I do not own Gundam Seed.

Vignette One:

Day of Sorrows

Weddings are supposed to be joyful events. But he looks like he wants to cry…

That same thought ran through Miriallia's head over and over every time she glanced from Kira sitting next to her to the solemn, beautiful couple standing together at the front of the church. She wasn't one hundred percent sure of the circumstances that had led to this day, Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne's wedding day, but deep in her heart she felt that very little, if any, good would come of it.

They had been veterans for three years. And Lacus had been Kira's girlfriend for two and a quarter of those years. Then came the announcement that their relationship was over and she would be marrying her original fiancé. It had severely jarred the relationship between the three; or four if you counted Cagalli.

Miriallia knew that it was really Cagalli's duty to be sitting in her spot. Whatever extent of heartbreak Kira felt, his sister was the one most capable of helping him deal with it. But no. Cagalli was not like Kira. She could be a bitter, angry woman, and now that anger and bitterness was all directed at Athrun. When Kira's heart broke, he retreated to the depths of his soul. When Cagalli's broke, she exploded in a rage of hateful words and violent actions towards her ex-boyfriend. She gave him no chance to explain his reasoning; indeed, she had only heard about the wedding from Miriallia herself, who had explained how badly that Kira was going to need her.

But no.

Cagalli Ula Atha did not forgive.

Cagalli Ula Atha did not forget.

And there was no way in hell she would come within a thousand miles of Athrun and Lacus's wedding.

Silently, the red haired woman reached out for Kira's hand. He gripped it tightly and exhaled shakily. Miriallia frowned. There was alcohol on his breath. Not a lot, but she could still smell the sweet-sour odor. Her heart went out to him. In the past six months he'd started drinking as an escape from the pain. Usually he would sober up for her one or two monthly visits (just to keep an eye on him) but she knew about the vodka and the whisky and the tequila that went in and out of his apartment in the middle of the night.

Turning her face back to the front, she had to admit she was in awe of the bride. Lacus had always been beautiful, and today she was exceptionally gorgeous. Her soft rose-colored hair fell free in waves down her back, and almost seemed to melt into the long white train of her dress. She was smiling. But it was an empty smile.

Kira knew about the emptiness. That was why he couldn't hate her for doing this.

"What do you mean, it needs to end?"

"Kira…I've…I've been speaking to Athrun lately…"

"About what?"

"…About our fathers' wishes."

"That you should have gotten married?"

"…"

"Lacus?"

"Kira, it wasn't just a political arrangement. You know about the difficulties in Coordinator pregnancies, right?"

"Yes…"

"Well, Athrun and I had been matched even before we were born because our fathers knew that the risks losing any children we might have would be greatly lessened. That was the other reason we were betrothed."

"So what's your point?"

"Kira…I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago."

"What?!?!?!"
Tears filled her eyes. "I didn't tell you because I was worried about it. About whether the child would live. And…Kira…"

He just looked at her.

"I…I miscarried…"

He still remained silent.

Her tears spilled forth. "Kira I'm so sorry. But…I can't risk it again…"

"Lacus it's not your fault," he whispered, reaching out to her. She threw herself into his arms and clung to him. His shoulder quickly became soaked with her tears.

He petted her hair and looked at her. "It's…I'm sorry. If I had known…"

"I didn't want to hurt you Kira."

"I know. But Lacus…nothing you could do could hurt as much as throwing away everything we have together! It was one time, an accident—"

"Kira…"

"We'll try again Lacus and—"

"No Kira! No…" she whispered, looking up at him. "Kira…it wasn't the first time. Every time I've hidden from you."

"Still…" he held her tightly. "Lacus, you are…everything to me. I love you so much. And we can get through this if we try. I know we both want a family. And we will, Lacus. We could, adopt, or—"

"It wouldn't make a difference, Kira. We could love another child, make it ours, but…it wouldn't make this go away. This will never go away."

She let go of him and stood up.

"So that's it then. These past couple of years…"

"—Were the best I have ever had," she smiled sadly. "Kira…I think if I stay with you, I'm going against the will of God."

"No, you're going against the will of your father."

