I had to put them in here. They match sooooo well!

SNOW PATROL LYRICS

"Run"

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up...

"Fine, well I'm going by myself," Hermione said steadfastly as she, Harry, Erin, and Ron walked back to Gryffendor Common Room after dinner, "But you three should come with me."
"No way. I'm not smart enough to tutor people anyway," Ron said, sinking onto a couch.

"Yeah me neither," Harry sighed, "I can barely get through my own classes."

"That isn't true!" Hermione sighed in an exasperated way, "But fine then. Erin, what's your excuse?"

"I have no patience, 'Mione," Erin laughed, "Those people have been forced into it with the threat of failing. They don't want to learn, and therefore I can't teach."

"Well at least yours was valid," Hermione said as she sat in one of the armchairs, "But I think it's a good thing to do and I won't be at dinner tomorrow."

The next day at seven o'clock, Hermione said goodbye to her friends and walked to Professor McGonagall's room. When she pushed open the large wooden door, she didn't find what she'd expected. McGonagall was sitting at her desk, quite alone in the large classroom. "Well I didn't think it'd take the place of Quidditch, but really!" Hermione thought to herself. McGonagall looked up from her papers and smiled a rare smile.

"Miss Granger, glad you decided to come."

"Um... excuse me Professor, but why isn't anyone else here?" She looked around the room.

"Well, let me explain. When you first expressed interest in tutoring a student, I was very pleased. You are, after all, our top student."

"Thank you, Professor," Hermione blushed slightly.

"And you are also one of our most trustworthy and honest students. Thus I decided you were the right person for this task. We have a student from a very noteworthy family, who is having trouble in several of his classes due to lack of attention. He's bright, but doesn't care much for school. He has chosen this method of extra help from another student for himself, but only when faced with failing. I was hoping you would give him more... private help in order to return his motivation. You can say no, of course."

"Oh no, I'd be glad to help, ma'am." Hermione smiled cheerfully.

McGonagall nodded her head, "Excellent. Tomorrow in my room, after dinner will be his first lesson."

"Thank you, I'll be there." Hermione turned to walk back to Gryffendor Tower. On her way out the door, she turned and said, "Oh, Professor, who is it that I'll be tutoring?"

McGonagall sighed, "I'll understand if you say no, you do have a long history. I was hoping you'd provide some extra help for Draco Malfoy."

She must have noticed the shocked look on Hermione's face, "I understand if this changes your mind."

Hermione just stood there, shocked. Most of her wanted to shout, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?!" but she swallowed it and said shakily, "No, of course not Professor. I'll be here tomorrow."

"So who are you tutoring?" Ron asked with interest as Hermione came into the Common Room. She tried to look like her normal self and said, a little too quickly, "Its private, Ron. People getting extra help shouldn't have to have their names all over the school."

Erin was looking at her with interest. Hermione hoped she wasn't reading her mind.

"Well stop worrying about someone you don't know and help me with this charms," Harry laughed. Hermione managed a weak smile, but was grateful for something else to think about, "Well, you see Harry, its all in the pronunciation..."

The next day, after dinner, Hermione said goodbye to her friends after dinner in the Great Hall. Harry and Ron still looked at her like she was out of her mind, and Erin just had one of those thoughtful expressions on her face. As she made her way slowly up to Professor McGonagall's room, she was inclined to agree with Ron and Harry. "You don't have to do this," she said out loud, "Why on earth did you agree to do this?" But there was another small nagging part of her that thought, "Why does he need help? I thought he was smart."

Somehow she found herself outside the door of McGonagall's classroom. She thought over what she was about to do. There was really nothing in it for her. Draco Malfoy? Why did it have to be Malfoy? And yet she opened the door.

Again it was just McGonagall at her desk.

"Glad you decided to come, Miss Granger. Please take a seat. Mr. Malfoy will be hear shortly."

Hermione nodded weakly. McGonagall obviously didn't notice how petrified she was as she continued, "I have other things to attend to. If there is any problem, merely ring that bell there. Its enchanted to the nearest teacher will hear it."

"I'm sure it won't be necessary, Professor," Hermione said it a voice she hoped sounded convincing.

"Yes, but it's just as well. I will return at 8:00, when the lesson is over." With that, she turned and strode out of the room, leaving Hermione to sit uncomfortably at one of the long desks. About five minutes passed and then the tall door opened. A very tall, blonde, fit looking boy walked inside.

Hermione stood, fidgeting slightly. Malfoy walked until he was about 5 feet from her.

