Bridget Jones's Diary: The Prospect of Fate

Friday 2 January

130 lbs. (alert! alert!), boyfriends 1 (record second year in a row! despite break-up in the middle, but will ignore), shags 2 (purrrr), calories 4150 (but left-over holiday celebration), cigarettes 2 (v.g.), alcohol units countless (cannot remember due to festivities), chance of being Bridget Darcy extremely high (in own opinion)

Food consumed:

Entire box of chocolate truffles (courtesy of Mark Darcy, must consume to show appreciation or else Mark Darcy might be quite offended and think do not appreciate. Besides, was quite delicious.)

12 cold new potatoes

Bottle of champagne in which Mark brought over and consumed together in spirit of post-Christmas happiness and leading to fantastic---a bit drunken---shag

Lump of cheese found in fridge in middle of the night while up for some water

2 Pizzas

2 p.m. Absolutely delightful holiday well spent with Mark Darcy and his Newcastle boxers. Had the misfortune to attend annual Turkey Curry Buffet last night in which Uncle Geoffrey had a new question to ask, "So, when are you two going to tie the knot?" Mark happened to be helping himself to some curry and I just casually shrugged and tried to laugh as if thinking whole idea never popped into head, "Oh, I don't know."

"Better do it soon, you're nearly upon death age in prehistoric times," Una interrupted.

Gee. Thanks. Now I feel like the walking dead, coming back to haunt everyone gathered for Turkey Curry. It's like Cathy blinding falling on Heathcliff's roof and muttering his name.

Fortunately, Mark and I left early with excuse of snow storm picking up and drove back to my flat, had some pizza, champagne and shagged all night in the warmth while outside was blizzard like the Ice Age.

Can hear Mark Darcy shaving in the bathroom with portable, electric razor. Hmm…just remembered self had no shaved in quite some time due to winter and wearing pants. Gaah! Gaah! Looked at legs and found them to be quite hairy and mammoth looking. Surely legs could not have been preparing for new Ice Age? Only fear in mind is that Mark Darcy, who might make me the future Mrs. Bridget Darcy saw mammoth hair legs which is why he must be shaving as it reminded him of the task and also is very quite and not speaking as probably disgusted with the amount of hair.

Quickly wrapped blanket around legs and hopped into the bathroom.

"So you're awake, darling." He smiled.

Ah, he is acting normal! Perhaps did not see legs after all and thought that he felt his own hairy legs in the middle of the night although would be very weird as feeling hairy legs but not feeling ones own. Or sort of. Anyway.

Hopping along to edge of bathtub to find razor and shaving gel.

"Bridget," said Mark pausing in the middle of his shave. "Why do you have a blanket wrapped around your self?"

"I need to shave and I don't want you to see." I said with as much normalness and dignity as possible.

"Well, wouldn't you have to remove the blanket in order to shave?" He gave an amused smile.

Humph.

Did finally drop blanket (although part of it fell in toilet and will have to super wash blanket now) and surprisingly, Mark did not fall order in state of shock. In fact, he finished his shave and headed to the kitchen. Hmm. Is he falling into the state of "grantedness" in which he has now begun to take me for granted and is not noticing things about me?

Hmm.

6 p.m. Mum called, "Hello, darling guess what?"

"What?" I asked.

"Don't say what darling, say 'pardon'. It is much more polite, Bridget," she replied. "Anyway, Una and I have massive amounts of leftover Turkey Curry because we thought we only prepared 2 turkeys but it turned out that we prepared 4 as when we put the first two turkeys in the oven, we thought we didn't have any and went to the store and got two more!" she laughed at herself and continued, "Anyway, I will just pop over and drop off some turkey curry, wouldn't you like that?"

"Uh…well, I have a lot of food already…"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous Bridget, I know that you can't cook. Anyway, see you in a bit!"

Ugh. Mum has this cunning way to ask you if something is okay and then lead you to agree without you actually saying so. Told Mark that Mum is coming over with Turkey Curry because I cannot cook and he just laughed and said that would be fine. Tried to clean up flat but the more I tried to put things away, the more trouble I had in deciding where to put things and ended up having a disordered mess of things in different places.

Decided in midst of it all to calm self by making list of New Year's Resolutions:

-Lose 10 pounds

-Drink no more than 2 alcohol units a day.

-Exercise at least twice a week.

-Make sure flat stays clean and also since hole in wall is now fixed to never pay up front in cash for any big service again.

-Will not be late to work

-Be well read in novels such as…er…well, will ask Mark about it later.

-Be lovely girlfriend to Mark Darcy

-Will be more calm and graceful and will not embarrass self with situations such as having hole in front of dress or flooding the apartment when locked self out and bath was running.

-Organize closet

-Learn to cook descent meal

Mark was reading over my shoulder. "Be lovely girlfriend to Mark Darcy," he read outloud, obviously quite pleased that he was on list. "Hmm, better started my own resolutions. Let's see: 1) love Bridget Jones 2) will not suffer from miscommunication with Bridget Jones again 3) will ask Bridget whether or not she can ski before surprising her with trip 4) kiss Bridget Jones…" he then tilted me back like they do in the movies sometimes and snogged me until I thought I couldn't breathe. Wow. Was going to grab him into another promising shag when doorbell ran.

Mum was here to deliver Turkey Curry.