Authors Note: The reason I didn't update sooner is because…I wrote this chapter, and after reading it, it just wasn't very funny. So I had to go back and change some things.
"Alright, play time is over. Down to business. It's obvious that Batman isn't going to meet our demands, we need to kill the kid as a distraction and rush out of here." Two-Face said looking at the monitors with anger.
"K-kill me? No way, I'm not gonna lay down and let you freaks murder me!" The teenager said standing up.
"Shut up Timmy and die like you were created to." Scarecrow hissed looking for something blunt and heavy.
"My name ain't Timmy, it's Joey."
"Timmy, Joey, you both die the same way." Scarecrow carelessly remarked finding a box of tools. "You think a hammer will do it; or a screwdriver?
"I say use both, but let me flip on it." Two-Face replied.
"You're not going to kill me without a fight, you half-crap-faced, gutless, idiot!" Joey screamed balling both his fists. "And I can take you any time you anorexic, four-eyed freak!"
Crane and Dent looked at each other as Joey put up his dukes and got into a fighting position. Dent scowled and moodily put his coin away.
"Just kill him with both." Dent said swiveling his chair towards the monitors, leaving his back exposed to the teen. "And make it slow."
"Fascinating, he has turned his fear into motivation." Crane said playing with the hammer and screwdriver thoughtfully.
"Get away from me man. This hands are like jack-hammers." Joey whimpered shaking his fists.
"Subject shows extreme reliance on intimidation." Crane said with a ghastly smirk.
"I'm warning you, not a step closer." Joey wailed backing into the corner.
"Lets see…I'd say three stabs and four swings would do nicely…"Scarecrow mused.
Before Joey could even have a chance to defend himself, the whole room went pitch black and the humming of the computers silenced.
"What the happened?" Scarecrow growled.
"They turned off the power." Two-Face shouted.
"What? How? What does that mean?"
"It means every man for himself Crane. Now get out of my way." Dent shouted.
"OW!" Joey screamed as Two-Face trodded on his leg and out the door.
"Looks like it's just you and me Timmy." Scarecrow scowled. "No concept of loyalty…"
"Double-cross me, will he? Lock me up in an office, will he?" The Riddler seethed, ribbing the back of his head. There was a large bump that stung as he put his hand over it. "I'll return this lump several times over to that stupid, psychotic clown!"
The lights flickered in the crammed, wooden office and soon the Riddler was swinging his arms around like a blind man trying to find the door.
"You'd think they'd have enough glass in the aquarium to put windows in their office!"
The Riddler grabbed around trying to find a handle in front of the wall he was hitting. He knocked his hand against something, heard a click and crackle, and he felt a sharp pain.
"Bullets-ahhhh- fireing at me- bullets-" Nygma freaked, covering his hand in the momentary madness. He felt a smooth metal on his hand and laughed.
"No. Not bullets. A stapler." Nygma said embarrassed as he picked out the staple and grabbed the instrument. He tried again with his other hand and found the doorknob. "A-ha! Eureka!"
Of course it was locked. Biting his tongue, he kicked the door hard, praising Arkham that he used his hour of recess jogging.
"Try- nggg- and keep- urghh- me in here- rrrrg- will you?" Nygma growled between kicks. It took two more macho-powered kicks to break the lock, but the door swung open, finally.
"Riddle me this…" Riddler puffed catching his breath and grimacing at the broken door, "how does the Batman make it look so easy?"
"Woah, everything's dark." Robin exclaimed at the sudden loss of light.
"I had Oracle shut off the control room power and the lights. Knowing Crane and Dent, they're probably at each others throats." Batman said putting on his night-vision.
"Why would you think that?" Robin said following the same suit.
"We're talking about criminal geniuses here. They're picky planners. None of them except Joker can come up with anything that they would credit to their criminal genius within a day's time. Their sudden outing was an opportunity; they probably came up with sketchy plans at best. The loss of light is to our advantage." Batman mused.
" Yeah, well, these shockers are to our advantage too. Check this out. 'Lexcorp' is on the bottom of these things." Robin said handing a shocker to Batman.
" Something tells me Arkham can't afford this type of machinery on their budget." Batman said putting it into his belt. "Is the Joker secure?"
"Mentally? No. Physically?" Tim replied smiling, " It'll take him a while to Houdini himself out of seven rolls of duct-tape."
"Alright then, leave him here in the dining area. And keep a look out for Two-Face and Scarecrow." Batman said.
