Author's Notes: The Wachowski brothers made up The Matrix, its story and all of its characters. I did not make up any of it, nor do I claim to have done so. Just clearing that up. Anyway, on with my story!

Insert Clever Matrix Parody Name Here

Chapter 1: Trinity's Chase

The green words displaying the information of the call that the computer was tracing scrolled across the screen.

2/18/98—(302) 555-0690—I Can't Remember the Rest of What It Said

The sound of a phone ringing was heard. A voice on one end of the line spoke after a few seconds.

"Yeah."

The voice of a woman was then heard, speaking on the other end of the line.

"Is everything in place?"

"You weren't supposed to relieve me."

"I know, but I felt like taking a shift."

"But, now I won't get paid for my shift, and you will!"

"Ha-ha!"

"Grr...anyway, you took this shift 'cause you like watching him, don't you?"

"No, I didn't!"

"You so like him!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"You're just denying it."
"No, I'm—"

"Either way, we're gonna kill him. You understand that?"

"Morpheus believes he is The One."

"Do you?"
"It doesn't matter what I think."

"No, it doesn't."

"Hey! Shut up!"

"Ha-ha! You do believe he's The One, don't you?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Are you sure this line is clean?"

"Well, there's some peanut butter on the receiver..."

"No, I meant are you sure it isn't wiretap—peanut butter?"

"I guess I should clean it up..."

"Oh, god. I hate talking to you. I'm leaving."

The woman who had been speaking hung the phone up. Her name was Trinity. She was sitting in her apartment. There was not much more than a phone in her apartment. She didn't need anything else. Well, except food.

Hmm...I should really go grocery shopping... she thought.

Outside her apartment door, two special units of policemen armed to the teeth with weapons stood outside her door.

"Pizza man!" called a voice of one of the policemen from outside the door.

"Which restaurant is this pizza from?" asked Trinity.

"Dominoes," responded the policeman.

"Go away," yelled Trinity.

"Pizza Hut," corrected the policeman.

"That's more like it!" said Trinity, getting up and walking to the door. She opened it up and saw all of the policemen.

"Wow. They sure have changed the delivery boy uniforms..." remarked Trinity.

"No, we're here to arrest you!" snapped a policeman.

"Oh!" said Trinity. "Please, come in!"

"Oh, thank you!" said a policeman as Trinity and the other policemen stepped into her apartment.

Outside on the street, several squad cars and a group of policeman stood at the door to Trinity's apartment building. Three men stood with the policemen. They all wore black suits, sunglasses, and microphones in their ears. Their names were Agent Jones, Agent Brown and Agent Smith. One of the officers was eating a box of doughnuts while talking to Agent Smith.

"Oh, man! Jelly filled, coconut glazed, these doughnuts are amazing! Want one, Smitty?"

Agent Smith stared at him.

"No," he muttered. "And don't call me 'Smitty'."

"Sure thing, Smitty!"

"I just said—oh, never mind. Do you think your officers can capture her?"

"We sent two units in. I think we can handle one little girl."

"Actually, she's 30 years old, and a convicted felon," corrected Agent Smith.
"R...really? Oh, crap. I thought she was, like, 5. Man, I shouldn't have sent my worst men in to get her..."
"It doesn't matter how bad your officers are," said Smith. "For they are already dead."
"No, we're not!" said a voice from the apartment building.

The sound of several gunshots and a cool kung-fu action sequence were heard.

"Okay, now we're dead!" said the voice.

"That doesn't make any sense," remarked the policeman.

"Let's go!" announced Agent Smith.

Him, the policeman, and Agent Jones took off running. Only two people stayed. Agent Brown and one of the police officers stayed behind.

"That's a very good question," said Agent Brown. "You see, the thing about boysenberries is that you have to soak them in maple syrup before you microwave them to get that fresh, milky taste."
"Um... I don't know what that means...I wasn't even talking to you. You just came up to me and said 'That's a very good question. You see, the thing about boysenberries is that you have to soak them in maple syrup before you microwave them to get that fresh, milky taste.'"

"I did?"

"Yes, you did. And shouldn't we be following them?" asked the officer, motioning to the other policemen and agents.

"No, they'll catch up," assured Agent Brown.

"But, we're behind them."

"Just...shut up!"

Meanwhile, Agent Smith, Agent Jones and the policemen were running over rooftops, chasing Trinity. One of the policemen was too fat from eating so many doughnuts, so the roof of one of the building they ran over collapsed, and the policeman fell into the dining room of someone's apartment. The person eating there just stared at him for a moment, and then took out his cell phone and dialled 9-1-1.

"Hello, police?" the guy said.

"Yes?" asked the policeman.

"Oh, right," said the guy.