"Well then my father was right in this case!" she cried out. Her eyes locked with his, and time seemed to stop for a few moments. And then, she turned and walked out the apartment door.

She never came back.

Lacus was not marrying Athrun for love. She was marrying him in hopes of regaining some sense of dignity, self-respect, confidence. And Kira, for all that he loved her, just could not do that. He should have hated her for doing this, for being so selfish, so thoughtless as to his feelings. And yet, he couldn't help but think back to when he first met her, and how perfect she seemed. It was not until he saw her flaws, her defects that he fell in love with her. How ironic that those same flaws were the ones that would betray him and leave him a broken young man in an empty apartment with only liquor bottles and periodic visits from his remaining friend to keep him sane?

Suddenly, he felt Miriallia's grip on his hand tighten and tug him upwards. He blinked and stood, staring emotionlessly at the front of the church. In the past moments that he had relived the day his life had ended, Lacus and Athrun had married.

I wonder where he's gone?

Miriallia sat alone at her table at the edge of the dance floor. The banquet had gone smoothly (awkwardly smoothly), and had easily progressed into dancing and drinking and congratulations to the bride and groom. Taking another absentminded drink at her Manhattan, she scanned the ballroom for Kira, but to no avail. She sighed; she knew exactly where he was. At the open bar, probably halfway to passing out.

Finishing her drink, she stood up and was about to head for the door when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Care to dance?"

She turned and locked eyes with Dearka Elthman. His eyes sparkled and slowly trailed down her green satin clad body, and stopped just below her neck. Her eyes narrowed.

"I was wondering if I would run into you here," she said warily.

He smiled, charming as ever. "Been a while, huh Miri?"

"Don't call me that."

"All right. Dance with me and I won't," Dearka answered.

"Fine," she muttered, letting him take her hand and lead her out to the dance floor.

She had ended the relationship with the coordinator about a year and a half ago, when she realized he had been cheating on her with a writer from a local newspaper. It had not been a smooth breakup, and had gone complete with name-calling, phone threats, and the burning of all of his clothes. By the end of it, she had wondered what it was that attracted her to him in the first place.

But as they danced now, she started to remember. His charm was a big part of it; you couldn't help but like him and his confident smile. He was funny too, never ceasing to make her laugh when she was depressed. And the sex had been good. However, she couldn't help but wonder if she had only started dating Dearka to help her get over Tolle. After the war had ended, he had been there when Kira was with Lacus, when Cagalli was with Athrun, and she had been alone. She had to admit, if Tolle had been there she probably wouldn't have given the blond coordinator the time of day. But with no one left but him…

"You look good, Miriallia," he commented, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Oh…um, thanks. You too," she answered.

He smiled. "Where are you living these days?"

"Orb. I wanted to be near Kira and Cagalli. Actually, I've been doing office work for her for quite some time now," Miriallia replied.

"Nice. Got a boyfriend?"

"No. I date though," she answered, choosing her words carefully. The last thing she was going to tell him was that she hadn't had a steady boyfriend since their breakup. "What about you?"

"Not much. Travel a lot, do a little intelligence work here and there, living off vet's pension. Broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago, but I've got a date with this chick I met in a bar over the weekend," he answered.

"Ah…" she mused. The song was ending, "Well…"

"May I cut in?"

Athrun Zala appeared at Dearka's shoulder, smiling slightly at Miriallia.

"Yeah, sure," his friend answered, then looked back at her. "It was real nice seeing you again Miri…Miriallia."

"Same to you, Dearka," she replied.

"You're a bad liar," he smirked, then kissed her cheek before allowing Athrun to take his place.

"Well…" Miriallia asked. "How does it feel to be married?"

"Ask me again in a week," he smiled, glancing at his new wife. His face suddenly fell. "Miriallia…I was hoping we could talk."

Her expression was puzzled. She didn't know Athrun very well. Oh she had double dated with him a few times when she was going with Dearka, and she knew him as Kira's friend and Cagalli's boyfriend. They were acquaintances though, not friends.

"I'm worried," he said, looking at her.

"About who?"

"Everyone," Athrun answered. "Kira…Cagalli…Lacus…myself…"

"Athrun it's probably just nerves. This morning you woke up a single man, and tonight you're going to bed married," she rationalized.

