bite of his 'chocolate bar'."
Inuyasha was desperately trying to conceal his snickering. It was a vain attempt, though. It was just too funny.
Inuyasha snickered and uttered something under his breath, "Man, that was gold!"
His words didn't escape Miroku's ears. Miroku narrowed his eyes questioningly at Inuyasha through the phone, overhearing his comment. Then his eyes widened to their full extent as his jaw nearly hit the floor in shock and disgust.
"AHHH! THAT WAS YOU?!!!!"
He heard Inuyasha bust out laughing on the other end. A crash indicated that he'd fallen off his bed or a chair from lack of oxygen probably. Miroku waited patiently for Inuyasha to catch his breath and continue talking, his narrowed eyes glaring into space before him. His expression and sulking position matched that of an angry cat.
Inuyasha was on the floor of his bedroom, gasping for air and wiping the tears from his eyes. He had fallen off of his bed and landed face first onto the floor, then rolled onto his back while still laughing at his crank call.
He spoke when he recovered enough to talk, "WHOO! Who needs Triumph (the Insult Comic Dog) when ya got me, huh?"
Inuyasha heard nothing from the other end.
"Aw c'mon, Miroku, don't be like that! I only meant it as a joke, man!" He stated lightheartedly.
He still heard nothing. Inuyasha got impatient. "Yo! Miroku! You still there or what?!"
Thinking he heard something on the other line, Inuyasha shut up and listened, sitting up on the floor. Miroku's breathing was long, slow and slightly labored. Something was wrong.
"Miroku? Miroku, you there?" Inuyasha grew worried.
Silence.
"Miroku?"
He still heard labored breathing, and a light groan.
Inuyasha screamed in fear, "MIROKU!!!!!"
"WHAT?!" Miroku finally answered in confusion as he sat up on his couch.
Inuyasha exhaled. "What's wrong, Miroku?"
"What?" Miroku answered still confused.
Inuyasha growled, irritated, "What the hell's wrong with you, Miroku? I start talking to you and there's this long silence and you kinda sounding like you're in pain!"
Miroku groaned quietly, his back muscles suddenly started to ache and he felt very nauseous. Plus a sudden wave of dizziness rushed from his head to his stomach, making him feel worse. Unable to stand it, Miroku succumbed to his ailment and fell back onto the sofa, his breathing sounding worse than what Inuyasha had described.
"Miroku?" He growled in frustrated when he again received no answer, "Answer me, dammit! Are you alright?"
"Inuyasha…" Miroku uttered feebly.
Inuyasha was on the verge of panicking. "Inuyasha….?!"
Miroku smiled and chuckled weakly, "I'm sorry Inuyasha…it seems I fell asleep on you."
Inuyasha rolled up his eyes and fell over backwards, anime style. He pulled himself back up and growled fiercely at Miroku, proceeding to chew him out, "Well damn, Houshi! If you wanted to sleep, why the hell didn't you say something?!"
"Well, we haven't talked in such a long while and I was wondering if you've been well." Miroku answered half-asleep, his eyes closed.
Inuyasha paused briefly, feeling a tinge of guilt creep into him for hollering at Miroku.
"Keh! I'm alive. But answering your question, yeah, I'm doing fine. When life tries to get me down," His tone turned cocky, "I pretend it's Koga and commence to ass-kickin'!
Miroku laughed at Inuyasha's wisecrack. He yawned deeply. "Well, it's good to know you've been well, Inuyasha."
"I have, but it's pretty obvious you haven't, Miroku." Inuyasha responded solemnly, "If your voice is any indication, you must feel like hell right now. What time you wake up?"
"Two o'clock in the morning….Thursday."
Inuyasha raised an eyebrow in incredibility. He looked at his calendar, Takahashi 2004, then at the Urusei Yatsura clock on the wall above his bed.
Sunday; 11:59P.M.
"Damn, Miroku!" Inuyasha exclaimed, incredulously.
Miroku scoffed flatly. "'Damn, Miroku' indeed. I had to take care of some final and last minute things for the movie. That took an entire weekend. No time for breaks, let alone sleep, and then I had to make sure I received compensation for all that work or else there'd be hell to pay.
"Keh! Damn straight!"
Miroku released a weary sigh, and then continued, "In all honesty, Inuyasha. I haven't been well. In fact, I'm exhausted. Literally. All th-"
Inuyasha interrupted him, "Lemme guess; all those years of literal nonstop acting, the grueling work from, 'Sayonara, Kanashii Houshi' and now more than three days of no sleep?"
Miroku blinked twice, wondering how Inuyasha knew when no one had told him. He opened his mouth to speak but Inuyasha answered him with a smug smile, "You think I just let you loose and don't watch you, Houshi Miroku? I'm always watching you and looking out for you. That and making sure that badger of yours does when I can't."
