Whoot, okay, this has no angst, no death, no blood, and no gore. I was very proud. Actually, it's a lemon. You've been warned, no like, no read, and yuppers, it's yaoi. I hardly write anything else. Standard disclaimers apply; you know the drill . . . Enjoy!

All's Fair in Love and Hate

Bakura sat at the kitchen table, head in hands. He had been asked, or rather, forced, by Ryou to allow that baka no Pharaoh's hikari to sleep in his bed. His own hikari had assured him that the arrangement wouldn't last for more than a week, just until Yugi's grandfather came home from only the gods knew where.

But it wasn't the sleeping arrangements, or lack therefore of, that bothered the tomb robber. It wasn't even that Yugi was staying with them, Bakura could tolerate (i.e. ignore) the little pest for a week if he had to. It was who Yugi called out the moment he had walked through the doorway.

A deep, throaty chuckle from the living room made the tormented thief grind his teeth together with a growl. He wanted so badly just to collapse on the couch and sleep, but the couch was no longer his to collapse on. Well, he could always share it . . . no. Never would the great Bakura share anything, let alone with him.

After listening to the television show drone on for another few minutes, accompanied by the Pharaoh's laughter, the keeper of the Sennen Ring snapped. Shoving away from the table and stalking into the living room, he snatched the remote from his fellow spirit's hands, turning off the TV.

"Oi," Yami growled. "I was watching that, Tomb Robber."

"Not anymore," said tomb robber muttered, slipping the control into his pocket.

"Give it back, baka," he hissed.

"You wish." Was the smirking reply. "Go find somewhere else to crash, or do I need to find you a satin pillow first, you spoiled prick."

Yami glowered, then stood from the couch, brushing past the other to leave. Bakura turned so his back wasn't exposed to the pharaoh, sending him on his way with a "friendly" hand gesture. Suddenly spinning on his heel, Yami sprinted at the thief, bringing him to the floor in a flying tackle.

Bakura grunted as the breath was knocked from his lungs, unable in that instant to stop Yami from pinning his wrists above his head.

"Last time," Yami snarled. "Or I'll take it back."

The silver-haired youth smirked. "That's rich. A prissy pharaoh is trying to steal from the master thief." He snorted.

An eyebrow cocked over molten magma eyes. 'Master thief? Whatever.' A sudden thought struck Yami. He knew that he didn't stand a chance of getting the remote back if he was busy holding his adversary down. And said adversary was entirely focused on preventing such a control liberating operation. But if he was distracted . . . no. Wouldn't happen. He'd just get it back by killing Bakura with patience.

Releasing the tomb robber's wrists, Yami straightened, crossing his arms over his chest, still sitting on his foe. "I can wait here all night."

Bakura grinned wickedly from beneath him. "Does your show last all night?"

Yami grimaced, mentally preparing himself to revert to his original plan. "Fine." He leaned forward, making as if to lever himself up. Instead, he quickly crushed his mouth to Bakura's, his tongue inviting the other's to come and play. Yami's hand slid down the tomb robber's side, reaching into his pocket.

Bakura pulled away, grabbing Yami's wrist, tsking at him. Yami frowned and started to sit up, but Bakura grabbed his collar, pulling him back down. Expertly nipping in all the right places and brushing his fingers along Yami's thigh, Bakura took the pharaoh's attention from his failed attempt. Lacing his fingers through snow-white hair, Yami groaned, wanting more.

Pulling back and sitting up, Bakura cocked his head to the side as he considered the youth in front of him. "Still want to see that program?" he asked coyly.

Yami exhaled loudly, and ignoring the question, leaned forward. But one of Bakura's eyebrows lifted, and he held up his hand, stopping the eager pharaoh. "It was a yes or no question."

The red-eyed noble shook his head once, vehemently. "No."

Bakura smirked, showing off slightly pointed eyeteeth, stood up and stretched, looking down at the still-kneeling pharaoh. Reaching into his pocket, the sarcastic sneak thief drew out the remote and tossed it to the stunned King of Games. Turning his back on the surprised Yami, he touched his first two fingers to his temple in an ironic salute. "Goodnight then."