"Hello Granger." He didn't seem phased. If anything, a little bored.

She'd always been shy. But right then it was important that she fake boldness. Even Malfoy couldn't ignore facts. Or she hoped he couldn't.

"Alright Malfoy. I really don't like you, but I'm going to try and help you pass your classes anyway. But anything other than diligence and cooperation on your part will land you in 6th year again come next September 1st. I am your ticket out of here, and I expect you will listen to me so we can both get through this."

Even with her mock confidence, Hermione was shocked at what came next. Malfoy nodded slightly and said, "Alright. The faster I learn the faster I- we both get on with our lives. But you've made your speech, so now I get mine.

"Not a word about this- these lessons to anyone, understood? The prospect doesn't thrill me anymore than it does you, but you are right, I need them..." he paused, as if forcing the words out, "... need you to get out of here. But I don't need anyone else to hear about it. Especially not Potter and co. Got it?"

"I won't tell." She sat down at one desk, and he walked over and sat across from her. Then Hermione asked the question that'd been burning a hole in her, "What exactly o you need help on?"

Hermione had been giving Malfoy lessons for almost two weeks. Seeing him every other night was a little less scary now, and despite the fact he was quick to get frustrated, he did seem to be trying. Hermione found herself smiling from time to time at the progress he was making. She was true to her word- no one knew about it. Well, she didn't know if Erin knew, but it couldn't be helped. During classes, Malfoy was the same as he had always been. Surrounded by his 'friends,' with his constant callous and cynical remarks. Then, after dinner every night, he would lapse into his more diligent attitude. He listened to Hermione's explanations of Goblin wars, and did his best to reproduce her perfect wand work. He kept up his half of the deal too- no snide remarks about her during lessons, though he did let one slip about Harry, Ron or Erin now and again.

But sometimes when she sat in the library during a free period, she found herself thinking about the way he constantly swept his hair out of his grey blue eyes, or tipped back in his chair. Every time she would shake it off and concentrate harder on her work. The thought of him began to give her unpleasant chills.

"This is such a waste of time," Malfoy said irritably over a History of Magic reading one Saturday. It was his last lesson for the week- Hermione would meet him again on Tuesday. "How is knowing about some stupid warlock going to get me through life?"

Hermione sighed impatiently, "I didn't write the course description. Do you want to pass or not?" With which he leaned on the table with his head on his arm and waved his other hand for her to keep reading. Hermione watched him over the top of the large brown book. He was pulling on a strand of his hair, half of him listening, half of his mind somewhere else. For a fleeting moment, Hermione wanted to ask what he was thinking about besides the dullness of this lesson. But, with only a slight falter in her reading, she changed her mind and turned the page of the textbook.

After the lesson that night, Hermione met Professor McGonagall outside the classroom around 8:30. Hermione adjusted her bag nervously on her shoulder.

"Before you go, Miss Granger," McGonagall smiled, "I would like to thank you for all your hard work. He has been improving. Soon he will no longer need help in Charms, as you've almost gotten him up to an average standard of work."

"Thank you, Professor."

"I trust there hasn't been any problems?"

"None Professor."

"Excellent. Enjoy your weekend."

As Hermione walked down the hall towards the Common Room, she began to think for the first real time about what she was doing. Why wouldn't she tell her friends? They would understand, wouldn't they? Or at least Erin. She shuddered. McGonagall was right, there hadn't been any problem at all. He had made her laugh out loud the day before. She talked easily with him now. The other day she had found him smiling at her while she was reading. It was the fact that there hadn't been any problem between them that worried her. The more he listened, the more she laughed, the more they understood each other, instead of making Hermione feel her efforts were working, gave her a feeling of real fear.

After Hermione turned in early one night, Harry leaned back in the arm chair and said quietly, "Do you think something's up with Hermione?"

Ron nodded nervously, and Erin just sighed.

"What is it though?" Ron asked. He and Harry looked at Erin.

"I don't know," she said, "She's been quiet lately. Actually it started around the time of those lessons."

After a lesson (on Charms) one night, Hermione was pawning through her Charms textbook for enjoyment. Harry and Ron were playing wizards chess, and Erin was writing something. The Common Room was unnaturally silent for a Saturday. That's when she found it.

It was a small bit of parchment, crumpled and stained with inkblots. One side was blank, but as she flipped it over, she saw an untidy scrawl on the other side

Hermione, (above her name, Granger was written then scribbled out)

Meet me tomorrow at 10:00, under the oak tree by the lake. If you can. I'll wait for you.

