A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading, I hope you enjoy the last part! Thanks to carrielynn and carmensandiego and anyone else who looked at this for me

Part 10

hey love
that's the name we've long held back
from the core of truth
-Vienna Teng, Gravity

Lorelai got out at Luke's, her hands shaking as she waved to Rory. Luke was waiting for her on the steps and they were both quiet as he unlocked the door.

"I can't believe you got that book for Rory," Lorelai shook her head.

"It's no big deal," Luke shrugged it off again.

"Yes, it is. You know both of us so well. You've always been there and I—I can't tell you how much it hurts now that you're not."

"I tried Lorelai," he breathed. "When Rachel left, she told me my heart wasn't in it. I don't think I have any doubts about where it was this time."

"Luke, I—I'm still me. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry if I didn't live up to your expectations."

"I don't think you gave the situation a fair chance," Luke replied in that annoying, not quite condescending way he had.

"So you'd just give up? It hurts that you don't have a little bit more faith in me than that."

"That's what you seemed to be doing! What the hell was I supposed to do? Just sit there and let it all happen? That hurt me even more-" Luke spit out angrily, but was cut off by her.

"Than just leaving town?" Lorelai's hurt was plain. "Yeah, you didn't seem to have a problem with that!"

Luke just stared at her for a moment. He looked tired, or maybe it was the way the shadows played across his face, Lorelai wasn't sure. "What do you want me to say? That I wasn't there for you?"

"No, you were." Lorelai paused to think, but before she knew it, the words came tumbling out. "I just thought that you would know I was a screw up. You know me so well. And I thought you could handle it, somehow pull me back, but I did it again."

"That's my point, Lorelai. I can't fix everything, as much as I'd like to," Luke replied sadly. She realized that the look he carried was not one of the weary, but of hurt. He was empty and lonely and she had made him that way.

"I can't remember regretting it worse than this," she breathed.

"But where does that leave me?" Luke mumbled.

Her voice cracked, she felt herself slipping away. She couldn't get through to him, to make him see how much she needed him. "I want you back. I want another chance. I want—I need this to work." There, she had said it.

"We've already tried, Lorelai. Why is it different now?"

"I—I don't know. Maybe it's not. Can't it just go back to the way it was, Luke?" Her lip quivered and as he hesitated, she looked down at her hands. She knew the answer.

"No. No, I'm sorry." Lorelai couldn't move. Even when Luke disappeared into the back, she sat there, crying silently on the stool. Finally her fingers managed to grope the strap of her purse and she made her way out the door. As the bell jingled over her head, she had the urge to rip it down so it wasn't always noting her countless trips to the diner. She'd put too much happiness into a place that, as of late, wasn't giving any back.

forgive me the confusion
forgive me as I realize my thoughts betrayed
you are the answer

-Vienna Teng
As she walked in the front door, her house gave off the sense of occupation, but Rory was nowhere to be found. Finally Lorelai, in her haze, spotted her daughter's note that she was at Lane's and if she needed anything, to call. Lorelai barely had the strength to fall into bed, much less wait up for her daughter and analyze her fight for Luke. The heaviness of her heart seemed to envelope her whole body, placing stress on the weak points and wearing it down towards sleep. Lorelai slept well until about 4:45 when she found herself wide awake, thinking about him again. Now was usually when he rolled out of bed and she watched him get dressed and disappear downstairs, a smile on her face. As she agonized over their argument, she heard the familiar ring of a cell phone. At first, she thought it was Rory's, but as she rolled out of bed she found it was hers, forgotten in her jacket pocket from the night before. It stopped just as it fell into her hand but the screen read "Luke." She rolled her eyes and headed downstairs.

"Oh my God!" She clutched her chest as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. Luke was sitting at the kitchen table. "How did you…"

"Rory let me in." She glanced towards Rory's closed door, but Luke shook his head. "She's not here. She came to the diner about 30 minutes ago, said she couldn't sleep."

"That makes two of us," Lorelai mumbled under her breath. Now that she was up, she realized it was too early. Her brain felt like it was dragging behind her body. "I need coffee," she rubbed her forehead. "What are you doing here, anyway?" Lorelai asked bitterly, starting a pot of coffee.

"Last night, I was—I don't know. No, I do. I was an ass," Luke looked at her for consensus, but she just shook her head and turned back to the coffee machine, which was now gurgling. "Lorelai, please sit down."

She exhaled, making sure Luke knew it was a chore for her to shuffle over to the chair across from him. Luke leaned towards her, his fingertips touching her hand, making a shiver travel up her spine. "I was thinking about what you said last night. And just, everything. I was thinking, maybe we could try this again. As friends-"

"Friends?" Lorelai cut him off. "We were friends for eight years, Luke. We're beyond that now. I can't be in this town if you just want to be friends. I'll miss you too much." She stood up, busying herself with the coffee. "I didn't say everything I wanted to say last night," she stared into her mug. "I've had so many men in my life. But you're the only man I want in my life. You were right, I was scared," her voice cracked slightly and she sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry I didn't realize—I was too busy, I'm always too busy. I feel like I'm running around, working myself to death, and for what? I don't have the thing I really want," she babbled, but made herself slow down. "And that's you; I want to stand still with you." Lorelai didn't realize she was crying until Luke slid his arms slowly around her and lifted a hand to her face to wipe away the tears.

"You didn't let me finish." He said with a wry smile. "I was going to say we could try being friends and then see how things went," he cupped her face with his hand and bent down to kiss her slowly. It was like life was being breathed back into Lorelai, she felt revived, fully awake now.

"Oh, okay," she whispered, a smile breaking across her tear streaked face. "That sounds good too."

Luke didn't fit in the boyfriend box. Lorelai had known this from the beginning, because this was Luke and even though the basics were the same, Luke wasn't just any other guy. He had seen her do the same with other guys and called her on it. He was good at that, Lorelai had noticed, always had been, back from the beginning. He was gruff and rude until she coaxed it out of him-he was upset about something she had done or was just upset. Then they would fight and be stubborn and make up. And even though they still argued now that they were together, Lorelai liked herself much better with Luke. She needed him to bring out all the things she liked about herself and he seemed to do so without any effort. Now that Lorelai really knew how to learn and change, it comes easily to her. She was convinced Luke was the only one who could make that possible. And she also knew it because she didn't feel suffocated. If she did, it was in the good way. The I-can't-breathe-when-he-looks-at-me way.

They slipped into their rhythm again—or maybe it was just the one they've always had from the beginning. This time they both relax, they deal with things a day at a time, unless they were planning ahead for the weekend. Lorelai just knew she wasn't worried about who was pulling more weight.

To them, trust is almost too thin. It's transparent, breakable. They have more than that. They have a foundation-something solid and resolute. And they have the horoscope to prove it.

fin