Miroku smiled, touched. He felt like Inuyasha's little brother.
Inuyasha's soft tone didn't last long; irritation laced his voice when a memory came to him, "I told you not to overdo it. You may have energy for days, but eventually it runs out. And whaddiya do? Completely blow me off until I say the women'd be all over you in the hospital, then ya actually listened to me! I swear you broke your leg on purpose that day. Trying to impress some woman by acting like Vash the Stampede!"
Miroku had to laugh at that one. He rolled his eyes up at the memory, wondering if he had drank too much sake that day when he tried to jump from roof to roof like Vash on his hit series "Trigun" (also funny as hell). He missed one and broke his leg….all for A-ko, who was only WONDERING if he could do it in the first place! Too bad Miroku had no common sense when he was around women, especially women who looked beautiful enough to be the potential mother of his children.
Miroku spoke up, "Well, you're right about me feeling like hell right now, Inuyasha. Before you called, I just told Hachi I planned on putting my work on hiatus until I get my strength back."
Inuyasha glanced up at the ceiling. Getting an idea, he told Miroku to wait a minute. He rummaged through his things and found a book on the top vacation spots in the world and listed some of them to Miroku, who was quickly starting to fall asleep on the other end.
Then something hit him.
Miroku could take a vacation outside of Tokyo!
Yeah, he hardly had any Western fans so he'd actually be signing maybe one or two autographs instead of getting mobbed! That was perfect! Miroku could chill, check out the sites, enjoy himself and unwind.
Now where could he go? What vacation spot on Earth would allow him those luxuries and still allow him entertainment with the ladies?
Over the phone, Inuyasha guessed Miroku wasn't interested in the places he listed, seeing as how he didn't answer. So he flipped through the book trying to find a place that might get his attention, all the while singing an interesting English song he learned by an African-American artist named Will Smith.
Party in the city when the heat is on
All night on the beach to the break 'a dawn
Welcome to Miami
Bienvinido a Miami
Inuyasha thought as he skimmed through the pages, Paris, Beijing, New Orleans sounds good. Oh wait, Mardi Gras. Too wild for him right now. Cancun, Chicago, California, Palm Springs...
"Miami..." Miroku spoke up, asleep
"Eh?" Inuyasha questioned.
"I'm going to Miami Beach. That's the type of town I could spend a few days in…"
"Oh really?" The idea sounded appealing as he looked at photograph of Miami in his book.
Miroku responded, asleep, "Yeah….water so clear you can see to the bottom….hundred-thousand dollars cars, everybody got 'em…." A broad grin stretched across his lips. "Ladies half-dressed, fully equipped…."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes up, teardropping and willing to bet money that Miroku had that stupid perverted grin on his face right now.
Inuyasha muttered under his breath, embarrassed. "As horny as you get, you'll never need Viagara…"
"What?" Miroku inquired, not hearing the remark clearly.
Inuyasha went on like nothing happened, "So then, we're decided? We go to Miami Beach, America?"
"Uh-huh…" Miroku was quickly drifting off into a deep sleep.
Inuyasha was satisfied with the decision. "Okay, I'll take care of the tickets and everything. You just get some sleep. Okay, Miroku?"
Miroku was lightly snoring. Inuyasha smirked; actually glad he listened to something he said.
"Alright then. Konban wa, Miroku." He said loudly so Miroku would hear him.
"Konbannnnn……" Miroku slurred in his sleep before Inuyasha's voice registered in his head and he snapped at attention. "Ah! Uh, konban wa, Inuyasha."
Inuyasha hung up and stared up at his pictures of his favorite Takahashi swimsuit model on his ceiling.
Miroku hung up the phone and collapsed onto the soft sofa cushion, dreaming of Miami Beach, its scenery and all the beautiful half-naked women waiting for him.
(Golden-Sama is the author of "Sayonara, Kanashii Houshi")
(- Akida 1 is the author of "My Dearest Miroku")
Whew! That was work right there!
I just wanna take a moment to explain something in this chapter. Miroku's three-level exhaustion was actually based on my feelings after reading a few fics on this site. I had read I think about three or four, maybe even five, fanfics that dealt with torturing the hell outta Miroku, mentally and/or physically, and/or toying with his emotions.
It wore me out because I use a lot of energy to play stories in my head like a movie so I can enjoy it better. That's just how I read, okay? I'm special! Leave me alone! So, with that, I decided to give Miroku (as well as the other Inuyasha characters and myself) a vacation!
Well, that's the end of chapter one! I think it's awesome so far! I can't wait to post the rest of it! Please review! Hope you like it!