"Roger!" Tim smirked clicking his boots and saluting the Dark Knight as they parted ways.
Despite the darkness, the eerie glowing of the tanks lit the way for Two-Face. Dent could only find batons in the security lockers, but it wasn't enough to fend off Batman or his little crow, and he knew that. He needed to find a gun. Fast.
The lit hallways never seemed to end, until he came across a clearing that was considerably brighter then the rest of the building, the lunch area.
"Hey there, ho there!"
Two-Face turned all his attention to the voice that called him. He relaxed as he came upon a ridiculously duct-taped Joker who was wiping his bloody nose on his bound shoulder.
"Something you want?" Dent asked raising his eyebrows a bit.
" Spare a clown some pants? Batman took mine." The Joker explained. "He must have a really odd collection in that hideout of his."
"I don't care about your pants. I'm busy." Two-Face snapped. He turned and walked towards the dead S.W.A.T body bleeding all over the counter.
"Looking for something useful?" The Joker piped up.
Two-Face held up two knives and nodded.
"Good for you, now I'd really appreciate it if you snipped me out of this plastic sleeping bag." Joker said.
"How could I refuse the help of a half-naked, beat-up, bloody-nosed, insane clown?" Dent sarcastically commented.
"Oh, go on." The Joker replied coyly, batting his eyelashes.
"You're crazy if you think I'm going to risk my neck for you." Dent scowled turning his back.
"You know, I never figured you for a loner Two-Face." Joker slyly chided.
"Loner?" Dent spoke slightly drifting into thought.
"All by yourself. One of you. No partner. Ohhhhh onnnneeee, is the loneliest number!" Joker sang with a big, insane grin.
"This is a bad idea." Two-Face said to himself. "I'll have to flip on it."
"Common pal, don't you want to be a duo? After all, Batman has his little flying bud. Why not EVEN the score?"
"I said we let the coin decide!" Harvey yelled frustrated. He dug his hand deep into his pockets and closed his fist around a scratched silver dollar. "Heads, I take you with me, tails, I leave you here for the Bat to deal with."
Harvey tossed the coin in the air, and smiled wickedly as it landed in the palm of his hand.
"Tell Bats I said 'bye'."
"But what if it landed on its edge? You would have taken me with you to see Butt-man, wouldn't you? You two are in cahoots! I knew I couldn't trust you! You were trying to manipulate me the whole time! I demand you let me out of this and fight you in a fair fight- half-man-half-troll to clown!" The Joker snarled.
" Sorry Bozo. You lose. And I don't duel with losers. It's been a long day, so I think I'll go home. Maybe I'll give my girlfriend Montoya a call. Taa taa." Harvey smirked with a little wave.
"Doesn't she call you 'Phone Freak' and take away all your phone privileges?" Joker asked.
"Why does everyone keep bringing that up?" Dent scowled.
"Stop right there Two-Face!"
"Hooray! Here comes the canary!" Joker cheered as Robin swooped down from a beam.
"I figured at least one of you would pass by this place." Robin said triumphantly.
" Birds of a feather, stick together, that's what I always say." Joker added.
"Will you shut up you stupid clown, I'm trying to think." Two-Face snapped hiding the knives behind his back.
"Oh, you mean you didn't have to flip your coin to decide that?" The Joker teased maliciously.
"Turn yourself in Two-Face and everything will go a lot better for you." Robin said pulling out his staff cautiously.
"Better for me? You think taking me back to that sad excuse of a mad house is better than what I have in mind?" Two-Face smirked.
The Joker giggled sadistically causing Tim's attention to split as he focused on the clown. This was the distraction that Harvey was looking for as he lunged at Robin.
Quicker than you can say "Thank you Batman for the Akudio lessons", Robin sidestepped Harvey causing him to trip and land on…his knives.
"That's what you get for being a prick!" Joker shouted as Harvey assessed the damage. A knife had only landed on his shoulder and thigh.
"AHHH- I need medical attention!" Harvey shouted.
"What a wuss." Joker said rolling his eyes.
"Well Joey, it's been fun but I've got fish to fry…" Crane laughed to himself imagining the irony. "Say, that was pretty good. Fish to fry. And we're at an aquarium. Ha ha. Few more like that and I could be the new Joker." Crane kicked Joey's body on the floor carefully. "Why aren't you laughing? Oh yeah. I killed you a half hour ago. My apologies. CURSES! If only I had thought of that joke sooner. Curse the cruel hand of fate!"
