The Best Year Chapter 19: Kiss Me, It's Beginning To Snow, a harry potter fanfic

The chapter L/J shippers have been waiting for…and the one G/S shippers have been dreading.

BTW- The song used is "Bend and Not Break" by Dashboard Confessional.

James was panting from exhaustion by the time Sirius was ready to call it quits on the Quidditch field. James had been playing as Keeper, but it wasn't fun with Sirius as the insane Chaser hurling the Quaffle at him with ridiculous speed. Finally, now that they were both done, James lowered himself to the ground on his broom and strode over to the other side of the field, where Sirius was locking the balls up in the trunk.

"Care to tell me what that was?" James asked, motioning to the field.

Sirius too was panting from the exertion. "I'm just frustrated about the stuff with Snivellus."

"Right, and how you went completely mental on him the other day?" James replied, a bit of accusation in his voice.

"How is what I did any different from you beating up Malfoy a few months ago?" Sirius shot back, struggling to get the last bludger into the crate.

"Lucius was…" James paused. "Alright, you've got a point." James grabbed one side of the trunk, while Sirius grabbed the other, and together they hoisted it up and lifted it across the field.

"I'm just saying, Gari wasn't exactly happy with you," James pressed, his hands quickly becoming numb from the weight of the trunk and the cold. "I know Snape's a pain in the arse, but really-"

"Look, it wasn't just Snape, alright?" Sirius exploded, throwing the trunk to the frozen ground with a loud 'thump'. Taking ragged breaths, Sirius shoved a hand through his hair like he always did when he was frustrated. "My mum sent me an owl the other day, alright? My dad just died."

"Oh, I'm sorry," James said awkwardly. He didn't really know how to react. On one hand, it was Sirius's family; on the other, Sirius hated his family with a vengeance.

Sirius shrugged it off. "No, it's not that he died. It's that my mum wanted to show me how much they don't miss me at home."

"What?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"My dad died cursing me and asking why the gods cursed him with an ungrateful bloody traitor of a son," Sirius said gruffly. "Snape just reminded me of them. All the pureblood idiocy and prejudice…I hate them all, I really do."

"So do I, mate, so do I," James replied, putting a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "But don't let it get to you. When we're out of school, we'll show them."

"Yeah, when we're out of school," Sirius echoed bitterly. "Whatever…I just wish-"

"James!"

The boys looked in the direction of the castle, where Lily was walking up from.

"Hey!" James called back, smiling. But then his smile faded, remembering what Lily just had to endure on her trip home.

Lily jogged up the last few steps to catch up with them. "Hi." She looked at Sirius somewhat sympathetically, which confused both of the boys. "Hey, Sirius. Er…Gari wanted me to tell you that she wanted to talk to you."

"Great," Sirius groaned. "Alright, I'm going in." He glanced at the trunk on the ground. "I'll take this in…you can stay out here, Prongs," Sirius finished, throwing his friend a wink over Lily's shoulder.

"Okay," James grinned at Sirius, watching him leave for a few moments, until just he and Lily were left standing on the field.

I catalog these steps now
Decisive and intentioned
Precise and patterned specifically to yours.
I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours

Sirius entered the Gryffindor common room eagerly, desperate for the warmth of the fire. He had barely taken off his gloves and jacket though, when he spotted Gari curled up in one of the armchairs near the fire. Gari was staring at the fire almost hypnotically, but she looked up at Sirius a few moments after he entered.

"Hey," She said softly.

"Hey," Sirius replied, looking at the fire and the somber look on Gari's face. "Well, this is somewhat foreboding."

Gari smiled a little. "Yeah, sorry." She sat up and looked at Sirius as he sat down and yanked off his wet boots. Gari glanced out the window onto the Quidditch pitch. "Is James still out there?"

"Yeah," Sirius followed her gaze and nodded. "I left him out there with Lily." Easing back into his chair, Sirius regarded Gari seriously. "She said you wanted to talk to me."

Gari looked back at the fire. "I was thinking about yesterday…"

I'm careful not to wake you
Fearing conversation
It's better just to hold you
And keep you pacified

Sirius immediately interrupted her. "Gari, about that-"

Gari held up a hand to silence him. "Just let me finish. It's not only about yesterday, or the frequent fights with Snape, or the thing with Lynn-"

"Wait a minute," Sirius cut in firmly. "Lynn was nearly three months ago. I thought we were over that."

"I thought so too," Gari argued. "But I've been thinking about it more, and the more it bothers me."

"I've never been unfaithful to you," Sirius responded abruptly. "I've never done anything with her or anyone else." He looked her in the eyes. "I mean it."

"I want to believe you-" Gari started.

I'm talented with reason
I cover all the angles
I can fail before I ever try

"You want to believe me?" Sirius repeated incredulously, standing up quickly. "Have I ever given you a reason to believe that I've cheated on you? I explained the thing with Lynn, and I told you that it meant nothing!" Gari looked like she was going to speak again, but Sirius kept going. "I'm being honest! As for the thing with Snape, come on, Gari…the boy's a complete prat and he has it coming."

"That's so unfair!" Gari stood too, her temper rising. "We're not twelve years old anymore, Sirius. You can't pick a fight with someone just because you're looking for a thrill." She looked at him angrily. "Forget it, we're over."

"Woah, wait…" Sirius grabbed her arm when she turned to leave. "What? Just like that, we're over? Are you kidding?"