He paused and studied her closely. "Dearka was right. You are a bad liar."

"What? Why?"

"Tell me the truth, Miriallia," Athrun asked seriously. "Do you hate me? For what I did to Kira and Cagalli?"

"Athrun…I…" she sighed. "I can't judge you, Athrun. I can't hate you for hurting them. Because if I was…"

"What?" he pressed.

She paused. "I'm thinking back to something Cagalli told me once when we were talking about the war. She told me about how her father had said that hatred doesn't solve anything. If I hated you for hurting them, you might hate me for hating you. And then someone else might hate you for hating me, and…well, you know how it goes. It's a vicious cycle."

"I suppose…"

"And…Athrun," she looked into his deep aqua eyes. "I know you're not trying to hurt anyone by doing this. So why did you marry her?"

"Honor, mostly," he answered. "It was my father's wish. And…she needs me, Miriallia."

"What about Cagalli?"
"I love her. I will love her more than anything else until the day I die. And I know that she used to love me too," Athrun explained. "But…she doesn't need me. She doesn't need anyone." He sighed. "She's so strong, Cagalli. The strongest person I've ever known. You agree?"

She nodded.

"I know you think I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. But maybe…maybe I was. Maybe I wanted to hurt her for not needing me. I've always been a little jealous of her for how she can keep so much pride and dignity even when she acts like a spoiled child. So maybe I wanted to take away some of that pride and dignity," he murmured.

"Athrun…"

He looked back at her. "I know we haven't been very close in the past, Miriallia. But I need you to promise something. Take care of them. Kira and Cagalli. You're so good at taking care of people who need you. So be there for them when the do. Can you promise me that?"
"I…of course," she answered. "And I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Don't let Cagalli die hating you. She doesn't deserve that. Even if you can't make her love you again, don't let her hate you forever, Athrun."

"I won't. I promise," he answered.

As the song ended, she stepped away from him. "I'm going to go find Kira," Miriallia said. "I hope things go well for you, Athrun. It'll probably be a while before we see each other again."

He nodded. "Thank you, Miriallia. Good luck."

"Thank you."

It looks cold outside…

Kira stared out the window blankly. His mind was sodden with whiskey, his heart broken, and his soul lost somewhere out in the frozen night. It had left him the day that Lacus left him, and it too had never come back.

He had started to die then. All he had to do now was finish the job. Opening his suitcase, he pulled out the small handgun and a package of bullets.

There was a knock on the door. "Kira?"

It was unlocked. Miriallia opened it and gasped. "Kira no!"

The gun still pressed against his temple, he turned to face her. "Mir…"

"Kira…" she took a wary step forward. "Kira put the gun down."

"I can't, Mir," he whispered. Tears started to fall down his face. "I'm sorry."

"Kira, put it down, for God's sake. Think about what you're doing!" Miriallia cried. "Please, don't…"

"I'm sorry Mir," he cried. "But I can't…I can't watch her…"

"Kira…" she murmured, still walking closer to him.

"Mir…oh God Mir…"

The gun thudded to the floor as he passed out. Luckily, she caught him in her arms as he fell forward. Carefully, she laid him on the bed, then picked up the gun, emptied it, and put both in her purse. Then she sat down on the bed and pressed a wet washcloth against his forehead in attempts to revive him.

About five minutes later, he opened his bloodshot purple eyes and looked up into her sapphire blue ones.

"Mir…?" he asked softly, his voice still slurred. He sat up quickly and gagged, but swallowed hard and tried not to sway so much.

"Kira, you're drunk," she stated gently.

He said nothing, but turned and embraced her tightly, hooking his chin over her shoulder. "I'm sorry…so sorry…Mir. I…I just…"

Standing suddenly, he made a staggered dash into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. The sound of vomiting issued forth. Unsure of what to do, Miriallia stood by the door, trying not to retch herself from the sounds of his efforts. Fifteen or twenty minutes passed, and then she heard the shower turn on. At first, she was terrified that he would try to drown himself. She had enough time to hide her purse in the wall vault and put the key in her shoe. Not wanting to leave him alone in order to go change, she sat on the bed and continued to wait. Finally, the shower shut off and he emerged, wearing a white baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. He looked a little more sober, but no less heartbroken and grief-stricken than he had been when she walked in.