Yami gaped for a moment before finding his voice. "What? 'Kura, wait!"

Glancing over his shoulder, Bakura looked at him quizzically. ''Kura? Hmm. I like it more than I should.' "I said goodnight."

Scrambling to his feet again, Yami sent a smoldering look his way, placing the hand that still held the remote on his hip. Crooking a finger at the white-haired thief, he smiled seductively. "I'm not done with you yet."

Still not turning around, Bakura looked slyly at his former rival. "You want me? Then you'll have to catch me first," with that, Bakura sprinted up the stairs, Yami hard on his heels.

Bursting into the room he shared with Ryou, Bakura startled both the hikaris awake. Before either of the Lights could ask what was going on, the other Dark flew into the room, grabbing the first around the waist and pulled him close, running his tongue along the curve of the other's ear, pressing his hips against his willing captive.

Leaning his head back on Yami's shoulder, Bakura moaned as teeth nipped at his earlobe; making the tomb robber groaned in protest when the arousing ministrations stopped.

Yami had paused and was smirking over Bakura's shoulder at Yugi and Ryou, who were sitting up in their respective beds, eyes and mouth wide open as they stared at their yamis. "Aibou," Yami said quietly, tossing the remote to Yugi. "Why don't you and Ryou-san go watch some TV?"

The hikaris wisely agreed to the suggestion, slipping out of bed and going around their grinning Darks to the open door. Before the portal closed, Yugi could be heard whispering, "I thought they hated each other . . ." The door shut with a quiet click, and Yami reached behind himself and locked it, just to be sure there were no interruptions.

Without wasting another minute, he spun Bakura around to face him, pressing their bodies together. His lips descended on the tomb robber's, who happily complied. Their tongues fought for dominance, though neither truly cared who won, both as willing to be master as slave.

Bakura's hips rocked forward, forcing the pharaoh, to break the passionate kiss to gasp for breath. The thief's agile hands slid under Yami's shirt, caressing the warm, tanned skin of his stomach and chest, reducing the once proud one to a desperate man of tormented desire and lust.

Suddenly Yami's shirt was on the floor, followed closely by Bakura's. Bakura's back arched and his head tilted back as a hot mouth trailed over his throat, Yami's tongue licking at his wildly beating pulse and biting the pale flesh of his neck. Their lips met again, relaying desire and need without useless words.

The ruler of ancient Egypt groaned into the mouth of the thief as quick fingers worked to undo the belts that circled his waist. More clothing fell to the ground and Yami fumbled to return the favor, his hands almost as clever as the other's.

Snaking his arm around Yami's bared hips, Bakura moved backwards to the bed, pulling his newest acquisition down on top of him. Running his hands up and down the pharaoh's back, their mouth still tasting hungrily of each other, his lithe body bucked, driving Yami over the edge.

He pulled back, breathing hard, looking into the eyes of the equally breathless one beneath him. Yami felt nails slide gently over his back and inhaled sharply, pressing himself against Bakura. The thief's head lifted to kiss his pharaoh, one hand leaving his back to tangle in the multicolored hair, pulling him even closer, begging to be satisfied.

Only a thin layer of sweat separated their tense bodies as they succumbed to pleasure. Moans and soft cries of the other's name broke through heavy, erratic breathing that only allowed for short, hard kisses. Entwined in purely hedonistic joy, they rose together, soaring for a blissful eternity that lasted only a frustratingly few seconds. And then they fell, drifting slowly back to earth.

The sheets were rumpled around them and Yami had to extract himself carefully before rolling to the side. He gave a small sigh, wrapping his arms around Bakura as he put his snowy head on his shoulder and draped a long leg over the pharaoh's hip. They lay together, hearts slowing to beat in unison as their breaths grew even and steady.

Quickly twisting to look at Yami, Bakura's face was a mask of regret and self-blame that Yami immediately knew to be nothing more than a well-performed act. "You missed your show," he said innocently, blinking in the cutest manner possible for effect.

Yami rolled his eyes and nipped 'Kura's bottom lip before replying, "It was worth it."

Owari