Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda.

AN: This is a pointless stupid fic, but v funny. R&R, or die!

I have a voice!

Young Link woke up one day and tried to scream but realized once again that he had no voice.

Damnit! Link silently cursed, seeing as how he had no voice.

How I wish I had a voice. Link tried to say, but he couldn't.

"LINK!" Navi bellowed, "GET UP!" She came storming into the room.

What is it you bloody stupid fairy? Link tried to ask, in a rage.

She yelled at him that it was his birthday and that he could have one wish.

I wish I had a voice! he said. Or rather, tried to say.

"Speak up." Navi said, annoyed.

Link wrote on a piece of paper that he wished he had a voice. Navi read it, and laughed. However, she granted the wish. Link cried out, and it worked!

"WOOHOO!" he yelled, and ran through the door. Saria called out to him.

"Go away you fat slug of a Kokiri!" Link said. Saria managed to keep a balance between shocked and insulted, then fainted. He walked off and out to the Baby Deku Tree.

"Oi, Deku Tree! Look at me! I CAN TALK!" he yelled. The Deku Tree fell over dead.

"Ooops." Link said. He ran through the tunnel. Mido approached him.

"Hey, retard, you killed the Deku Tree!" Mido said. Link looked at him.

"I know I did, you ass." he said, then raised one eyebrow. "Hey, how'd you know that?"

"Err....I gotta go! BYE!" Mido said, then sprinted off. Link cackled evilly, then jumped.

"Whoa, I can do that too!" he said. He ran off and out through the woods. Saria hit him on the head with a Deku Stick.

"You're stupid Link!" she said. Link looked at her.

"Grow up! When are you going to start swearing?" he asked. Saria ran off crying. Link wandered through the tunnel and came to Hyrule Field. There he met Kaepora Gaebora (?sp?), the giant owl.

"Ah, yes, you are the Kokiri who is really a Hylian. I have something important to tell y-" he said, but was interrupted by Link.

"Hey, owl! What's your problem? You just hang about on that branch all day and give me the same lecture every time I come through!" Link said, outraged.

"Well, I never!" Kaepora Gaebora said, and flew off. Link chuckled and headed for Hyrule Castle. It got dark and Link waited outside the drawbridge all night. Stalchild attacked him, but he called them skeleton zombie hybrid assesand they ran off, or rather, limped. Morning came, and he ran through to the Castle area, stopping to poke Malon and make fun of her red hair, where he met Kaepora Gaebora again. He fell out of the tree and Link chopped him into little pieces. There was blood leaking everywhere. He went in to talk to Zelda, but none of the guards attacked him because they're really just big pussies.

He reached the place where Zelda was, and walked up to her.

"Oh, hi Link. I suppose you can't speak back to me today either?" she asked. Link shook his head.

"Today is different Zelda." he said, "Wanna go pull out the Master Sword and then get hitched because we'll be old enough?" Zelda shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" she said. So they went and pulled out the Master Sword together and then got married and ran off to Termina where they found it had been crushed by the moon.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I was supposed to save this place." he said. Zelda shrugged again. They went to Holodrum and Labrynna but in Labrynna everyone was frozen and in Holodrum everyone was dead.

"Err...yeah, I was supposed to save these places too." he said, guilty. Zelda looked at him.

"Right. Let's just go back to Hyrule." she said. Link agreed, so they went back and Link went up to Ganon who was laughing maniacally.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want?" he asked. Link shrugged.

"Just wanted to do this." Link said, then punched Ganon in his...err...sensitive area. He groaned, his eyes went unfocused and he fell down dead. Link was celebrated as a hero, and Hyrule went back to normal, and as by this point Zelda and Link were hitched, that made Link king.

"Cool." said Link. Navi came along.

"So, how, god forbid, was your birthday?" she asked. Link smiled.

"Only the best bloody day ever."

THE END