"Kira, are you…feeling better?" she asked softly.

He nodded, then sat down next to her. "I'm…sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Shh…" she whispered, then put her arms around him and rubbed his back as though he were a child that had come to her in the night, frightened by a terrible dream. He took a few shuddery breaths (he must have brushed his teeth; the smell of alcohol was mostly gone now) and rested his head on her shoulder.

"How did this happen to me, Mir?" he asked. "How did I become like this?"

"It's not your fault, Kira," she answered softly.

"Then whose? Hers?" Kira wondered.

"It wasn't anybody's fault," Miriallia replied. "Or…if it was, it was mine."

"How?"

"Because…I wasn't there for you, Kira. I should've been. You were there for me when Tolle died, and…I think that kept me okay. But you…"

He smiled weakly. "You never change, Mir," he whispered. "It's okay. You don't have to protect me. I should be able to look after myself, right?"

"But not alone, Kira. Nobody should have to be alone," she said.

Kira looked at her, then reached out and put his hand against her cheek. "You're my best friend, Miriallia."

"Huh? Kira…"

"Thank you for stopping me tonight," he whispered, then pulled her face closer. "Do you believe in kindred spirits?"

"I…I don't know…Kira, what are you trying to say?" she asked. There was a strange look in his eyes. What had once been empty and content to be swallowed by the depths of the abyss now saw a lifeline, and was reaching for it with all the might it could muster.

"We've been betrayed, Mir," he continued, his voice heavy. "We've lost people we have loved. Tolle died, Dearka left you…and Lacus…"

"Kira, don't think about it," she pleaded, afraid he was teetering on the edge again.

"No. I won't. Never again."

He kissed her hard, a hand on each side of her head. She did nothing at first, still shocked at the sudden turn of events, but then regained her senses. And for some reason, she kissed him back with just as much force. But it was out of fear that wrapped her arms around him tighter. Fear that if she let him go, she would lose him forever. It was as he said. She was his best friend, the only one left that had not betrayed him. And she wouldn't. She couldn't cause him any more pain than he had suffered today.

His mouth moved and left a trail of kisses down her bare shoulders. When he reached the thin strap of her dress he shoved it down and continued, his hands reaching behind to the zipper and pulling it downwards. Numbed by the combination of her emotions and the pleasure he was giving her, Miriallia could do nothing as he pushed her down onto the bed and pulled the dress down to her waist. A hand that had formerly laid against her cheek slid down to cup her breast.

"You're beautiful, Miriallia," he whispered, his face inches above her own.

"Kira…" she murmured, reaching up for him. He held her hand and nibbled each of her fingertips before placing her arm over her head and lowering his mouth to her breast.

She wanted him to love her. Really love her, when he was sober and not haunted by events of the day and confused by the effects of the alcohol. And not just love her body, but love her like he'd loved Lacus. With his heart and mind and soul. And she wanted to cry when she knew how it could never be. If she had not destroyed him in the way that she had, maybe he could have. He could have eventually loved her. But tonight he was only searching for some relief through her. Miriallia had taken away the gun and the alcohol and left only herself as a way to escape. Had she done it on purpose? Maybe.

She thought back to what Athrun had said. Cagalli hadn't needed him, but Lacus did. Lacus hadn't needed Kira though. And now Kira needed her. Anger raged within her when she thought on it. How could Lacus have worn that mask of purity and innocence so long? How couldn't they have seen her narcissism and shallowness behind the kindness and self-sacrificing façade?

Kira fell asleep with his head against Miriallia's breast, his arms locked around her waist. Tenderly, she brushed the damp hair from out of his face and marveled at how childlike he looked. He seemed innocent and pure, and there was an aura of peace surrounding him.

Laying her head back against the pillow, she gently stroked the side of his face. She had made a promise to Athrun. She would keep it.

"I will take care of you Kira. I will always be here as long as you need me. I swear it," she whispered.

She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Vignette 1:

Fine