Draco

Quickly she shoved the paper out of sight. But no one seemed to notice her shocked look. Hermione? she thought, why is he calling me Hermione? When has he ever been Draco? What does he want? She ran one hand through her curly hair and sighed, "Goodnight. I've got to get some sleep."

"Crush him, crush him! He's just a pawn!" Ron mumbled, then turned, "Night 'Mione."

Erin looked over at her, "Are you alright, Hermione? You look a little pale..."

Harry saved her, "You're over working yourself with this tutoring thing. Get some rest."

"Yes that's it," she said as she turned away, "See you all in the morning."

But Hermione didn't go to sleep. She sat upright on her bed thinking. She couldn't get him out of her head. It was almost like he had some hold over her, and no matter how much she desperately wanted to think of something else, he was stuck in her mind. She didn't like it; it made her fear uncomfortable and scared. She started as the door to the dorm opened. Erin walked slowly inside, shutting the door quietly behind her.

"Hermione, are you alright?" Hermione blanched.

"Y-yes I'm fine."

"You don't look it. And I know you don't want me to know something, but fear is coming out of you so strong I can hear it in my ears. Something's wrong, I can't help but sense it."

She sat on her bed and watched Hermione worriedly.

"Oh... Well no really, I'm alright."

"You're not. You can tell me, you know. I'll understand."

"No it's nothing really," Hermione said quietly, as she lay down and pulled the blankets over her.

It was almost nine, as Hermione hurried towards the main entrance of the castle. As she went to pull open the door, she thought, "What am I doing? Sneaking out, late at night, far from the castle with Malfoy? With no one else around?" She shook her head, "This is ridiculous." She should have told Erin where she was going. Just in case. Why didn't she tell her? Erin understood things other people didn't. Hermione meant to turn around and make a break for the Common Room, but she opened the door and hurried out into the night. Hermione had to admit it, at least to herself- she was terrified. "What could he possibly want?" she said quietly as she made her way down towards the lake. She regretted not bringing her cloak- it was too cold for the white blouse and skirt she was wearing.

Soon, Hermione was at the old oak tree by the lake. She could see someone leaning against the tree. Malfoy looked up, partially concealed by the night. She swore she saw him smile slightly. Hermione felt her heart racing. She wanted more than anything to turn around and sprint back up to the castle, but she was rooted to the spot.

"You made it."

"Y-you wanted something?"

"To say something, yeah." She walked up under the tree, but stopped a few feet from him. He remained leaning against the tree. He was wearing a black sweater with a white shirt under it, un-tucked so it hung out over his pants. He blew some hair up out of his face and looked at her.

"You're frightened."

She knew her eyes must have been radiating it.

"I am not," she said in mock confidence. Under the fear she could feel her temper rising, "What is it that you wanted to say?"

"Just that... I'm sorry." If Hermione had been expecting anything, it wasn't that. He continued, "I'm sorry for... for the things I've said to you, for the things I've done," he was obviously out of his element. He stammered slightly with nervousness and looked hard at the ground, "I was an ass hole. And I'm just... I'm not like that anymore."

He looked up at her. Hermione looked back at him, and felt chills like the ones she'd had before, but more cold and chilling. He walked over to her, and she shivered noticeably. He really had the most extraordinary grey-blue eyes, so deep and sad. He looked at her, but Hermione couldn't hold up under them and looked at the ground. He took her hands in his. He was touching her hand. She could feel the warmth from them, smooth and strong. She wanted to pull away, and yet she felt more comfortable than she had in a long time. Hermione could hear her heart beating.

"Your hands are so small," he said quietly, "and so cold." Then, very slowly, he put one hand on the side of her face and lifted her chin up so she was looking at him. He was very close to her now. Much to close. But Hermione found herself frozen with the part of her that didn't want to move. She had no choice but to look up at him. He was at least a head taller than she was. She knew she was shaking, but her body seemed to have gone numb.

Gently he lowered his face down to hers. Automatically, Hermione felt her eyes close. She could feel his breath on her cheek, then very softly his lips on hers. She couldn't help it, she opened her mouth under his, and felt his tongue slide along her lips. But just as he took a step nearer to her, she pulled away.

"No, we- we can't." Malfoy sighed and touched her hair with one hand. His eyes still pierced straight through her.

"We can, Hermione. We could... no one would ever know."

"No... I just can't do this," she didn't know what to say. Every part of her wanted to stay there with him. But she shook her head, "Malfoy-"

"Draco?"

