Last Time

This was the last time. He said if this ever happened again he would say something.

It was painful the last time this happened like being punched in the gut and then stabbed in the heart.

But here he was once again holding the hand of the woman that could save him or break him.

The sounds of the machines were all he could hear. The ventilator inhaling and exhaling the beeping of the other machines a macabre symphony to his ears. His heart willing her to fight, his soul crying for her to hear, his body fighting to control the urge to end his own life if she did not survive.

He should have been the one in the bed, she shouldn't have comeback he was not worth the trouble or effort. But she had and she had paid the price.

He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall. They had left him alone with her. Janet said they had done all they could and now they would just have to wait and pray.

Jack snorted, what god would let something happen to such a loving caring person with a soul so pure that it shined as bright as her smile. But he did he. He could not lose her it wasn't fair he promised himself he would say something and now it might be too late.

He had refused to leave afraid if he was gone more then a minute she would wake or worse be gone. He couldn't risk it he had to be there for her.

He had carried her into the infirmary and after much prodding had finally put her down on a gurney. He cringed on the inside remembering how she had moaned his name and had said she hurt and then apologized for being a burden. Before he spoke she had gave him one last smile and slipped into unconsciousness.

Burden, he was the burden never letting her know how he felt letting her live another day with out him telling her that his world revolved around her. That he was nothing without her and if she left....

Janet ordered him to shower and change but he would not budge. She said that she would be operating on Sam and if he went to shower he could stay in the observation room while they operated. He looked at her and nodded and ran out of the room to shower and change and was back just in time to see her being wheeled out the infirmary and into the OR. Hey asked for a minute and whispered something for her ears only. He waited knowing there would be no response.

Teal'c and Daniel took there places the vigil always the same the players interchanging when it was one or the other going under the knife. They waited Daniel tried to comfort Jack but knew there were no words to convey the feelings he was having to deal with. One thing he did know if Sam did not survive then neither would Jack. Blaming himself for her death as he had for his son Charlie.

The surgery was over and they were given the news. this is where he sat next to her bandaged hand in his and waiting. Willing her to live hoping to see her open her eyes so he could scold her and tell her that to never do that again that her life was worth more then his.

That he was sorry for all the times he had left her behind when she needed a friend and he had not asked if she was all right knowing he would cave in and admit something that was bigger then both of them.

He closed his eyes and whispered one word.

Please.

His tears flowed after that silently as the night turned to day. He let his exhaustion take over.

He woke with a start and grasped her hand and heard a low groan.

He opened his eyes and looked at her staring at him. His lips tried not to quiver but it was to late she had seen him lose his mask and he could see the concern in her face. She wanted to speak but the tube in her mouth was not letting her.

He got up and tried to get help but she held on.

He looked down at her brought her hand to his cheek and then to his lips he came close to her ear and whispered what he had waited to say for so long.

I Love You.

He kissed her cheek and looked in her eyes and he could have sworn he saw a tear fall.

Janet came in just after that and checked her vitals. She asked Jack to leave but Sam nodded no.

Janet agreed and removed the tube. She needed to get something from her office. Before she walked away she gave Jack a cup of ice chips and instructed him to give them to Sam. He nodded and proceeded to do so.

Jack hadn't looked at Sam since his confession. He was about to put an ice chip in her mouth when she grabbed his hand and pulled him close.

She rasped in his ear, "Love you more and always will".

No other words were need now that the most important ones were finally said.