"Sirius, I just told you a few minutes ago, this is not entirely about Snape or Lynn or any of that," Gari said, clearly frustrated beyond belief. "This is never going to work between us."

"Why not?" Sirius demanded, still not releasing his hold.

"For one thing, I jumped into this completely irrationally," Gari continued. "Sirius, we started this because of physical attraction. That's not what a relationship is supposed to be based on. You've spent the past seven years ignoring that little fact, and you still haven't grown up."

Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
Won't you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)
Won't you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)

"It's different," Sirius said with a note of pleading. "I care about you, really I do."

"Could you love me?" Gari asked abruptly. "Could you?"

"Er…what?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Not now," Gari clarified impatiently. "I mean in a few years, if we kept at this."

"Of course I would," Sirius said firmly. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Sirius, we both grew up in pureblood families," Gari told him. "We're practically the opposite sex versions of each other." Sirius smiled a little, but it faded when Gari sighed sadly. "The difference is that my family loved me unconditionally. I've told you about them, and I love them back. The difference between us is that I never once bullied people or harassed people just for fun." Gari sighed again, her eyes shining a little. "And even if you one day manage to grow out of that, it's made you a less compassionate and empathetic person. And it's made me think that maybe you won't be able to love someone."

"There are people I love," Sirius replied softly. "My mates are my brothers, and I love them like brothers. I'm not incapable of love, Gari."

"What James has for Lily," Gari said. "Could you have that for a woman?"

"Not now," Sirius admitted. "But when I'm older-"

I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile

"When you're older, maybe we can work this out," Gari finished for him. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

Sirius watched her go up the stairs to her dormitory, his breathing coming in ragged gasps, and he felt a sensation he hadn't felt before. It was a sharp pang in his stomach, and a pinch in his heart…it took a moment for him to realize that he was experiencing heartbreak.

Sirius sank back into the chair, resting his elbows on his knees and then pressing his forehead against his palms. After a moment, he simply groaned from the ache.

"I'm such an idiot," He whispered to no one.

Sirius had lived the first eighteen years of his life with ties to no one but his three best friends, and now he had paid the price for it. He thought back to what Gari had said, and the horrible thought occurred to him that maybe she was right. What if he was incapable of love? He'd gone from girl to girl, never having any attachment. Even with his fixation on Gari, he hadn't saved himself from her, nor at least only had one or two girlfriends during that time.

And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine

The thought made him feel sick. The thought that he had wasted his teen years being petty and pathetic made him even more nauseous. He would be remembered by most as that cool kid who was kind of a jerk. He could picture it… "Oh, Sirius Black, remember him?" "He was that guy who picked his way through all the girls in school…" "Oh yeah…"

Groaning yet again, Sirius sank back into the cushions wishing sleep would just take him soon.

While all of this unfolded in the common room, Lily and James had remained completely oblivious.

"So…how was your family and everyone?" James asked gently. "Are they okay?"

"Everyone's just trying to get by," Lily replied soberly. "You know…everyone's trying to cope with what happened. It's still a shock."

"And how are you?" James asked.

"Better," Lily responded honestly. "It actually helped to go home and see other people grieving. It just…it's a surreal feeling. It's like she can't really be gone." Lily paused. "I feel almost like I'm being horrible, I didn't cry the entire time I was home. Since I've been back I've joked with Gari…"

"Hey, don't feel bad about that," James cut in. "Trust me, I've lost people too. I mean, it was my grandparents, so they'd been here for a long time…but still, I'm sure that people who've died don't want us to grieve forever." James smiled a little and continued, "My dad is always saying that he wants me and my mom to have a party instead of a wake. He wants lots of celebration at his funeral." James paused sadly for a moment. "And he's an Auror…so it might be soon…"

Lily nodded. "Thanks, James. I know you understand."

They were silent for a few moments, and then looked up when they saw snow begin to fall softly. James laughed. "We should go in. It's cold out enough already."

James started to walk towards the school, but Lily caught his arm. "James, wait." He stopped and looked down at her. "The past week I've been thinking about you." James looked surprised. "I've been think about us, actually. I realized that I really did the right in trying us out." Lily reached out and gently touched his face. "Life is too quick to waste time hating each other and fighting." James unconsciously leaned into her touch. "I wanted you to know that I like being friends with you." Lily blinked once against the snow that continued to fall. "I like the idea of being more than friends with you."

James looked stunned, and Lily flushed. "Sorry, I'm being really forward. I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's alright, trust me," James said quickly, and Lily laughed a little.

"Okay," Lily whispered, raising herself on her tiptoes and kissing him gently on the mouth.

It was far from being the most passionate kiss James had ever experienced. But out in the winter wind, the kiss was sweet, and it sent warmth spiraling through his body. The fact the Lily, Lily Evans, who had hated him for six long years, was kissing him made this the greatest kiss of his life. Lily pulled away gently and smiled at the look of shock on James's face. He knew in that instant that she smiled that he truly loved her. He knew that suddenly he could wait for her to love him back; his love was more than enough for both of them, and it kept him warm out in the snow. Love was suddenly a concept that was unbelievably clear to him, that love would make him love, hate, kill for, or die for this woman.

This epiphany gave him the greatest sensation in the world as Lily leaned against his chest, while snow fell softly around them.

Finally! Those two really took their time, didn't they? Or at least it seems like that from my perspective (I've taken about eight months on this damn story, lol).

/ducks from flying tomatoes from G/S shippers/