She sighed, and spoke softly, "Draco," the name sounded too familiar. So relieving to say that it was almost unbearable, "it's just not realistic. It would never work. We just can't."

"Why not?"

"Because its... its you. People can't just change like that... you can't just be someone else to me." She felt a tear run down her cheek.
He exhaled heavily and stepped towards her. Giving her one more small kiss on the lips, he whispered, "Well I'll be damned if I give up without trying."

As if the feeling rushed back into her, Hermione staggered backwards. Draco sighed as he looked at her, with a sad longing in his grey eyes. Hermione felt her fear mixed with an uncontrollable want to stay there. To throw reality away and stay with Draco under that tree. But her fear won and turned and ran. Ran as fast as she could to the castle. Through the large courtyard and into the main hall of the building. If there had been a teacher around, she would have gotten her first ever detention. But they all seemed to be gone, and no one noticed her sprinting through the corridors. Tears were streaming down her face when she reached the portrait hole. Quickly she spoke the password, and without stopping to answer the Fat Lady's "What on earth is the matter?" she ran through the hole and into the common room. Erin was sitting by the fire, reading. She looked up and saw Hermione standing there for a moment before running up to the girl's dormitories.

Hermione burst through the door. She had never been so happy to find it empty. She climbed up onto her bed, tucked her knees up to her, buried her face and cried. Cried as if she could cry out all the fear that had come from every lesson, the fear that had come little over 20 minutes ago when she walked out onto the grounds. But the more she thought about it, the more frightened she became.

Erin burst through the door, and shut it behind her. She sat opposite Hermione, on the foot of her bed. For a while she was quiet, but then she said, "Hermione, you have got to tell me what's going on."

Slowly Hermione stopped crying. Then she spilled everything from McGonagall's request, to the lessons, to the point when she realized something was wrong, to getting the note in her book. She paused a moment, breathing quickly.

"And you went to meet him."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell someone?"

"I don't know, Erin. I don't know what was wrong with me, what is wrong with me."

"What happened?"

"H-he told me that... that he was sorry for all the terrible things he'd ever said to me. All the things he'd done."

Anyone else would've been shocked to hear Malfoy had apologized, but Erin nodded in understanding. "There's something else," she said quietly.

Hermione looked blankly ahead. "He... he touched my hands..." she said quietly, not to Erin but more to the air, "and my face." She ran her fingertips over the place Draco had touched on her cheek. "And he... he..." her fingers trailed to her lips. Hermione just stared, tears welling up in her eyes.

She heard Erin exhale sharply. Then Erin got up off the bed and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find him and make him sorry he ever left his dorm today," she spat angrily as she opened the door.

"No! Erin wait..." Hermione stopped. So far she had left only one thing out of her story. One crucial element. But she couldn't let Erin hurt Draco for the one thing he hadn't actually done. Erin turned slowly around and looked at Hermione like she knew what was coming but didn't want to hear it.

"I...I..." Hermione started. Erin sighed and sat back down.

"Oh."

Hermione bit her bottom lip. She knew Erin had just filled in the blank she'd left with exactly what she couldn't say.

"I don't know what I feel, Erin," she said quietly, "I'm scared of him. Scared of the way I think about him. Scared of seeing him again. Scared of what could happen. I'm not brave like you. Like you and Harry and Ron."

Erin shook her head, "Don't say that, of course you are. You were brave when you took the task of helping Malfoy from McGonagall. Because you knew you could help him. But now you're afraid because you can't control what's happening. Because you feel a way you truly don't want to."

Hermione nodded. "I don't know what to do."

"Are you going to your lesson on Tuesday?"

"Yes. I have to. He needs me to pass 6th year."

"Mind if I join you? Invisible of course. I just want to be outside the door. I won't listen."

"Are you worried?"

"I think I understand how you feel. But I can't trust him, Hermione, I just can't."

"I think it would help me to know you were outside. Erin?"

"Yes?"

"Can we not tell Ron and Harry about this? I just don't want to face them. I don't know what to say."

"No, I don't think there'll be any way to get them to understand this one."

The next day was so far out of the ordinary that Hermione barely could fathom it. It began in Potions, the Gryffendor's first class with the Slytherins. It took more than Hermione thought she could manage to walk through that door. She sat down between Ron and Erin, and Harry sat on the aisle side of the long table on Erin's left. Draco was sitting across the row from Harry. He caught Hermione's eye hopefully when she walked in, but she looked at the floor. They were all in the middle of a complex potion for healing cuts when it happened.