Meanwhile, the policemen and the agents were still chasing Trinity. Eventually, they came to a street. The policemen thought that they had Trinity cornered, but she then did a humongous jump and flew from one side of the street to the roofs of the buildings on the other side. The policemen now thought that there was no way they could catch up to her now. But the agents would not give up. Smith did an amazing jump just like Trinity's jump into the air.

"That's impossible!" cried one of the officers.

"Nothing is impossible if you believe!" said Smith, but saying this distracted him from looking where he was going, and he fell short of the other side of the street. He fell to the ground and hit the sidewalk painfully.

"Oww...that sucked..." muttered Smith. He got up and walked into the building he was in front of, and walked into the elevator. He pressed the button for the top floor, and felt the elevator rising. He could hear low elevator music playing in the background. He began singing along to it.

"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head!
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red!
Cryin's not for me!
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'!
Because I'm free,
Nothin's worryin' me!"

Bing! The sound of the elevator stopping was heard. Smith got out of the elevator, walked up a few stairs and on to the roof. He looked over. Trinity was on the next roof. He began sprinting across the roof of the buildings after Trinity. Trinity herself took out a cell phone anddialed a number.

"Operator," said the voice on the other end.

"I need an exit."

"There's one on the street a few houses over. Use the fire escape to get there."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"What?"

"That is it! I'm never talking to you again, starting...now!"

She hung up, and continued running a few more buildings until she came to an alleyway. She dived forward and smashed through a window on the building on the other side. There was a staircase right in front of the window. She had not expected a staircase. She slammed into the ground and bounced onto the stairs, and painfully rolled down the staircase, yelling in pain whenever she hit a step.

"Ow! Ooh! Eee! Ouch! Ahh! Eek! Gah! Shlim! Bronk! Mirn! Blorf! Glorkenheim!"

After a few seconds, she landed on the floor. She drew her handgun and held it up in the direction of the window, waiting for Smith to walk through. She waited for a few seconds more. He didn't seem to be coming.

"Come on..." she muttered to herself. "Stay focussed, Trinity...hey, a penny! Wait, no! Stay focussed!"

After a few seconds, Smith did not come. She decided that he was not coming, so she got up and climbed down the fire escape ladder onto the street. She looked around. There was a phone booth on the street. She was about 20 yards from it. She looked across the street. There was a truck there. The three Agents were in it. She turned back to the phone. It was ringing. The truck's engine turned on. It was going to crash into the phone booth. If she didn't answer that phone before the agents crashed their truck into it, she would be killed.

"If I don't answer that phone before the agents crash their tuck into it, I will be killed," she said to herself.

She took off running. The truck began to drive. The race was on. Closer and closer the two got to the phone booth. It looked like Trinity was going to get there first.

"And Trinity is in the lead!" said the commentator. "The agent's truck is just a few feet behind! It looks like Trinity is going to win the gold medal...or something. Oh, what's this? Trinity appears to have slipped! Is this the end for Trinity? No! Because luckily, this sequence is in slo-mo! Trinity gets up, and merely walks towards the phone booth, going much quicker than a semi travelling at 70 miles an hour in slo-mo! Oh, and it seems that this match could be anyone's game! Trinity lunges for the receiver, the agent's semi drives as fast as it can...the semi has smashed into the phone booth! The wreckage is too much to see what happened! And the race is over! The winner is—"

"Shut up!" snapped Agent Jones. "Where's that voice coming from, anyway?"

"I dunno," muttered Agent Brown. "Let's check the phone booth."
Smith, Brown and Jones walked out of the truck and looked at the destroyed phone booth. They saw smashed glass, they saw a broken phone, but the one thing they did not see was the mangled corpse of Trinity. She had gotten to the phone first.

"She got out," said Agent Brown.

"Doesn't matter," said Agent Smith.

"Why not?" asked Agent Brown.

"Because I said so," said Agent Smith.

"Aww! Why do you always get to be the boss?" said Agent Brown.

"Because I'm older," said Agent Smith.

"Anyway, the informant was real," said Agent Brown.

"Yes," agreed Agent Smith.

"We have the name of their next target," said Agent Jones.

"The name is Neo," said Agent Brown.

"How do you know?" asked Agent Smith.

"Because I'm psychic," responded Agent Brown.

"AHH!" screamed Agent Brown. "PSYCHIC! EVIL! AHH!"

"We'll need a search running," said Agent Smith.

"It has already begun," said Agent Jones.

"DIE EVIL MONSTER!" screamed Agent Jones as he took out a gun and fired a shot at Agent Jones. Agent Jones easily dodged it.

"I'm an Agent, moron," muttered Agent Jones.

"Oh, right," murmured Agent Brown. "The whole 'super-fast movement' thing. I forgot."

"I don't know why I hired you, Brown," said Agent Smith.

"Because I said I'd give you cookies if you hired me," said Agent Brown.

"Hey," said Agent Smith. "You never even gave me those cookies! You lair! I'll kill you!"

"Oh, crap," muttered Agent Brown.