Not really proud of this or anything, but it's something to upload. Very much a stream of consciousness piece. Hardly any editing while writing, just letting things flow from my fingers. I really wasn't trying very hard, and it's pretty sappy, but it needed to be written, so I might as well post it, right? I apologize for grammar mistakes, but grammar wasn't important at the time.
Daiken, Angst, Fluff, lack of plot, shoddy grammar.
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I dropped my bag on the floor, hardly realizing I had done so. It was around five o'clock, I had to stay behind for school. No one was home...Jun's probably out. Mom and Dad don't get home till later. Good thing, I guess. I dunno, it gets lonely though. Ken had to work on a project, but I guess that's life. I wish he were here. He spent the night here two nights ago...I was at his house yesterday. He usually is here, unless I'm there.
I wish I were there.
I love his family...
They make me feel welcome... His mom's so sweet... God, she makes a fuss every time he comes home. A kiss on the cheek, a hug... It makes me cry every time she pulls him aside to tell him she loves him. Ken caught me once... He knew I was listening... He saw me standing there, biting my lip, trying to keep everything inside.
"Daisuke?"
"Huh? Yeah? Wanna go play a videogame or something?"
"Daisuke, what's wrong...?"
He took a step foreword, reaching out tentatively to wipe away the tear escaping down my cheek.
"Nothing...I'm sorry. I'm okay, I swear."
I didn't want to upset him. I have a hard time with complaining to people to Ken. I love him so much... I never want him to hurt.
"Daisuke...you're crying..."
He reached out for my hand, and a few more tears slid down my cheeks.
"Please...tell me what's wrong... Was it something I did..? If it was...please tell me..."
He's so insecure sometimes...
"It's not you..."
I hugged him, hoping he didn't notice that I was making his shoulder all wet...hoping he didn't notice I was shaking a bit.
"Daisuke..."
He wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling my hair a bit. God, I wish I could be the bigger one sometimes. I hate being shorter than him. I don't know, it just bothers me...
I tried to speak, but all that came out was a choked sob.
"Please, tell me what's wrong... I'm sorry... Can I do anything?"
He held he tighter, unsure. I think he was getting a bit nervous. I forced the words out, feeling like something was tearing as I did so.
"Your...your mother loves you so much...I...I just wish that..."
Each word was a struggle. Each one made the hole inside of me tear further open. I was afraid to speak... Things were going to start spilling away from me if I let it tear too much.
He ran a hand through my hair, pulling back to look at me. I know I looked horrible. Covered in splotches, red eyes, cheeks sticky and wet. He looked so sad. His eyes get big when he's sad. When he looks like that, I just want to make him happy.
"It's okay...just tell me... I want to help you, Daisuke..."
Rip, rip, rip.
"I just want my mom to treat me like that... I want to come home and know that they care about me. God, if I could just get a hug that means something... I'm gone for a week, and I get a few vaguely affectionate words...and you're gone for a night, and your mother has to tell you she loves you and...God, it feels like SHE loves ME more than my parents do... It hurts so much..."
Please don't look like that Ken... Please don't look like it's your fault... It's not...
"I'm sorry... Daisuke, I'm so sorry..."
I know he feels bad... I don't want him to feel bad. He looks so helpless. He's giving me those eyes again...
"I'm sorry... I didn't want to say anything... I don't want to make you feel bad..."
This is why I wish I were the big one. So I can make HIM feel better... So I can...
"No, Daisuke... Please don't be sorry... It's not your fault... You don't deserve that..."
He nuzzled my neck, pulling me close. He has long arms... They feel nice around me.
"I dunno..."
I pulled away, wiping my face. I looked into his eyes and smiled as my eyes watered back up.
"Sometimes it gets to me."
"I know..."
"Sometimes..."
I looked away, not wanting to say more, but something made my mouth keep going... That happens sometimes.
"Sometimes I just want to hear somebody tell me they love me when I get home from school everyday."
Arms tight around me, he leans in close, pressing his lips against mine. He pulls away, but just enough to speak.
"I love you...Daisuke..."
They don't matter anymore. I have him. He's my escape. My savior. He surrounds me, pulls me inside. I love him so much.
He makes things better.
But...he's not here right now. I'm back in my apartment, and the AC is turned down. It's cold. The hair on my arms is standing up. I give an involuntary shudder, taking a few steps toward my room. It's always so cold here... Why can't it be warm? I miss the sunshine when I'm in here. It's so dark right now. Our curtains are too thick. I can't help but compare everything to Ken's house. The warmth... the open windows. He has a balcony. We'll sit on it, sometimes. Watch the city. It's nice.
I miss him.
With one hand, I turn the knob...with the other, wiping away a few stray tears. Opening the door to my bedroom...It's always so messy....
What...? How...? How did...?
Taking a few steps closer to me, closing the gap. Arms around my waist, my face is buried in the pale skin of your neck, indigo hair brushing my forehead.
"I love you, Daisuke."