"Potter?" a calm voice came from across the row. Harry jumped, and looked over at Malfoy.

"What, Malfoy?" Harry said coldly.

"Could you pass that jar of scarab beetles?" Malfoy said, quite civilly. Harry was so shocked that he just stared for a moment. Hermione thought to herself, "Please don't ask, please don't ask." Harry didn't. He merely picked up the small jar of beetles and passed them across the row to Malfoy. He was speechless.

"Thanks," Malfoy said as he took the jar. Then, leaning forward, he said in a totally genuine voice, "Weasly, don't forget step 4."

Ron opened his mouth in amazement. He was about to add his beetles without removing the heads. "If you add them now, it's poisonous."

Ron's total lack of appreciation didn't seem to phase Malfoy at all. He merely returned to removing the heads from his beetles. Ron opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it again, then finally shut it and began to remove the heads from the beetles he was preparing. Snape, who had been breathing down Neville's neck about his potion, looked at Malfoy with a look of utmost distaste on his face. Blaise Zambini, the tall boy on Draco's left, was staring at him. Malfoy either didn't notice or didn't say anything. He looked up at Hermione who had been watching him from behind Harry and Ron. Their eyes met, and he looked at her sadly that she almost couldn't take it anymore. His parting words came back to haunt her.

Well I'll be damned if I give up without trying.

Hermione looked away, but as soon as he gave up trying to catch her eye again she let her head drop desperately to her hands. About 5 minutes later, the report Harry was writing on the potion blew off his desk and under Malfoy's chair. Draco merely leaned over to pick it up and handed it back to Harry. "Here, you dropped this."

Harry seemed, at least on the exterior, to get over his shock for a moment. "Thanks..." he said skeptically. Draco just nodded and went back to his work. All the Slytherins were staring at him now. Erin watched him for a second, then returned to her potion. Hermione felt like letting her head fall to her desk right then and there and giving up.

At lunch, Hermione couldn't eat. She just stirred the food around on her plate. Eventually the topic of Potions class came up.

"What on earth happened in potions today?" Harry said. Hermione stared at her plate.

"I dunno, but I owe Malfoy a B in Potions." Ron said, taking a bite of his sandwich, "Bizarre, isn't it? Did you see the look on Snape's face?"

Erin nodded but said nothing. Hermione wanted to melt into the floor.

Next came Care of Magical Creatures. Draco stood apart from his usual group, and listened very intently to what Hagrid was telling them about a bluish bird wandering about in the fenced area behind his house. He answered some of Hagrid's question politely, and caught and tamed Lavender Brown's biting book when it snapped at her and scuttled across the lawn. Pansy Parkinson glared at Lavender but didn't fawn over Draco like she usually did either. In fact, all the Slytherins seemed to be avoiding him. He stood by himself, reading the passages about the bird intently and taking notes for the first time in his life. Repeatedly he tried to catch Hermione's eye, but she stood with her friends in between them and avoided his efforts.

After Transfiguration, Harry, Ron, Erin and Hermione went down the Great Hall for dinner. As they sat down, Dean Thomas slid down the bench and sat next to them.

"Hey, get this. I just heard Malfoy tell off a bunch of Slytherins for harassing a first year Hufflepuff."

"Really?" Ron looked shocked, "Wow, what has gotten into him today?"

"I couldn't tell you, but you should've seen the looks on their faces." Dean smiled and walked went back to talking with Seamus on his other side. Hermione timidly peered around Harry to look across the room at Draco. He was sitting at the far end of the Slytherin table. His usually group was next to him, but he didn't appear to be talking to them. He was reading a large book, and stirring the food around on his plate with obviously no intention of eating it. Hermione recognized the book as the History of Magic textbook.

Tuesday evening, Erin walked with Hermione to McGonagall's room. She had told Harry she was going to talk to McGonagall about some Transfiguration homework. This is, in fact, a rather weak excuse, as Erin was extremely good at Transfiguration. But they didn't ask any questions. Ron, Harry, and Erin had endured a very long Quidditch practice that day for the upcoming match against Slytherin, and Harry and Ron couldn't really imagine moving.

About halfway there, Erin and Hermione stopped.

"This is the part where I go invisible," Erin sighed, "Be careful Hermione."

"Erin, I don't think I can do this."

"It'll be alright. If anything he'll be nicer to you. I've been watching him this week."

"I don't think I can take it if he is. I don't know what to do." Hermione so nervous, she could hear the blood pounding in her ears. Erin looked at her sympathetically.