"I heard it, and I don't think it was that funny." Batman said stalking in the shadows behind the doorway.
"Batman! Oh and here I was worried you'd never pay attention to little old me- with Two-Face, Riddler, and that god-awful clown running around." Scarecrow said very pleased. "Do come into the light, you don't have to be dramatic, I haven't got my proper attire on yet."
"Your attire is just fine for where you're going, and you'll pay extra for the life you took." Batman growled jumping at Crane.
"Then allow me to put down a down payment!" Crane shouted as he threw oil in Batman's face.
Batman staggered, coughing and quickly wiping the oil away as a hammer hit the back of his neck.
"You know Batman, I believe I've done rather well for myself- only having one day to plan your demise."
"Pride goes before the fall." Batman grunted as he swept Crane's feet from under him.
"I surrender…" Crane groaned after a couple of convincing punches.
"Easy." Batman replied putting his handcuffs on him.
"What? Easy? As in, "easier than the Riddler?" Was I really that easy?" Crane said worried.
"Since when did you care?" Batman said hoisting him up.
"Since I had a reputation in Arkham! Come on, on a scale of one to ten, I'm at least an eight, right? Right?"
"Hold your fire- they're coming out. Looks like Robin has one of them." Gordon said to his team as Harvey was dragged out.
"Hey Montoya, your boyfriend's waving." Bullock said with a smirk.
"What are you- oh god." Montoya moaned.
"Montoya- you changed your phone number without telling me- but don't worry, I have it written down somewhere!" Harvey shouted over the sirens.
"Coffee?" Montoya offered turning her back on the scene. "Anyone want coffee? Commissioner? I'm going out for coffee."
"We already have coffee, remember?" Gordon responded. "Larce got it five minutes ago."
"Montoya, don't worry, they're not serious wounds!" Two-Face screamed as he was wheeled into a swat car.
" Yeah don't worry Montoya." Bullock said nudging her arm.
"I'm not worried Harvey!" Montoya growled. "I need to change my phone number again."
" All this trouble, and now you'll never get another day out of Arkham. Was it worth it?" Batman said as the Joker grinned at him.
"I had my laughs, but the last laugh is on you Batsy." The Joker said with mocking eyes.
"What do you mean?" Batman scowled.
"Knock knock. Who's there? No one. How's that for a riddle?" Joker giggled. " For all Nigma's boring quirks and geekiness, you sure underestimate him. While you were playing Lord of the Dance in your tights, I had the honor of bidding farewell to our favorite enigma."
"Wheeeeere is he?" Batman said grabbing Joker by the colar and lifting him and the chair off the floor.
"Jeez bats, I said good-bye. I didn't exchange area codes with him. Besides, I think he left you one of his little clues."
Batman dropped the Joker, making the chair fall on it's side. He walked around, leaving the Joker's sadistic laugh echoing around him. Batman stopped, feeling sick at the scene that lay before him.
Fish were stapled in a question mark and a little note was on the floor.
Riddle me this Batman,
What is Edward Nigma at an aquarium?
Answer: As slippery as a fish!
Ta ta, and thanks for the taco's!
E. Nigma
"What does it mean?" Gordon asked looking at the note.
"It means he's gone. We won't find him- at least, not today." Batman said.
"I'm sorry you were dragged into this. Arkham has got a lot to answer for. And that kid dying; the whole thing is rotten."
"Maybe more than we thought." Batman said handing Gordon an electroshock.
"What's this?"
"Flip it over."
"Lexcorp?"
"Somehow I don't think Lex Luther donates expensive equipment to mental institutes for tax deductions."
"What makes you say that?"
"I would know," Bruce thought. "I'm always donating for a better security system at Arkham."
"It's just not in his interests." Batman replied. " I would suggest asking Arkham how he got it. Meanwhile, I've got a criminal to catch."
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- dum dum dum daa daa daa - DAAAA Daaa daaa daaa – DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA dum dum dum DAAAAAA DAAA DAAAA dum dum dum- Ha ha, just kidding.
The End.
Authors Note: Oh man, is there anyone still reading this fiction? I love this story. I love Batman. I love the fact that the Riddler, who everyone underestimated, is the one that gets out fancy-free.
School is out. It must be so frustrating to know that some little peon like me is writing this story you love and I'm wasting my time serving food in some crappy restaurant. I'd rather be writing, trust me.