"Neither do I. If anything happens, I'll be there." With that, she vanished entirely leaving Hermione to walk the rest of the way to the classroom feeling almost as alone as she looked.

When she opened the door to the classroom, she found Draco already there. He looked up, and watched her intently as she entered the room and sat across from him. She could see the longing in his eyes. A lesser spirit would've thrown caution to the winds right there. But Hermione swallowed hard and said, "What homework do you have today, Malfoy?"

"If you're going to torture me all day by ignoring me, can you at least call me Draco?" It wasn't cynical, it was a genuine request. Hermione looked across the table at him.

"Why?"

"Because I like hearing you say my name," he said with frank honesty.

She looked down again, nervous. His name made her feel cold. Everything about him made her feel cold. But she granted it.

"What do you have for homework, Draco?"

"Muggle Studies."

Hermione looked at him, confused, "I didn't know you took Muggle Studies?"

"I do now."

"Oh. All right. What do you need help on?"

They spent the hour working on his homework about Muggle customs. He seemed to be working harder than ever. He showed her the notes he'd taken in his class, and she explained the parts he'd been confused about. The whole time, she knew he was watching her intently. When the bell in the courtyard tolled 9:00, (McGonagall had stopped meeting Hermione after lessons, as everything appeared to be working out), Hermione stood. Draco soon stood up next to her, and when she looked up their eyes locked. He looked at her intently, his eyes holding a soft emotion.

"Please don't look at me that way," Hermione said quietly before dropping her eyes to the floor. Something about his eyes- their great sadness, caring, loving appearance- she couldn't bear to look at.

"Why not?" he asked, smiling slightly.

"It makes me feel uncomfortable." Hermione turned and began to gather up her things from the desk.

"I'm sorry."

Without saying anything, she picked up her bag and hurried from the room. She knew she was being rude, but she had to get out of that room. One more minute felt like it would break her.

She hurried from the classroom until she was at the spot where Erin had initially vanished. Almost instantly Erin appeared next to her. They began to walk back to Gryffendor Tower.

"Wow, Hermione, he must really like you."

Hermione was a little taken aback, "How can you tell?"

"It was coming at me from that room in torrents. I didn't listen, I promise, but if emotions are strong enough I can't help but tell."

"And you could feel..." she trailed off.

"I could feel love coming right through the walls."

Hermione felt her mouth go very dry. When they were outside the Common Room, Erin took Hermione by the shoulders and said very, very quietly, "I could feel it so strong coming from that room; much too strong for one person."

Hermione lay awake late that night. She couldn't sleep. She knew Erin was awake, but she wasn't talking. Finally she sighed quietly. Erin said quietly from her bed,

"You love him, don't you?"

Hermione felt the tears, so close to the surface now, welling up in her eyes, "I don't want to love him, I'm too scared to..."

"I hate to say it, but I don't think there's anything to be done about it at this point. But I can't ignore it- he's bending over backwards for you. Being civil, not just to Harry and Ron, but to all the Gryffendors. He's not cheating in his prefect duties, he never disturbs class. He's even giving up his old friends. He really cares about you, Hermione. I think you should talk to him."

Hermione was a bit shocked by this advice, "Talk to him?"

"Find out whether he has really changed, or if he's just doing this to get you to like him. If its just so he can get what he wants, there's no reason he couldn't go back the old Malfoy at any time. And whether you love him or not, you need to work some things out. You can't live like this, Hermione. You're tearing yourself up."

Hermione sighed, "Alright. I'll do it next lesson." For once she didn't feel so frightened. Because it had been pointed out in a very clear, unavoidable way that she did love him and there was nothing she could do about it.

The next two days passed with Draco behaving more and more civilly towards Harry and Ron in particular, as well as the rest of the Gryffendors. On Thursday, after dinner, Hermione made her way slowly up to the Transfiguration classroom. She and Erin reached mutual agreement that she needed to do this alone and that there wasn't really anything to worry about whether Erin trusted Draco or not. When she got there, she found Draco had come early again, and was sitting in his usual chair waiting for her. He gave her the same longing look she saw every time their eyes met- on the grounds, at meals, in classes. She sat across from him. He sighed and bent over to get his books out, but Hermione reached out and touched his arm to stop him. She didn't know why she did it, but Draco looked at her with so much hope in his eyes that Hermione knew Erin was right.

"Draco?" Hermione said quietly. But she wasn't terrified, just a little scared.

"Yes?" he asked. Like she'd forgotten, Hermione quickly removed her hand from his arm.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What's been going on for the last few days. You're not acting... like yourself," she chose her words carefully.

"Not like an ass hole, you mean? You noticed?" He gave a very small smile.

"Of course I did. Everyone did."

"I don't care about 'everyone.'"

"What are you doing?"

"I told you I've changed. I'm proving it."

Hermione sighed, "But why did you change? You had everything you wanted."

"No I didn't, Hermione. I didn't want the life I had any more."

"What happened to you this summer?"

Draco looked at the tabletop; "I left home."

Hermione gasped, "You what?!"

"I ran away."

"Why?" Hermione said very quietly.

"I couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take them anymore." Hermione knew he was talking about his parents. "Them and their 'greater than thou' attitude towards everything. I got sick of agreeing with them, and would defy them just to stir up trouble. And when I couldn't hold up the beatings anymore, I left." He stared into space, but seemed angry.

"They beat you?!" Hermione gasped.

"My father did. Whenever I told him he was wrong. So after hitting my father in a fight, I used my savings to buy an apartment, and live by myself now."

"But Draco, you're only-"

"I'm never going back. I hate them. I don't have a family."

Hermione couldn't help it. Sympathy for this boy she had, until a month ago, hated welled up inside of her.

"But at school now. You don't talk to your old friends-"

"They buy into everything their parents tell them. Every one of them is an idiot. I'm sick of everything about my old life. It was time to make my own decisions."

"But why are you being so nice to people you used to hate?"

"For you."

She sighed, "So when you give up on me you'll just go back to hating them again?"

"No. For all I know, Potter is a perfectly decent guy. I have no idea, I only hated him because my fath- because Lucius hated him. Snape hated him. Besides, it keeps all those brainless people away from me if I'm kind to the people they don't like. But I'll never give up on you. I told you that."

"What?" Hermione said quietly though she knew exactly what he had said.

"You don't trust me, you have no reason to. I know you think people can't change like I have, Hermione. But I have, and I'm going to show you."

"By being nice?"

"By being me." He reached across the table and held Hermione's hand.

It seemed like it was quiet for a long time. Hermione didn't really know what to say any more. It was different now. She had long gone beyond the point of controlling her emotions. It was about living now. Choosing the way to live. If she left, there would be no returning, if she stayed, there would be no leaving. One more step, and there would be no going back.

Whether he knew of her private battle or not, Draco stood, and leading her gently out of her chair, he led Hermione out of the room. Quietly, they hurried through the halls, still hand in hand. For Hermione, holding Draco's hand wasn't necessarily a sign of affection. It was a sign that she hadn't decided yet. If she let go, that was it.

In no time they had reached the oak tree on the water's edge. There, Draco stopped and looked out over the lake. "I come here all the time to think," he said quietly, "more recently, that is. I thought about my family, my life, what I really wanted. The first night I met you in McGonagall's room, I came down here and stayed all night."

Hermione sighed, "Draco, you know we could never manage it, don't you?"

"We- then you do feel something!"

"Of course I do. I feel afraid of what would happen. All I've wanted to do for the last few days is sink out of sight. The mere slight of you was terrifying because I knew sooner or later I was going to have to face it."

"Its not something to be over come, Hermione-"

"Imagine it, if people found out! What would I say? I couldn't face them!"

"Why are you so ashamed of this?" Draco asked softly, "Why is it so different."

"Because its you, Draco. Have you not seen how people look at you now?"

"Do you think I care about them?"

"Draco, you were their leader. Because you were the smartest, most deceptive, most malevolent person of them all! Everyone expects you to turn into You-Know-Who's right hand man!"

"But I'm not like that any more!"

"Do you really think people will want to see that Draco Malfoy's left their cause? It's hard to accept! That all of a sudden, you just give it all up! Your name, your wealth, your family! How could you just change like that?"

"I never knew anything else! I was fed lies for my whole life. And now that I've got the truth, it's more appealing. All of my old friends will become the next generation of my parents. I don't want to be them, Hermione. I want to know what I'd have been like if my parents were loving and caring like parents are supposed to be, not pure blood maniacs bent on turning me into some sort of achievement. The most loyal death eater was their entire dream for me. I don't want that! I want to decide where my life goes, and it isn't with them! Is it so unrealistic? Why couldn't people see that?"

"I can see it, Draco," Hermione said quietly. He turned to look at her, the anger passing out of his eyes. "I can see it. In your eyes. If everyone would just look at your eyes, they would see sadness. Sadness because by the time you had the chance to think for yourself, you had already been labeled as one of them. And there was no removing that label from their eyes."

"I don't care what they see," Draco swept a piece of hair out of Hermione's face, "I only care about you."

"Part of me doesn't want to love you. Reality knows it'll destroy me from the inside out."

"I won't let it." He moved closer to her. She didn't back away.

"You can't stop it. There's no turning back for me now." Hermione stood on her toes and kissed him, her arms around his neck. She could feel his hands on her back, holding her. When they stopped, Hermione held her own under his eyes.

The clock tower toned nine o'clock. "We had better get back to the castle," Hermione said, backing away slightly from Draco. She looked nervously at the castle, "If anyone sees us out here..."

"Alright," Draco sighed. He didn't think much of authority. He followed Hermione quickly as they walked quietly up the steps and back to the transfiguration room. When they rounded the last corner, Hermione saw McGonagall coming from the other direction. She pulled Draco back behind the wall.

"What are we going to do?" she asked nervously. McGonagall was getting closer and closer to her door. Just then, Hermione felt cool, fresh air pass over her in the warm corridor. She smiled as she saw a flicker of a transparent shape and felt herself disappear along with Draco. She appeared in the classroom, next to her desk. Draco looked around wildly, but followed her lead as she quickly sat down and opened a book. McGonagall walked through the door to find Hermione reading Charms theory. She obviously didn't noticed the look on Draco's face, as she said,

"It's 9:05. You should be getting back to your dorms."

"Is it, Professor? I must not have heard the bell!" Hermione said very convincingly. She put the book into her bag. See you on Saturday, Malfoy."

Despite the look of absolute bewilderment on his face, Draco seemed to catch on, "Right, on Saturday." He picked up his bag and, with a parting look at Hermione that spoke volumes, left the classroom.

"Goodnight, Professor," Hermione said calmly as she collected the rest of her books and walked down past the desks and to the door.

"Goodnight, Miss Granger. And good luck to Gryffendor Saturday morning. Canceling your lesson that evening may be a good decision." She smiled, and Hermione turned and walked out into the hall.

Draco was outside waiting for her. "What just happened?" he asked slowly. Hermione smiled, "Don't ask, it won't make sense." This seemed to satisfy him as he gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Hermione." He turned to walk down the dark corridor.

"Goodnight," she said quietly, and walked the other direction to the Common Room. As soon as she was safely out of sight, Erin appeared beside her, wearing her normal school robes and totally solid.

"You owe me for that. Teleporting at school is breaking my promise, but in front of Malfoy? You had better be careful, I can't be around to get you out of trouble all the time."

Hermione smiled, "Thank you Erin."

Erin couldn't help but smile, "One day with him and you're already breaking rules."

"How long were you there?"

"I went out for a walk after you left. The school's very nice empty. When I saw you go with him down to the lake, I figured I was wait around McGonagall's room, just in case."

Hermione smiled, "What would I do without you?"

"Serve detention with Draco Malfoy."

There was a long pause as they walked along the dimly lit corridor. Finally Erin asked, "So you really think he's changed?"

"Yes. He told me what happened." She explained to Erin about his family. She blew some short pieces of hair out of her face with a sigh.

"I hope your right."

"So do I."

"Ron and Harry will find out eventually, you know."

"I know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea. I try not to think about it."

"It won't be pretty."

Erin said the password and the fat lady swung aside for them to walk through. Inside, Harry and Ron were sitting in armchairs. Hermione sat up late with them, but didn't say much. Somehow it seemed everything out of her mouth would have to be a lie.

Saturday morning came quickly. In the Great Hall, Hermione sat with Harry, Ron, and Erin for breakfast. Ron looked nervous.

"Ron, it's just Quidditch!" Hermione said lightly as she ate her toast.

"It's against Slytherin!"

"So?"

Harry and Ron stared at her. She tried to look nonchalant, "They're really the same as any other house."

"Mental," Ron said quietly, and resumed not eating. Harry didn't really seem nervous, and Erin was in one of her pensive moods and didn't say anything.

After breakfast, Hermione left her friends to go to the locker room. She walked with the rest of the students towards the Quidditch pitch. Outside, it was raining, so she pulled on her grey wool coat. In the stands, she sat with Lavender and Parvati, as Harry, Ron, Erin, Ginny, Fred, and George all played for the Gyrffendor Quidditch team. She checked her watch. 20 minutes until the match started.